it's hot out today, and sunny, and quiet. i tried to grill on the back deck and it was a hilarious series of misfortunes that i've yet to clean up from. it felt good to make a mess. especially since it turned out delicious, and i got to watch wild rabbits eating dandelions in the yard while i cooked ( Read more... )

i'm tired of explaining.
and of feeling.
and of waking up.

i am going through the motions.

my neighbors are really nice. they gave me soup, and when they talk to me they say my name a lot, which makes me feel nice and little anxious. like i've been found out ( Read more... )

i'm walking in circles, i can't decide what to do next. these are my things that you have never seen, this is my life that you don't know. what of it will you recognize? books piled on a nightstand, a worn box of letters in the closet, a birthmark on my collarbone. i know you remember; when you write, you bring up things that i thought no one else ( Read more... )

i want to know some things, like how you describe me to other people, what you read in the way i move. i can hardly lift my head when i am near you. i can hardly breathe when i hear your voice, do you know why? i get quiet towards the end of the night, do you read that as defeat? it would be lovely to know so many things, and how to say them. i ( Read more... )

it's ok if you don't come down, there are things i've been meaning to do anyway. my books are getting dusty, and boxes are piling up in the corner, and my mirror needs washing. i stand in front of it and half of my arm, my right cheek, my shoulder and collarbone are fading in and out. like someone took an eraser to my image, wiped my reflection ( Read more... )

i remember telling you that i would love you for the rest of my life, as if it were a warning, or an admonition. and you said, “i know,” you said it sadly. you took those words graciously from me, as though accepting the burden of that knowledge would settle your debts. you would be set free. you could pity me, maybe. you could remember me only ( Read more... )

i could've come up with a thousand ways to explain my mind to you, had you ever asked. but knowing you wouldn't, i recited them to myself instead, layered over banjo strings, mixing with the dirty dishwater, blowing out the window on waves of smoke and winter air. i recited them all and each explanation gave rise to a hundred more: tumultuous, ( Read more... )

i am losing my mind in this apartment alone.
i mean it. i feel like i'm suffocating. someone needs to sleep over here tonight if none of my roommates come home.

i think i have a mullet ( Read more... )