Fic: ... And the Battle Began (Chapter Seven, Part One)
Title: ... And the Battle Began
Chapter: Seven - Only for the Night
Pairing: Naomi/Katie, Naomi/Emily
Rating: NC-17
Word count: 15,650
A/N: Apologies for the lengthy delay! Hope it was worth the wait.
There's a girl stuck in the mirror // Oh she stares into my eyes // Say she kiss me tender // I say I don't love her but I know it's a lie
The worst thing about it all (if Naomi could pick just the one thing) is the way Katie's actually bloody concerned and has an arm held around Naomi's back as she leads them into the house, whispering that they'll get a taxi and she's sorry she made Naomi throw up.
She's sorry, Naomi thinks, wrapping an arm around her stomach, and wants to throw up all over again.
Katie leaves Naomi on the sofa with her head in her hands as she goes to collect their stuff even though Naomi couldn't give a fuck about it and wants to leave it all there. She doesn't need stuff, she doesn't need any of it. What she needs is...
She looks up when she hears movement by the front door and Emily's standing there, changed back into her proper clothes and shiny pastel-coloured shoes in dangling from two fingers, and Naomi catches her eye just once before she looks away again.
Her head's back in her hands as the front door's being clicked open and then shut again, and she relaxes a fraction once Emily's left the house.
Out of sight, but not out of mind. Naomi groans and wishes she could stop feeling Emily's breath on her skin. Wishes she could stop that horrible voice that's been quiet but has been growing steadily louder. It pounds against her ears, forcing a headache behind her eyes, telling her you want to kiss her again, you stupid twat and she doesn't know how to make it shut the fuck up.
It doesn't go, even when Katie's back at her side, pressing a kiss to her head and helping her out of those garish pink pajamas.
It's meant to disappear when Katie's around. She's thankful that she's got the drugs to hide behind today, that she can put her shaking down to the puking, but she knows she won't be able to hide forever. Not now that it seems Emily's stopping hiding it. Now that Emily knows.
****
She lets Katie take control of everything that afternoon as they fall into a taxi with a sceptical look from the driver that Katie snaps at and tells him just to fucking do his job.
He narrows his eyes in the rear view mirror, glancing down as Katie takes hold of Naomi's hand, and sets off anyway.
"She all right, my lover?" he asks, nodding at Naomi.
"She's fine, all right? Just take us home."
He shrugs and turns a corner, clearly doubting that Katie's right.
Naomi can't knock him - he's got a fucking point, after all.
****
Back at Naomi's house, Katie puts Naomi to bed and, after a quick (and unconvincing, she thinks) reassurance Naomi pulls the covers around her and Katie leaves her there with her own thoughts.
It's better in the quiet, the gentle hum of cars whizzing by outside sending Naomi into a calm, dozing state. She doesn't sleep, she knows she can't, because her mind is still going over it all.
She doesn't know how to see Emily after this. But she doesn't know how to not see her either.
And it's all her fault, all of this, that she's let it happen. Yet there's something that she keeps thinking about, that thing that means she can't quite let Katie be the innocent one in all of this.
The pills, those fucking pills. Her mind's always coming back to them, to the contraceptives that Emily said were hers. But she can't accuse either of them of lying without letting them both know the lie she's been telling them as well as herself.
They're all guilty of something, Naomi knows as she lets her eyes flicker open to look at that bloody postcard from the gallery that she's pinned up on her wall, right next to the graphics work that Katie gave her.
She'd put them there to remind herself of both of them, of their differences. But all they serve to do really is accentuate the similarities. They've both given her something, and she was only meant to give back to Katie. Only to Katie who's probably downstairs flicking through a magazine and coming down from her own high, waiting for a good time to make her way upstairs so she can get into bed too. Katie, who's been giving and giving for a year now - and Naomi figures that it's time she gave a little more back.
She just doesn't know yet which one of them she needs to give up in order to do that.
****
The next time they're all back at college there's tension. And not just between her and Emily, which is fucking palpable and horrible and so very there, but between everyone.
Freddie's sat fiddling with his wristbands while Cook tries to tell him and JJ a story about this girl he boned over the weekend and how he thought she'd be a right rubbish shag but turned out to be a firey fucking firecracker, you know what I'm saying Freds?
JJ grins while Freddie ignores them both and looks over at Effy who's looking at Cook and glaring at him like she wants to kill him and Naomi wonders when they stopped having fun. It's only been a few months of college, and she's been throwing it away partying with these people who are supposed to be friends but can't even seem to talk to each other.
