Original Fic: The Cleansing

[fizzerbass]

Don't let the icon fool you, this isn't a Sports Night Fic.  It's just something I came up with for Prompt #137: Bleach over at tamingthemuse .    I feel funny calling it an original fic because there really aren't any "characters" in it.  Eh, whatever.  If you feel like reading, please do me a favor and leave some concrit.  I've got my panties all in a wad

Comments

[sienata]

wow. that made me so sad. i'm full of questions - what's wrong, why is he dying, who is he, what was his life like...

you definitely made me curious. you didn't make me like him, tho. i'm not sure if you wanted to or not. sometimes i don't even care how people feel about my characters. i just write them the way they are and let the chips fall where they may. maybe that's what you did here. i feel sorry for him, but it's a removed sympathy, nothing personal.

can you really put tires in a washing machine?

this was a very vivid and visual piece. i thought you did a good job with it. i hope you will keep at it. that writing contest i did a while back is coming up again. if you're interested, let me know and i'll link you. :)

[fizzerbass]

Thanks, Miss S. I'm kinda full of questions, too, about this piece. I mean, I really have no idea who this dude is, what he did or why he is so bitter about his past. Guess the fun part begins now, huh - coming up with answers to all these questions

[sienata]

hey. i haven't forgotten to give you some more critique on this, but i've been real busy with the lunch and had the most mind numbing class at work yesterday, so i wasn't worth a flip last night.

however, here is the link to the contest. sign up ends tonight. first prompt tomorrow. i might do it, not sure. i think i will, i can always drop out. anyway, here is link. hugs. love me

http://community.livejournal.com/thebrenljidol/84971.html

[fizzerbass]

Oh, please don't worry about critiquing this any more - you've got your plate full and a 3/15 deadline to boot!
I hope you're feeling better!

Is the writing contest friends locked? It tells me I'm not authorized to view this entry when I click on the link. :(

[fizzerbass]

Aw, thank you, Lindsay - did I spell that right? It looks funny...

Uhm, I'm not really sure *who* this man is. He just popped into my head as a softly-focused man sitting in a laundromat watching the world go by. I'm thinking maybe he was forced to do something he really didn't want to do and people died because of it. That's why he's so bitter and mad at himself. Why he's dying, I haven't got a clue! :)

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and leave me some feedback. You've always been such a strong supporter of my work and I can't even begin to tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[brokeback1963]

My God, Susan….I don’t even know what to say….It’s so fucking heartbreaking and left me so sad and with a ton of questions…Who is this man? What happened? Why is he dying?

Intense little shot. Powerful, very vivid writing. Painful, breathtaking imagery. Left me confused and feeling cold and down.

The last line was a sharp knife to the heart.

**
Knowing first-hand even industrial-strength bleach can’t erase blood from a soul stained by a life lived in Hell.
**

Damn, you have to write more of this….This was just stunning. I mean it. Come on, more!!

Lots of love and hugs.

Tammy.

[fizzerbass]

Oh, Tammy, thank you for reading this and leaving me such sweet feedback. I was so nervous posting this because it seemed so vague to me and I didn't know if anyone would give a hoot about it or the man involved.

I've been thinking a bunch about this little one-shot the past two days and I think I've got a vague idea of who this guy is and what he may have done in his past to make him so angry and bitter. I need to flesh it out some and see if I can make it into a story in and of itself, one worth you taking the time to read. :0)

Thanks, darlin'. You're a peach!

XO fizzer