Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter Seven, Part Two)

[flister]

An hour and a spliff and a half later and Naomi's giggling hysterically as Emily tells a story about how she and Panda decided to go shopping and Panda had discovered Ann Summers and spent forty-five minutes testing out dildos and comparing them to what she reckons Thomas' cock looks like.

"Oh Christ, that's gross," Naomi manages through a laugh, leaning with her back to Emily's so she can feel her shaking as she laughs too. "You mean, they haven't actually done it?"

"Nope," Emily shakes her head and it tickles the back of Naomi's neck. "Thomas wants it to be special, I think."

"Christ, it will be with her."

Emily reaches back and slaps Naomi's thigh with the back of her hand. "Don't be a bitch! Panda's lovely."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't go there. Fuck knows what she'd have you doing."

"Eager to please, I reckon," Emily deadpans, and then Naomi's laughing like a twat all over again.

When it subsides she scooches away from Emily and lies down. She can still make out some of the clouds through the trees and they're lovely and fluffy and white. Like sheep with no legs or clean cotton wool buds. Or an old man's eyebrows.

The joint's hovering in front of her face then, and she reaches out to take it as Emily lies down beside her, their shoulders touching. Naomi pretends not to notice and hopes that Emily can't hear how her breath catches when their arms brush against each other.

"Thanks Em. This was just what I needed."

"Thanks for calling. I've... missed you, you know?"

"Yeah," Naomi whispers. "Me too." She turns her head to the side and Emily's already looking at her. Her eyes are so wide and brown, and Naomi wonders if she could get lost in them if she let herself. She's worried that she could, so she turns away again, but lets her hand find Emily's anyway.

It can't hurt, she tells herself. Not if it's just for a moment, and Emily hesitates for a second before threading their fingers together.

She sighs and Naomi can't stand how close she is. It's probably just because she's felt so shit lately, and Katie's been utterly useless, so it's just a bit of comfort. From a friend. Just a friend.

If she's just a friend, Naomi surmises, it'd be okay if she rested her head on Emily's shoulder and maybe, just as a way of showing how they're okay now, maybe it would be okay if she kissed it too.

There's a sharp intake of breath from Emily, then, and Naomi wonders if she's gone too far. If she's crossed that line again and broken this little spell they've put themselves under.

"Naoms, you shouldn't do that," Emily says through a breaking voice.

"Yeah, sorry." Naomi shakes her head and starts to move away, but Emily holds her hand a little tighter and won't let her go.

"Just... stay here, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

It's all she had to do, really. Just ask. And Naomi knows she can't let herself do everything that she thinks she wants to do but, if Emily asked for more, Naomi's worried that she might give it to her.

****

There's a crunch nearby and Naomi snaps her eyes open. She'd fallen asleep and now she's waking up and it's near dusk by the looks of it.

Emily must not have heard it and she's still sleeping soundly where she's now curled into Naomi, her free arm draped across Naomi's stomach.

It's quiet again and Naomi wonders if she imagined the noise so she takes a moment to breath in the scent of Emily's hair, the smell of her shampoo still prominent even after a long day, and Naomi brushes her nose through it.

That's what wakes Emily up, then, and she stirs as Naomi's hand stills on her back.

She cranes her neck up to where Naomi's looking down at her and, fuck, she's gorgeous.

"Hi," Emily croaks and Naomi smiles down at her.

"Hey," Naomi says and can't find a smile . It's too hard with the way her lips want to do something else and she doesn't trust them to move. Not even at all.

There's another crunch, then, and they both start at it.

"Shit," Emily blinks. "What the fuck was that?"

"I don't know. I thought I heard it just now."

There are more crunches, then, and they sit up properly, giving Naomi the chance to see how Emily's hair's got a little matted from where she's been laid down.

"Fuck, someone's coming..." Emily whispers and starts looking around frantically trying to search for the maker of the sound.

"It's okay," Naomi whispers, reaching for Emily's hand again, and Naomi holds her breath.

"Christ," they hear, and both relax a little. "Where the fuck are you two?"

Katie stumbles down a ridge just above them, and Emily snatches her hand away, and it's the first time it's felt wrong since Naomi got there.

"Shit, silly bitch," Emily grunts, getting to her feet. "Over here, Katie." She waves and Katie looks around.

"Fuck's sake, I fucking hate it when you come here. No fucking reception."

"You told her?" Naomi whispers, accusing.

"No! No of course not. She must have guessed."

"Shit." Naomi rubs her eyes, shaking away the sleep from them properly. "I really wasn't ready for her."

"Me either," Emily grumbles quietly, holding her arms to herself, and Naomi registers that it's actually gotten a little nippy out, and she shivers as she stands to watch Katie stumbling towards them.

She looks a bit pissed off but when she sees Naomi her face softens.

"Babes, I've been trying to get hold of you."

"Oh really," Naomi scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Well you had long enough."

