Uneasy Allies in Untruth (PG, Gen, 9400 words), by amilyn for Twilight2000

[amilyn]

Title: Uneasy Allies in Untruth
Author: Amilyn
Recipient: Twilight2000
Beta-Readers: wiliqueen and brightknightie
Prompt: Home run for the good guys, plot focused preferred (hey, what can I say? I love that kind of story!)
Characters: Nick, Natalie, Janette, Schanke, LaCroix
Length: 9400 words
Rating: PG
Summary: A year and a half ago, an unidentified vigilante went on a spree

Comments

[waltd]

There is so much good stuff here. Very well organized and plotted; it all flows together and in a form that can both be followed and that makes sense. -- Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive --.

Natalie is very gutsy and persistent in dealing with LaCroix. I think that's half of what Nick likes about her, and you've portrayed that nicely.

But, I'll be forever grateful for:
- - - - -
"Boys?" Natalie said. "We have actual work to do here. Are you going to help, or am I going to have to stand one of you in that corner and the other in that one?"

Janette's pursed lips curved into a smile.

"Are they always like this?" Natalie asked in an exaggerated stage whisper.

"Often they are worse."
- - - - -
This is so in character for Natalie, her exasperated practicality coming to the for. And, it's so Janette, I can just hear Janette saying those words.

Nice, thanks.

[amilyn]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked the plot and organization and the ultimate consequences of the deceptions. I'm so thrilled that you like Nat and Janette bonding over the boys being silly. Thank you for your comment and for telling me what you like!

[amilyn]

Thank you! I'm so thrilled you like it and like Natalie in it and her combination of traits. Thank you for your comment!

[twilight2000]

*bounce* CASEFIC!!!!!

First - thank you - this is the perfect response to my rather vague prompts - I LOVE casefic (tho I didn't know ti's name until recently ;>) - and your characters are so well written it's even better!

LaCroix and his long look down that patrician nose - Janette and her problem with crypts - J & N both being amusingly irritated by the boys' posturing - all wonderful bits wrapped inside a wonderful story that ties up *so* many loose ends - and believably!

Nat facing down LaCroix is wonderful - and N&N at the end? Perfect!

*G*

[amilyn]

I'm SO THRILLED that you like this! I love that the posturing and the tidbits being in worked for you, and that you like all the pieces being worked in.

I'm glad you like the conversations and interactions and am thrilled beyond speaking that you like the story and that what I did with your prompt and your likes/wants worked for you.

::twirls::

YAY!

Worth the wait?

[brightknightie]

As you submitted your story so early, I worried about your having to wait until nearly the end to receive your match. Thank you very much for your patience! I believe that this story turned out to be worth a bit of a wait; I hope that you do, too. :-)

"one last lie for her brother"

[brightknightie]

You have accomplished so much here, and I am impressed. I enjoyed rereading the story today. Thank you for letting me beta-read it before. From that exchange, you already know most of what I have to say about the story, but I would also like to applaud how you brought together the human and vampire elements to unify the prompt's "home run for the good guys" across nearly the entire cast.

And thank you for finding a place for Fleur in this ficathon. :-)

Among things that you strengthened between your first and final drafts, let me point out for praise the interactions between Nick and Janette, the mini-semi-flashback for Janette's dislike of "tombs" (love that), and the suspense-building progression from murder and the threat of exposure of the vampires' secret to the ramped-up threat of murder and the exposure of the vampires' secret plus exposure of Nick and Natalie's incomplete reports and other lies.

Three good bits to specially point out, in addition to the one in the subject line:

• By the time Nick looked up, Natalie was

Re: "one last lie for her brother"

[amilyn]

Thank you! I'm so glad that the revisions showed for you and strengthened things in noticeable. You're very welcome for the Fleur mention and I am grateful for the question you asked about Janette and the morgue that inspired the mini-flashback about the dislike of tombs/crypts.

I'm quite pleased with how this turned out and I'm thrilled that you like it. Thank you for beta'ing and making it SO MUCH better!

[sholio]

I really enjoyed this - the plotting and character voices are excellent, and LaCroix biting into the foam cylinder (and his reaction) made me literally LOL. :D

[amilyn]

Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoyed it and that the bit with LC was as funny to you as it was to me. Taking him down a peg is always amusing. :-) I really appreciate you taking time to comment!