Not that she can say anything about that, because Katie's asking her questions about her English homework and it should have been a moment for Naomi to be proud of, that Katie's suddenly taken to giving a shit, but she can't even hear what Katie's saying because Emily's sat across from them smoothing her thumb over the edge of her notebook as she scribbles something down. And it's all Naomi can see, the way her small fingers curl around the pen she's holding, and she's leaning down just enough for Naomi to see the very beginning of her cleavage and Naomi shifts in her seat just as Emily looks up.
She can still hear Katie saying something, and she doesn't fucking stop when she gets started, and it's not hard to block her out when Emily's staring right at her. And Naomi can't help that she glares, then, because Emily is giving away nothing, just like usual (or almost usual), and Naomi turns her attention back to Katie.
"Sorry, babes. Say that again," Naomi attempts with a smile and Katie shakes her head and groans.
"Fine but fucking listen, yeah? I'm struggling with some of this and I want to be better, you know? For us."
Naomi's smile almost falters so she hides it with a kiss, shocking Katie so that it takes her a moment to kiss back.
They break apart when the wolf-whistles start, mainly from Cook, and Katie's flushed but not annoyed.
"What was that for?" she asks, hand on Naomi's thigh.
"I'm just... It's nice, that you're taking an interest. Carry on, babe. I'm listening."
"Right," Katie grins and turns back to her book, finding the point she was making.
Naomi tries to pay attention, she really does, but it's difficult when she knows Emily is looking right at her from only a few feet away.
Stop it, Naomi thinks. Stop it because I don't know how I can do this when you keep fucking looking at me, but she says nothing.
They need to talk again. Like, properly this time. Or as close to it as they can get.
****
Naomi waits after English, telling Katie that she needs to talk to their teacher, which Katie is naturally suspicious of because Josie is nice and everything but there's only so much someone who uses their hand as a puppet can tell you about Hamlet, especially when they're only meant to be a guidance counsellor, anyway.
But she concedes, leaving Naomi with a quick kiss, as Effy beckons from the doorway, telling Katie to go sit on the steps with her for a bit which of course Katie can't say no to.
Before she goes, Effy shoots Naomi one of those looks which make Naomi feel naked, but she might as well accept that Effy seems to know something at least and, whatever she knows, she's not telling Katie about it yet.
It's almost like she's helping, Naomi thinks. But Effy's motives are really fucking unclear, like she's almost not all there, so it's help Naomi's not sure she needs.
She's still thinking about it when she has to reach out and catch Emily by the elbow just as she's heading out of the door.
"Em," she says quietly as Emily turns around. "Can we talk? Just for a minute?"
Emily nods and shakes her head in her usual way, and Naomi swallows, hoping that Emily hasn't seen.
"Erm, guys," Josie says, then, from somewhere behind them. "What was it you wanted to talk about, because Gerald's getting a bit hungry. He hasn't eaten since breakfast and that was only a banana."
Naomi whips around, finding a smile, and calmly asks Josie if she wouldn't mind buggering off.
Josie looks a bit flustered, and exchanges a "look" with Gerald, and then says, "Honestly, you're all so ploody rude. Come on, Gerald. We know where we're not wanted."
Naomi catches sight of Emily smirking as Josie gathers her things and stomps past them out of the room.
She leaves the door open, so Naomi goes to it, leaning back on it once it's closed.
"She's a bit mental," Emily says, pushing herself up so she's sat on her desk legs swinging underneath her, and she's being a little too nonchalant for how Naomi's feeling right now, and Naomi wishes she could laugh at Josie, laugh with Emily, like they used to.
"Yeah," she just says instead, and lets her head hang for a moment as she tries to find the words for what she needs to say.
"So, listen," Emily starts, and Naomi closes her eyes, letting the sound of Emily's voice wash over her. "You don't need to worry about what happened. Or, well, what nearly happened anyway."
"Right... okay," Naomi tilts her head up slowly, and Emily's not shying away from this conversation, even though her legs are swinging to and fro, crossed at the ankle, she's looking at Naomi head on.
"I'm not going to tell Katie, obviously, but... maybe you should think about why we nearly -"
"We were high, Ems," Naomi interrupts and Emily blinks, and Naomi kicks herself for reacting. She just couldn't hear Emily say the words and, on top of that, where does Emily get off telling her what to think? Like it isn't all she's done lately, think the fuck out of all of this. "We were high, that's it."