"Oh come on, Naoms." Katie reaches them, panting to a stop. "I've come looking for you. I'm, like... I'm really sorry about before. And the election and shit. I've fucking missed you."

Naomi flicks a look at Emily but she's not watching them and has gone about packing up their stuff, and Naomi wishes that she could say she missed Katie back but shes just been so fucking annoyed with her that she hadn't had the chance.

"Look," Katie continues, taking a step closer, and Naomi thinks that she looks tired. "I am sorry. I don't know what the fuck's up with me sometimes, honestly." She laughs a bit but Naomi can't laugh with her. And she doesn't go to Katie either. There's something keeping her rooted to the spot and tries to tell herself it's not because she's pissed off that Katie interrupted her time with Emily or that she's come into their little place and made it noisy.

Because it feels that way to her now. This place, this lake - it's theirs. Hers and Emily's.

But Katie's still talking, still making it loud, and Naomi just wants her to shut up so she listens a bit more carefully.

"It's been proper shit the last few days and, please, just let me apologise, yeah?"

Naomi sighs, chances another look at Emily who nods once, and then she shakes her head while saying, "Yeah, all right. Come here then."

Katie heaves a big sigh and closes the distance between them, pulling Naomi down into a kiss that feels foreign and familiar all at once. It's soft, but full of Katie, and Naomi can't help that she starts to get into it, and before she knows it she's kissing Katie back and holding her in by the back of her neck.

When they pull away Katie's a little flushed but smiling.

"God, that felt good," she sighs as she rests their foreheads together.

"Mm," is all Naomi can respond with as she breathes in the scent of a shampoo that she recognises. She breathes in deeper; she can't help it.

"We should go," Emily says and they break apart. "It's nearly dark and my lights are broken."

"Very clever," Katie snorts and Naomi shakes her head, biting down what she wants to say to her. She's always a bitch, to one of them all of the time. But Naomi's tired, and she's still got a little bit of the weed buzzing in her system and she doesn't want to waste it.

"Come on then," Katie says, taking Naomi's hand, like she's claimed her again. "Give me a backy yeah, babes?"

"Yeah, fine," Naomi smiles. She hopes Katie doesn't see how fake it is. Katie or Emily, really.

****

They get to the top of the hill, having pushed their bikes up, and Emily announces that she's going to go on ahead.

"See you at home, yeah?" she asks Katie, nodding in her direction.

"Ah, no actually. I'm meeting Mum out for a coffee. Couldn't get out of it." She turns to Naomi and pouts. "Sorry babes - you're okay with that, right?"

"Yeah, fine," Naomi says to Katie but looks at Emily who offers a small wave.

"Okay, well. See you." She climbs onto her bike and pushes off, and Naomi doesn't realise that she's watching her until Katie's tugging on her hand.

"Let's go babes. I'm gonna be late as it is. Bloody taxi got lost on the way here, otherwise I'd have gotten here earlier."

"It's fine. You're here now, right?"

Katie grins at her and plants another kiss on Naomi's lips that Naomi tries to get into but just can't.

"Don't you forget it, babes." She winks and waits for Naomi to hold the bike steady so she can get on. It's a bit tricky this time because Naomi's still not quite with it, and she's in charge of two people instead of one, and it's almost too much responsibility.

So she cycles to Katie's house, all the while wondering just how long it will be before she can't protect them both any more.

She's failing, she knows it. And there's a good fucking chance she's going to end up taking Katie down with her.

****

It's properly dark by the time Naomi reaches her house and, really, all she wants to do is make a cup of tea and curl up on the couch for a bit if no one else is in there.

Most of the day had been really lovely, and it was all Emily. Just being in her presence made Naomi feel relaxed and she hates that the tension came back as soon as Katie arrived. Like it's sort of not fair to Katie, how much she doesn't know. But she's not really giving Naomi any desire to talk to her about anything at the moment.

She's sighing as she thinks about it and almost doesn't notice Emily's bike propped up against the wall.

"Em?" she says, and sets her own bike next to it as Emily stands up from where she'd been sitting on the porch. "Em, what are you doing here?"

Emily's wringing her hands and Naomi starts to worry that something's wrong so she walks a little more quickly towards her. She's about to speak again when Emily begins.

"Okay, I need you to listen, all right?"

Panicked a little, Naomi nods. "Em, what's this about?" she asks as she comes to a stop in front of where Emily's standing.

"Just... be quiet for a second, please," she implores, and she looks so desperate that Naomi doesn't say anything else. "Now, I know things have been shit and tense, but today... fucking hell, today it felt like it was us again. But, it's still not right, is it?"

Naomi's searching her eyes, trying to figure out what Emily's going to say before she says it, her heart beating faster and faster still.

"And unless I am actually the world's biggest moron instead of you, unless I've got this all wrong, then you know what I'm talking about."

