My green, and sometimes blue, eyes have not always been the most perceptive set of ocular antennae in the world.   For instance, twenty-four-plus years have apparently not been sufficient for my lids to get their shit together.  I’ve been told, in tones both conspiratorial and amused, that I wink uncontrollably during normal conversation.  On ( Read more... )

If I ever abandon my dreams of obtaining a Ph.D. in political science and drop out of school in order to open up a porno shop, I shall name it the Splurge'n'Spooge. 

My father turns sixty-years-old in three days.  He has always usurped the entire month of August as his "birthday month," and in that proud tradition his surprise party was on the 9th.  His ingrate children, however, were too busy to show up.  Instead, we collaborated on a roast of my ole pappy, which was delivered in front of the entire party.  My ( Read more... )

    "Give 'em the tomahawk, Ronny!  Then let me finish 'em!" cried the eleven-year-old over the squeaking of the rusty trampoline springs.  His hand was stretched out, absolutely begging to be tagged, and his blood-lust was reaching a fever pitch.  His friend was sloppily executing  professional wrestling moves on another classmate, bouncing, ( Read more... )

Since Wednesday I've been living alone in Vancouver with no friends or family.  Thankfully, I have a little pal named Zissou to keep me company (no, not my penis).  He is a peach-faced lovebird, and quite a cool, cuddly customer.  But just tonight I found out that I'm not quite as alone as I had previously thought.  A little mouse scurried across ( Read more... )

Seeing as how I'm oblivious to the intricate nuances of Canadian culture, the assumption I'm about to make is not grounded in any sort of fact or observation.  Nevertheless, I think Canucks eat a lot of buffalo.  So when I was at the supermarket yesterday, and ground buffalo caught my eye, I figured, when in Rome...(please, go on).  My buffalo ( Read more... )

that my journal doesn't get erased.

Strange sleeping schedule lately.  I guess that's what happens when you work at 6:30am every day.  At least one in every five mornings gallantly offers up a stunning sunrise (replete with neon-pink sky trails left by red-eye flights into San Jose International).  Today's curious sleeping patterns looked like this ( Read more... )

Sitting on the cusp of my back deck tonight, I watched bats dart across a steeply rising, blackberry covered embankment, feasting on so many gnats and 'skeeters.  God bless you, you vampyric ninjas of the early dusk!  And, for once, you're just oh so festive!  In fact, your crepuscular chow-time is starting to make the all-hallowed spirit shoot ( Read more... )

Want to know exactly how far the world's opinion of the USA has fallen?  The Washington Post reports:

"The junta also sought to discredit the monks. The New Light of Myanmar, a government-run daily newspaper, reported that during “purification” searches at 18 monasteries, the authorities had found, among other things, pornographic videos, “one Nazi ( Read more... )