Kurt/Blaine: Five Awkward Encounters and One Totally Awesome One 1/4 (R)
Title: Five Awkward Encounters and One Totally Awesome One: 1/4
Pairings/Characters: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: R (this part)
Word Count: 2,011
Spoilers: Up through "Original Song"
Warnings: Discussion about sex
Summary: Kurt and Blaine can't seem to catch a break, because everyone seems to have decided to make their day as awkward as possible.
Notes: This is Part One of a three four part series, and it explores two of the day's awkward encounters. Another appropriate title could be "Worst Day Ever." Part of the (Mis)Adventures of Teenage Boys 'verse. Takes place after Punishment.
Kurt slid into his Navigator, checking his hair in the mirror while Finn clambered into the passenger's seat. The way his step-brother had absolutely no sense of how his backpack scraped against the front of the glovebox every morning when Finn crammed it between the previously unmarred surface and his Jolly Green Giant knees made Kurt's eye twitch and his blood boil just enough for him to remain annoyed for precisely half of the drive to school each morning. Once they got to the Lima Bean and he got some caffeine in his system, however, he was fine. When they got to school and he got to kiss Blaine for the first time that day, he was even better.
But, that delightful little moment was a good twenty minutes away. Finn putting yet another fine scratch on Kurt's car was happening now.
"Finn! Watch. The. Car," Kurt spat, sending the most menacing glare he could muster Finn's way.
"Sorry," Finn managed around a yawn, pulling his seat belt on but not sagging against the leather seat the way he usually did. He seemed a little on edge, but it probably had something to do with the five-page paper Kurt knew that Finn had been assigned in English, but that he hadn't seen Finn spend a single nanosecond on. Their neighborhood whizzed by as Lady Gaga blared through the speakers. When "Teeth" came on, Finn reached over to turn the volume completely off.
"If you don't like the song, you can just turn it down. You don't have to turn it off."
"The music's fine. I need to talk to you about something," Finn said as Kurt turned into the Lima Bean's parking lot. He sounded shaky and serious, which told Kurt that he was in for one hell of an awkward conversation. Finn was always awkward when he was trying to be serious. He couldn't help it; it was just Finn. If he wanted to ask advice about Rachel or had a question about homework, he would have just spit it out. No, this was going to be about Kurt, and it was probably going to be a wholly uncomfortable discussion. Kurt needed reinforcement.
"Can I get my coffee first?" he asked. Finn thought it over for a second before nodding. As soon as he acquiesced, Kurt escaped into the warm morning, whipping out his iPhone to text Blaine.
To Blaine:
Finn wants to talk. There's no way this can be good. And if you're thinking of texting me back the word 'Courage', you can just shove it up your ass.
His phone buzzed in his hand after he'd placed his order. He rolled his eyes as he read it while he stepped out of the way to wait for his coffee.
From Blaine:
COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE
To Blaine:
...Seriously?
From Blaine:
Well, you said I could shove it up my ass. I named my dildo Courage.
To Blaine:
You did not.
From Blaine:
Did just now... ;)
Kurt didn't bother responding to that, just snagged his nonfat mocha from the counter and walked back toward his car, heaving a few deep breaths before getting back in.
"Okay. What did you want to talk to me about?"
"About you and Blaine."
"What about us?" Kurt prodded, taking a long sip of his mocha before setting it carefully in the cup holder and leaving the parking lot. It was like pulling teeth with this one.
"What's going on with you two lately?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Blaine and I are fine. No, we're amazing, actually," Kurt said, sneaking a quick look in his step-brother's direction as he drove. Finn was squirming in his seat and he kept swallowing so big that Kurt considered asking if he should pull over since Finn was obviously having a seizure.
"Are you two having sex?" Finn finally blurted. Kurt laughed nervously, more of a strangled titter than anything else.
"You caught us in the middle of roleplaying the other day. What do you think?" Kurt asked, equal parts embarrassed and annoyed. Was Finn honestly that dense?
"I just... I mean... First he made that 'uptight' comment in rehearsal, and then I caught him wearing pretty much just my football pads, and then whatever in the hell you two pulled in Glee yesterday with those songs. You two are just kind of freaking me out."
