Anomaly [1/2]
Title: Anomaly [1/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Junmyeon came home to find out the truth.
Author’s Note: Another warning: Too many tears. Incest. Character death. Awful plot. You’ve been warned. T_T AND PLEASE, NO TRANSLATIONS ALLOWED!
Jongdae climbed up the barrier and looked down daringly.
He could see the railroad under and a tinge of fear creeped into him. It only lasted for a fraction of second and dissipated as soon as it came. Jongdae shivered at the cold breeze that caressed his naked arms and rubbed them in attempt to get warm. The twinkling lights from a few hundred meters away was enough to let him know that a train was approaching.
Jongdae almost lost his balance when he moved slightly to take his phone from his pocket to make a phone call. Normally, people would freak out at the possibility of falling from such height, but not Jongdae.
Funny, he thought. I’m not scared at all.
The male speed dialed a number without even glancing at the screen. It was put on loudspeaker as Jongdae tilted his head to a side, his eyes were fixed to the upcoming train.
After a few rings, someone finally picked up at the end of the line. The raspy voice heard brought a smile to his face.
“Chen...?”
Jongdae had to shut his eyes for a moment and his lips trembled.
“Goodbye, hyung.”
He then jumped down to throw himself to the moving train.
Junmyeon hadn’t met Jongdae ever since their mother died.
He was seventeen and Jongdae was only fifteen when the terrible accident happened. Their mother was killed instantly when she was about to cross the road that day. The light was green for the pedestrians but the driver was too drunk to care.
It changed the family’s life drastically.
Their father broke down after his wife’s death and got drowned completely in his sadness. He refused to talk with his sons and his only escape was bottles of hard liquor. Jongdae couldn’t stop crying and often locking himself in his room. Junmyeon pretended to be strong for his family, even though inside his heart was aching so bad and he cried, too, whenever he was alone.
Their family was breaking.
Junmyeon couldn’t stand the pain and so he decided to move away to another city.
Pursuing his education was the reason he told Jongdae.
Jongdae stared at him in disbelief the moment he informed the news to the the younger male and Junmyeon had to look away to avoid his intense gaze. He knew he was being selfish. Jongdae was barely a grown up and he needed someone to care, to support him both physically and mentally and his father wasn’t being a good one. Their old man chose to drown himself in his works and alcohol and neglected his sons, instead of telling them that everything was going to be alright and that no matter what happened, they still got each other’s back.
But Junmyeon had already made up his mind.
He decided to leave and almost promised himself that he wouldn’t return.
***
Sometimes Junmyeon wondered if it was a right decision to leave Jongdae.
But what he knew, was that it was right for him to leave.
Seoul was bright and lively and it was completely different than his hometown.
It got him to meet a lot of new people. People who didn’t know his past. People who wouldn’t give him pathetic stare because they didn’t know his background. People who wouldn’t mind hanging out even though they didn’t know him at all.
Junmyeon couldn’t afford renting an apartment and fortunately, there was still a spare room in the dorm. He had to share with one of the students, but not that he mind. The first time Junmyeon met his roommate, he was a bit surprised. He never knew that someone with big, rounded eyes like his could be categorized as adorable. Kyungsoo’s smile was warm and welcoming and Junmyeon had a feeling they would get along just fine. They clicked right away and he felt grateful to have Kyungsoo as his first friend in Seoul.
Kyungsoo had a lot of friends, but his closest ones were the two breathtaking boys named Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They turned out to be dating and the couple was incredibly loud. They had the strangest chemistry Junmyeon had ever seen (how they fell in love with each other in the first place was still a mystery), all loud and arguing and annoying to everyone at most times. Baekhyun nagged a lot at his boyfriend while Chanyeol just laughed too damn much. Junmyeon wondered if their relationship would ever last. But when Baekhyun almost fainted in their dorm for having such an abnormal fever and Chanyeol calmly did what he had to do as a boyfriend, Junmyeon understood. He felt the deep, unbreakable bond between the two and felt a pang in his heart. Sure, they had the fair share of rough times, but it was obvious that Chanyeol would never leave Baekhyun and vice versa.
