Secret
Title: Secret
Pairing: Changmin / Yoochun
Genre: Romance, slight Angst
Rating: R / NC - 17 (read warning)
Length: One Shot
Warning: almost SMUT and disturbing behavior. A little TWISTED?
Disclaimer: I own DBSK, when I close my eyes.
Summary: Changmin kidnapped Yoochun.
A/N: for blocassimere and matsukisara just because :3
27.09.11 | Secret - Maroon 5
I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.
Yoochun opened his eyes slowly; feeling like his brain was pounding against his skull. He was glad the light in the room was turned off, until he realized he didn’t recognize where he was and began to panic. Did he get really drunk and passed out? Did he go home with a stranger last night? His memory stopped at being tipsy and grinding against Jaejoong on the dance floor.
Wait, he cursed as he slowly remembered, someone drugged him at the parking lot. Yoochun groaned and tried to move, only to realize his hands were cuffed above his head to the bedpost. There was a faint sound of television outside the room and light coming from under the door. He was too weak to struggle, so he lied there trying to will his headache away.
Yoochun closed his eyes again and drifted to sleep, wishing it was just a nightmare.
It wasn’t a nightmare, and Yoochun stared grudgingly at the tall man before him. The man was looking at him ever so gently, but not smiling, serving food in front of him. Yoochun sat on the bed hugging his knees to his chest, refusing to eat. His hands were still cuffed, only with longer chain that gives him enough space to move around the room.
“My name is Shim Changmin, and I hope you can start loving me from now on,” the man said. He was actually pretty good looking, if only not psychologically disturbed. He had a pair of mismatched eyes and wide smile, with toned body and long legs. His hair was cut short and spiked at the end.
Yoochun looked at him with disgust, “Let me go!”
“Not until you love me,” Changmin said and left.
Yoochun kicked the plate off the bed and screamed his lungs out, before soaking his pillow wet with tears.
Yoochun lost count of the days he had been kept there.
Changmin came to the room everyday at random times. He would always leave the door of Yoochun’s room opened so the man can see what he was doing around the apartment and Yoochun wondered what Changmin does for a living because he never left the house. When Changmin comes to the room, he would be bringing food and talk about random things, as if Yoochun would listen, or simply stood by the door watching Yoochun.
Yoochun would eat his food in silence, not commenting on anything Changmin said. Before he goes to sleep, Changmin would ask, “Do you love me?”
“Never,” Yoochun spat.
Changmin would always smile and say good night, before turning around and left.
“I have a family,” Yoochun said to his mattress as he hugged his knee to his chest. Changmin was standing by the door watching him doing nothing. “I have friends and I have a job.” Yoochun slowly looked up to meet Changmin’s eye, “My mother…she must be very worried.”
“They’re fine,” Changmin said.
“I miss them.”
“They miss you too.”
“Changmin…” Yoochun finally said his name, for the first time, pleading. “Please…”
Changmin shook his head and let Yoochun cry himself to sleep.
Yoochun woke up from a nightmare, one he couldn’t handle. He immediately screamed for Changmin, because Changmin was the first person he could think of. Changmin rushed to Yoochun’s room and found Yoochun shaking and crying on the bed. He immediately wrapped the smaller man in his arms and stroked his hair, trying to calm him. Yoochun clutched hopelessly to Changmin’s front and let the latter held him until he fell asleep.
The sleep was dreamless and warm.
Yoochun started responding to the conversations Changmin always tried to start. Changmin asked him things and Yoochun would answer, but he was still afraid to see Changmin in the eye. Looking at Changmin in the eye was dangerous, or so Yoochun thought, because the look in his eyes was so sincere he couldn’t bring himself to hate the man who had kidnapped him. It was…full of love and admiration.
Yoochun wondered what made Changmin want his love so much.
“Once,” Yoochun pleaded. “Please, just once…”
Changmin shook his head.
“You don’t understand!” Yoochun was close to tears. “Jaejoong, he…I have a bad feeling, I don’t want him to hurt himself. Please…I promise I won’t call the police or anything, I just need to make sure Jaejoong is okay!”
Changmin bit his bottom lip and walked out of the room. Yoochun fought back a sob and started muttering prayers so his best friend would be okay, that his feeling wasn’t true. A minute later, unexpectedly, Changmin showed up with Yoochun’s phone. Yoochun visibly brightened and immediately turned the phone on.
As the phone was turned on, he saw many texts and missed calls from his friends and families. It surprised him, not expecting he was that…loved. Jaejoong sent the most messages.
[Chunnie, where are you?]
[Yah, Chun! Everyone’s looking for you! Where are youuuu???]
[Chunnieeeee]
[Chunsa, you okay?]
[I’m fucking worried you asshole. Where are you!!!]
[Please please please tell me where the fuck you are. Please, Chunsa…]
[Yoochun, don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this to me. Please come back, you know I can’t live without you right?]
[I miss you.]
[Chunnie :(]
Tears unconsciously rolled down Yoochun’s cheeks. Yoochun swallowed his sobs and dialed Jaejoong’s number. “Yoochun?!” his best friend answered just after two rings.
“Hey, Jae,” Yoochun wiped his tears.
“Yoochun? Fuck, Yoochun. Fuck! Yoochun, Park Yoochun, Park fucking Yoochun!” Jaejoong started crying. “Fuck you! Where have you been?!”
Yoochun glanced at Changmin, “Well, I can’t come home now. Not yet anyway, but I’m fine and you don’t have to worry, okay?”
