feelings I'm sorting through

[flamingsword]

In the wake of $500 of unexpected car repairs, I may not be going to CMA this spring. So all of the normal head-sorting that's supposed to happen there, the entire reason I started going, will need to be handled by me, outside ritual space. Won't this be fun

Comments

[sushi_slave]

You know, for a self proclaimed crazy person? You make a hell of a lot of scary type sense sometimes ;)

[elucreh]

Re: most of this, the important thing is not that you achieve the pinnacle of emotional balance or even awareness, but that you keep trying to. Which is obviously not to say, you know, stop trying, but try to stop stressing out that you're not there yet. I mean, I get that it's hard, but just keep swimming! Journey not destination, roses, etc.

And dude, re: that last: WORD. It is so, so, so hard to accept, isn't it? But if you're being honest, that's all you can do. Whether they're listening, whether they actually apply it to how they think of your relationship, that's on them.

Also, I love the concept of giving orgasms like presents. *G*

[flamingsword]

How protective of your friends are you? How crazy does it make you when they're in danger? Now imagine the thing that's going to snap at them, and be cruel, and push them around lives in your skin. All those feelings of wanting to warn off the predator, of baring your teeth at the interloper, directed inwards

[lifeblender]

I understand your need for sacred or at least formalized space in order to deal with these feelings. You probably cannot accept my home as such a place, or even my spare bedroom, but I can still offer if necessary. The feeling you describe is one that needs permission to be expressed externally.

[flamingsword]

How protective of your friends are you? How crazy does it make you when they're in danger? Now imagine the thing that's going to snap at them, and be cruel, and push them around lives in your skin. All those feelings of wanting to warn off the predator, of baring your teeth at the interloper, directed inwards

[bouncyone]

"I have tried being rational about this, to no avail. Got advice?"
Do you understand this scary you? And I don't just mean bits and pieces. Do you truly understand exactly what it is and why it is?

I find that simply watching such things gives me incredibly insights. I find this is a hard process though because once I fully understand it, I can do nothing but accept what I learn. Usually this means that I have to accept a part of me that i previously thought was undesirable.

"so they invented a new concept of balance to go with the more dynamic paradigm. "
o_O. Polarity is both incredibly simple and incredibly complex. A topic that has been continuously looked at for countless centuries. The topic is useful in any format presented. I'm most curious about this invention. I suspect it's a new face on an old idea.

Your Tao of Heidi is fascinating! That technique will produce lots of growth. :) I might need to consciously attempt it.

[queenofhalves]

$500 isn't that much in the grand scheme of things. i would check out the craigslist gigs section and pick up a little extra work for the next month or so -- i bet you can manifest the money if it's really important to you.

[flamingsword]

Registration deadline is in 4 days. Josh is getting us day passes for his wedding, but we are probably not camping there.

[literaturenut]

They posted something on the land list serv about a "stimulus package." My understanding is that as long as your membership is up to date you can purchase tickets at the gate for 80. You might want to double check that is accurate, but that's what I understood. I'm sorry things aren't going well. Hugs.

[rens_sanctuary]

You don't have to like yourself, but you do have to live with yourself so you might as well try to sort it and understand it. It took me eons but I LIKE who I am. I have no advice other than really knowing all parts of yourself, knowledge is power but beware of the Knowledge Threshold (too much knowledge too soon [or without methods of dealing with it] is dangerous). :)

[flamingsword]

Yaeh, that's why my usual method of dealing with things has been to conveniently forget anything that was too big to deal with. But I'm all grown up, and the other me says I'm ready to deal with this stuff, so . . .

I like myself, I do. But I also like spiders and snakes and other deadly creatures. Liking yourself doesn't protect the world from you breaking it, it just gives you less of a reason to INTEND harm.