To think that they were only boyfriends.
While Junmyeon had turned his back on Jongdae, his related-by-blood sibling.
Kyungsoo also dated a handsome, tanned skin male named Jongin who was a year younger and Junmyeon thought they looked perfect together. They were completely the opposite of the BaekYeol couple (cool, calm and lovey dovey) and Junmyeon could see from subtle glances and light touches that Jongin was insane for Kyungsoo.
Junmyeon swallowed down his guilt and pretended that everything was alright.
***
Classes and homeworks distracted him too much that without him knowing, two years had passed like a breeze.
Junmyeon had only talked through phone calls and emails with his brother.
Despite everything that happened, Jongdae’s tone was cheerful and bright everytime they talked. A lump of guilt would form everytime he heard his younger brother’s effort to sound okay, because Junmyeon could feel that he was actually fighting the tears away. None of them ever mentioned their father in their phone calls and the topic was buried like it was a forbidden subject to discuss.
It was like the family only consisted of the two of them.
Jongdae would send him new year and christmas postcards because Junmyeon had never went back for those holidays. The older of the two would stay stubbornly in Seoul, alone by himself (Kyungsoo was confused because usually everyone would love to go back home for holidays but apparently, not his roommate). While Jongdae was forced to celebrate the occassions with his father-who probably wouldn’t remember that it was supposed to be happy events-with no smile, no holy spirits, no christmas trees, no presents, nothing.
Whenever Jongdae called him, Junmyeon knew that his brother was faking a smile. There were times when Jongdae sounded shaken and hurt but Junmyeon didn’t ask him anything. Deep down inside, he realized he missed his brother a lot like Jongdae missed him too, but no one would express it because both of them were afraid it would be a burden.
On the last phone call, however, Jongdae’s tone was different.
His voice didn’t even waver in the slightest way.
Goodbye, hyung.
It was then that Junmyeon realized Jongdae was so determined to end his life.
***
The journey from the airport to his house was torturing.
Junmyeon’s hands couldn’t stop trembling ever since he got on the plane. He couldn’t calm down, not after he heard the sound of a body being smashed by a train and then Jongdae’s phone couldn’t be reached.
The pretty male brought a hand to his mouth and sighed. He felt guilty for waking Kyungsoo up last night. Junmyeon had screamed so loud that his roommate thought there was a burglar breaking in. Jongin sprang from Kyungsoo’s bed (Junmyeon didn’t even want to know how the male ended up there, he definitely wasn’t there when they bade each other goodnight) and sleepily asked him if there was a spider lurking on his thigh. Kyungsoo only hit his boyfriend’s shoulder and immediately reached to hug Junmyeon because the latter was pale and shaking.
The taxi slowered its speed and Junmyeon gulped nervously, knowing that his destination was near. He looked up from the window to see a lot of people were gathering in front of his house. His heartbeat accelerated and he had a bad feeling about it, because all he could see was people in black suits and dresses. It was like they were dressing for a, for a-
Funeral.
Junmyeon felt his knees wobbling as he stepped into his house. Even with the presence of so many people, the place felt empty and gloomy. Few pair of eyes turned to him as he walked in-he probably stood up because he didn’t wear what everyone else was wearing. Junmyeon was simply clad in a tee and a bright colored cardigan and a pair of jeans. His eyes shifted to the calendar beside the mirror on the wall and came to realize that he had left the place for more than two years.
“Is that...Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon put his bag silently on the floor before making his way to the living room. He found more people with black suits and dresses gathering at the end of the room. Junmyeon couldn’t see anything but their backs on him. He heard faint sobbing to his right. He saw his neighbors. He saw his high school teachers standing at the other side of the room. He saw some of Jongdae’s childhood friends.
Junmyeon swallowed thickly.
One of the black suited men turned around to leave and Junmyeon could see everything clearly.