"Is it?" Emily says, her jaw setting itself. "Right, well if that's what you think I'll be off then."
She jumps down from the table and approaches Naomi who's still blocking the door. She doesn't move, even when Emily stares at her impatiently and grips the handle of her bag tightly.
"Em, I'm sorry but..." Naomi says quietly, and looks away, biting her lip. "It has to be that."
She looks at Emily again, imploring her with her eyes to let that be the reason, to let that be all it is.
Emily shakes her head, but says, "Fine. Fine, if that's what you want."
No, no of course it fucking isn't, Naomi thinks, but she can't say it, not even with Emily standing so close. So instead she closes her eyes and nods.
"Right," Emily mutters. "Can I go now?"
Naomi sighs, and steps to the side, waiting silently as Emily leaves. She can't watch her go, she seems to have to do it far too often. But she thinks that maybe this will be the end of it. Emily's suitably pissed off with her now, so maybe she'll want to stay away.
It'll be better for them all if she does. Because Naomi's self-control is almost failing and one of them needs to be strong. To be brave, and Naomi knows that she's always been a massive coward.
Emily's strong, just like Katie. Only, perhaps, a little braver, because she's walked away when Katie only ever came closer.
****
In the weeks that follow, Naomi's both relieved and disappointed that what she said to Emily worked. In fact, it had worked a little too well and now, whenever she's in a room, Emily leaves it. Whenever they go out, Emily makes sure they're not sat near each other, and when they go to the bar Emily times their movements so that they don't go up together.
And it's fucking frustrating more than anything because it seems like Emily's being a bit of a fucking child about the whole thing, actually, and it's pissing Naomi off so much that Katie starts to notice.
They're at the pub, and Naomi really doesn't know why she keeps going, but Katie wanted to do the pub quiz because Effy might turn up, and there are too many of them to be on the same team so Emily's over with the boys and Katie and Naomi are sat on a table just by them.
Naomi's struggling to listen to the questions - not helped by the fact that they are absolute bollocks - because she's being subjected to the usual display from JJ and Emily.
She can't stand it, that he makes her laugh. That he gets to be with her, openly, and can whisper into her ear when he knows the right answer. And it takes Naomi back to when they were at school and she had to watch Katie flirting with Jamie, and she feels a familiar fire burning inside her chest.
Only it's not the same, really, because Katie was pretending to like him; Emily, for some unfathomable reason, must actually like JJ, and it makes Naomi's lip curl into a sneer before she can stop it.
"Fuck's sake, Naoms, you've missed another one. Are you even listening?"
"What? No. I mean yes. Sorry. What was it?"
Katie throws the pen down and it bounces off the table and rolls onto the floor where they just let it lie.
"Look," Katie starts, nodding in the direction of the other table. "I don't fucking like it either, okay?"
"What?" Naomi follows her gaze to where JJ's trying some of Emily's drink and making a face when he tastes it. "What, them? I don't care."
"Right, sure," Katie snorts, and then at Naomi's glare rolls her eyes. "Come on, you haven't stopped fucking bugging them out since we got here. And we both know Emily could do better - he's a fucking minger." Katie tilts her head to the side and purses her pink lips together, like someone's written the answer to something on the ceiling. "Maybe we should try and find her someone else."
"Yeah, maybe..." Naomi mutters, and she still can't stop looking at them though, even though Katie's sussed her out.
"What about Freddie?" Katie asks quietly, having retrieved the pen from the floor and pointing it in his direction. "I mean, if I wasn't with you I'd totally fancy him."
It gets her attention, then, and Naomi snaps out of it, fixing Katie with a stare until Katie shrugs and says, "What? I said if I wasn't with you. Which I am, obviously."
"Right," Naomi says through almost gritted teeth. "But seeing as you're with me you don't fancy him. What about when I'm not around? Do you fancy him then?"
"Oh don't be a fucking cock, Naomi. You know that's not what I meant." Katie shakes her head and looks at Keith as he reads out the next question, clearly trying to put an end to the conversation without really finishing it.
"Tell you what, Katie. Why don't you go and join their fucking team if you like Freddie so much." Naomi hisses and stands up quickly, the chair squeaking noisily as it scrapes across the floor, drawing attention from the others so that Emily and JJ twist around in their seats to see what's going on.
