(no subject)
Title: No Expectations - Chapter Five
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 4096
Warnings: WIP, mpreg
Rating: M
Pairings: Adam/Tommy, Tommy/OFC.
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy still plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and all the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fan fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best.
Previous Chapters Here
Tommy liked the Malibu house. It was stunning, overlooking a stretch of Zuma beach, a deck which contained a small pool and was furnished with wide loungers. It was tastefully decorated and equipped with high end appliances along with every other convenience. It had a high end home theatre with surround sound and the largest TV Tommy had ever seen. It was miles beyond any place he’d ever lived.
The most important feature though was its privacy. Theirs was the last in a row of houses with only beach on one side and a house that appeared to be vacant on the other. Not that it mattered; their deck was well screened from the other home as well as the beach in front. Tommy could chill on the deck without worrying anyone could see him.
The carport was on the ground floor with a door activated by remote so they could come and go without being seen from the road. The seclusion this setup afforded came as a relief to Tommy, enabling him to escape the prying eyes of the public; for a superstar like Adam it was a necessity. They were both fortunate that Adam had the money to pay for the kind of privacy the beach house provided.
Although Adam had mentioned taking a break it hadn’t materialized yet; he’d been completely wrapped up in the live album since they’d moved. The record company was pushing him for an early summer release date and Adam had been driving in to Hollywood almost every day to oversee the mixing. It was progressing well and they hoped to have it wrapped up and out in a couple weeks. When Adam told Tommy about it at night his excitement was evident.
Tommy was gaining a new appreciation for what exactly Adam did for a living. He’d always been a consummate performer but beyond that Adam was a savvy business man. He worked his ass off to keep the Adam Lambert juggernaut ticking away. All Tommy had ever had to do was learn the songs and then play them when they toured or recorded. He’d never had a sense for the business end of the music industry nor any real interest.
When Adam was actually at the beach house he was constantly on the phone with his PR staff, his agent, his lawyers or the music executives he was working with. If he wasn’t on the phone he was texting or checking email on his laptop. It was almost nonstop. If this was Adam taking it easy Tommy wondered what full on working would look like. Fuck.
Tommy just slept a lot. He was exhausted a lot of the time and would sleep late and then nap off and on during the day. Most mornings he still felt sick and it wasn’t until noon that he’d dare eat much more than a piece of dry toast. Even later in the day he was prone to bouts of nausea and some smells set him off big-time. Adam had brought sushi home once and he’d had to run for the toilet and his protein shakes made Tommy gag.
Leila had dropped in a few times and hung around for the afternoon, fixing Tommy something to eat and keeping him company. Tommy suspected it was done at Adam’s request but he appreciated the gesture even though he would have just as soon have sat and played his guitar by himself. He wasn’t very good company at the moment.
He was sometimes prone to introspection and his current preoccupation with being pregnant had made him even worse. He tried to be polite, to make small talk, but most of the time he knew he was failing miserably. It was a testament to Leila’s unfailing cheerfulness that she stuck it out as long as she did and she’d smile gamely and give Tommy a comforting hug each time she went home.
He’d never been much of a beach person but he found he enjoyed sitting on the deck in the shade, listening to music and watching the beach traffic. Some days when it was too cold for swimming and the beach was deserted he’d go down to the water’s edge, and walk along the surf line, letting the waves rush up and lap over his feet. He’d find a stick and scratch his initials into the sand and then stand and watch as the water washed them away.
****************************************
The album was released July 1st and Adam had a week of personal appearances lined up to promote it on all the talk shows, Ellen, Conan, Leno and David Letterman. The label had been urging Adam to do some concerts as well but he’d refused. Adam hadn’t wanted to leave Tommy on his own all week so he’d arranged for Neil to come stay with him despite his protest.
The night Neil arrived Adam was busy packing. The living room was strewn with clothing and luggage and Lane was patiently helping him chose what he’d be taking with him. They didn’t appear to be easy decisions. As Adam’s personal assistant, it was what Lane was used to, but Tommy and Neil were happy to be elsewhere. They had quickly retreated from the bedlam and were watching with amusement from the safety of the deck.
Neil made sure that he was downwind of Tommy and then lit a cigarette. They were both stretched out on loungers and after he took a long drag Neil blew the smoke in the other direction. Tommy smiled. He was glad to see Neil even if he didn’t think he needed a babysitter.
“You realize that Adam will have your balls if he catches you smoking near me,” he laughed.
Neil waved dismissively. “Adam needs to relax.” It was easy to say when the guy in question was out of earshot. They listened to Adam snapping orders at Lane.
“I don’t envy you, man,” Neil told Tommy, tossing his chin at the drama going on inside. Tommy just shrugged. He was just gratefully Adam had given him a place to stay. He wasn’t about to complain at the moment.
Neil looked directly at Tommy. “How’s it working out with the two of you out here?
“It’s ok?” Tommy shrugged. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, Adam can get kind of intense. I know from experience.”
“He’s been fine.” Tommy looked down at his lap, picking at his cuticles. “Busy, you know? He’s gone a lot.”