There was a picture of Jongdae on the altar. It probably was taken a few months ago because the last Jongdae Junmyeon remembered wasn’t mature like the one in the picture. His smile looked sincere and all toothy and he was beautiful. His brother was so fucking beautiful in the picture.
“Chen,” Junmyeon’s voice cracked and his chest tightened. “Chen!”
Everyone turned to him and Junmyeon spotted his father sitting in front of the altar, mourning silently over his loss.
Junmyeon felt his whole world shattering because what he feared was true. Something bad did happened to Jongdae. His vision blurred as hot tears fell to his cheeks and he dug his nails deeply into his skin. Junmyeon wept. He didn’t believe this. Jongdae didn’t die. Jongdae didn’t. It was too much for him to handle and Junmyeon stumbled forward. Everything seemed to spin around him and he didn’t even have the strength to prevent his face from meeting the floor.
But someone caught him right on time before he did.
Junmyeon felt a pair of strong arms pulled him into an embrace. His cry had gotten louder and caused some other women in the room to start crying too. Junmyeon felt his shoulders shook roughly as he gasped for air. He could feel his heart breaking at the sight of Jongdae’s picture and closed his eyes. The male who hugged him didn’t seem bothered with the tears that were drenching his tie, instead he tightened his grip around Junmyeon.
“Chen,” Junmyeon cried painfully. “Chen...why...”
“It’s gonna be alright,” he heard the male whispered softly to his ear. “I promise you everything’s gonna be alright.”
Junmyeon leaned his head on the male’s shoulders as he cried more and he knew it really happened.
Jongdae was gone.
***
It reminded Junmyeon of his mother’s death.
What made it different was that there was no Jongdae clinging to him this time.
One by one, the guests left after saying that they were sorry about what had happened. Junmyeon only nodded as he quietly thanked everyone. He was too consumed by an overwhelming sadness that he couldn’t manage to utter a single word. Eventually, they all left, and the house became menacingly quiet.
Junmyeon saw his father caressing Jongdae’s picture and he shifted his gaze someplace else. It was then that he realized the guy who was hugging him earlier was still standing in the room. Junmyeon raised his eyebrows and the male’s lips curved into a small smile. The latter slowly walked to him and Junmyeon straightened in his seat.
He gulped.
The male was extremely tall and handsome.
Junmyeon closed his eyes by instinct when the handsome male’s hand flew to his face. The touch to his cheek never came, instead it landed as a gentle pat on his head and warmth spreaded in Junmyeon. Those fingers ran smoothly on his hair and he felt a little better. After a few moments that almost seemed like forever, Junmyeon braved himself to crack his eyes opened. The hand stayed on his hair and he looked up shyly.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” the male spoke. His voice sent a shiver down Junmyeon’s spine. “Jongdae was a great friend.”
Junmyeon’s eyes softened. So he was Jongdae’s friend. “Thank you...”
The male leveled himself to Junmyeon’s line of sight and he laced their hands together. Junmyeon’s eyes dropped to their linking fingers. It was warm and his hands looked so awkwardly small in the taller male’s hands. “I’ll be here for you if you need me. You’re gonna be alright.” He gave their hands a squeeze.
Junmyeon never knew that words could be so soothing.
***
It was funny to think that Junmyeon hadn’t spoken to his father even though they were in the same room.
His father wasn’t home most of the times-he probably went to work or the nearest bar available.
Junmyeon gazed at the altar blankly and something clenched within him. What is happening to this family? He asked himself in irritation and was lost in Jongdae’s cheerful smile in the picture. His father had never said it out loud, but he could tell from the gesture the other night that he longed for his deceased son. Maybe Jongdae did talk with his father, unlike him. Maybe their relationship was better than the one with Junmyeon’s. Maybe...
It bothered him so much and Junmyeon didn’t even know why.