“What the fuck does that even mean? Tell me where you are and I’ll go there right now. Chunsa, hide and seek is never my favorite game and you know it.”
Yoochun couldn’t help but to chuckle, “I miss you, JaeJae.”
“Then come home,” Jaejoong pleaded desperately. “Please…”
“Soon,” Yoochun said, more to Changmin than Jaejoong. “Soon, but promise me not to do anything stupid okay?”
“I…” Jaejoong admitted, voice barely a whisper.
“Don’t. Wait for me to come back, okay? Tell my family not to worry. You know I love you right?”
“Of course, I love you too. And come home soon, because I met an extremely hot cutie pie with great round ass that I’d like you to meet.”
Yoochun chuckled again, “Soon, Jae.” Changmin cleared his throat and opened his palm. Yoochun sighed, “I have to go. Take care okay?”
“You better come back soon, fucker,” Jaejoong sobbed. “I’m so glad you’re okay…I thought you were dead!”
“Yah, I’m healthy and kicking! Promise to be okay until I come back, okay?” Yoochun said with a smile. “Bye,” he disconnected and turned off the phone again before handing it to Changmin. Changmin took the phone and put it in his pocket. Yoochun covered his face with his hands and tried to stop his tears. “Thank you for trusting me,” Yoochun said.
Changmin nodded and left the room.
“Why didn’t you just take it?”
“What?”
“Me, why didn’t you just rape me and let me go?”
“That’s not what I want.”
Yoochun woke up and Changmin was nowhere in sight. His cuffs were opened and he could freely walk outside the room. Yoochun slowly stepped outside and looked around, the apartment was tidy and simple. He went to the kitchen in search of breakfast and found foods on the table. He sat and ate, then went to explore the kitchen more and made tea for himself.
He explored the apartment more, going through Changmin’s study and found a lot of heavy books on his shelves. There was a computer with multiple LCDs in his desk and Yoochun figured from the papers and books that Changmin is a programmer. No wonder he barely goes out, he can work from home. Changmin’s room was locked, though, and Yoochun was sort of disappointed, wanting to see what’s inside. Yoochun finally ran out of places to observe and settled on the couch, watching the TV.
At noon, the door opened and Changmin came home. He seemed surprised to see Yoochun on his living room, but didn’t say anything. “What?” Yoochun asked.
“I…I didn’t lock the front door…” Changmin’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh,” Yoochun felt stupid for not trying out the door. Why didn’t he try the door the first thing in the morning? “I didn’t realize…”
Changmin smiled happily but didn’t say anything, walking to the kitchen and unloaded the grocery he brought. Yoochun felt his stomach growled and followed Changmin, “What’s for dinner?”
He had no idea when sleeping in Changmin’s arm became a routine, but Yoochun wasn’t complaining. He had no idea why he wasn’t fucking screaming his lungs out already when Changmin touches him. Changmin never forgot to lock the front door, considering himself lucky Yoochun hadn’t run away, but never cuffed Yoochun anymore. Yoochun didn’t fight back, realizing it was useless, and started cooperating. The more he makes Changmin happy, the sooner he gets out, he thought.
Just before the last strand of Yoochun’s consciousness slipped away, Changmin asked again, as he always does, “Do you love me?”
“No,” Yoochun mumbled with closed eyes and snuggled closer to Changmin. “Not yet.”
“If I tell you I love you, you’ll let me leave?”
Changmin stared at Yoochun, searching his eyes. After some time he finally nodded, “I will.”
Yoochun opened his mouth but nothing came out. He closed it again and averted his gaze. He couldn’t bring himself to lie, couldn’t find the heart to hurt Changmin because he would know it was a lie.
He went to his room and slammed the door behind him.
Changmin was dead tired; Yoochun figured he hadn’t been sleeping too much. The taller climbed to the spot next to Yoochun and collapsed immediately, and he didn’t get to ask if Yoochun loves him.
Yoochun pulled the comforter up to Changmin’s shoulder, making sure he is warm. He caresses Changmin’s head a few times before making himself comfortable under the comforter next to Changmin. “Not…yet,” he whispered and planted a small kiss on Changmin’s forehead.
Changmin went out again, and came home late reeked of alcohol.
Yoochun had purposely stayed up late, waiting for Changmin. The latter doesn’t usually go out, if ever, and when he didn’t come back passed dinnertime Yoochun started worrying. Changmin stumbled through the door and Yoochun rushed to help him, carrying him to his room because Changmin’s, as always, was locked.
Changmin groaned and fell to unconscious as soon as he hit the mattress, while Yoochun undressed him, leaving only the T-shirt underneath the shirt he was wearing and boxers. He went to the kitchen to search for medication but couldn’t find any, so he simply brought Changmin a glass of milk. He tried to wake and feed Changmin, but to no avail and finally gave up.
Yoochun shook his head at Changmin. After he went to fix Changmin’s mess, he turned off the lights and climbed to the spot next to Changmin. Yoochun couldn’t sleep, watching Changmin’s sleeping face. The guy looked too young and Yoochun wondered how old Changmin really is. His eyelids fluttered and he mumbled something Yoochun couldn’t quite understand.
A pair of strong arms unexpectedly wrapped around him and pulled him closer. Yoochun didn’t mind, burying his face on the crook of Changmin’s neck.
He sighed, “Why did you do this, Changmin-ah?”
Changmin mumbled, “Because I love you…” he slowly opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Yoochun. Yoochun felt like he drowned in the pair of brown orbs.
