►017. how it's never real, how you're never you

[fingeredheart]

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you wish to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue

Comments

[anonymous]

Sometimes I just want run away, to somehow end all this, to scream loudly and transport myself to the future where I am free and know who I am. To be dependable, confident, responsible, mature; to not feel second-rate to everyone I meet. To be in control and be happy. To not have to go through the pain of love that I don't want to feel, to not have to question my sexuality. To not have to worry about my mother, or how I'm ever going to leave her. Stress at school and stress at home is almost at the same level, and my place for comfort isn't all that comfortable anymore. The only thing keeping me above all this is that it will pass, soon.

Sorry for spilling all that on you ~.~ Good luck for your piano concert! You are the complete opposite of failure. ♥

[fingeredheart]

I feel you, anon. Sometimes, I wish I could transport myself into the future too, and not be burdened by the pressure I put on myself every day. I hope things begin to look up for you at home as well as at school, and please know I'm always here for you. You can make it through, bb. ♥

[death_note13]

HI JEN!

Uhm, not going anon because I'm trying to not hide behing anon I'm lazy.

sometimes, I miss my dad. It sounds really stupid, and most people around me would just brush it off and say that he's still with me. But >.< its like, he died when I was 11 months and three weeks old. I can't just pretend that he's still with me, when I don't even know him outside of what mom's said. And, mom and my sister...and the other members of my family understand, but like...when I tell someone who doesn't know, they look at me surprised, as if saying, how did you grow up without a dad? ...and it pisses me off sometimes :/ its like, they're calling mom a bad mom, and implying only the good kids, have both parents. >.<

HOW ARE YOU DOING JEN? 8D

[fingeredheart]

That's ridiculous of people to do that, bb. From what you've told me about your mom, she sounds like an absolutely wonderful person that has worked extremely hard for your family, and I admire that. Just keep telling yourself that you are awesome, and she is awesome, and everything you've all done to keep your lives straight is / will be worth it, because I know it will be. ♥

[anonymous]

Sometimes I feel like nothing I ever do is good enough, for my friends, for my family. I do my damned best, for Christ's sake, why is that never enough?

Good luck for your competition ♥

And, dammit, Jen, if there was ever a failure in this world, then it would most definitely not be you, bb.

[fingeredheart]

I really, really hope you don't feel like that too often, because I am sure they appreciate you more than you think. I've learned that in difficult, subtle ways, but please remember how amazing you are on the inside and never think you aren't enough. You trying your best is always enough. As long as you try your best. ♥

[anonymous]

this year's been full of rough patches. this year just could not get any worse. i just can't really trust many people anymore. i'm afraid of getting hurt so i avoid getting too close to anyone. the person that hurt me who i practically loved, i just don't want anything to do with him anymore but i can't help but talk to him because he's the person that actually talks to me like he cares for me. he always says he cares and thinks our friendship can endure anything, but seriously? right now, i think our friendship is fading. but i know he has his own life and has to deal with stuff of his own but i feel so lonely these days.
my heart still hurts every once in a while, and when it does i just don't know what to do but cry my eyes out.
i really just want to move on, but i just can't.
i know i'll make it through though. he probably isn't worth any more of my tears. xD
that was lonngg. thanks for listening Jen! you're a great friend!
and gl with that piano competition! i'm sure you're gonna do amazing~

[fingeredheart]

I'm pretty sure I know who this is :) and I know it's been such a rough year for you, bb. I can only say that I'm still glad you guys are trying your hardest to work it out, and I know it can be difficult, but I think you're gradually getting there (and over him) whether you realize it or not. Take it slow and easy, bb, and you'll get there in due time! I'm always behind you no matter what. :)♥

[anonymous]

My response to the meme is here, so all I'll say now is: GOOD LUCK AT THE COMPETITION! You'll be awesome, Jen. :D ♥

[anonymous]

I don't know why the HTML didn't work, but: my meme response.

[anonymous]

asjf;as okay, so apparently LJ auto-reformats links in anonymous comments; did not know that. I feel silly now. ;; /runs away