Prompt 171, Stone, "Weighted"

[tirinkadink]

Title: Weighted
Author: Tiri
Series: Any
Word Count: 248
Rating: PG
Characters: Edward and Alphonse Elric.
Summary: Edward will never be able to go back to his childhood, as much as he wants to.
Warning: Slightly morbid suggestions.

A/N: I have so much to say about this concept, and yet... word limit, why are you so cruel?

Comments

[evil_little_dog]

Ooo, like this lots.

[tirinkadink]

Woo! I'm glad to hear that; thanks!

[47thlight]

Gripping to the utter core, my dear. Ed's angst is so heavy, but he has reasons for it. I always felt that he probably regretted "burning his bridges" after they left Risembool. Wonderful narrative and description - very fitting!

[tirinkadink]

The best part about Ed's angst is his determination to push through it. Dem goals, man, dem goals. But yes, I'm very glad you liked it; I did my best and it seems to have worked (and was fun, too)!

[antigone_rex]

I really, really like this. It's a great exploration of Ed's loss of innocence. He was prematurely thrust into adulthood - that's gotta mess with your mind. You captured the regret and longing he feels for his lost childhood - well done!

He wondered what it would be like to sink to the bottom of the lake, slowly, like a stone weighted by the evidence of his mistakes.

Loved this line!

[tirinkadink]

Thanks; I'm glad you liked it! Ed's a strong kid, but strong kids still have trouble when they have to be strong adults, huh? Yet still he pushes through. Anyway, I'm glad my message got across here!

[ghostfriendly]

This communicates Ed's regret in a very direct, effective way. The cut text immediately got me thinking about suicide (though Ed would probably sink with just his automail), so the sadness came over very strongly.

[tirinkadink]

I do enjoy trying to set a tone with my cut text -- and yeah, I doubt literal stones would actually be necessary for Edward; I've hinted at that, here. But I'm sure you caught that. :] I'm glad you appear to have liked it -- or at least found that I did my job well. So, thank you!

[kyofujimiya]

I read this the first day you posted this, but didn't get a chance to comment. Coming back to it days later still has the same effect that it did that first time. Heavy, poignant, terrifying and beautiful. This was such a powerful interpretation of the prompt. I think I've told a few people about reading it since I saw it, it had that much impact. Great job!

[tirinkadink]

This is one of the best comments I've ever gotten. :3 I love hearing that people like my work, especially enough to actually remember it, share it with their friends, and enjoy it more than once. Thank you very, very much!