"Why? Because we're two guys having sex with each other?"
"No! Because it's all just gotten really weird and, I mean, can't you guys just have normal sex?"
"We do. All the time. Just because we, um, like to spice things up sometimes doesn't mean-" Kurt started, wishing that something, anything, would happen to change the subject. He considered ramming the Navigator into the car in front of him just to make Finn stop talking.
"Fine, but those songs yesterday, Kurt. Do you have to be so public about it?"
"Brittany and Santana practically made it to third base the other day in the hallway and your locker was right there. Did you have a talk with them about how public they're making their sex life?"
"No, because that's different. Neither of them are part of my family, and I don't care if they get hurt," Finn said, running an index finger up and down the barely visible scratches he'd made on the glovebox, "I just know how much sex can mess things up, and I want to know that you're being careful. That's all."
"We use protection." Why was school so far away? Three more blocks to go, and it might as well have been three miles for as distant as the school looked down the street.
"That's not all I'm talking about," Finn said, sighing and raking his hands through his hair leaving it haphazard and proving how desperately it needed some product, "God, I was tempted to talk to Dad about this, but I figured you'd kill me if I asked him what I should say."
Silence fell heavy around them for a few moments. Finally, a distraction. Kurt had a decision to make. He could ignore what Finn had just said and finish their talk about his and Blaine's sex life. Or, he could focus on the pretty huge word that Finn had just used. Honestly, he did want to say something about that and not just to deflect the conversation away from himself and his scaldingly hot boyfriend.
"You called him Dad," Kurt said, having to clear his throat a little in order to get the words out. Finn's eyes went wide and he looked pleadingly at Kurt.
"Shit, I'm really sorry. I know he's not my dad, he's your dad, and-"
"Finn, it's fine. He's your dad now, too."
"I've never called him that before, though," Finn said, then adding softly, "Not out loud."
"You should. It would mean a lot to him, I think, to know you think of him that way," Kurt said, reaching over to pat Finn's leg. Finn nodded, but then started a little as Kurt killed the engine.
"Oh, we're at school already?"
"Yeah, look at that. Too bad we didn't get to finish our little talk. See you this afternoon!" Kurt babbled, grabbing his bag and coffee and darting away much faster than he knew Finn could ever hope to move between the cars in the parking lot. Once he heard Finn shut the passenger's door, he pressed the lock button on his remote.
He was kissing Blaine less than a minute later, and the awkwardness of the conversation he'd been having with Finn dissipated a little more each time Blaine recaptured his lips.
"So, what did Finn want to talk to you about?" Blaine asked, finally pulling back and taking the cup from Kurt's hand to steal a sip as they started down the hall. Kurt snatched it back, requiring every drop if he was going to make it through his French quiz without passing out from sheer boredom at how ridiculously easy it was.
"He asked if we're having sex." Blaine slowed, and Kurt got a few steps ahead before yanking hard on his boyfriend's hand to pull him flush against his side again. "Did you really think he wouldn't at least be suspicious? Need I remind you of what happened in our kitchen on Wednesday?"
"There's a big difference between assuming and knowing," Blaine said, "So, did you tell him?"
"Of course I did. What was I going to do? Lie? 'No, Finn. I like to dress Blaine up in sexy outfits so we can have tea parties together in the backyard.'"
"He's going to kill me, isn't he?"
"If he hasn't already, I really don't think he's going to now all of a sudden," Kurt said, stopping outside his first period classroom, "I'll see you in forty-five minutes."
"I'll meet you right here. Good luck on your quiz," Blaine smiled. Kurt scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"I could ace this in my sleep. In fact, I probably will," he said.
True to his word, Blaine was leaning against the wall outside the classroom when Kurt jittered into the hallway, flying high on the caffeine and the giant A+ that would undoubtedly be given to him the next day. Kurt kissed him again, because, well, why wouldn't he?
As they walked together down the hall, discussing the ridiculous outfit Blaine had seen Rachel wearing, Kurt lost himself in the sound and delicious woodsy boy-smell of Blaine to the point that he didn't notice when Blaine's face took on a look of confusion. It wasn't until he actually stopped walking that Kurt noticed, following Blaine's line of sight to spy Brittany and Santana standing in the middle of the hallway smiling seductively in their direction. Kurt thought that he might have seen Santana lick her lips, but he had to be imagining things.