He bit his lower lip, but didn’t move away when Changmin leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Yoochun whimpered, confused and scared, while Changmin hummed into Yoochun’s lips, slipping his tongue into Yoochun’s mouth. Yoochun felt like he had no choice but to let Changmin deepened the kiss, slowly kissing back. Changmin moved until he was on top of Yoochun, pinning the smaller man into the bed, and rolled his hips. Yoochun moaned when he felt Changmin’s erection on his thigh, feeling his own cock hardening.
Changmin’s hand slipped into Yoochun’s T-shirt and caressed his side. Yoochun moaned and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck, pulling him closer. Changmin bit Yoochun’s lower lips, sucking it into his mouth, before moving the kiss down to Yoochun’s neck. Yoochun’s fingers tangled in Changmin’s hair, knowing perfectly well he should be stopping the man but instead encouraging him to do more.
Changmin pulled away just enough to pull Yoochun’s shirt above his head and crashed their lips once more. He sucked on one of Yoochun’s nipple and played it with his tongue, making the man under him a complete pile of mush. Yoochun wrapped his legs around Changmin’s waist, urging the man closer. Changmin’s hand slipped into Yoochun’s sweatpants, but Yoochun was suddenly pulled back to realization.
He grabbed Changmin’s wrist to stop him, “Don’t-”
Yoochun’s words were cut as he met Changmin’s eyes. Changmin looked at him with so much emotion, so much sadness. His eyes glistened with tears in the minimal light of the room, lips trembling. Yoochun felt his heart clenched on his chest, suddenly suffocating him.
“Yoochun,” Changmin whispered and buried his face on Yoochun’s neck. “I love you.”
Yoochun’s breath caught.
“Don’t leave me, please…” Changmin pleaded, “Please…”
Yoochun wrapped his arms around Changmin’s shoulder, letting the latter cry. He stroked Changmin’s hair until he calmed down and fell to sleep. Even as he heard Changmin’s breathing evened, Yoochun didn’t let go of his hold on him.
“I wont,” Yoochun whispered to the sleeping Changmin, “I wont.”
Yoochun walked to the kitchen to find Changmin on the table, cupping a mug of tea. From the color of his face, Yoochun could guess he was nursing a very bad hangover. Changmin looked up at him with a weak smile before turning back to his tea. Yoochun poured himself the leftover tea and sat across from Changmin. They sipped their teas in silence.
“I’m sorry,” Changmin said. “Whatever I did last night, please forgive me…”
“You didn’t do anything,” Yoochun shrugged, eyes avoiding Changmin’s. He was a bit disappointed Changmin didn’t remember, but he told himself it would be the better. “Want breakfast?”
Changmin shook his head and Yoochun got up to toast bread for himself. As he cooked, he could feel Changmin’s eyes on his back, but he decided to ignore it. He felt miserable without knowing the reason, and he took a deep breath before letting it go to remove the dead weight pressing on his heart, making it hard to breath. Changmin had left and went to his room when Yoochun finished his omelet, leaving the latter to eat alone. Yoochun lost his appetite but he kept eating anyway.
After eating and washing the dishes Yoochun went back to his room to find a moleskine and a pen on his bed. He picked it up and opened it, finding a note from Changmin. I know you like writing. I should have given you this earlier, I’m sorry.
Yoochun swallowed the lump on his throat. He picked up the pen and started writing, turning every suffocating breath into words. He continued writing, documenting the first day he had been kidnapped to where he was now, how he felt, how he missed Jaejoong, how he wondered who Changmin is and what is in his head all the time…how tired he was of guessing the other and when he would see his family and friends again. Tears rolled down his cheeks, but he wiped it with the back of his hand and continued writing.
…I couldn’t wait to get out…………couldn’t leave… He needs me, or I need him?.........he said he loves me…gave me attention……I miss Jaejoong………Mother, Yoohwan… I have to go! My life…….what life?
He said he loves me.
…I love-
Yoochun bit his lip against a sob. He closed the moleskine and hugged his knees to his chest, hiding his face on it. He cried and cried, cursing himself, cursing Changmin… cursing whoever is responsible for this.
He wiped his tears and calmed himself down after what felt like hours.
After wearing himself out thinking and crying, he had come into a conclusion.
Yes, he’s in love with Changmin.
Yoochun prepared dinner and when he’s done, after making sure his eyes were not swollen, he knocked on Changmin’s door to call him. There was no answer, even after the third time Yoochun was knocking, so he tried pushing the handle. Turned out the door wasn’t locked. He pushed it open and peaked in, eyes landing on Changmin’s sleeping figure on the bed. He was leaning to the headboard with a book opened on his lap.
Pushing the door wider, Yoochun stepped into the room and walked over to Changmin. He was about to wake Changmin up when something from his left caught his eyes. It was Changmin’s pin board, hung on the wall above his desk; the board was filled with Yoochun’s pictures.
Yoochun’s eyes widened as he walked over to the board, all pictures were taken by Changmin himself as Yoochun didn’t recognize any. He figured Changmin had been following him around, to his working place and even at home or clubs, and there were small dates at the bottom of each picture. The oldest picture was dated 6 years ago.
He turned to the books opened at Changmin’s desk. There was a notebook full of his schedules, his favorite restaurants and clubs, the movies or songs he likes, and even information on his closest friends. The other book opened was his high school yearbook, right on the page where his picture was. His face didn’t change much since graduation, which was 6 years ago.