“Probably for the best,” Neil muttered. “How are you doing? Like really?"
Tommy looked at him thoughtfully. It was something he played over in his mind all the time and still didn’t really know how to answer. He struggled to get his head around it, the idea that soon he’d have another person he’d be responsible for, who he’d have to look after all the time. He shook his head.
“It’s still hard to believe. I think I’m quietly freaking.”
“Yeah. I have to say I’m having a hard time picturing you as a dad, Tommy. Shit, I’m having a hard time picturing you without a beer in your hand.”
Tommy snorted. Neil had a point. “Are you kidding? Adam would string me up if I drank anything.” He looked pensive for a moment. “I fucking miss it, though.”
He glanced inside. Most of the clothing had either been packed or put back in Adam’s closet. It looked like they were almost done. Tommy checked his watch. They’d be driving in to LAX soon. He turned back to Neil.
“Ok, so this is the game plan. As soon as they leave you’re going to drive in to Malibu and go to the Del Taco, and you’re going to buy me at least six burritos. Got it.”
*************************************
Neil was good company and the week went quickly. They’d played video games or watched movies each night and Tommy had sent him on several late night junk food runs. By midnight it seemed as if he could finally keep things down and he craved stuff like pizza, Mexican and Chinese. They tasted so much better than the shit Lane had been instructed to buy for them. Adam would not have approved.
One night Tommy came out from a shower and saw Neil had Entertainment Tonight on. He sprawled out on the couch beside him and noticed that they were talking about Adam. He was at some sort of premiere and had a slight, blonde guy on his arm and looked immaculately put together. There was speculation on the program that Adam had found a new boyfriend. Tommy watched him closely; he looked like he was having the time of his life.
Tommy turned to Neil. “Can you turn that off?” he asked irritably. “I hate those shows.”
“No problem, boss.” Neil flipped the channel immediately and found a football game to watch. Tommy tried to focus on it but found it difficult to pay attention.
“So, who was that guy Adam was with?” Neil asked him, dragging Tommy from this thoughts.
“Fuck if I know,” Tommy muttered.
Neil gave him an appraising look. “So you two aren’t....?”
Tommy shook his head. “He’s just giving me a place to stay while this is going on.” He gestured towards his abdomen. “That’s all. I appreciate it though, you know.”
“You wouldn’t want to maybe try to make something work? I mean, there must be something there, you’ve been fucking for years.”
Tommy shrugged. “It’s bad enough I’ve screwed up my own life. I don’t want to screw up someone else’s.”
“Jesus, Tommy. You know many people would think having a baby was a good thing.”
Tommy stared at the TV with his chin rested on his fist. Finally he turned towards Neil. “I’m not sure I’m at that point yet.”
The watched the game for a little longer before Tommy yawned and got up. “I think I’m going to hit the hay. I’m beat.”
**********************************************
On Friday night they were playing Black Ops when Tommy’s cell phone went off. He glanced at the screen and saw that it was Adam calling so he picked up immediately.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good. I’m back in LA. But I ran into the Cherry’s and they want me to come out with them tonight. They’re having a party for Sutan. I’ll be pretty late so I’ll probably stay at my apartment in here tonight.”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
“So you don’t mind?”
“No. I’m good here, Adam. Go ahead.”
“You’re sure?”
“For Christ sake Adam. I’m not your mother. Do whatever you want.”
Adam paused a second, obviously taken aback at Tommy’s snappish tone. “Ok. I just wanted to let you know so you didn’t worry or anything. I’ll be back by noon tomorrow.”
Tommy shut his eyes and sighed. “Thanks for calling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up and put his phone down on the end table before picking up his controller to resume the game. Neil was watching him.
“What?”
“Just wondering what was going on is all.”
“Adam just called to say he’s not coming out until tomorrow. He’s going to at party for Sutan tonight at some club and then staying at his apartment.”
“I take it that bothers you?”
Tommy shrugged. It shouldn’t have really; it wasn’t like he had any claim on Adam or any say in his social life. He wasn’t sure why it had bugged him that Adam was going out with his friends. Clubbing had never really been Tommy’s thing; now it signified a live he had no part in.
He looked up at Neil. “Adam doesn’t owe me anything. He can do as he likes.”
Neil didn’t really look convinced but he didn’t say anything more about the phone call and Tommy was thankful for that. Tommy had worked for Adam a long time; he knew when it was a good time to hold his tongue.
************************************
Adam returned to the beach the next day, Neil flew home and things settled into a routine of sorts. Adam was around a lot more; he did appear to be winding things down as promised. The downside of that was that he was now focusing his attention on Tommy, on what he ate and how he spent his time.
Tommy was willing to admit he might not be the best company, moody and introspective as he was but fuck, Adam was being a dick. Tommy could almost feel the waves of disproval emanating from Adam if he caught him eating the junk food he’d bribed Lane to bring him. It was the same if Adam came home and found Tommy napping on the deck that that there was much else to do.
