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A meditation of rage

Nov 03, 2009 03:37

Huh, so much for sleep. I was sort of getting there, but then something intervened, some combination of old memories and poisonous hypnogogic imagination that left me in a cycle of bloodstained and heart-pounding half-dreams.

( In which I dig around in dark corners of my own psyche. )

sleep, psychoanalysis, insomnia, rage

Comments 4

dzlk November 3 2009, 04:00:52 UTC

Interestingly, the closest analogy in my experience to the feeling you're describing is, as far as I can tell, the after-effects of having been present for an incident of police brutality against a friend. I'd gotten thumped often enough by drunken idiots in their capacity as private citizens, and kept my sense of humor, but that was different somehow.

balinares November 3 2009, 09:38:37 UTC

It bothers me hugely that I can recognize the symptoms all too clearly without having any notion what the initial trauma might be in my case. I'll have to reflect on it.

kefen November 3 2009, 10:52:40 UTC

Seconded, actually. Sounds like some of my student-strike days after effects...

aerowolf November 5 2009, 20:28:35 UTC

I'm *still* not good with confrontation.

But more than that, I'm not sure what I want to be. I'm not sure what I want to do. I'm not even sure what kind of person I want to be.

but I've been crying a lot, over the past week. Which suggests that even if I don't know, my mind and heart do. I just don't know how to listen, anymore.