It's not exactly a question but Naomi's mind is saying yes, yes I do but she can't move at all. She's frozen, right there, knowing the truth is about to kick her in the arse any second now.

"Em, don't -"

"No, Naomi - you don't. I've tried, I've really fucking tried so hard, and then you ring me and it's like..." she takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut for a second. "It's like it all makes sense again. And, Christ... really. I've just got one thing to ask you and - oh fuck it."

It's a bit of a blur for a second as Naomi registers what's happening but as soon as Emily's lips are on hers she knows she's screwed because fuck she wants this.

There's no holding back this time, not from either of them, and Emily's just given them both permission for this to happen, so Naomi's pulling Emily in closer as she feels hands in her hair, holding on so tightly Naomi wonders if it's going to come loose any second.

It's a breathless kiss, one which Naomi feels right down to her toes, and she stops questioning it but only wonders why they haven't been doing this forever because it feels like they have.

She's still thinking it when Emily pulls away, and it leaves Naomi falling forward a little until she steadies herself.

"Figure it out, Naoms," Emily says quietly, running her hands down Naomi's arms. "You know where I am."

Naomi doesn't open her eyes, can't even speak, and waits until she hears Emily sigh and then feels her leave.

She waits until she hears Emily's bike being lifted away from the wall and only manages to chance a look when she thinks Emily's pedalling away.

Her hair's billowing behind her in a cloud of red, the wind catching her as she cycles away unsteadily in the breeze.

Naomi doesn't know what to think, she almost can't think anything at all, so she stands there long after Emily's disappeared into the distance, the only reminder that she was there is the taste on Naomi's lips.

****

Her mum's waiting in the kitchen when she gets in, and Naomi's not all that keen on talking to her, if she's honest, but when Gina calls out, "All right love? How was your day?" Naomi finds her feet taking her into the room and she takes a seat on the other side of the table.

Gina's perceptive, if anything, and can clearly tell when Naomi's not quite herself but then she does this really cool thing, Naomi thinks, when she says nothing and just reaches a hand across the table to rest it on top of Naomi's folded ones.

"How do things get so fucked up, Mum?" Naomi asks, and flicks her hair away from her eyes as she sniffs.

"Human nature, sweetheart. Can't fucking control it. But you can control what you do about it."

It's all they say until Gina pushes back from the table and sticks the kettle on.

She's right. And Naomi knows it. She just doesn't know in this case exactly what she should be doing about anything.

****

Her shower the next day is a long one, having gotten in there long before anyone else so the water is hot, and it scalds her skins, just like she wants it to.

It washes nothing away, though. Not the day by the lake and waking up with Emily in her arms, or Katie turning up to say how sorry she was just before fucking off again.

Or the kiss. That kiss that she just can't seem to forget, even though she's trying really fucking hard to do it.

But she's got bigger things to worry about today, or so she tells herself, so she cleans her teeth slowly, finds a shirt slowly and puts her jewellery on slowly.

Her mirror shows her too much, she doesn't want to see it.

If she can just get through today, she reckons, she might just be okay.

****

Naturally, Cook fucking beats her right to the punch. Of course he does because, ultimately, people are a bunch of fucking idiotic wankers that don't know what's good for them.

And, okay, maybe she wouldn't have been the best thing for them either but she'd have fucking tried. But then she looks at herself - how can she even begin to help anyone else when she can't even help herself?

Emily looks disappointed that Naomi's figured out that it was a fix. Maybe she should have won if the world were fair, but it's just not. And if she can't do it properly, if she can't do it right, then it wouldn't be worth doing at all.

It's what she's telling herself when she's walking away from the riot Cook's caused and Katie's ringing her, shouting above the racket.

"Babes? Babes! Where are you? Me and Eff are going to the pub to celebrate Cook's victory. You're coming, yeah?"

"Katie... don't you... no. Not right now." Naomi leans against a wall, feeling the heaviness of the last few days weighing her down. It'd be nice to sleep, she thinks. To just lay down for a bit.

"Babes, come on. I thought you wanted Cook to win. You showed everyone, didn't you, that you - hey, Eff! Wait a sec! Look babes, you should come. We'll all be down at Uncle Keith's. I'll buy you a couple of shots, yeah?"

"Yeah, maybe later. Katie, can we just -"

"Shit, Effy!" Katie interrupts, and Naomi rolls her eyes. "Sorry, look, they're gonna go with out me. I love you, Naoms. Hey, Freds, can you fucking - "

And then the line goes dead.

Naomi puffs out a big breath. She can't really complain about anything, not when she's not all that keen on seeing Katie right now, anyway.

She just hasn't shaken it, how much Katie's inability to believe in her bothers her. Naomi wanted this, she actually really did, and with Katie being so flippant about it, being so ready to applaud Cook for winning something he had no right being in the race for, it makes Naomi feel drained to even have a conversation with her.