Adam didn’t nap and he didn’t relax very well either. He used his downtime to lose a few pounds so he spent a lot of his free time on the treadmill or lifting weights. Just the sound of the clanking weights or the sound of Adam’s panting while he pounded out the miles on his treadmill exhausted Tommy.
When Adam wasn’t around Tommy would sit cross legged on a lounge chair and play his guitar. Those were his favourite times, when he could forget what was going on in his life and escape into the music. It was easier. Adam had a way of pushing his ideas onto Tommy that got his back up and made him push back just as determinedly. It wasn’t long before it caused friction.
One day Adam had tossed a couple books on the lounger beside him and Tommy had looked up and given him a what the fuck kind of look. He’d picked them up and read the titles, “Fit Pregnancy” and “What to Expect When You are Expecting”.
“I’m not really into reading,” he’d told Adam, tossing the books down.
“I think you should. Don’t you want to make sure you’re doing everything you should?”
Tommy shrugged noncommittally. He’d leafed through the pamphlets they’d gotten at Rose’s office. He figured he had it covered.
Adam had looked like he had more to say but Tommy made a point of plugging in his earphones and turning on his music until Adam had stomped downstairs. The books sat unopened on the sundeck for a couple days until one night Adam dragged them inside and started on Tommy again; standing between him and the movie he was watching on TV until Tommy almost threw the remote at him.
Food was another issue. Adam had been doing the cooking, making sure to produce healthy balanced meals for Tommy. Unfortunately he didn’t always ask for Tommy’s input and would hover over him to make sure he ate what was put before him, clucking over him if he didn’t finish his milk or eat all his vegetables. Although Tommy appreciated Adams efforts sometimes it drove him fucking insane.
It all came to a head over an unlikely subject, green peppers. Adam had a rare weekend off so he’d been riding Tommy pretty hard since he’d gotten up. For his own part, Tommy had become fairly adept at pushing Adam’s buttons and was using his knowledge to full advantage. He’d been playing metal as loud as he could stand until Adam switched it off with a dirty look whereupon he switched to watching Jackass because he knew Adam hated it.
Tommy had had a restless night and had been woken up early by Adam vacuuming the place. The combination had left him feeling irritable and bitchy. He’d come in from a nap on the deck and overheard Adam on the phone. When Tommy heard the flirty, seductive tone Adam was using he knew immediately that it was a booty call. Tommy recognized the sultry voice well enough, it had been directed at him enough times, except, not any more. Apparently knocking up one’s guitarist was a mood killer for Adam.
Adam had wrapped up the call quickly when Tommy had come into the room but only after agreeing to get together and promising to call back later. It had set Tommy off and he’d gotten progressively snippier with Adam as the day progressed. They’d taken pot shots at each other all afternoon and which culminated in a total meltdown over dinner.
Adam made dinner in silence although it involved much banging of pots and pans. When it was done he wheeled around and unceremoniously placed Tommy’s plate in front of him with a grim look. Tommy took one look at it and saw the stir-fry was full of green peppers, which he hated. He’d never shared that information with Adam but it pissed Tommy off even more, none the less. He pushed it away.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You still have to eat,” Adam insisted.
“I don’t like peppers.” Tommy cringed inside when he heard the petulant tone he was using. It irritated him even more.
“They’re good for you. They have lots of vitamin C.”
“I don’t care. I don’t like them.”
Adam just glared at him and then pushed the plate back. Tommy stared at it a moment, he couldn’t fucking believe it. He could feel his face flushing with emotion. He glowered at Adam and slid the plate away again, crossing his arms after he was done.
“I’m not a project you can micro-manage.”
“I’m not trying to micro-manage you. I just think you should care about what you eat, care about the baby."
“I fucking do, Adam! I’m doing the best I can, but it’s my body. I’ll eat what I want. You need to back the fuck off.”
“It’s my baby too,” Adam challenged.
“No, Adam. That’s where you’re wrong. It’s in MY body. Maybe when it comes out it’ll be yours too, but right fucking now it’s not.” He glared at Adam defiantly. “And I’m not a child. I can bloody well feed myself.”
“Maybe if you didn’t act like one,” Adam told him in his bitchiest, most condescending tone. He pushed the plate back once more and Tommy felt a new surge of anger.
He took the plate and shoved it away again, daring Adam to do anything else. Adam glared at him and his nostrils flared. He obviously wasn’t used to anyone standing up to him. He pushed the plate back in front of Tommy and looked as if he was ready to start force feeding him.
Tommy lost it. He got hold of the plate and pulled it away from Adam and then pushed it as hard as he could so that it sailed off the side of the table. It fell to the floor and shattered on the tile, leaving a trail of rice and vegetables. He glared up at Adam.
Adam didn’t say anything. He looked at the wreckage of his meal and then strode out of the room. Tommy heard his car roar to life downstairs and the sound of the garage door opening. The tires squealed when Adam threw the five litre Mustang into gear and tore off down the highway towards town.
Tommy let out a long breath and closed his eyes. The whole exchange had left him shaken. He wasn’t much of a fighter, never one for confrontations with anyone, he’d rather avoid if possible. Generally, in any of Tommy’s relationships, when things got tough, he got going. Friction meant it was time to hit the road.