No one really asked for each other’s health and did the courtesy to establish a conversation. His father didn’t even say anything when he noticed Junmyeon’s presence in the house. Not even a hug. Not even a decent ‘hello, how are you son?’ His mother’s death managed to separate them and even then, Jongdae’s had managed to separate them even farther.
This was exactly why Junmyeon left in the first place.
Junmyeon sighed sadly and rose from his seat. He slowly walked into his brother’s room and turned on the light.
The room was spacious and clean. It was a bit different than the last time Junmyeon was there a few years ago-he was trying his best to calm Jongdae from crying back then. Several furnitures had been added to adorn the room and the place looked comfortable. Junmyeon choked back a sob as he leaned on the doorway. It was still hard for him to accept the fact that his brother had committed suicide.
Jongdae had always liked unique, bright colors and that was probably why the curtain was shocking green. A simple smile etched to Junmyeon’s lips as he sat on the edge of the bed. His eyes then drifted to the books on the bookshelves. Some of the book titles got Junmyeon to frown. He carefully trailed his fingers on the books and his mouth gaped slightly. Jongdae was learning Mandarin. There were a lot of Chinese language’s books on the shelves. Junmyeon pulled one of the books randomly and flipping it opened. The foreign characters made him dizzy but it looked like his brother was really determined to learn, judging by the scribbling and circling on each page.
He felt somewhat proud because learning a new language must have been really hard.
Junmyeon put the book back in its original place and continued trailing his fingers to the upper shelf. He almost lost his balance in doing so and grabbed the shelf to steady himself. Junmyeon ignored the sudden pain when he heard something shaking above him and the pretty male held out his left hand by instinct to stop whatever it was.
It was a vase.
He frowned to himself because judging from the size, the vase really shouldn’t be put there-it could fall and worse, it could hurt someone. He thought of removing the vase someplace else but then Junmyeon winced when he couldn’t ignore the pain on his right hand anymore. Something painful was pricking his fingers. He pulled his other hand back in confusion and his eyes widened at the realization of blood.
His fingers was bleeding.
Junmyeon looked up warily and narrowed his eyes to see that there was a sharp cutter pointing between the books. He must have grabbed it by accident. It was very well hidden from the eyesight and Junmyeon frowned. Why was it even there in the first place?
He was pulled out of his thoughts when his blood dripped onto the carpet and the pain started stinging. The cuts were pretty deep and Junmyeon cringed. He quickly ran out of Jongdae’s room to find band aids.
***
A few days had passed with him doing nothing and spacing out.
Junmyeon thought it was probably better for him to go out.
So he did leave the house that afternoon to refresh himself. The weather was cold, the smell of winter was still hanging in the air. The sky was cloudy and painted navy blue. The dim color of the sky above made Junmyeon felt as if the world was still mourning for his loss. He smiled bitterly at the thought.
Junmyeon felt his body shivering slightly and realized that he forgot to wear any scarf. He buttoned his coat up in attempt to warm himself but the cruel wind was still able to made its way through. He brought his hands to cover his neck and sighed. He knew he shouldn’t have stepped out of the house with an empty mind.
“Hello.”
Junmyeon nearly jumped at the sudden voice. He felt his heart erratically skipped a beat and a surge of warmth crept up to his cheeks. It brought him a flash of memories because he remembered the owner of the voice. Junmyeon nervously looked over his shoulder and wasn’t pleased to know that his hunch was right. “H-hello.”
The taller male smiled and patted his head caringly. Junmyeon had to look up because of the height difference. “We meet again. Are you alone?”
“Y-yeah.”
Junmyeon didn’t know if it was because he was shivering from the cold or shivering because he was nervous, either way it got the male to frown and quickly detached the scarf he was wearing. He gently wrapped it around Junmyeon’s neck and the latter widened his eyes.
“Wait! I’m-I’m okay.”
“The hell you’re okay, you’re shivering,” he shook his head disapprovingly.
“B-but you’re-“
“Don’t worry, I’m a dragon. I’m always warm.”