So she walks on, through the hallways where they're getting quieter, what with the amount of people who are now outside setting off car alarms and jumping on the roof by the sounds of it, and it's verging on peaceful.

Not quite lake-peaceful, she reminds herself, and smiles despite knowing it really shouldn't be anything that makes her happy.

It's probably instinct that leads her there, right to the library where she really knows how quiet it will be, where maybe she'll be able to just sit for a bit and drown it all out.

No one will be there now, not while so much fucking excitement is occurring outside, and she's a whole lot fucking calmer as soon as she pushes through the heavy glass door that are almost soundproof, blocking out most of everything as soon as they're shut behind her.

She stops a few feet in near the admissions desk and leans against it, looking around at all the books that rest quietly on their shelves. Full of knowledge, they are. Full of fact and fiction, full of stuff Naomi wants to know but never will.

And she just feels weary, really. Resigned to the fact that most things will always be out of her control.

She can't control Katie, nor the way she feels about her, and she wonders if it's really only been in the last few days that she's started to have doubts about their relationship.

That's something she certainly can't control, the way their lives seem to be slowly separating, and she has to stop thinking about it right at that second because she's really too tired to find a way for it to make sense in her mind.

Her thoughts... well - she can control them as much as much as the Earth can control the way it spins on its axis. The way bones break when you fall on them. The way blood is red when it spills.

She can't control Katie, and she can't control herself and she can't control -

Her thoughts stop when she hears the sound of a book being slid back into it's place on a shelf and she realises she's not alone.

She stops breathing, then, just for a second, as she listens more intently. And it's there again, but this time it's a book being slid free. She doesn't know how she can tell - she just can.

And then it's quiet again, so she takes a step forward, and another, and another, until she's shuffled her way along to the stacks near the back, in the Philosophy section, and she finds that she can't take even another single step forward.

Emily's already looking at her from where she's sat cross-legged on the floor, a book in her lap and mascara down her cheeks.

"Wondered if you'd come in all the way. I wasn't sure."

"Em, what are you doing?" Naomi whispers, finding her feet and feeling as her body moves towards Emily.

"I was just... I wanted to get away. They're all fucking mental, that lot. I just didn't want to be near them."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Naomi tries to smile but it won't work. She doesn't think she's got any smiling left in her.

Emily breaks their gaze, then, and looks down at her book. "Why did you do it?" she asks quietly, and Naomi shakes her head.

"Why did I...?"

"Let him win. He's such a stupid cunt, and you should have won, and it's just... it's not fair, is it? How the horrible people always win everything."

"Emily... it was what was meant to happen. I couldn't have stood by and let it be a fix. It's just not right," Naomi shrugs, but deep down she knows that, really, she could have fought harder. Should have fought, and now some idiot has got what he wanted while she's got nothing. "Look, I'd better go. I'll see you later."

She turns and shakes her head at herself, biting her lip as she looks down at the ground, readying herself to move.

"Yeah, go on," Emily says behind her, and it sounds like she's standing up. "Fucking run away. It's what you're good at, isn't it? Pretending that nothing's wrong, brushing it under the carpet."

It's angrier than Naomi's ever heard her, and it's a bit chilling, a bit... It's not Emily but then it's more Emily than she's ever been, and Naomi clenches her fists to stop from saying anything back. But it's clearly enough of a statement for Emily to continue.

"You know it's not right but you do it anyway," Emily's voice breaks, but she's still not stopping. "It's not fair to you, but you're too fucking stubborn to admit it. So, go on. Run away again. Just don't expect me to pick up the pieces this time."

The threat is clear, and Naomi can't bear it any more, and the tears start to spill as she spins around.

"Oh? And what do you know about running away then, yeah? Always hiding behind Katie, always pretending you don't want things."

Emily recoils a little and it only spurs Naomi on. She's been pushed too far, now, and Emily knows it. But her face is still hard, still fixed in a glare as Naomi takes a step forward.

"So, come on Emily. Why don't you just do something that you want to for once?"

Emily stands firm, her whole body resonating with her anger, and she curls her lip into a half-smile as she says, "Why don't you?"

Naomi's got no time to think about it, she's still too angry, and the steps forward that she takes then are full of meaning. She's got just about enough time to register Emily's shoulders relaxing like she's saying finally before she's pushed Emily against the shelves, just like in the subway, just like she's done so many times in her head, and they're picking up where they left off the day before in front of Naomi's house.

Only this time, this time, they're really alone. No one's coming looking for them - they've got nowhere else they need to be. There's time, there's actually time, but Naomi still feels like it's all a massive rush, all the blood pumping through her, and she's running her hands up Emily's sides as Emily gasps into her mouth, swallowing her kiss.

And Naomi knows that Emily's not that experienced, or experienced at all, but she's kissing Naomi back like she knows exactly what she's doing, like it's so natural to her.