"You're being ridiculous," Katie says through gritted teeth. "Sit back down and help me win this quiz."
Naomi shakes her head, then looks up to find Effy approaching on the arm of some bloke, and she looks fucking out it. Naomi doesn't judge, though, and sort of wishes she had a bit of whatever Effy's on.
It's a good time to get the fuck out of there, she reckons, because even though Effy looks like she just crawled out of a dustbin she's still in the right place at the right time again. And it'll do for now.
So, sniffing and standing, Naomi collects her bag and says to Katie, "Here you go, babe. Your friend is here now. Maybe you can both discuss how fit Freddie is with me out of the way."
"Fine, fuck off then," Katie says, and then smiles at Effy. "Hi Eff, you'll be on my team yeah?"
Effy looks like she's just waking up from a nightmare only to realise that, actually, it was probably safer when she was asleep. "Um, actually Katie..."
"Great," Katie says before she can finish. "I'll get the drinks in."
She gets up and goes to the bar without a second glance at Naomi, who just rolls her eyes and turns to Effy again. "Good luck, Eff. All yours now."
Effy blinks slowly and is shaking her head as Naomi's sliding past, only sparing a fleeting glance in Emily's direction before she's gone.
It was enough, though. Just that one, sad look from Emily that Naomi gets to take home with her.
It stays in her mind until she remembers that she's pissed Katie off so severely that it'll be her turn to apologise again. Naomi almost can't help it, and it's not really Katie's fucking problem that Naomi's wound up so tight that being a bitch is the only way she knows to release the tension.
But then, not the only way, she thinks as she fumbles around in her bag, digging for her phone so she can make the apology text sooner rather than later. She'll type it out now, and then send it in fifteen minutes once Katie's had a chance to calm down a bit, and that way Naomi's more likely to get back on Katie's good side, seeing as she's made the first step to sort things out.
Maybe it's just what they need - a good, long evening in together, away from the rest of them, wrapped up in each other the way they used to be.
Katie's always been there, right. Always. And Naomi needs to stop fucking about and remember that, which is always remarkably more easy to do once Emily's not in the general vicinity.
Naomi stops at the local off license, the one that will serve her, and buys a bottle of wine and some decent looking flowers (that she's surprised yet relieved that they have - they're probably used to selling apologies) and heads home.
If Katie doesn't come, Naomi decides, she'll drink the wine herself and find some porn online and have a good wank and sort herself out that way.
It worked for years before Katie; Naomi's sure it can work again.
****
Fortunately, though, after a few heartfelt, apologetic text messages, Katie shows up on Naomi's doorstep with her hands on her hips and a bottle of wine poking out of the top of her bag.
"You're not entirely forgiven, you know," she slurs a little, sliding in past Naomi.
"Anything I can do to make it up to you?" Naomi smirks as she shuts the door behind her and Katie turns around with a smirk of her own.
"Maybe," she says quietly, in that slightly gruff way that (thank fuck, it still does it) makes Naomi's cunt wake up and demand attention. "Not sure that you deserve it though."
"Of course I don't," Naomi sighs, taking two steps forward and pinning Katie against the wall. "Of course I fucking don't."
****
It's the most angry sex they've ever had, though it's not violent, not really. Naomi knows that Katie doesn't actually want to hurt her when she bites down on Naomi's shoulder, Katie's cunt stretching to allow a third finger in, nor when she digs her nails into the skin of Naomi's back.
But it does hurt, and Naomi wants it to. She wants Katie to leave a mark on her so tomorrow, in the daylight, when she's getting dressed she can see it there before she slides her shirt on over her shoulders. She wants to feel her cunt ache when she sits down on the hard, plastic chairs and be reminded that it was Katie who did that to her, who made her come with hard, off-tempo thrusts as Naomi pushed herself down onto Katie's hand.
It's Katie she wants all over her so that the next time she sees Emily she remembers. She's got to start remembering that she belongs to Katie despite how every time Emily walks past her or looks up from a book Naomi feels like she's been punched in the stomach.
So she makes a wide-eyed Katie fuck her as hard as can, with her mouth and her fingers, kneeling down on the floor at the end of the bed so that Naomi can just see the top of her head.
"Look at me," she says when Katie's losing herself in what she's doing and she lifts her head up so that Naomi can see her eyes.
"You okay?" Katie pants, licking her lips, and Naomi can see the shimmer of wetness that surrounds Katie's mouth, spreading all the way down over her chin and, God, Katie is just so into this Naomi can't believe she ever doubted her.