He got up and carefully picked up all the pieces of glass and threw them away and then and wiped up the spoiled dinner off the floor with a dish cloth. Tommy’s eyes blurred with tears and he brushed more off his cheeks impatiently with the back of his hand while he cleaned up. Adam’s plate was still sitting there untouched so Tommy sat back down and ate what he could, pushing aside the green peppers. The rest of it actually tasted pretty good and Tommy regretted his churlish behaviour.
After dinner he lay on the couch and wondered where Adam had stormed off to, wondered if he’d go to meet whoever it had been on the phone, maybe gone to get laid. If he had, Tommy hoped it would mellow him out a bit. Maybe then he’d cut Tommy some slack. He could definitely live without Adam being up in his grill all the time. It was getting on his fucking nerves.
*************************************
Adam wasn’t home yet when Tommy got up the next morning; he didn’t get back until late in the afternoon. Tommy was on the deck playing one of his guitars when Adam came up. Tommy had really been getting into the blues the last few years and was playing one of his favourites, a Robert Johnson song.
Legend had it that the guitarist had sold his soul to the devil to be able to play so well. It was a classic; everyone from Keith Richards to Eric Clapton had done it in the past. It was haunting,and lonely and one Tommy loved to play. He sang along hesitantly in his soft voice while his guitar cried out into the void.
Well I followed her to the station
With a suitcase in my hand
Yeah, I followed her to the station
With a suitcase in my hand
Whoa, it's hard to tell, it's hard to tell
When all your love's in vain
When the train come in the station
I looked her in the eye
Well the train come in the station
And I looked her in the eye
Whoa, I felt so sad so lonesome
That I could not help but cry
When the train left the station
It had two lights on behind
Yeah, when the train left the station
It had two lights on behind
Whoa, the blue light was my baby
And the red light was my mind
All my love was in vain
All my love's in vain
Tommy was so wrapped up in it that he didn’t realize that Adam had come home and was listening to him from the doorway. When he’d finished and put his guitar down Tommy noticed Adam and looked across at him, worrying his lower lip while he tried to think of how to start. He knew he should apologize. Adam beat him to it.
Adam looked just as uncomfortable as he walked across the deck. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Adam smiled sheepishly and sat down beside Tommy on the lounger. “I’m sorry about last night. I was a prick.”
Tommy shook his head. “I’m sorry too. You were just trying to help.”
“Yeah, but I don’t need to be like that. I was a dick about it. I can be a bit of a control freak.”
That made Tommy snort. “Ya think?” he asked in amusement.
Adam gave him a genuine smile and laughed. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”
Tommy looked at him intently. He had something that needed saying. “Look, sometimes everyone treats me like I’m stupid, or something. But I’m not. I want to do this right, and I will. I do care.”
Adam looked down at his hands. “I’ve never thought you were stupid. Never.”
“Well, good.”
Tommy watched a gull wheel above them a moment and cleared his throat. “So, where’ve you been?”
“I went and stayed with my mom.”
“Really?”
Adam nodded. “I needed to talk to someone.”
He let out a sigh before he continued. “I want to do this right too. But you’re right. It’s your body. I’m just not very good at letting go. But I promise I’ll try. Ok?”
Tommy didn’t think he could ever remember seeing Adam look so vulnerable. He nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. Okay.”
“But I’m still not going to eat green peppers.”
Adam smiled. “Fair enough.”
He reached across and squeezed Tommy’s hand. Afterwards he raised his hand and ran it along Tommy’s guitar where he’d placed it on the lounger. “I was listening to you play. I didn’t know you could play like that. It was amazing.”
Tommy smiled at the compliment. He’d always suspected that Adam had chosen him for the band only because of his looks, not really caring if he could play or not. It had stung at the time but it had given Tommy the determination to play better, to take lessons, to learn his craft and to live up to the hype Adam had set in motion. Unfortunately Adam had been so busy he’d never had the chance to appreciate Tommy’s labours.
“Thanks. It’s one of my favourites.”
Adam looked at him hesitantly. “Would you play it for me? I’d love to hear more of what you can do. It’s soo.......”
He trailed off and Tommy knew exactly what he was feeling. The blues did that to you. It was so raw, and real, and heartfelt that it almost left you speechless in its wake.
“Sure. Whenever you like. I love to play.”
It had been a peace offering of sort and Tommy was glad of it. They needed something to share, something they had in common to bridge their differences. They had another six months to go. It would be good if they could manage it without beating up on each other too much.
Chapter Six
Author: firiel77
Word Count: 4096
Warnings: WIP, mpreg
Rating: M
Pairings: Adam/Tommy, Tommy/OFC.
Summary: Tommy’s just feeling a bit off. Set about five years in the future. Adam is a Rock God. Tommy still plays guitar for him.
Beta: thrace_adams Whee, thanks so much for stepping in with the beta and all the encouragement.
CreditThank you to chaosmanor for graciously agreeing to let me rework her wonderful story Thursday's Child in a different fandom; this fic is what inspired me to try mpreg which is saying something. I encourage everyone to read it. It can be found right here.