Like it's right, Naomi thinks as she pushes against Emily a little harder, causing the shelves to rattle behind her.

"Oh God," Emily whimpers, breathing in the moments where Naomi's lips aren't stealing her air and words, and Naomi loves the sound of it and, for the first time since this all began, she allows the feeling between her legs to take over.

"Yeah," she says then. "Yeah." And she pushes her hands up Emily's ribs until they're cupping both of her breasts over her polo shirt.

It's the moment she knows she's crossed the line because Emily throws her head back and it pushes some of the books back and they hear a crash on the other side of the shelves. Emily's movement exposes her neck and it's so pale that Naomi wants to mark it, wants to taint it with her kisses to remind herself that she's been there.

And, God, it really hits her then. This is Emily, it's really her, and it makes Naomi kiss harder, pushing against Emily's tits until she's getting pushed away.

She staggers back, dazed, panicking a little that she's fucked it up, that it's not what Emily wanted after all, but Emily's still got hold of her arms, keeping her close.

"Wait," she's saying. "Just... wait."

"What?" Naomi pants, the adrenaline flowing.

"It's just... it's not the way I imagined it." Emily blushes, running her hands down to where they meet Naomi's and threading their fingers together.

And it's that that makes Naomi's stomach turn in on itself completely, because oh - she's always known.

"How did you... how did you imagine it, then?" Naomi asks with a swallow.

"Like this," Emily whispers, and leans up on her tiptoes for a kiss so delicate Naomi feels like she's ice and Emily's the first person to step onto it and leave the first of many cracks. "Like this."

****

It's all so much slower, then, the pace they move at. And Naomi wishes that she could say it was because of her but it's Emily - it's all Emily, now - and she's leading the way, showing Naomi things she'd never consciously thought about.

She's basically a statue as Emily kisses slowly down her neck, popping open the buttons on Naomi's shirt one by one and so fucking slowly that Naomi's not sure how long she'll be able to stand it.

But she does, keeping a firm hold with both hands on Emily's waist, trying not to squeeze too hard. And she's focussing on the sound of their breathing, amplified by the lofty ceilings of the old library, and there's only the faint sound of sirens in the distance reminding her that the outside world still exists.

And Naomi doesn't want it to, not while Emily's pushing Naomi's shirt back over her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor because in here where it's quiet they can be whoever they want.

They don't have to be friends or enemies, or the quiet loners that no one ever really wanted to talk to, or smart or clever or funny or any of that shit that they think they need to be every day.

They can just be and Naomi almost cries with the relief she feels at realising that she's finally able to be herself. She's not trying any more and neither is Emily, and Naomi chances letting go of Emily's hips to cup her cheeks, bringing Emily's lips away from her neck.

Her eyes seem really fucking dark when Naomi looks into them and Naomi wonders if hers look similar, only with a bluey rim surrounding them.

"What?" Emily asks, her throat rasping as it moves around the words. "Say something."

"You're beautiful," Naomi whispers, and her voice almost doesn't sound like her own, like both she and Emily are only just hearing it for the first time.

"So are you." Emily reaches up to kiss her and Naomi feels like she's tiny, just the smallest of beings standing there with Emily who is less in height but so much more in heart, and she knows she's given herself up now.

Emily's pushing up on Naomi's vest, then, and her hands graze Naomi's breasts so gently but it feels to Naomi like she's just gripped onto her tightly, it's all just so much.

Once Naomi's top is over her head Emily takes a moment to look at her, running her hands down over Naomi's collarbone, eyes following them as they smooth their way down Naomi's chest.

There's a moment where Naomi panics, just before Emily reaches her breasts, and she clutches at Emily's wrists, stopping them from moving, but her grip's not that strong so Emily only hesitates for a second before carrying on and then Naomi hears a low, satisfied sound that she's not sure comes from herself or Emily but it's both, maybe.

So she lets Emily take what she wants, lets Emily smooth her fingertips over the top of her bra until she meets the bump of a nipple and strokes a little harder, and she lets Naomi push her t-shirt over her head until they're both standing there in their bras and another Naomi might have giggled at the situation, like her and her best mate standing there feeling each other up, like it's an experiment. But Naomi's fucking positive it's far from that - Emily's imagined this before. She's seen it in her head and this, now, is a fucking massive deal for both of them. And it's certainly no laughing matter.

Her mind's wandering far too much but it stops abruptly when Emily trails the back of her hand down Naomi's stomach and it hits the top of her skirt.

"Can I..." Emily whispers pressing her forehead against Naomi's chin. "Can I take this off?"

"Yeah. Yeah, please."

Naomi thinks she feels Emily shiver as she pushes their bodies together, wrapping her arms around Naomi's back and smoothing them down from there before she's running her hands around the length of the waistband of Naomi's skirt and then sliding it down her thighs.