"Yeah, you're fucking... you're amazing," Naomi whispers, reaching down to tuck a wet and matted bit of hair back behind Katie's ear.
"No," Katie shakes her head and fixes Naomi with a totally serious gaze that Naomi feels goes right through her. "No, you are."
She smiles and goes back to running her tongue up and down over Naomi's clit and Naomi bucks against her as Katie picks up the pace.
All she can do is shake her head in the darkness and grip the covers tightly so that her nails dig into her palms as she thinks, No, I'm really, really fucking not.
****
A month later and Naomi's fairly fucking positive that she imagined the whole thing with Emily because, while she's still fairly irritable most of the time, Emily seems to be happy as fucking Larry. Or, happy as fucking JJ by the looks of things.
She's kept up her end of the bargain, which, despite being mostly unspoken, seems to have set some clear boundaries for them. They don't speak at college, or anywhere else for that matter, and Emily's just getting on with things.
Naomi wishes she could do the same but it won't leave her alone, this complete irritation she feels whenever she thinks of Emily. She had just walked away so easily, again, and Naomi can't believe that she ever thought Emily wanted something more.
Maybe Naomi had read it all wrong after all and Emily really was just high and drunk and wanted to kiss someone.
Maybe now she's kissing JJ and doesn't need to chase Naomi along subways and let herself be kissed and cling on so tightly that it makes Naomi a little dizzy.
She's thinking about it in their rec room when the lights go out and everyone screams (except her, of course - not much can rattle Naomi these days) until Doug sets of some sort of projector and starts rambling on about war or something. And it's the last thing she needs, being reminded of conflict, because she's got enough of that going on inside her own mind, cheers very much. But then Harriet calls Doug on being a massive twat and explains it all a lot better than Doug was going to do.
At first Naomi scoffs at the idea of student elections, and it all sounds like a shit idea, being in charge of this bunch of reprobates, but then she remembers her career, that thing that she was meant to be focussing on, and it kick-starts an idea.
She could be President, actually. And try to make some changes. She'd be able to put it on her UCAS form and her CV, and she could start to make the difference she's always wanted to make.
(That and it'd be a well-welcome distraction from everything else.)
She's still toying with the idea on the way out when Katie says, "What a fucking waste of time."
Naomi turns to her and she's filing her nails as they walk and Naomi rolls her eyes as she pulls her folders a bit tighter against her chest.
"What, trying to sort this place out? Trying and get the message out to people that some things aren't fair and it doesn't have to be that way?"
Katie scoffs and blows on her hands, some of the dust spraying onto Naomi's t-shirt. "Come on, babes. Everyone knows that politics is just a load of bollocks. The rich stay rich and the poor get poorer. Nothing's ever gonna change that, yeah?"
Naomi stops walking and clucks her tongue against the roof of her mouth and waits for Katie to stop too. It takes her a moment but then she's back-tracking, pushing against the crowd of people who are all going in the opposite direction.
"What? What did I say?" she asks, confused.
"Christ, Katie. Do you even know me at all?"
"Yeah, babes. Course I do - you're my sexy and extremely fuckable girlfriend." She winks but Naomi just scowls harder.
"Right, and that's it, is it? That's all you know about me?"
"No, of course not," Katie frowns and tries to reach for Naomi's hand, her brow setting as Naomi pulls away and she huffs as she slaps her hand back against her own thigh. "I also know you're a complete twat. Fuck's sake, it's just an opinion, all right?"
"No, Katie. Not all right. I fucking care about things, things that are important. Things other than you."
"Oh right, so I'm not important?" Katie crosses her arms and backs away, accidentally bumping into someone as she goes. "Tosser," she shouts over her shoulder.
"That's exactly what I mean - it's always someone else's fault, isn't it?" Naomi says lowly, trying not to draw in a crowd, even though one's already begun to form.
"This time, yeah - it's your fucking fault. I don't know what the fuck your problem's been lately, but if you're looking for an argument you can fucking have one somewhere else today. I'm going to find Effy. Let me know when you've decided to stop being a pretentious cunt and we'll talk."
She's walking away before Naomi can get another word in, and it's probably a good thing because her throat is burning now and she needs to get away.
Fuck her, then she thinks. Fuck her forever, and she stalks off to find the office where the application forms are.
