She: Do these jeans make my rear look fat?

He: Not at all. Your ASS make your ass look fat.

If you don't steal every car you see, you're still a car thief.

If you don't murder every human being you encounter, you're still a murderer.

If you don't beat your wife/husband every night, you're still a spousal abuser.

And, to top it all off, if you don't accept money for sex every time you spread your legs, you're still a whore. A filthy, ( Read more... )

Hey Christians!  You may wonder ... do people notice when your words of love and forgiveness are uttered by the same tongue that boasts of blowing people away with a firearm ( Read more... )

That whole "uncanny valley" thing? I don't get it. In point of fact? I embrace it!  Bring on complete life-like robots. I only hope they turn about to be better companions than fucking human beings who say what they don't mean while doing engaging in actions which completely belie their words.

Austin has a comedy radio channel on 102.7 that plays 2-3 minute vignettes of various comedians. Many of them you've already heard of: Tim Allen, Rodney Daingerfield, Margaret Cho, Jeff Dunham, and others. I would like to take a moment or two to advise budding young comedians, also heard on Comedy Radio, about what does not work. I am not the ( Read more... )

Blast kills 15 in Iraq as US Troops BLACK FRIDAY  violence mars Democratic Republic of Congo election BLACK FRIDAY toll now at 3 dead, 1 wounded BLACK FRIDAY World Health Organization gears up as 'flu virus spreads BLACK FRIDAY Pakistan stops NATO supplies after deadly raid BLACK FRIDAY Japanese job seekers hold Tokyo pep rally BLACK FRIDAY South ( Read more... )

NASA looks into 'tractor beam' for grabbing stardust (MSNBC Headline)

Hey, thanks for the newsflash MSNBC.

Too bad you're 51 years too late:  Bussard Ramjet

I recently attended the Texas Renaissance Festival near Magnolia TX. It was my first time attending such an event and I must say, this is an amazing operation. I would say if one enjoys pretending to live in a medieval version of our society that never, ever existed? I imagine this would be the event for you. I highly recommend the King's Feast. It ( Read more... )

Dude, seriously. If you're doing a paper on medieval warfare and decide to use some line art of a weapon as a horizontal rule? Be very, very afraid when typing "spear art" into the image search bar. I now know far more about a certain pop singer than I ever wanted ( Read more... )

Remember that one time when we all had this big problem and then we bought a bunch of wristbands and it went away?

Neither do I.