It doesn't go all the way, though, and Naomi can only stand there, useless, as Emily starts kissing her way down between Naomi's breasts and over her stomach until she's kneeling and helping Naomi's feet out. Once it's off, though, she stays where she is, pressing her lips against Naomi's abdomen and it's taking a fuckton of self-control for Naomi not to buck her hips into Emily.

She tries to distract herself from it by running her hands through Emily's hair, feeling as Emily breathes against her stomach, and then she's being helped out of her shoes and tights.

Naomi thinks that she'll always remember this - the way Emily's so keen to take her time. Like it might be the only chance she ever gets to do this and she wants to savour it, so Naomi savours it too and can only focus on the way Emily's running her hands up the back of her legs, touching so softly like Naomi's a book she can read with her fingertips.

"Come here," Naomi whispers and Emily gets to her feet, quickly licking her lips before kissing Naomi again, and it's a little faster this time, a little more needy, and Naomi wonders what's happening to them both, wonders if what's happening to her is happening to Emily too.

It's the first time she's allowed herself to think of anything other than kissing Emily and, now she's started, she's dying to know. But, she remembers, Emily wants it slow. So she reaches down and undoes the top of Emily's skirt too, which falls down a lot easier than her own.

Emily stumbles a little as she steps out of it and her cheeks flush with embarrassment that needn't be there, so she kisses Emily with a smile and it feels nice, to do this like they're friends as well as anything else.

Naomi doesn't stop to think about what it means now that they're not just friends. She can't because then there'll be too much to think about and all she really wants to know is if Emily tastes as sweet as Naomi thinks she will.

When she kneels down slowly to help Emily out of her own tights and shoes she stays on the floor, face hovering just in front of Emily's knickers and, oh fuck - she can smell her already. She tilts her head up to look at Emily and she's got her eyes squeezed shut and she's swallowing hard, so Naomi keeps watching as she leans forwards and presses a gentle kiss over the top of Emily's girly boxers, right where she thinks her clit might be, and Naomi feels herself get wetter as Emily's mouth forms a wide O and she lurches forward a little.

So Naomi does it again, just for the reaction, and Emily does the same, this time her expression accompanied by a high whimper escaping from the back her throat and Naomi needs to kiss her again.

Moving her hands from where they rest on Emily's hips, Naomi finds Emily's hands that are dangling limply by her sides and pulls them gently until Emily gets the hint and kneels down in front of her.

Naomi pulls back and bites her lip, shaking her head and pausing for a moment. There are so many questions she wants to ask, like how long has Emily wanted to do this? Or how the fuck does Emily even know what she's doing?

But she asks nothing and, instead, gently pushes Emily back so that she's hovering over her, knowing that in a few seconds they're going to be pressed together and nothing else will matter other than the way Emily's feeling.

There's one thing, though, that Naomi just needs to check.

"Ems," she starts, searching Emily's eyes as hands run up and down her back. "This is... this is your first time, isn't it?"

Emily pushes her lips together and nods quickly. "Yeah... is that okay?"

Naomi smiles and leans down for a quick kiss, like she's getting used to it now, and Emily pulls tightly on the hair at Naomi's nape.

"Of course but... are you sure you want it to be me? I mean, fucking look at us..."

"Naomi," Emily says softly, and Naomi feels what's left of her heart starting to pull tightly, like it's being stretched. "Naomi, I've always wanted it to be you. And... you know that, right?"

She feels light-headed then, just from hearing it out loud. Of course she knows. Of course she fucking does.

So she nods, her throat constricting with all the things she wants to say but can't so she lets her body speak for her and slowly lowers herself down onto Emily so that their skin is touching in places it's never touched before and Naomi feels like she just set them both on fire.

****

It's not fucking. Not even close, and it takes Naomi a long while to reach her hand down between Emily's legs, first taking the time to get to know her breasts, which Naomi gets are very sensitive by the way Emily's whimpering whenever Naomi sucks on a nipple or rolls one between thumb and forefinger.

Actually, really, it seems like Emily is sensitive all-fucking-over, because every time Naomi so much as runs a hand across her stomach Emily flinches or whimpers or spreads her legs a little wider.

And she's been pushing herself against Naomi's thigh so that Naomi's getting a bit of an idea of how wet Emily actually is and she really can't wait any fucking longer.

She doesn't take Emily's knickers off at first, and just slides her fingers under the elastic until she can feel the start of closely shaved hair that makes her brain short-circuit all over again as she remembers that this is Emily.

Naomi's not watching what she's doing though because taking her eyes away from Emily's would make her feel like she was losing out on something and it's Emily's face that's telling her everything she needs to know, so when Naomi pushes down further and her fingers are met with so much fucking wetness that it makes her gasp, she's watching as Emily closes her eyes and opens her mouth.

"Christ, you're fucking wet," Naomi says, taking the first tentative feel around, not caring that her hips buck involuntarily against Emily's leg.