She can do this even without Katie's support. Even without support from any of them.
****
She's really not at all in the mood when she sees Cook lurking around the classroom rolling a fag (or maybe even a joint, and that's just the point she feels like making, about people like him).
"All right, gorgeous? You gonna run for President then? Think of your slogan - Naomi Campbell: Lezza for Prezza."
She grunts in disgust and shakes her head. "And what would yours be? A vote for Cook is a vote for STDs - get in line for yours free today."
She doesn't even think it's that funny but he howls in laughter anyway and she rolls her eyes.
"Get out of the way then, you moron. Let the people through who take things seriously."
He pops the joint in his mouth (because, yes, she can smell it now) and puts his arm out across the door, blocking her way. "Now, now, Blondie - just because I'm not as smart as you doesn't make you better than me."
"Oh really?" she asks and tries to push past, catching a wiff of his armpit as she goes.
"Really," he says, serious now. "You should lighten up, babes. For someone who must be getting a mouthful of Katie Fitch every night I'd've thought you'd be fucking laughing."
She's close to losing it then but she's already had one fucking argument today and she really, really can't be arsed with another.
"Move out of my way, Cook."
"Maybe it's not what you want then?" he asks, looking her up and down, and for a second her blood runs cold and she thinks that he knows something. But then he does sort of lip-bite, eyebrow-waggle and runs his hand up her thigh towards her knickers. She swats it away and fixes him with a glare that must get her point across.
"All right, Jesus fucking Christ." He moves away, shaking his head, and then grins again. "Go and get your shitty little form. But you and I both know, Naomi, that one person can't change anything. You can't stop what's always been going to happen, yeah?"
She turns to him, feeling a headache coming on, but his face is softer then, and she remembers why she likes him.
"Don't let it get to you, all this shit. Look at me," he holds his arms out, gesturing towards himself, and grins again, joint in mouth. "I don't give a fuck and I'm happy. Right?"
She laughs despite herself, because he really is a wanker, and if she were interested in boys and he didn't smell so fucking awful, she might like him more.
"Okay, fine. I promise to chill the fuck out."
"Okay babes, and if you do, maybe I'll run for Prezza too - I sort like the sound of that slogan. Catchy. Just like me." He winks and heads off down the hallway, calling out, "If you need to chillax, man, you know where to find me."
It's a decent offer, but it's not what she wants today. So, taking a deep breath, she heads inside and picks up the form, feeling like it's the most honest thing she's done in months.
****
It's a piece of piss, really, but it's enough to focus on as she's on her way home.
She's checked her phone a few times and there's been nothing, yet she's still pretty pissed off with Katie for not believing in her, for not thinking that this was something worth fighting for. Naomi's fairly convinced that if she were involved in some sort of campaign to stop leopard print being banned then Katie would be the first to sign up, and it makes her want to turn her phone off so she doesn't even know if Katie's tried to call.
She doesn't, though, because she doesn't quite want to make things worse than they already are, but she is enjoying the silence. It's nice not to be bothered, and for a moment she has a glimpse of what her life would have been like without Katie and it scares her that she can see it so clearly.
Of course, because she's angry, she doesn't dwell on the fact that she would have missed out on a lot of fun stuff as well, and she wouldn't have discovered so much and explored a world she didn't even know existed.
And she wouldn't have met Emily and, despite their shitty stalemate of late, Naomi can't quite imagine how that would work.
She's lost in thought as she steps through the front door and almost smacks it in the face of the dreadlocked dude who's standing behind it rifling through the post. She snatches it off him and looks through it quickly, almost missing the folded up piece of paper with her name on it.
The handwriting is instantly recognisable, and Naomi's heart starts to beat a little faster, so she dumps the rest of the post on the kitchen table and heads up to her room as quickly as she can manage, only faintly hearing her mum call up the stairs behind her, asking about her day or something equally as inane.
Naomi ignores her, which she knows means will have earned her a visit a little later but now, just for a minute, she needs to be by herself.
Closing the door to her bedroom behind her, Naomi enjoys the relative peace as she sits on the edge of her bed, turning the paper over in her hands for a moment before opening it up.
It's one of the application forms for the election, the same one she already has, and she can't help that she smiles. But there's something else in it too - a smaller piece of paper, torn from a note book and attached to the side with a paper clip.
She pulls it free even though she could read it easily enough where it was and reads it over and over again, long after she's taken it in and has started to calm down a bit.