6 years ago?
Yoochun flipped over the pages, searching for names, and stopped a few pages after his picture. The name under the small box of picture was Shim Changmin, but he didn’t look anything like he is now. Changmin there had a mop of hair and thick glasses. He was wearing braces, and Yoochun remembered crossing the tall and lanky nerd in hallways without giving him much attentions.
They had the same English class; the only class Yoochun topped, which explained how Changmin knew Yoochun likes writing.
“Shim Changmin…” Yoochun picked the book up, his fingers trembling. How could he not remember? The book slipped from his grasp and landed with the floor with a thud. Yoochun felt his body shaking with something more than only fear… shock, disappointment, even a little bit of happiness.
He didn’t even realize when Changmin had woken up and wrapped his long arms around him from the back. “I’m sorry,” the taller whispered on Yoochun’s ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you earlier.”
Yoochun pushed him away, “You’re sick!”
“I’m in love!” Changmin argued.
“No you’re not, Changmin, you’re obsessed! This is wrong!”
Yoochun walked away but Changmin grabbed his arm harshly. “You have no idea how I felt all these years,” he said through gritted teeth and Yoochun winced a little at his pained arm. “How does it feel when the person you’ve loved for years doesn’t even recognize you? Doesn’t even care?”
“You could’ve-”
“What? Told you?” Changmin scoffed, “Like you wouldn’t laugh at my face, Yoochun, like Jaejoong wouldn’t make a big banner over it and humiliate me in front of the whole school.”
Yoochun shook his hand off and ran to the front door, grabbing the keys on Changmin’s desk on his way. Changmin let him go, he had lost his hope anyway. Yoochun found his shoes on the rack and without caring, he walked out, walked away, and made up his mind he would never come back. Changmin can go fuck himself in a mental asylum.
The first place he went to was Jaejoong’s. Jaejoong took Yoochun in without questioning him, but Yoochun burst into tears the moment Jaejoong held him. Slightly shaking, he told Jaejoong everything about Changmin. Jaejoong told him he had been gone for almost three months and he had successfully convinced Yoochun’s family to take back their report to the police. He also helped Yoochun calm down and make up stories to tell to everyone later on about his disappearing act. He actually prefers Yoochun reporting Changmin to the police, but Yoochun refused.
“Hm,” Jaejoong nodded as he put a cup of warm tea in front of Yoochun to help him calm down.
Yoochun reached the cup with slightly shaking hands. “What?”
“You fell for him, didn’t you?” Jaejoong smiled.
Yoochun almost choked on his tea.
“You did!” Jaejoong mused aloud. “Considering he’s been nice and all-”
“Jaejoong, he’s insane!” Yoochun glared at his best friend.
Jaejoong shrugged, “I thought love’s insane, Chunsa. You’ve always been the hopeless romantic here.”
“Jaejoong, don’t.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Him,” Yoochun emphasized, “The guy who kidnapped me and locked me up for three months.”
“As annoying as I may sound, I admit I would have humiliated him if he ever confessed to you in high school,” Jaejoong grinned. “What are you afraid of, really? Him, or admitting that you love him? Cause all I see is a guy fighting for his love.”
Yoochun ignored the question and continued sipping on his tea. Jaejoong finally gave up trying to convince Yoochun to forgive Changmin because even if he doesn’t know Changmin that well, he knew for sure his soulmate is in love with the man. Yoochun stayed the night at Jaejoong’s before coming home the next day to his family. Everyone wondered where he went, but Yoochun only smiled at them, refusing to answer. They stopped pushing and everything went back to normal. Yoochun kept the best three months of life with Changmin a secret only he, Jaejoong, and Changmin knows.
Then life goes on…
…for exactly a year.
Yoochun ran into Changmin in a bookstore after twelve months of trying to erase the -horrible, he insisted upon himself- memories of the man from his head. They stared at each other for a while before Changmin averted his gaze first, hiding pained expression. He turned away and headed to another section in the store while Yoochun’s feet were planted where he stood. He was hurt by Changmin’s action, and hurt for Changmin as well, but at the same time he was angry. How dare Changmin act like he didn’t know him after fucking up his life?
Yoochun stormed after the man and grabbed his arm, spinning him around until Changmin was facing him. “How dare you-” Changmin looked at him questioningly, a bit shocked by Yoochun’s outburst, and Yoochun lost his words. “You- Changmin-” Yoochun took a deep breath and sighed, he even forgot why he was mad the moment he saw those hazel eyes.
Changmin sighed as well and reached into his bag. He took the small object out and handed it to Yoochun. It was Yoochun’s moleskine.
“I didn’t read it,” Changmin said. “I’m too much of a coward, even now,” he smiled wryly.
Yoochun scoffed as he took it, wrote down his number, and shoved it back to Changmin. “Grow some balls and find me when you finally have one.”
“Yoochun, I-”
“Don’t you dare!” Yoochun hissed, “You kidnapped me and locked me up for almost three months, messing up with my life and my heart. You have to take responsibility for this!”
Changmin smiled at the words, “Do you love me now?”
“I do, bastard,” Yoochun spat.
With that, Yoochun kicked Changmin on the shin and walked away for the second time, leaving the taller man crouched on the floor in pain.
However, this time, he walked away with a promise that Changmin would come after him, braver than before.
***
Do not take any posts from this journal and post it somewhere else without permission as well as proper credit.