"Is that... is that all right?" Emily croaks, blinking her eyes open, and Naomi can only kiss her in response.

It seems like a good enough answer because Emily's moaning into her mouth, then, and moving herself up to meet Naomi's hand.

"Fuck, you feel incredible, Emily," Naomi whispers into Emily's mouth, which makes Emily twist her hips a little faster before reaching down to push at the top of her knickers.

"Take them off, can you?"

Naomi nods, leaning up as she pulls her fingers free to help Emily shimmy out of everything so that she's finally completely naked.

"Wow," Naomi whispers, letting her eyes survey the short length of Emily's body, stopping as she watches her fingers find their way back along Emily's cunt. "Emily, you are... I mean, you're just..."

"Yeah?" Emily says, and Naomi turns back to face her.

When she says, "Yeah," it feels like she's agreeing to something else entirely but, right now, she doesn't care because she's got Emily now - beneath her, beside her, all over her really - and she still wants more.

And then Emily's whispering, "I want you inside me," into Naomi's ear and the world around them might as well just fucking disappear.

This is their time, and Naomi's going to use it well.

****

Watching Emily come - feeling it - unravels Naomi because it's like nothing she's ever seen before. Knowing that no one else has ever done this to her makes Naomi realise how special it is, so as she's watching Emily gasping for air she's taking a picture with her mind.

She wants to keep this somewhere, locked within her. Somewhere deep and tucked away, just for her.

For her, and for Emily.

"Fuck, Naomi..." Emily manages as her hips stop bucking, pulling Naomi into her neck. "That was... God, I'd never though it would be like that."

"No?" Naomi asks against her skin. "What did you think, then?"

"I don't even know, really," Emily breathes, curling over on her side further into Naomi. "Just that, well. It's not quite the same doing it to yourself, is it?"

Naomi shudders as she imagines Emily tucked up in her bed, biting her lip and sliding her hand inside her pyjama bottoms, and she's reminded again of the wetness between her own legs.

"Not exactly," she smiles, kissing Emily's skin. And then she kisses it again, and again, and their quiet lull doesn't last for long before Emily's humming and pushing Naomi onto her back.

And she doesn't waste any time, now. Naomi can see it in her eyes, what Emily wants, and she lets her do it, gasping as Emily kisses down her stomach until she's wrapping her fingers around the top of Naomi's knickers, pulling them down and over her legs and feet.

"Oh, fucking hell," Emily says, and Naomi glances down just as Emily's dipping her tongue into Naomi's cunt and Naomi's reaching above her head, grasping at nothing, as Emily tastes her again, and again, seeking out her clit like she's starving for it.

"Oh... oh fuck, Ems," Naomi manages, and her voice is so high she can barely recognise it.

And then there are fingers pressing against the entrance to her cunt, just gently, and Emily's lifting her head up to ask, "Okay?"

Naomi can only nod and Emily keeps watching her as she pushes a finger inside, and then she's whimpering as she puts her mouth back on Naomi's clit.

She's finding her way, Naomi thinks. Like she knows Naomi, like their bodies were just waiting for the other.

It feels so right as Emily pulls out and then pushes back in, adding another finger which Naomi bears down on.

Nothing about it feels wrong. Naomi can't think about why it is. Not now. Just... not right now.

****

Once Emily's climbed back up and they're both breathing heavily and Naomi's kissing the taste of herself off of Emily's lips it all starts to creep back in though. All the questions and the worries and the realisation that this has changed everything.

So she can't help but talk, even as Emily's sighing against her skin and their legs are wrapping around each other.

"Ems..."

"Yeah?"

She can hear the apprehension in Emily's voice, like she knows the conversation they need to have, and it almost makes Naomi say, nothing, but it'd be a lie. And there's no point lying to Emily anymore.

"You're gay, aren't you?"

Emily sighs, holds Naomi a little tighter. "Yes."

"And... you always have been?" Naomi bites her lip, staring at the ceiling that's yellowed with age.

"Yes," Emily sighs again, and leans up on her elbow to look at Naomi's face. "Yes, always. I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"Doesn't matter," Naomi says, reaching up to push some hair behind one of Emily's ears and leaving her hand at the nape of Emily's neck. "I suppose there are quite a few things we've never told each other."

Emily nods sadly and closes her eyes.

"And... shit." It seems like the wrong time to ask, after what they've just done, but she has to know now. "Those pills... they weren't yours were they?" she asks softly, already knowing the answer.

Emily keeps her eyes closed and shakes her head, and then Naomi closes hers, feeling the first tear push its way out from underneath one of them.

"I'm sorry I lied. I just... I didn't know why she had them and I didn't want to hurt you."

Naomi scoffs - she can't help it. But it's not Emily's problem. And then, really, there's only one more question to ask.

"But they're hers. And she takes them. Do you know why, now?" She opens her eyes and Emily looks so fucking sad that they're even talking about this now that Naomi kicks herself for bringing it up at all.