I think you should run, it says, because I think you'd be good at it.
It's signed E but it didn't even need to be, really. Even if it were typed and printed out and written in French Naomi would still know that it was from Emily.
She's the only one, Naomi thinks. The only one who really knows me, and she lays down on her pillow with the note close to her face, wondering if there's any way she can actually smell Emily if even it's just her words that are so close.
****
By the next morning, Katie still hasn't got in contact, and Naomi almost doesn't care. It's one thing, Naomi reckons, for Katie to get a bee in her bonnet about Naomi being in a shitty mood at a shitty quiz but it's another to question her morals, or, rather, to completely misunderstand them altogether.
She sneaks away to the computer suite to print off the lame little flyers she's made for the election because she'd had a spliff and a bottle of wine last night and had the novelty of some time alone to make them.
It had been nice - too nice - to be alone with her thoughts, and every time she needed a bit of inspiration she'd looked at the little note from Emily that she'd propped up on her desk.
Emily believes in her. Even if they can't talk to each other, Emily still cares. And Naomi knows she still needs at least one reason to smile at the moment. And that note was just enough to do it.
****
It's sort of a weird day without Katie, and Naomi doesn't see her until lunch when she's decided to go to the rec room to do a bit of promotion.
She's sat with Effy and talking at her, as per, and only turns to look at Naomi when Effy nods in her direction.
Katie's smile's gone then, and she crosses her arms defensively. Naomi doesn't know how long this will last when neither of them is willing to back down but she's got a point to make now so she really doesn't see why the fuck it should be her.
The fact that Cook is running as well is not really a surprise but is irritating as fuck nonetheless, and when Naomi gets on a table to attract people's attention he reminds Naomi of why she thinks he's a massive cunt.
He distracts people by pretending to throw them fruit when she's talking, and she hates the way her voice sounds when she tells him he's a fucking joke, but she's handling it. It almost sends her over the edge, though, when she sees Katie laughing at him and Naomi thinks that maybe the whole thing is a massive joke and it's her who's the punchline.
It's why she totally doesn't need Emily to chip in, telling Cook to go and be a cunt somewhere else, and Naomi shakes her head at Emily but it's too late
"Aw, that's nice. Getting your girlfriend to hold your hand," he grins, and then slaps himself in the head, almost knocking his beret off, and says, "Fuck me, what an idiot. Wrong one."
She glares at him as his grin gets broader and then everyone is laughing. Everyone, that is, except her and Katie. And Emily.
Naomi doesn't stick around to see any of their reactions, because her eyes are burning and it's not the way she wants to be in front of people.
She ignores Emily's quiet, "Naomi," as she jumps down from the table and grabs her bag, getting the fuck out and away from everyone's laughter.
Her hands are shaking as she finds a cigarette, lighting it as soon as she gets outside, and smokes it as she lets herself calm down by the bike shed.
The child inside her head is chanting It's not fair, it's not fucking fair as she wipes at her eyes and she cycles home while they're still blurry.
Fuck them all, she thinks as the wind hits her hair. She'll do it all on her own if she has to. They way she was always supposed to do it all.
****
Before she curls up on her bed and cries herself to sleep she grabs the note from Emily and scrunches it up in her hand, throwing it across the room and telling it to fuck off.
It's still light out but she doesn't care. She just wants today to go away. And she'll deal with it all tomorrow when her head's a little clearer.
She's still reminding herself she doesn't need any of them when she wakes and scrambles across the floor to find the note from Emily, crying again as she smooths it out and takes it back to bed with her.
She sleeps more soundly, then, with Emily's words close to her.
Emily tried to help, and Naomi didn't let her.
Maybe, she thinks as she pulls the covers more tightly around her. Maybe it's not too late to let her help now.
****
She doesn't think twice about it the next time she wakes up and her throat forgets how to breathe until Emily answers.
"Hi," she says somewhat groggily but Naomi doesn't have time to worry about having woken her up. "Are you -"
"Can we go somewhere?" Naomi interrupts, and her reflection is already judging her but she's staring it down.
"Um... yeah. Yeah, I suppose. Where?"
"Anywhere."
****
Their journey to the lake is a lot more subdued than the last one but Naomi's already feeling the tension of the last few days drain away the further down the hill they go.
Emily keeps checking behind her and offering Naomi small smiles that look to Naomi like they're her way of saying Don't worry, we don't actually need to say anything, and it allows Naomi to lean back and feel the wind in her hair.