Disclaimer: This is fan fiction people.
Feedback: Sure. Let me know what’s working for you.
Authors Notes: I never thought I’d do it but this is a big old MPreg. Read if you dare. It’s also a WIP and I’m not sure where it will go yet although it will probably be fairly long and I’ve got quite a few chapters roughed out. I’ve just been seeing people pining for domestic fics and (gulp) babies so thought I’d give it a shot.
Thank you jashelle1 for the awesome banner and poster you did for my story. You’re the best.
Previous Chapters Here
Tommy liked the Malibu house. It was stunning, overlooking a stretch of Zuma beach, a deck which contained a small pool and was furnished with wide loungers. It was tastefully decorated and equipped with high end appliances along with every other convenience. It had a high end home theatre with surround sound and the largest TV Tommy had ever seen. It was miles beyond any place he’d ever lived.
The most important feature though was its privacy. Theirs was the last in a row of houses with only beach on one side and a house that appeared to be vacant on the other. Not that it mattered; their deck was well screened from the other home as well as the beach in front. Tommy could chill on the deck without worrying anyone could see him.
The carport was on the ground floor with a door activated by remote so they could come and go without being seen from the road. The seclusion this setup afforded came as a relief to Tommy, enabling him to escape the prying eyes of the public; for a superstar like Adam it was a necessity. They were both fortunate that Adam had the money to pay for the kind of privacy the beach house provided.
Although Adam had mentioned taking a break it hadn’t materialized yet; he’d been completely wrapped up in the live album since they’d moved. The record company was pushing him for an early summer release date and Adam had been driving in to Hollywood almost every day to oversee the mixing. It was progressing well and they hoped to have it wrapped up and out in a couple weeks. When Adam told Tommy about it at night his excitement was evident.
Tommy was gaining a new appreciation for what exactly Adam did for a living. He’d always been a consummate performer but beyond that Adam was a savvy business man. He worked his ass off to keep the Adam Lambert juggernaut ticking away. All Tommy had ever had to do was learn the songs and then play them when they toured or recorded. He’d never had a sense for the business end of the music industry nor any real interest.
When Adam was actually at the beach house he was constantly on the phone with his PR staff, his agent, his lawyers or the music executives he was working with. If he wasn’t on the phone he was texting or checking email on his laptop. It was almost nonstop. If this was Adam taking it easy Tommy wondered what full on working would look like. Fuck.
Tommy just slept a lot. He was exhausted a lot of the time and would sleep late and then nap off and on during the day. Most mornings he still felt sick and it wasn’t until noon that he’d dare eat much more than a piece of dry toast. Even later in the day he was prone to bouts of nausea and some smells set him off big-time. Adam had brought sushi home once and he’d had to run for the toilet and his protein shakes made Tommy gag.
Leila had dropped in a few times and hung around for the afternoon, fixing Tommy something to eat and keeping him company. Tommy suspected it was done at Adam’s request but he appreciated the gesture even though he would have just as soon have sat and played his guitar by himself. He wasn’t very good company at the moment.
He was sometimes prone to introspection and his current preoccupation with being pregnant had made him even worse. He tried to be polite, to make small talk, but most of the time he knew he was failing miserably. It was a testament to Leila’s unfailing cheerfulness that she stuck it out as long as she did and she’d smile gamely and give Tommy a comforting hug each time she went home.
He’d never been much of a beach person but he found he enjoyed sitting on the deck in the shade, listening to music and watching the beach traffic. Some days when it was too cold for swimming and the beach was deserted he’d go down to the water’s edge, and walk along the surf line, letting the waves rush up and lap over his feet. He’d find a stick and scratch his initials into the sand and then stand and watch as the water washed them away.
****************************************
The album was released July 1st and Adam had a week of personal appearances lined up to promote it on all the talk shows, Ellen, Conan, Leno and David Letterman. The label had been urging Adam to do some concerts as well but he’d refused. Adam hadn’t wanted to leave Tommy on his own all week so he’d arranged for Neil to come stay with him despite his protest.
The night Neil arrived Adam was busy packing. The living room was strewn with clothing and luggage and Lane was patiently helping him chose what he’d be taking with him. They didn’t appear to be easy decisions. As Adam’s personal assistant, it was what Lane was used to, but Tommy and Neil were happy to be elsewhere. They had quickly retreated from the bedlam and were watching with amusement from the safety of the deck.
Neil made sure that he was downwind of Tommy and then lit a cigarette. They were both stretched out on loungers and after he took a long drag Neil blew the smoke in the other direction. Tommy smiled. He was glad to see Neil even if he didn’t think he needed a babysitter.
“You realize that Adam will have your balls if he catches you smoking near me,” he laughed.
Neil waved dismissively. “Adam needs to relax.” It was easy to say when the guy in question was out of earshot. They listened to Adam snapping orders at Lane.
“I don’t envy you, man,” Neil told Tommy, tossing his chin at the drama going on inside. Tommy just shrugged. He was just gratefully Adam had given him a place to stay. He wasn’t about to complain at the moment.