"I asked her, and she wasn't fucking happy about it, obviously, but I didn't tell her you'd found them. She said... fuck, I'm sorry, but she said that... that there was no point stopping taking them when she'd need them again one day. Like... shit, like she knew one day she'd go out with a bloke again."

Naomi sniffs, and it's hit her in the gut, this. Even though it really fucking shouldn't because, really, look at her right now. She's just fucked - no, that's not what it was, but - her girlfriend's sister, and now she's crying because Katie knew that this wasn't forever. She knew that Naomi wouldn't be enough for her even before Naomi did.

"I'm sorry," Emily says, and turns stiff in Naomi's arms. "It shouldn't have been me that had to tell you."

"No, it shouldn't," Naomi mutters, wiping her eyes, wishing that she wasn't crying about this while Emily's here. But, then, they're friends. They've always been friends first. So it's not as horrible as it could be. Almost, anyway.

But then Emily's pulling away, and Naomi has to open her eyes quickly to see what's happening.

"Hey," she whispers, sitting up a little as Emily's kneeling, looking around for her clothes. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Well, I thought... we're done, aren't we? I mean..."

"Emily," Naomi says, shaking her head and reaching for Emily's hands who lets them be taken but can't seem to look at Naomi all the same. "That... whatever it is with Katie isn't anything to do with us, okay? And we... we're not done. Not if you don't want us to be."

Emily looks up with a weariness that Naomi's seeing for the first time today. "Naomi, how can we not be?"

There's a good answer, Naomi can feel it prickling under her skin, dying to get out. But she can't even think it yet, let alone say it, so instead she leans up a little further and kisses Emily softly until Emily's humming against her lips.

"Just... not just yet, okay?" Naomi whispers, and, when Emily nods and lets herself be pushed back down onto the itchy carpet, Naomi can feel them both relax again.

It's still loud outside, but the sound of windows being smashed subsides into nothing as Naomi gives in to making love to Emily with her fingers, and her tongue, and her mind, and her heart.

She gives it all. It's all she's got left.

****

It's almost dark by the time they've both put all of their clothes back on and Naomi checks her phone.

There are five missed calls and a text message from Katie that look as though she's having a fun time because nothing is spelled properly. She's not got shitty yet, though, which makes Naomi feel a fuckload guiltier than she already did so she slips the phone back into her bag and pretends she didn't see anything.

When she looks back up, Emily's gone, and Naomi panics for a moment until she sees her standing over by a window looking out into the car park.

Naomi approaches but Emily doesn't turn around, and Naomi wonders if it's okay to go up behind her and put her arms around Emily's waist, lay her chin on Emily's shoulder and kiss Emily's neck.

She's not sure though, so she stands at Emily's side and they're quiet for a moment.

"Looks like a fucking bomb went off out there," Emily says, nodding towards a couple of cars with their doors open and toilet paper adorning their roofs.

"Yeah," Naomi whispers. "Didn't hear much of it though."

There's a small smile from Emily as they both look around at each other.

"I was a bit busy myself," Emily says, her lip quirking up at the side that now, more than ever, Naomi wants to kiss.

Instead she says, "Find a good book, then?"

"Yeah," Emily says, smile falling as she finds Naomi's hand with her own. "The best."

Naomi feels that flutter in her chest, but it can't be there, so she says sternly, "Emily..."

"I know," Emily sighs, pulling Naomi's arm until it's around her waist. "I mean, I think I know. Where do we go from here, Naomi?"

Looking to the side Naomi finds the twisty bit to the blind and shuts them, enveloping them both in a warm, orangey haze, and dropping her forehead so it rests against Emily's.

"Wish I knew, Ems."

They both sigh, and then laugh. It's about all they can do, Naomi reckons, and she takes the time to hold Emily, the way she thinks she's wanted to for months now.

"What about Katie?" Emily says quietly.

"I don't know."

"Naomi, this'll destroy her when she -"

"I know, Ems, okay?" Naomi snaps, instantly regretting it when Emily flinches. "Sorry, sorry. It's just a lot to get my head round, okay?"

"I know," Emily nods, making Naomi's head nod along with it. Like they're joined now. Like one movement extends to the other. "But, what do we do until then?"

It's a question that's left hanging in the air between them. Knowing what the fuck to do has never been Naomi's strong point, and everything she does is so tangled up in Katie and Emily that she can't make a decision about anything without it screwing up either one or both of them.

So she says all she can say, and just asks for one more thing from Emily. "Can't we just stay like this? For a bit?"

Emily pauses for a moment, squeezes Naomi's hand and says, "Yeah, we can. For a bit."

It's not even nearly a solution, and it's not good enough for Emily or for Naomi. Or for Katie. But it's all Naomi's got for now. And Emily's going to let her take it.

Just... for a bit.

Chapter Eight