LJ Idol: Week 4: “Nobody can ride your back if your back's not bent”
Love.
In the end, that’s what it boils down to. In the end, that’s what matters.
•••
“Stand up straight,” her mother tells her every day. Scolds her really. “Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high. You don’t need their approval.”
Words of advice, repeated ad nauseam, until they are pounded into her memory, into her actions.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
She does as she is told. She always does as she is told.
Even when the other kids whisper about her in the halls. Even when the boys pull her braids and try to trip her. Even when the girls exclude her from their cliques.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
She never bends.
•••
She meets him in college.
He is everything she never knew she wanted.
“Let me in,” he whispers to her in the dark of night, his thumb stroking her wrist. “Let me know you.”
She wants him to know her. She wants to know him.
So she does what he asks and lets him in.
She begins to bend.
•••
She’s in love with him, more in love with him than she ever knew was possible. She would do anything for him.
He asks her to learn to cook, so she does.
He asks her to not worry when he stays late at work, so she doesn’t.
He asks her to make nice with his mother and become friends with his friends, so she does.
He asks her to have a baby, so she says okay.
She would do anything for him, and she does.
It’s easy to bend when you’re needed to.
•••
She’s 38 years old and she wonders sometimes if her husband even loves her anymore.
“I’m trying,” he tells her when she asks. “Just give me time.”
So she does.
She gives him time and energy and love. Because if she gives him enough, she can change the inevitable.
She’s sure of it.
He meets a younger woman and tells her they’re just friends, so she believes him.
He stays late at work and almost never comes home, so she forgives him.
He says cruel things to her when she tries to talk to him, so she overlooks them.
She loves him.
She will bend as far as she needs to get him back.
•••
She’s 40 years old and alone.
Her husband left her, and there’s nowhere else to go.
She knows that something went wrong, but she’s not sure where.
Everything hurts. Her body, her soul, her heart.
She’s doubled over in pain, and there’s no more room to bend.
•••
She’s 42 years old and she passes him on the street. He’s with his new wife and he looks happy. He looks smug.
She wants to hate him. She wants to wish him harm.
She can’t, though. She still loves him.
But maybe she can learn to love herself more.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
The words echo in her mind.
Something clicks into place.
She forces a smile and walks on by.
She finally begins to straighten.
Written for the Week 4 challenge at therealljidol
In the end, that’s what it boils down to. In the end, that’s what matters.
•••
“Stand up straight,” her mother tells her every day. Scolds her really. “Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high. You don’t need their approval.”
Words of advice, repeated ad nauseam, until they are pounded into her memory, into her actions.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
She does as she is told. She always does as she is told.
Even when the other kids whisper about her in the halls. Even when the boys pull her braids and try to trip her. Even when the girls exclude her from their cliques.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
She never bends.
•••
She meets him in college.
He is everything she never knew she wanted.
“Let me in,” he whispers to her in the dark of night, his thumb stroking her wrist. “Let me know you.”
She wants him to know her. She wants to know him.
So she does what he asks and lets him in.
She begins to bend.
•••
She’s in love with him, more in love with him than she ever knew was possible. She would do anything for him.
He asks her to learn to cook, so she does.
He asks her to not worry when he stays late at work, so she doesn’t.
He asks her to make nice with his mother and become friends with his friends, so she does.
He asks her to have a baby, so she says okay.
She would do anything for him, and she does.
It’s easy to bend when you’re needed to.
•••
She’s 38 years old and she wonders sometimes if her husband even loves her anymore.
“I’m trying,” he tells her when she asks. “Just give me time.”
So she does.
She gives him time and energy and love. Because if she gives him enough, she can change the inevitable.
She’s sure of it.
He meets a younger woman and tells her they’re just friends, so she believes him.
He stays late at work and almost never comes home, so she forgives him.
He says cruel things to her when she tries to talk to him, so she overlooks them.
She loves him.
She will bend as far as she needs to get him back.
•••
She’s 40 years old and alone.
Her husband left her, and there’s nowhere else to go.
She knows that something went wrong, but she’s not sure where.
Everything hurts. Her body, her soul, her heart.
She’s doubled over in pain, and there’s no more room to bend.
•••
She’s 42 years old and she passes him on the street. He’s with his new wife and he looks happy. He looks smug.
She wants to hate him. She wants to wish him harm.
She can’t, though. She still loves him.
But maybe she can learn to love herself more.
“Stand up straight. Don’t slouch. Hold your head up high.”
The words echo in her mind.
Something clicks into place.
She forces a smile and walks on by.
She finally begins to straighten.
Written for the Week 4 challenge at therealljidol