Neil looked directly at Tommy. “How’s it working out with the two of you out here?
“It’s ok?” Tommy shrugged. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, Adam can get kind of intense. I know from experience.”
“He’s been fine.” Tommy looked down at his lap, picking at his cuticles. “Busy, you know? He’s gone a lot.”
“Probably for the best,” Neil muttered. “How are you doing? Like really?"
Tommy looked at him thoughtfully. It was something he played over in his mind all the time and still didn’t really know how to answer. He struggled to get his head around it, the idea that soon he’d have another person he’d be responsible for, who he’d have to look after all the time. He shook his head.
“It’s still hard to believe. I think I’m quietly freaking.”
“Yeah. I have to say I’m having a hard time picturing you as a dad, Tommy. Shit, I’m having a hard time picturing you without a beer in your hand.”
Tommy snorted. Neil had a point. “Are you kidding? Adam would string me up if I drank anything.” He looked pensive for a moment. “I fucking miss it, though.”
He glanced inside. Most of the clothing had either been packed or put back in Adam’s closet. It looked like they were almost done. Tommy checked his watch. They’d be driving in to LAX soon. He turned back to Neil.
“Ok, so this is the game plan. As soon as they leave you’re going to drive in to Malibu and go to the Del Taco, and you’re going to buy me at least six burritos. Got it.”
*************************************
Neil was good company and the week went quickly. They’d played video games or watched movies each night and Tommy had sent him on several late night junk food runs. By midnight it seemed as if he could finally keep things down and he craved stuff like pizza, Mexican and Chinese. They tasted so much better than the shit Lane had been instructed to buy for them. Adam would not have approved.
One night Tommy came out from a shower and saw Neil had Entertainment Tonight on. He sprawled out on the couch beside him and noticed that they were talking about Adam. He was at some sort of premiere and had a slight, blonde guy on his arm and looked immaculately put together. There was speculation on the program that Adam had found a new boyfriend. Tommy watched him closely; he looked like he was having the time of his life.
Tommy turned to Neil. “Can you turn that off?” he asked irritably. “I hate those shows.”
“No problem, boss.” Neil flipped the channel immediately and found a football game to watch. Tommy tried to focus on it but found it difficult to pay attention.
“So, who was that guy Adam was with?” Neil asked him, dragging Tommy from this thoughts.
“Fuck if I know,” Tommy muttered.
Neil gave him an appraising look. “So you two aren’t....?”
Tommy shook his head. “He’s just giving me a place to stay while this is going on.” He gestured towards his abdomen. “That’s all. I appreciate it though, you know.”
“You wouldn’t want to maybe try to make something work? I mean, there must be something there, you’ve been fucking for years.”
Tommy shrugged. “It’s bad enough I’ve screwed up my own life. I don’t want to screw up someone else’s.”
“Jesus, Tommy. You know many people would think having a baby was a good thing.”
Tommy stared at the TV with his chin rested on his fist. Finally he turned towards Neil. “I’m not sure I’m at that point yet.”
The watched the game for a little longer before Tommy yawned and got up. “I think I’m going to hit the hay. I’m beat.”
**********************************************
On Friday night they were playing Black Ops when Tommy’s cell phone went off. He glanced at the screen and saw that it was Adam calling so he picked up immediately.
“Hey, how’s it going?”
“Good. I’m back in LA. But I ran into the Cherry’s and they want me to come out with them tonight. They’re having a party for Sutan. I’ll be pretty late so I’ll probably stay at my apartment in here tonight.”
“Yeah. That’s fine.”
“So you don’t mind?”
“No. I’m good here, Adam. Go ahead.”
“You’re sure?”
“For Christ sake Adam. I’m not your mother. Do whatever you want.”
Adam paused a second, obviously taken aback at Tommy’s snappish tone. “Ok. I just wanted to let you know so you didn’t worry or anything. I’ll be back by noon tomorrow.”
Tommy shut his eyes and sighed. “Thanks for calling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He hung up and put his phone down on the end table before picking up his controller to resume the game. Neil was watching him.
“What?”
“Just wondering what was going on is all.”
“Adam just called to say he’s not coming out until tomorrow. He’s going to at party for Sutan tonight at some club and then staying at his apartment.”
“I take it that bothers you?”
Tommy shrugged. It shouldn’t have really; it wasn’t like he had any claim on Adam or any say in his social life. He wasn’t sure why it had bugged him that Adam was going out with his friends. Clubbing had never really been Tommy’s thing; now it signified a live he had no part in.
He looked up at Neil. “Adam doesn’t owe me anything. He can do as he likes.”
Neil didn’t really look convinced but he didn’t say anything more about the phone call and Tommy was thankful for that. Tommy had worked for Adam a long time; he knew when it was a good time to hold his tongue.
************************************
Adam returned to the beach the next day, Neil flew home and things settled into a routine of sorts. Adam was around a lot more; he did appear to be winding things down as promised. The downside of that was that he was now focusing his attention on Tommy, on what he ate and how he spent his time.