Comments are loved <3
Pairing: Changmin / Yoochun
Genre: Romance, slight Angst
Rating: R / NC - 17 (read warning)
Length: One Shot
Warning: almost SMUT and disturbing behavior. A little TWISTED?
Disclaimer: I own DBSK, when I close my eyes.
Summary: Changmin kidnapped Yoochun.
A/N: for blocassimere and matsukisara just because :3
27.09.11 | Secret - Maroon 5
I know I don’t know you, but I want you so bad.
Yoochun opened his eyes slowly; feeling like his brain was pounding against his skull. He was glad the light in the room was turned off, until he realized he didn’t recognize where he was and began to panic. Did he get really drunk and passed out? Did he go home with a stranger last night? His memory stopped at being tipsy and grinding against Jaejoong on the dance floor.
Wait, he cursed as he slowly remembered, someone drugged him at the parking lot. Yoochun groaned and tried to move, only to realize his hands were cuffed above his head to the bedpost. There was a faint sound of television outside the room and light coming from under the door. He was too weak to struggle, so he lied there trying to will his headache away.
Yoochun closed his eyes again and drifted to sleep, wishing it was just a nightmare.
It wasn’t a nightmare, and Yoochun stared grudgingly at the tall man before him. The man was looking at him ever so gently, but not smiling, serving food in front of him. Yoochun sat on the bed hugging his knees to his chest, refusing to eat. His hands were still cuffed, only with longer chain that gives him enough space to move around the room.
“My name is Shim Changmin, and I hope you can start loving me from now on,” the man said. He was actually pretty good looking, if only not psychologically disturbed. He had a pair of mismatched eyes and wide smile, with toned body and long legs. His hair was cut short and spiked at the end.
Yoochun looked at him with disgust, “Let me go!”
“Not until you love me,” Changmin said and left.
Yoochun kicked the plate off the bed and screamed his lungs out, before soaking his pillow wet with tears.
Yoochun lost count of the days he had been kept there.
Changmin came to the room everyday at random times. He would always leave the door of Yoochun’s room opened so the man can see what he was doing around the apartment and Yoochun wondered what Changmin does for a living because he never left the house. When Changmin comes to the room, he would be bringing food and talk about random things, as if Yoochun would listen, or simply stood by the door watching Yoochun.
Yoochun would eat his food in silence, not commenting on anything Changmin said. Before he goes to sleep, Changmin would ask, “Do you love me?”
“Never,” Yoochun spat.
Changmin would always smile and say good night, before turning around and left.
“I have a family,” Yoochun said to his mattress as he hugged his knee to his chest. Changmin was standing by the door watching him doing nothing. “I have friends and I have a job.” Yoochun slowly looked up to meet Changmin’s eye, “My mother…she must be very worried.”
“They’re fine,” Changmin said.
“I miss them.”
“They miss you too.”
“Changmin…” Yoochun finally said his name, for the first time, pleading. “Please…”
Changmin shook his head and let Yoochun cry himself to sleep.
Yoochun woke up from a nightmare, one he couldn’t handle. He immediately screamed for Changmin, because Changmin was the first person he could think of. Changmin rushed to Yoochun’s room and found Yoochun shaking and crying on the bed. He immediately wrapped the smaller man in his arms and stroked his hair, trying to calm him. Yoochun clutched hopelessly to Changmin’s front and let the latter held him until he fell asleep.
The sleep was dreamless and warm.
Yoochun started responding to the conversations Changmin always tried to start. Changmin asked him things and Yoochun would answer, but he was still afraid to see Changmin in the eye. Looking at Changmin in the eye was dangerous, or so Yoochun thought, because the look in his eyes was so sincere he couldn’t bring himself to hate the man who had kidnapped him. It was…full of love and admiration.
Yoochun wondered what made Changmin want his love so much.
“Once,” Yoochun pleaded. “Please, just once…”
Changmin shook his head.
“You don’t understand!” Yoochun was close to tears. “Jaejoong, he…I have a bad feeling, I don’t want him to hurt himself. Please…I promise I won’t call the police or anything, I just need to make sure Jaejoong is okay!”
Changmin bit his bottom lip and walked out of the room. Yoochun fought back a sob and started muttering prayers so his best friend would be okay, that his feeling wasn’t true. A minute later, unexpectedly, Changmin showed up with Yoochun’s phone. Yoochun visibly brightened and immediately turned the phone on.
As the phone was turned on, he saw many texts and missed calls from his friends and families. It surprised him, not expecting he was that…loved. Jaejoong sent the most messages.
[Chunnie, where are you?]
[Yah, Chun! Everyone’s looking for you! Where are youuuu???]
[Chunnieeeee]
[Chunsa, you okay?]
[I’m fucking worried you asshole. Where are you!!!]
[Please please please tell me where the fuck you are. Please, Chunsa…]
[Yoochun, don’t do this to me. Please don’t do this to me. Please come back, you know I can’t live without you right?]
[I miss you.]
[Chunnie :(]
Tears unconsciously rolled down Yoochun’s cheeks. Yoochun swallowed his sobs and dialed Jaejoong’s number. “Yoochun?!” his best friend answered just after two rings.
“Hey, Jae,” Yoochun wiped his tears.
“Yoochun? Fuck, Yoochun. Fuck! Yoochun, Park Yoochun, Park fucking Yoochun!” Jaejoong started crying. “Fuck you! Where have you been?!”
Yoochun glanced at Changmin, “Well, I can’t come home now. Not yet anyway, but I’m fine and you don’t have to worry, okay?”