Junmyeon felt himself gawking slightly at the unexpected retort and the man grinned impishly. The taller of the two gave him a stern look and Junmyeon found himself tightening the scarf around his neck. The fabric smelled something like citrus and musk. It smelled exactly like the male in front of him... Junmyeon cleared his throat to fight the blush that was coming and blinked innocently. He didn’t know the other male’s name. Yet.
“I’m-I’m Junmyeon.”
He earned a warm smile as a response.
“I’m Yifan. But everyone calls me Kris.”
“Yifan...”, Junmyeon said almost dreamily. Can I just call you Yifan?
“Are you free at the moment, Junmyeon-ah?”
“Eh? Um...I guess...?”
“Then let’s go.” Without further notice, Kris placed a hand on Junmyeon’s back to drag him along.
“W-wait,” Junmyeon stammered. “Where are we going?”
“I’m gonna introduce you to my friends.”
“Y-your friends?”
“They’re Jongdae’s, too.”
Junmyeon abruptly stopped and Kris followed his movement, giving him sideways glance. Junmyeon opened his mouth to say something but hesitated. “...Jongdae’s friends...?”
“Yeah.”
“He had...friends...?”
“A lot.”
Junmyeon licked his lips and looked anywhere but Kris. Something in him was glad to know that Jongdae had friends, but he wasn’t sure meeting them would do any good. It was just he hadn’t been a very good brother and what if Jongdae had told them something nasty about him never being there whenever he needed him? Junmyeon wasn’t ready. He was about to decline the offer when he felt Kris holding his arm.
“They don’t think bad of you.”
Junmyeon widened his eyes in shock, surprised to know that he was easy to read. Or was it just Kris...?
“Don’t you wanna know your brother’s friends...?”
The pretty male looked thoughtful for a moment before finally nodding.
***
Junmyeon was brought to a famous cafe downtown. He knew the place, he had been there several times before.
Kris didn’t talk much on their way there, but Junmyeon didn’t mind. He was already content with Kris’ presence beside him. The blond male’s smile was soothing and his gentle pat on Junmyeon’s head was all he needed to feel calm. It was new to Junmyeon and he liked the feeling that surfaced everytime the simple gestures were done.
“Ge, you’re late!”
Junmyeon blinked at the alien language. The cafe was not crowded at the time so he easily spotted a group sitting in the corner booth. Junmyeon recalled they were also at his house the other day, but he wasn’t sure. His feet were transfixed to the ground while Kris made his way to the group and replying in the same alien language. One of the men turned to look at him and Junmyeon felt extremely nervous. His insecurities came back and he wondered if it was a good idea to come.
“Junmyeon-ah, come here.”
Junmyeon swallowed and reluctantly walked to Kris.
“Guys, you know who this is.”
“Hello,” one of them greeted warmly. He had a golden brown hair and a pretty face. The prettiest of the group, Junmyeon mentally noted. “Have a seat, Junmyeon-ah.”
“This is Luhan. And the one beside him is Sehun. This one is Yixing...Minseok...and Zitao.”
Junmyeon almost frowned at the few of the foreign names. But then again, Yifan didn’t sound Korean either. He bowed politely to everyone. “I’m Junmyeon. Nice to meet all of you.”
“You don’t have to be so formal,” Yixing shook his head subtly and smiled. “Jongdae was like a brother to all of us.”
Junmyeon saw the one named Minseok flinched a bit at the statement.
“Yeah...he was...”
Junmyeon could only nodded dumbly. The atmosphere became heavy all of a sudden and no one decided to say anything. Minseok was suddenly too busy stirring his cup of coffee and Kris finally took the initiative to talk.
“We’re taking the same club in the university. Jongdae was still a freshman, but he managed to blend in easily. Really precious, little Chen.”
Junmyeon’s eyes lit up at the nickname and his lips curved slightly upward. They must be really close with Jongdae because his brother wouldn’t let anyone called him Chen that easily. “Same club...?”
“Mandarin.”
“I see...”
It explained all of the books in Jongdae’s room.