Tommy was willing to admit he might not be the best company, moody and introspective as he was but fuck, Adam was being a dick. Tommy could almost feel the waves of disproval emanating from Adam if he caught him eating the junk food he’d bribed Lane to bring him. It was the same if Adam came home and found Tommy napping on the deck that that there was much else to do.
Adam didn’t nap and he didn’t relax very well either. He used his downtime to lose a few pounds so he spent a lot of his free time on the treadmill or lifting weights. Just the sound of the clanking weights or the sound of Adam’s panting while he pounded out the miles on his treadmill exhausted Tommy.
When Adam wasn’t around Tommy would sit cross legged on a lounge chair and play his guitar. Those were his favourite times, when he could forget what was going on in his life and escape into the music. It was easier. Adam had a way of pushing his ideas onto Tommy that got his back up and made him push back just as determinedly. It wasn’t long before it caused friction.
One day Adam had tossed a couple books on the lounger beside him and Tommy had looked up and given him a what the fuck kind of look. He’d picked them up and read the titles, “Fit Pregnancy” and “What to Expect When You are Expecting”.
“I’m not really into reading,” he’d told Adam, tossing the books down.
“I think you should. Don’t you want to make sure you’re doing everything you should?”
Tommy shrugged noncommittally. He’d leafed through the pamphlets they’d gotten at Rose’s office. He figured he had it covered.
Adam had looked like he had more to say but Tommy made a point of plugging in his earphones and turning on his music until Adam had stomped downstairs. The books sat unopened on the sundeck for a couple days until one night Adam dragged them inside and started on Tommy again; standing between him and the movie he was watching on TV until Tommy almost threw the remote at him.
Food was another issue. Adam had been doing the cooking, making sure to produce healthy balanced meals for Tommy. Unfortunately he didn’t always ask for Tommy’s input and would hover over him to make sure he ate what was put before him, clucking over him if he didn’t finish his milk or eat all his vegetables. Although Tommy appreciated Adams efforts sometimes it drove him fucking insane.
It all came to a head over an unlikely subject, green peppers. Adam had a rare weekend off so he’d been riding Tommy pretty hard since he’d gotten up. For his own part, Tommy had become fairly adept at pushing Adam’s buttons and was using his knowledge to full advantage. He’d been playing metal as loud as he could stand until Adam switched it off with a dirty look whereupon he switched to watching Jackass because he knew Adam hated it.
Tommy had had a restless night and had been woken up early by Adam vacuuming the place. The combination had left him feeling irritable and bitchy. He’d come in from a nap on the deck and overheard Adam on the phone. When Tommy heard the flirty, seductive tone Adam was using he knew immediately that it was a booty call. Tommy recognized the sultry voice well enough, it had been directed at him enough times, except, not any more. Apparently knocking up one’s guitarist was a mood killer for Adam.
Adam had wrapped up the call quickly when Tommy had come into the room but only after agreeing to get together and promising to call back later. It had set Tommy off and he’d gotten progressively snippier with Adam as the day progressed. They’d taken pot shots at each other all afternoon and which culminated in a total meltdown over dinner.
Adam made dinner in silence although it involved much banging of pots and pans. When it was done he wheeled around and unceremoniously placed Tommy’s plate in front of him with a grim look. Tommy took one look at it and saw the stir-fry was full of green peppers, which he hated. He’d never shared that information with Adam but it pissed Tommy off even more, none the less. He pushed it away.
“I’m not hungry.”
“You still have to eat,” Adam insisted.
“I don’t like peppers.” Tommy cringed inside when he heard the petulant tone he was using. It irritated him even more.
“They’re good for you. They have lots of vitamin C.”
“I don’t care. I don’t like them.”
Adam just glared at him and then pushed the plate back. Tommy stared at it a moment, he couldn’t fucking believe it. He could feel his face flushing with emotion. He glowered at Adam and slid the plate away again, crossing his arms after he was done.
“I’m not a project you can micro-manage.”
“I’m not trying to micro-manage you. I just think you should care about what you eat, care about the baby."
“I fucking do, Adam! I’m doing the best I can, but it’s my body. I’ll eat what I want. You need to back the fuck off.”
“It’s my baby too,” Adam challenged.
“No, Adam. That’s where you’re wrong. It’s in MY body. Maybe when it comes out it’ll be yours too, but right fucking now it’s not.” He glared at Adam defiantly. “And I’m not a child. I can bloody well feed myself.”
“Maybe if you didn’t act like one,” Adam told him in his bitchiest, most condescending tone. He pushed the plate back once more and Tommy felt a new surge of anger.
He took the plate and shoved it away again, daring Adam to do anything else. Adam glared at him and his nostrils flared. He obviously wasn’t used to anyone standing up to him. He pushed the plate back in front of Tommy and looked as if he was ready to start force feeding him.
Tommy lost it. He got hold of the plate and pulled it away from Adam and then pushed it as hard as he could so that it sailed off the side of the table. It fell to the floor and shattered on the tile, leaving a trail of rice and vegetables. He glared up at Adam.