“What the fuck does that even mean? Tell me where you are and I’ll go there right now. Chunsa, hide and seek is never my favorite game and you know it.”
Yoochun couldn’t help but to chuckle, “I miss you, JaeJae.”
“Then come home,” Jaejoong pleaded desperately. “Please…”
“Soon,” Yoochun said, more to Changmin than Jaejoong. “Soon, but promise me not to do anything stupid okay?”
“I…” Jaejoong admitted, voice barely a whisper.
“Don’t. Wait for me to come back, okay? Tell my family not to worry. You know I love you right?”
“Of course, I love you too. And come home soon, because I met an extremely hot cutie pie with great round ass that I’d like you to meet.”
Yoochun chuckled again, “Soon, Jae.” Changmin cleared his throat and opened his palm. Yoochun sighed, “I have to go. Take care okay?”
“You better come back soon, fucker,” Jaejoong sobbed. “I’m so glad you’re okay…I thought you were dead!”
“Yah, I’m healthy and kicking! Promise to be okay until I come back, okay?” Yoochun said with a smile. “Bye,” he disconnected and turned off the phone again before handing it to Changmin. Changmin took the phone and put it in his pocket. Yoochun covered his face with his hands and tried to stop his tears. “Thank you for trusting me,” Yoochun said.
Changmin nodded and left the room.
“Why didn’t you just take it?”
“What?”
“Me, why didn’t you just rape me and let me go?”
“That’s not what I want.”
Yoochun woke up and Changmin was nowhere in sight. His cuffs were opened and he could freely walk outside the room. Yoochun slowly stepped outside and looked around, the apartment was tidy and simple. He went to the kitchen in search of breakfast and found foods on the table. He sat and ate, then went to explore the kitchen more and made tea for himself.
He explored the apartment more, going through Changmin’s study and found a lot of heavy books on his shelves. There was a computer with multiple LCDs in his desk and Yoochun figured from the papers and books that Changmin is a programmer. No wonder he barely goes out, he can work from home. Changmin’s room was locked, though, and Yoochun was sort of disappointed, wanting to see what’s inside. Yoochun finally ran out of places to observe and settled on the couch, watching the TV.
At noon, the door opened and Changmin came home. He seemed surprised to see Yoochun on his living room, but didn’t say anything. “What?” Yoochun asked.
“I…I didn’t lock the front door…” Changmin’s eyes narrowed.
“Oh,” Yoochun felt stupid for not trying out the door. Why didn’t he try the door the first thing in the morning? “I didn’t realize…”
Changmin smiled happily but didn’t say anything, walking to the kitchen and unloaded the grocery he brought. Yoochun felt his stomach growled and followed Changmin, “What’s for dinner?”
He had no idea when sleeping in Changmin’s arm became a routine, but Yoochun wasn’t complaining. He had no idea why he wasn’t fucking screaming his lungs out already when Changmin touches him. Changmin never forgot to lock the front door, considering himself lucky Yoochun hadn’t run away, but never cuffed Yoochun anymore. Yoochun didn’t fight back, realizing it was useless, and started cooperating. The more he makes Changmin happy, the sooner he gets out, he thought.
Just before the last strand of Yoochun’s consciousness slipped away, Changmin asked again, as he always does, “Do you love me?”
“No,” Yoochun mumbled with closed eyes and snuggled closer to Changmin. “Not yet.”
“If I tell you I love you, you’ll let me leave?”
Changmin stared at Yoochun, searching his eyes. After some time he finally nodded, “I will.”
Yoochun opened his mouth but nothing came out. He closed it again and averted his gaze. He couldn’t bring himself to lie, couldn’t find the heart to hurt Changmin because he would know it was a lie.
He went to his room and slammed the door behind him.
Changmin was dead tired; Yoochun figured he hadn’t been sleeping too much. The taller climbed to the spot next to Yoochun and collapsed immediately, and he didn’t get to ask if Yoochun loves him.
Yoochun pulled the comforter up to Changmin’s shoulder, making sure he is warm. He caresses Changmin’s head a few times before making himself comfortable under the comforter next to Changmin. “Not…yet,” he whispered and planted a small kiss on Changmin’s forehead.
Changmin went out again, and came home late reeked of alcohol.
Yoochun had purposely stayed up late, waiting for Changmin. The latter doesn’t usually go out, if ever, and when he didn’t come back passed dinnertime Yoochun started worrying. Changmin stumbled through the door and Yoochun rushed to help him, carrying him to his room because Changmin’s, as always, was locked.
Changmin groaned and fell to unconscious as soon as he hit the mattress, while Yoochun undressed him, leaving only the T-shirt underneath the shirt he was wearing and boxers. He went to the kitchen to search for medication but couldn’t find any, so he simply brought Changmin a glass of milk. He tried to wake and feed Changmin, but to no avail and finally gave up.
Yoochun shook his head at Changmin. After he went to fix Changmin’s mess, he turned off the lights and climbed to the spot next to Changmin. Yoochun couldn’t sleep, watching Changmin’s sleeping face. The guy looked too young and Yoochun wondered how old Changmin really is. His eyelids fluttered and he mumbled something Yoochun couldn’t quite understand.
A pair of strong arms unexpectedly wrapped around him and pulled him closer. Yoochun didn’t mind, burying his face on the crook of Changmin’s neck.
He sighed, “Why did you do this, Changmin-ah?”