“He was really good,” Zitao commented. “He was improving in such an impressive time. He was even better than you, Sehun-ah.”
Sehun stuck out his tongue and began to defense himself that he was only learning to snatch Luhan’s attention. Then Yixing started teasing the couple and the atmosphere gradually changed. The tension disappeared and laughter started filling the table. Kris then took a seat beside Junmyeon before handing him the menu and giving him a few suggestions of what to order. Most of the times, Junmyeon only smiled because he felt like he didn’t belong there, but everyone didn’t seem to mind with his presence. Mandarin was used here and there-he noticed Sehun rolling his eyes and leaning his head on Luhan’s shoulder, he seemed just as lost as Junmyeon.
He felt a pat on his thigh and stared innocently at the male beside him. Kris stared back, his eyes filled with genuine concern.
Junmyeon only smiled and shook his head slightly as if to say that he was alright. He fixed his attention back to Yixing and the others. They were all so kind and he felt grateful for Jongdae to have friends like them. He needed to say it.
“Everyone...?”
They all stopped talking and threw their gazes to Junmyeon.
“Thank you...for taking care of Jongdae.”
Luhan opened his mouth to say something, but no words ever came out. It morphed into a calming smile and Sehun only gave Junmyeon a thumb up. Everyone else nodded supportively at him and Junmyeon felt Kris curling his fingers into his.
Little Chen was precious.
***
Lately, Kris had been coming a lot to accompany Junmyeon.
Junmyeon felt strange for his attention at first. But then he thought it was only because Kris cared about his deceased brother, and it was somehow like a invisible responsibility for him to take care of Junmyeon too. Besides, it was nice to have someone around him so Junmyeon just let Kris did as he pleased.
It was just the two of them mostly.
Sometimes, they would go in a group with the rest of the Mandarin club members and Junmyeon wouldn’t feel so lonely anymore. He told himself that it was okay with just Kris, but having the lively chat from Minseok and Zitao, the amusingly forgetful Yixing and the possessive Sehun over Luhan (their hands were always, always linked) felt kind of nice and Junmyeon found himself longing for friendships. He was so afraid to open himself up and afraid of people’s questions about his past that he only managed to befriended Kyungsoo, his roommate (because Kyungsoo was nice just like that and the three other people that came along with him).
Junmyeon kind of missed Kyungsoo (and Jongin and Baekhyun and Chanyeol) and wondered what they were doing (hopefully they weren’t doing something disgusting like making out on his bed).
Even within a glance everyone knew that Kris had a thing for Junmyeon.
But Junmyeon would never realize it if it wasn’t for a drunkard grabbing his collar to flirt with him and Kris quickly slapped the man’s hand away. The drunkard slurred a few curses at Kris but then shut himself up when the Chinese-Canadian glowered deathly.
Kris’ eyes were filled with emotions as he put a hand on Junmyeon’s cheek.
“Are you alright?”
That moment, Junmyeon knew that his heart had blossomed for Kris.
***
“Junmyeon-hyung?”
“Kyungsoo-yah. Hi.”
“Hi... Um...how are you? Is everything okay?”
“Not really...”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well... I hope everything goes okay. We-we kinda miss you here. Jongin kept on telling me to call you but I thought-I thought eventually you would, you know, to inform me that you’re alright. But you didn’t. So...”
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Kyungsoo-yah. It’s just-it’s just everything...what I’m going through, it’s...”
“It’s okay, hyung. I understand. We understand. I just want to check on you. And...you know whatever happens, we’re gonna be here for you.”
“...I know... I know...”
“Okay then. Don’t forget to eat a lot and have enough rest, alright?”
“Will do, Kyungsoo-yah.”
“Oh, and hyung?”
“Yes?”
“Baekhyun and Chanyeol-hyung said they’re gonna occupy your bed until you return.”
“...just make sure if they ever have sex on it, they’re gonna have to change the sheets.”
“...okay. Take care, hyung.”
[2]
It's not too late to go back now ;;