Adam didn’t say anything. He looked at the wreckage of his meal and then strode out of the room. Tommy heard his car roar to life downstairs and the sound of the garage door opening. The tires squealed when Adam threw the five litre Mustang into gear and tore off down the highway towards town.
Tommy let out a long breath and closed his eyes. The whole exchange had left him shaken. He wasn’t much of a fighter, never one for confrontations with anyone, he’d rather avoid if possible. Generally, in any of Tommy’s relationships, when things got tough, he got going. Friction meant it was time to hit the road.
He got up and carefully picked up all the pieces of glass and threw them away and then and wiped up the spoiled dinner off the floor with a dish cloth. Tommy’s eyes blurred with tears and he brushed more off his cheeks impatiently with the back of his hand while he cleaned up. Adam’s plate was still sitting there untouched so Tommy sat back down and ate what he could, pushing aside the green peppers. The rest of it actually tasted pretty good and Tommy regretted his churlish behaviour.
After dinner he lay on the couch and wondered where Adam had stormed off to, wondered if he’d go to meet whoever it had been on the phone, maybe gone to get laid. If he had, Tommy hoped it would mellow him out a bit. Maybe then he’d cut Tommy some slack. He could definitely live without Adam being up in his grill all the time. It was getting on his fucking nerves.
*************************************
Adam wasn’t home yet when Tommy got up the next morning; he didn’t get back until late in the afternoon. Tommy was on the deck playing one of his guitars when Adam came up. Tommy had really been getting into the blues the last few years and was playing one of his favourites, a Robert Johnson song.
Legend had it that the guitarist had sold his soul to the devil to be able to play so well. It was a classic; everyone from Keith Richards to Eric Clapton had done it in the past. It was haunting,and lonely and one Tommy loved to play. He sang along hesitantly in his soft voice while his guitar cried out into the void.
Well I followed her to the station
With a suitcase in my hand
Yeah, I followed her to the station
With a suitcase in my hand
Whoa, it's hard to tell, it's hard to tell
When all your love's in vain
When the train come in the station
I looked her in the eye
Well the train come in the station
And I looked her in the eye
Whoa, I felt so sad so lonesome
That I could not help but cry
When the train left the station
It had two lights on behind
Yeah, when the train left the station
It had two lights on behind
Whoa, the blue light was my baby
And the red light was my mind
All my love was in vain
All my love's in vain
Tommy was so wrapped up in it that he didn’t realize that Adam had come home and was listening to him from the doorway. When he’d finished and put his guitar down Tommy noticed Adam and looked across at him, worrying his lower lip while he tried to think of how to start. He knew he should apologize. Adam beat him to it.
Adam looked just as uncomfortable as he walked across the deck. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
Adam smiled sheepishly and sat down beside Tommy on the lounger. “I’m sorry about last night. I was a prick.”
Tommy shook his head. “I’m sorry too. You were just trying to help.”
“Yeah, but I don’t need to be like that. I was a dick about it. I can be a bit of a control freak.”
That made Tommy snort. “Ya think?” he asked in amusement.
Adam gave him a genuine smile and laughed. “Yeah, so I’ve been told.”
Tommy looked at him intently. He had something that needed saying. “Look, sometimes everyone treats me like I’m stupid, or something. But I’m not. I want to do this right, and I will. I do care.”
Adam looked down at his hands. “I’ve never thought you were stupid. Never.”
“Well, good.”
Tommy watched a gull wheel above them a moment and cleared his throat. “So, where’ve you been?”
“I went and stayed with my mom.”
“Really?”
Adam nodded. “I needed to talk to someone.”
He let out a sigh before he continued. “I want to do this right too. But you’re right. It’s your body. I’m just not very good at letting go. But I promise I’ll try. Ok?”
Tommy didn’t think he could ever remember seeing Adam look so vulnerable. He nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah. Okay.”
“But I’m still not going to eat green peppers.”
Adam smiled. “Fair enough.”
He reached across and squeezed Tommy’s hand. Afterwards he raised his hand and ran it along Tommy’s guitar where he’d placed it on the lounger. “I was listening to you play. I didn’t know you could play like that. It was amazing.”
Tommy smiled at the compliment. He’d always suspected that Adam had chosen him for the band only because of his looks, not really caring if he could play or not. It had stung at the time but it had given Tommy the determination to play better, to take lessons, to learn his craft and to live up to the hype Adam had set in motion. Unfortunately Adam had been so busy he’d never had the chance to appreciate Tommy’s labours.
“Thanks. It’s one of my favourites.”
Adam looked at him hesitantly. “Would you play it for me? I’d love to hear more of what you can do. It’s soo.......”
He trailed off and Tommy knew exactly what he was feeling. The blues did that to you. It was so raw, and real, and heartfelt that it almost left you speechless in its wake.
“Sure. Whenever you like. I love to play.”
It had been a peace offering of sort and Tommy was glad of it. They needed something to share, something they had in common to bridge their differences. They had another six months to go. It would be good if they could manage it without beating up on each other too much.
Chapter Six