"That's... odd," Kurt said, pulling on Blaine's hand again, and walking until they met the girls, as was obviously their intention, "Ladies."
"Hi," Brittany smiled.
"How's it going?" Kurt asked. Blaine seemed to be a selective mute all of a sudden, but he wasn't used to dealing with all the crazy here yet. It was only the second week of school, so Kurt really didn't blame him for not knowing what to say to them.
"I'm just going to say it," Santana said, "For some reason, the thought of you two going all Brokeback on each other gets my lady parts wetter than Niagara Falls."
"Totally," Brittany chimed in.
"Oh my god," Blaine muttered, his voice distant, low, and frankly, completely terrified sounding.
"Do you have a point here, Santana?" Kurt managed to squeak out, death-gripping Blaine's hand.
"We were just wondering if you two wanted to play sometime," Brittany offered.
"Play?"
"The naked kind of play," Santana said. Kurt's eyes opened wide and the urge to laugh was immediately suppressed when he realized that she was actually serious.
"I'm not having sex with you. Either of you. And neither is Blaine," Kurt sputtered. Santana rolled her eyes, Brittany bit lightly on her bottom lip, and Kurt was too uncomfortable himself to look over at Blaine to see the dumbstruck look that was assuredly donning his face.
"Oh please. We don't want to have sex with you. We want to watch you two, and you can watch us, too."
"Two girls going at it really doesn't do it for us. Sorry," Kurt said.
"I told you he'd be a total prude about it," Santana said to Brittany.
"So not a prude," Kurt defended, starting to walk away and having to drag Blaine along with him. Again. When they were a few feet past, Kurt stopped and turned to face them. "Hey, remember back when you two never used to talk to me?"
"Yeah."
"Let's revisit that for the rest of the day. Okay?" Now it was Blaine's turn to pull him down the hall.
"Did that seriously just happen?" Blaine asked through gritted teeth.
"Welcome to McKinley."
Part Two
Master Fic List
Pairings/Characters: Kurt/Blaine
Rating: R (this part)
Word Count: 2,011
Spoilers: Up through "Original Song"
Warnings: Discussion about sex
Summary: Kurt and Blaine can't seem to catch a break, because everyone seems to have decided to make their day as awkward as possible.
Notes: This is Part One of a three four part series, and it explores two of the day's awkward encounters. Another appropriate title could be "Worst Day Ever." Part of the (Mis)Adventures of Teenage Boys 'verse. Takes place after Punishment.
Kurt slid into his Navigator, checking his hair in the mirror while Finn clambered into the passenger's seat. The way his step-brother had absolutely no sense of how his backpack scraped against the front of the glovebox every morning when Finn crammed it between the previously unmarred surface and his Jolly Green Giant knees made Kurt's eye twitch and his blood boil just enough for him to remain annoyed for precisely half of the drive to school each morning. Once they got to the Lima Bean and he got some caffeine in his system, however, he was fine. When they got to school and he got to kiss Blaine for the first time that day, he was even better.
But, that delightful little moment was a good twenty minutes away. Finn putting yet another fine scratch on Kurt's car was happening now.
"Finn! Watch. The. Car," Kurt spat, sending the most menacing glare he could muster Finn's way.
"Sorry," Finn managed around a yawn, pulling his seat belt on but not sagging against the leather seat the way he usually did. He seemed a little on edge, but it probably had something to do with the five-page paper Kurt knew that Finn had been assigned in English, but that he hadn't seen Finn spend a single nanosecond on. Their neighborhood whizzed by as Lady Gaga blared through the speakers. When "Teeth" came on, Finn reached over to turn the volume completely off.
"If you don't like the song, you can just turn it down. You don't have to turn it off."
"The music's fine. I need to talk to you about something," Finn said as Kurt turned into the Lima Bean's parking lot. He sounded shaky and serious, which told Kurt that he was in for one hell of an awkward conversation. Finn was always awkward when he was trying to be serious. He couldn't help it; it was just Finn. If he wanted to ask advice about Rachel or had a question about homework, he would have just spit it out. No, this was going to be about Kurt, and it was probably going to be a wholly uncomfortable discussion. Kurt needed reinforcement.