There's the small concern that Emily's got an extra couple of pounds to contend with because the safety helmet Naomi bought her, whilst being sturdy enough for her if she actually did hit the deck, keeps making Emily's head wobble like a weebl and Naomi doesn't want to be the reason Emily finally comes off her bike.
But she looks cute, Naomi reckons, and then has to pretend she didn't think it because she's not supposed to. Not now or ever.
It's hard to focus on that, though, when she's trying to put thoughts of Katie out of her mind, along with the notion that she's sort of doing something wrong because, well, she's just not really. Emily's just doing her a friendly favour and by tomorrow everything will have reset itself, Naomi imagines, and Emily won't be speaking to her and Katie will be all over her.
They'll put all their problems away again because it's the only way it'll all work. Naomi's getting good at hiding. And, she thinks, watching as Emily goes over a bump, she's probably not the only one.
****
It's a lovely day, even down by the lake where there's a gentle breeze blowing, leaving faint ripples across the surface of the bluey-green water. Naomi stares into it as Emily pulls a blanket out of her bag and sets it on the floor underneath the trees at the edge of the woods, and she thinks that one day she might jump into it, the lake, and it'll be cold and it'll make her lips go blue and her teeth chatter but she'll have done it. She'll have made that leap that says Yeah, I'm fucking brave too and she might be able to rest a little easier.
Today's not the day though, and Naomi sighs as she turns around to find Emily watching her.
"Sorry," Emily says looking away and down at the ground, smoothing the dirt over with her foot.
It sets off the guilt in her again as she watches Emily crouch down to fish out some fruit juice and her smoking tin from her bag because Naomi knows that Emily really doesn't have anything to apologise for. She never has done, really.
"What?" Naomi grins, relaxing her shoulders. "No vodka?"
"Ah, well," Emily says as she pats the space in front of her, waiting for Naomi to sit down. "Didn't think it was wise, really. I've been lucky so far but I'm bound to fall off one day and vodka does me right in."
"Right," Naomi nods, the image of Emily falling off sending a worried shiver through her. She doesn't ever want to see that happen. "But you're all right with the spliff, though?"
Naomi's got her eyebrow raised when Emily looks up.
"Well," Emily grins, opening the tin and setting out some silver king skins on the blanket. "You sounded like you needed to chill out a bit. And I wasn't going to just sit here and watch you get stoned, though that could have been fairly entertaining."
Naomi laughs and lies back on her elbows, crossing her legs at the ankles and watching Emily as she works. "Well, best you join in, then. That way if I do anything too ridiculous you'll be too off your face to remember."
"Yeah," Emily says, her smile falling for a second, and Naomi clears her throat.
"So, hurry the fuck up, yeah? I'm in serious need of herbal relief." She kicks Emily lightly on the thigh until she's smiling again.
"All right, keep your knickers on. Jesus. Anyone would think that I didn't just abandon my daily plans to come and sort you out. And after you were a bit of a prick to me yesterday."
"Ah, sorry about that," Naomi winces, recalling vividly the look on Emily's face when she's been left behind in the rec room. "It wasn't you, really. I've had a bit of a falling out with Katie."
"Yeah, she said." Emily grinds some green up, the sound of it rattling through the quiet woods. "I thought she was being a massive twat though so I couldn't really say anything. She really went off on one, though."
Naomi snorts and tilts her head up towards the sky. If she closes her eyes she thinks she can see Katie now, but it doesn't make her happy, what she sees. It makes this trip with Emily seem like even more of a rebellion but, well, it isn't really. She isn't here because of Katie.
"Hey, Ems. You know that I didn't just call you because she pissed me off, right?"
Emily stops what she's doing and looks up from underneath her hair.
"Yeah," she says. "Of course."
Naomi's not sure she means it, and why would she? Naomi hasn't given her any reasons lately to believe a word of anything she says and it makes her feel a bit sick, just how much they've changed. Just because maybe there's a chance they know more than they're both saying.
"She'll calm down though, Naoms," Emily says, and Naomi feels a warm palm resting on her leg, just underneath her knee. There's a quick squeeze and then it's gone and the grinding resumes.
"Ems?" Naomi says without opening her eyes.
"Hmm?"
"Let's not talk about Katie today, yeah? I haven't seen you for ages and... let's just not, okay?"
"Yeah, okay," Emily says quietly. "Cool."
Part Two