Changmin mumbled, “Because I love you…” he slowly opened his eyes and locked his gaze with Yoochun. Yoochun felt like he drowned in the pair of brown orbs.
He bit his lower lip, but didn’t move away when Changmin leaned forward and pressed their lips together. Yoochun whimpered, confused and scared, while Changmin hummed into Yoochun’s lips, slipping his tongue into Yoochun’s mouth. Yoochun felt like he had no choice but to let Changmin deepened the kiss, slowly kissing back. Changmin moved until he was on top of Yoochun, pinning the smaller man into the bed, and rolled his hips. Yoochun moaned when he felt Changmin’s erection on his thigh, feeling his own cock hardening.
Changmin’s hand slipped into Yoochun’s T-shirt and caressed his side. Yoochun moaned and wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck, pulling him closer. Changmin bit Yoochun’s lower lips, sucking it into his mouth, before moving the kiss down to Yoochun’s neck. Yoochun’s fingers tangled in Changmin’s hair, knowing perfectly well he should be stopping the man but instead encouraging him to do more.
Changmin pulled away just enough to pull Yoochun’s shirt above his head and crashed their lips once more. He sucked on one of Yoochun’s nipple and played it with his tongue, making the man under him a complete pile of mush. Yoochun wrapped his legs around Changmin’s waist, urging the man closer. Changmin’s hand slipped into Yoochun’s sweatpants, but Yoochun was suddenly pulled back to realization.
He grabbed Changmin’s wrist to stop him, “Don’t-”
Yoochun’s words were cut as he met Changmin’s eyes. Changmin looked at him with so much emotion, so much sadness. His eyes glistened with tears in the minimal light of the room, lips trembling. Yoochun felt his heart clenched on his chest, suddenly suffocating him.
“Yoochun,” Changmin whispered and buried his face on Yoochun’s neck. “I love you.”
Yoochun’s breath caught.
“Don’t leave me, please…” Changmin pleaded, “Please…”
Yoochun wrapped his arms around Changmin’s shoulder, letting the latter cry. He stroked Changmin’s hair until he calmed down and fell to sleep. Even as he heard Changmin’s breathing evened, Yoochun didn’t let go of his hold on him.
“I wont,” Yoochun whispered to the sleeping Changmin, “I wont.”
Yoochun walked to the kitchen to find Changmin on the table, cupping a mug of tea. From the color of his face, Yoochun could guess he was nursing a very bad hangover. Changmin looked up at him with a weak smile before turning back to his tea. Yoochun poured himself the leftover tea and sat across from Changmin. They sipped their teas in silence.
“I’m sorry,” Changmin said. “Whatever I did last night, please forgive me…”
“You didn’t do anything,” Yoochun shrugged, eyes avoiding Changmin’s. He was a bit disappointed Changmin didn’t remember, but he told himself it would be the better. “Want breakfast?”
Changmin shook his head and Yoochun got up to toast bread for himself. As he cooked, he could feel Changmin’s eyes on his back, but he decided to ignore it. He felt miserable without knowing the reason, and he took a deep breath before letting it go to remove the dead weight pressing on his heart, making it hard to breath. Changmin had left and went to his room when Yoochun finished his omelet, leaving the latter to eat alone. Yoochun lost his appetite but he kept eating anyway.
After eating and washing the dishes Yoochun went back to his room to find a moleskine and a pen on his bed. He picked it up and opened it, finding a note from Changmin. I know you like writing. I should have given you this earlier, I’m sorry.
Yoochun swallowed the lump on his throat. He picked up the pen and started writing, turning every suffocating breath into words. He continued writing, documenting the first day he had been kidnapped to where he was now, how he felt, how he missed Jaejoong, how he wondered who Changmin is and what is in his head all the time…how tired he was of guessing the other and when he would see his family and friends again. Tears rolled down his cheeks, but he wiped it with the back of his hand and continued writing.
…I couldn’t wait to get out…………couldn’t leave… He needs me, or I need him?.........he said he loves me…gave me attention……I miss Jaejoong………Mother, Yoohwan… I have to go! My life…….what life?
He said he loves me.
…I love-
Yoochun bit his lip against a sob. He closed the moleskine and hugged his knees to his chest, hiding his face on it. He cried and cried, cursing himself, cursing Changmin… cursing whoever is responsible for this.
He wiped his tears and calmed himself down after what felt like hours.
After wearing himself out thinking and crying, he had come into a conclusion.
Yes, he’s in love with Changmin.
Yoochun prepared dinner and when he’s done, after making sure his eyes were not swollen, he knocked on Changmin’s door to call him. There was no answer, even after the third time Yoochun was knocking, so he tried pushing the handle. Turned out the door wasn’t locked. He pushed it open and peaked in, eyes landing on Changmin’s sleeping figure on the bed. He was leaning to the headboard with a book opened on his lap.
Pushing the door wider, Yoochun stepped into the room and walked over to Changmin. He was about to wake Changmin up when something from his left caught his eyes. It was Changmin’s pin board, hung on the wall above his desk; the board was filled with Yoochun’s pictures.
Yoochun’s eyes widened as he walked over to the board, all pictures were taken by Changmin himself as Yoochun didn’t recognize any. He figured Changmin had been following him around, to his working place and even at home or clubs, and there were small dates at the bottom of each picture. The oldest picture was dated 6 years ago.