"Can I get my coffee first?" he asked. Finn thought it over for a second before nodding. As soon as he acquiesced, Kurt escaped into the warm morning, whipping out his iPhone to text Blaine.
To Blaine:
Finn wants to talk. There's no way this can be good. And if you're thinking of texting me back the word 'Courage', you can just shove it up your ass.
His phone buzzed in his hand after he'd placed his order. He rolled his eyes as he read it while he stepped out of the way to wait for his coffee.
From Blaine:
COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE COURAGE
To Blaine:
...Seriously?
From Blaine:
Well, you said I could shove it up my ass. I named my dildo Courage.
To Blaine:
You did not.
From Blaine:
Did just now... ;)
Kurt didn't bother responding to that, just snagged his nonfat mocha from the counter and walked back toward his car, heaving a few deep breaths before getting back in.
"Okay. What did you want to talk to me about?"
"About you and Blaine."
"What about us?" Kurt prodded, taking a long sip of his mocha before setting it carefully in the cup holder and leaving the parking lot. It was like pulling teeth with this one.
"What's going on with you two lately?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about. Blaine and I are fine. No, we're amazing, actually," Kurt said, sneaking a quick look in his step-brother's direction as he drove. Finn was squirming in his seat and he kept swallowing so big that Kurt considered asking if he should pull over since Finn was obviously having a seizure.
"Are you two having sex?" Finn finally blurted. Kurt laughed nervously, more of a strangled titter than anything else.
"You caught us in the middle of roleplaying the other day. What do you think?" Kurt asked, equal parts embarrassed and annoyed. Was Finn honestly that dense?
"I just... I mean... First he made that 'uptight' comment in rehearsal, and then I caught him wearing pretty much just my football pads, and then whatever in the hell you two pulled in Glee yesterday with those songs. You two are just kind of freaking me out."
"Why? Because we're two guys having sex with each other?"
"No! Because it's all just gotten really weird and, I mean, can't you guys just have normal sex?"
"We do. All the time. Just because we, um, like to spice things up sometimes doesn't mean-" Kurt started, wishing that something, anything, would happen to change the subject. He considered ramming the Navigator into the car in front of him just to make Finn stop talking.
"Fine, but those songs yesterday, Kurt. Do you have to be so public about it?"
"Brittany and Santana practically made it to third base the other day in the hallway and your locker was right there. Did you have a talk with them about how public they're making their sex life?"
"No, because that's different. Neither of them are part of my family, and I don't care if they get hurt," Finn said, running an index finger up and down the barely visible scratches he'd made on the glovebox, "I just know how much sex can mess things up, and I want to know that you're being careful. That's all."
"We use protection." Why was school so far away? Three more blocks to go, and it might as well have been three miles for as distant as the school looked down the street.
"That's not all I'm talking about," Finn said, sighing and raking his hands through his hair leaving it haphazard and proving how desperately it needed some product, "God, I was tempted to talk to Dad about this, but I figured you'd kill me if I asked him what I should say."
Silence fell heavy around them for a few moments. Finally, a distraction. Kurt had a decision to make. He could ignore what Finn had just said and finish their talk about his and Blaine's sex life. Or, he could focus on the pretty huge word that Finn had just used. Honestly, he did want to say something about that and not just to deflect the conversation away from himself and his scaldingly hot boyfriend.
"You called him Dad," Kurt said, having to clear his throat a little in order to get the words out. Finn's eyes went wide and he looked pleadingly at Kurt.
"Shit, I'm really sorry. I know he's not my dad, he's your dad, and-"
"Finn, it's fine. He's your dad now, too."
"I've never called him that before, though," Finn said, then adding softly, "Not out loud."
"You should. It would mean a lot to him, I think, to know you think of him that way," Kurt said, reaching over to pat Finn's leg. Finn nodded, but then started a little as Kurt killed the engine.
"Oh, we're at school already?"