He turned to the books opened at Changmin’s desk. There was a notebook full of his schedules, his favorite restaurants and clubs, the movies or songs he likes, and even information on his closest friends. The other book opened was his high school yearbook, right on the page where his picture was. His face didn’t change much since graduation, which was 6 years ago.
6 years ago?
Yoochun flipped over the pages, searching for names, and stopped a few pages after his picture. The name under the small box of picture was Shim Changmin, but he didn’t look anything like he is now. Changmin there had a mop of hair and thick glasses. He was wearing braces, and Yoochun remembered crossing the tall and lanky nerd in hallways without giving him much attentions.
They had the same English class; the only class Yoochun topped, which explained how Changmin knew Yoochun likes writing.
“Shim Changmin…” Yoochun picked the book up, his fingers trembling. How could he not remember? The book slipped from his grasp and landed with the floor with a thud. Yoochun felt his body shaking with something more than only fear… shock, disappointment, even a little bit of happiness.
He didn’t even realize when Changmin had woken up and wrapped his long arms around him from the back. “I’m sorry,” the taller whispered on Yoochun’s ear. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you earlier.”
Yoochun pushed him away, “You’re sick!”
“I’m in love!” Changmin argued.
“No you’re not, Changmin, you’re obsessed! This is wrong!”
Yoochun walked away but Changmin grabbed his arm harshly. “You have no idea how I felt all these years,” he said through gritted teeth and Yoochun winced a little at his pained arm. “How does it feel when the person you’ve loved for years doesn’t even recognize you? Doesn’t even care?”
“You could’ve-”
“What? Told you?” Changmin scoffed, “Like you wouldn’t laugh at my face, Yoochun, like Jaejoong wouldn’t make a big banner over it and humiliate me in front of the whole school.”
Yoochun shook his hand off and ran to the front door, grabbing the keys on Changmin’s desk on his way. Changmin let him go, he had lost his hope anyway. Yoochun found his shoes on the rack and without caring, he walked out, walked away, and made up his mind he would never come back. Changmin can go fuck himself in a mental asylum.
The first place he went to was Jaejoong’s. Jaejoong took Yoochun in without questioning him, but Yoochun burst into tears the moment Jaejoong held him. Slightly shaking, he told Jaejoong everything about Changmin. Jaejoong told him he had been gone for almost three months and he had successfully convinced Yoochun’s family to take back their report to the police. He also helped Yoochun calm down and make up stories to tell to everyone later on about his disappearing act. He actually prefers Yoochun reporting Changmin to the police, but Yoochun refused.
“Hm,” Jaejoong nodded as he put a cup of warm tea in front of Yoochun to help him calm down.
Yoochun reached the cup with slightly shaking hands. “What?”
“You fell for him, didn’t you?” Jaejoong smiled.
Yoochun almost choked on his tea.
“You did!” Jaejoong mused aloud. “Considering he’s been nice and all-”
“Jaejoong, he’s insane!” Yoochun glared at his best friend.
Jaejoong shrugged, “I thought love’s insane, Chunsa. You’ve always been the hopeless romantic here.”
“Jaejoong, don’t.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“Him,” Yoochun emphasized, “The guy who kidnapped me and locked me up for three months.”
“As annoying as I may sound, I admit I would have humiliated him if he ever confessed to you in high school,” Jaejoong grinned. “What are you afraid of, really? Him, or admitting that you love him? Cause all I see is a guy fighting for his love.”
Yoochun ignored the question and continued sipping on his tea. Jaejoong finally gave up trying to convince Yoochun to forgive Changmin because even if he doesn’t know Changmin that well, he knew for sure his soulmate is in love with the man. Yoochun stayed the night at Jaejoong’s before coming home the next day to his family. Everyone wondered where he went, but Yoochun only smiled at them, refusing to answer. They stopped pushing and everything went back to normal. Yoochun kept the best three months of life with Changmin a secret only he, Jaejoong, and Changmin knows.
Then life goes on…
…for exactly a year.
Yoochun ran into Changmin in a bookstore after twelve months of trying to erase the -horrible, he insisted upon himself- memories of the man from his head. They stared at each other for a while before Changmin averted his gaze first, hiding pained expression. He turned away and headed to another section in the store while Yoochun’s feet were planted where he stood. He was hurt by Changmin’s action, and hurt for Changmin as well, but at the same time he was angry. How dare Changmin act like he didn’t know him after fucking up his life?
Yoochun stormed after the man and grabbed his arm, spinning him around until Changmin was facing him. “How dare you-” Changmin looked at him questioningly, a bit shocked by Yoochun’s outburst, and Yoochun lost his words. “You- Changmin-” Yoochun took a deep breath and sighed, he even forgot why he was mad the moment he saw those hazel eyes.
Changmin sighed as well and reached into his bag. He took the small object out and handed it to Yoochun. It was Yoochun’s moleskine.
“I didn’t read it,” Changmin said. “I’m too much of a coward, even now,” he smiled wryly.
Yoochun scoffed as he took it, wrote down his number, and shoved it back to Changmin. “Grow some balls and find me when you finally have one.”
“Yoochun, I-”
“Don’t you dare!” Yoochun hissed, “You kidnapped me and locked me up for almost three months, messing up with my life and my heart. You have to take responsibility for this!”
Changmin smiled at the words, “Do you love me now?”
“I do, bastard,” Yoochun spat.
With that, Yoochun kicked Changmin on the shin and walked away for the second time, leaving the taller man crouched on the floor in pain.
However, this time, he walked away with a promise that Changmin would come after him, braver than before.
***
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