"Yeah, look at that. Too bad we didn't get to finish our little talk. See you this afternoon!" Kurt babbled, grabbing his bag and coffee and darting away much faster than he knew Finn could ever hope to move between the cars in the parking lot. Once he heard Finn shut the passenger's door, he pressed the lock button on his remote.
He was kissing Blaine less than a minute later, and the awkwardness of the conversation he'd been having with Finn dissipated a little more each time Blaine recaptured his lips.
"So, what did Finn want to talk to you about?" Blaine asked, finally pulling back and taking the cup from Kurt's hand to steal a sip as they started down the hall. Kurt snatched it back, requiring every drop if he was going to make it through his French quiz without passing out from sheer boredom at how ridiculously easy it was.
"He asked if we're having sex." Blaine slowed, and Kurt got a few steps ahead before yanking hard on his boyfriend's hand to pull him flush against his side again. "Did you really think he wouldn't at least be suspicious? Need I remind you of what happened in our kitchen on Wednesday?"
"There's a big difference between assuming and knowing," Blaine said, "So, did you tell him?"
"Of course I did. What was I going to do? Lie? 'No, Finn. I like to dress Blaine up in sexy outfits so we can have tea parties together in the backyard.'"
"He's going to kill me, isn't he?"
"If he hasn't already, I really don't think he's going to now all of a sudden," Kurt said, stopping outside his first period classroom, "I'll see you in forty-five minutes."
"I'll meet you right here. Good luck on your quiz," Blaine smiled. Kurt scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"I could ace this in my sleep. In fact, I probably will," he said.
True to his word, Blaine was leaning against the wall outside the classroom when Kurt jittered into the hallway, flying high on the caffeine and the giant A+ that would undoubtedly be given to him the next day. Kurt kissed him again, because, well, why wouldn't he?
As they walked together down the hall, discussing the ridiculous outfit Blaine had seen Rachel wearing, Kurt lost himself in the sound and delicious woodsy boy-smell of Blaine to the point that he didn't notice when Blaine's face took on a look of confusion. It wasn't until he actually stopped walking that Kurt noticed, following Blaine's line of sight to spy Brittany and Santana standing in the middle of the hallway smiling seductively in their direction. Kurt thought that he might have seen Santana lick her lips, but he had to be imagining things.
"That's... odd," Kurt said, pulling on Blaine's hand again, and walking until they met the girls, as was obviously their intention, "Ladies."
"Hi," Brittany smiled.
"How's it going?" Kurt asked. Blaine seemed to be a selective mute all of a sudden, but he wasn't used to dealing with all the crazy here yet. It was only the second week of school, so Kurt really didn't blame him for not knowing what to say to them.
"I'm just going to say it," Santana said, "For some reason, the thought of you two going all Brokeback on each other gets my lady parts wetter than Niagara Falls."
"Totally," Brittany chimed in.
"Oh my god," Blaine muttered, his voice distant, low, and frankly, completely terrified sounding.
"Do you have a point here, Santana?" Kurt managed to squeak out, death-gripping Blaine's hand.
"We were just wondering if you two wanted to play sometime," Brittany offered.
"Play?"
"The naked kind of play," Santana said. Kurt's eyes opened wide and the urge to laugh was immediately suppressed when he realized that she was actually serious.
"I'm not having sex with you. Either of you. And neither is Blaine," Kurt sputtered. Santana rolled her eyes, Brittany bit lightly on her bottom lip, and Kurt was too uncomfortable himself to look over at Blaine to see the dumbstruck look that was assuredly donning his face.
"Oh please. We don't want to have sex with you. We want to watch you two, and you can watch us, too."
"Two girls going at it really doesn't do it for us. Sorry," Kurt said.
"I told you he'd be a total prude about it," Santana said to Brittany.
"So not a prude," Kurt defended, starting to walk away and having to drag Blaine along with him. Again. When they were a few feet past, Kurt stopped and turned to face them. "Hey, remember back when you two never used to talk to me?"
"Yeah."
"Let's revisit that for the rest of the day. Okay?" Now it was Blaine's turn to pull him down the hall.
"Did that seriously just happen?" Blaine asked through gritted teeth.
"Welcome to McKinley."
Part Two
Master Fic List