ILU2DEATH..! 1.6 // Rainbow Legacy 1.6
CAUTION: 57 photos all up, which be 3.8MB or thereabouts.
Explicit sex, death but a lack of Vampires within! XD
Need to catch up? Kohler-Wielle Legacy Archive
YOU WANT INNAPROPRIATE WEDDING? THE WAIT IS OVER!
We open this second half of ILU2DEATH:Lisa Ramirez Edition with a beauteous scene of Craven slipping the golden band of doom, forever sealing her fate and assuring a quick, horrifying death a shiny wedding band onto Lisa's expectant finger. He's elated, she's FILLED with mission goo (not to mention Kohler-Wielle foetus) and neither of them could wish for a more picturesque wedding...
NOT EVERYONE IS HAPPY THOUGH! Hi Billy! Hi Nettles! Hi Lisa's-Abandoned-Daughter-Tessa..! ^_^;; Everyone looking really pleased to be standing in a snow drift on this most auspicious of days! Yeaps! MmMmhhmmm..!
Poor Tessa, I'm not sure there are words to describe how she's feeling attending her mother's shotgun wedding to a man NOT her father. Hate? Abomination? Execration? What IS the sound of corduroy? Repugnance?
Billy did you and Nettles have a fight? Why are you guys sitting on opposite sides of the aisle? Is that (and I assume your temperature XD) why you're both joining Tessa in the pursuit of emulating a Christian Rock Cover? Which, btw, you guys are doing really well.
Billy's just being overtly ridiculously good looking now. WE KNOW YOU'RE GORGEOUS..! LORDS..! >_<;;;; RUB IT IN WHY DON'T YOU?
Ilu...
Oh my... Is it just me or does Tessa have a look on her face... Resolute, melancholy with a hint of vindictive realisation? WHAT DOES SHE HAVE PLANNED!? *cower*
One assumes, considering his prolificness, that Craven's crotch dexterity is a hell of a lot more highly tuned than his hand-eye co-ordination...
Chin =/= mouth, Craven. Or do you get that wrong ALL the time? Is this some kind of secret promise for the limo ride? *eyebrow raise*
Lords I'm never going to look at ANY of the SimChicks Craven's married in any hood or other story the same again... *vaguely wonders if he's secretly picking from an annual Miss Bukkake list*
In the grand tradition of EVERYTHINGHAPPENINGATONCEWHILETHERE'SAWEDDINGONARMAGAD in this Legacy, Persia EXPLODES into elderhood... And looks almost exactly the same...
Pumpkin follows none-too far behind...
And Grim comes to get some cake! :D HAI!! Glad you got the invitation, you're so like one of the family now. And my filipino heritage is tingling. MUST FEED YOU! You're not even skin and bones...! *claws at things with the need to fatten up*
So, whatchoo doing here anyway? Did Lisa cark it at the altar?
Nope, she seems completely fine, consuming pieces of cake the size of her face in a snow-drift... Craven's fine, all the kids are at school... DID WE LOSE BILLY!??!?!?!
*panics*
NUUU LULU!! ;_; She gave birth at the first wedding, she dies at the fifth.
RIP LULU SWEETHEART! You brought joy and sexytimes to Zeus throughout his life, and for that we shall be always thankful. Hope to see you ghosting around the shop with Noelle forever..! <333
So, one assumes that Sienna would be playing the part of the woman that dies in childbirth soon after getting married. Wow, she's got NOTHING in her personal life to pull from there. Not at aalllllll.... ^_^;;; Bet you anything the school milked that for everything it was worth, the tragic personal life mirroring the the life of their headlining starlet's character.
Bet you anything they used that money to buy a whole mess of new sports equipment. Cause that's completely related to the drama or arts faculty.
*isn't bitter at all*
ANYWAY! Please to be noticing we're only halfway through the wedding and its already a roof raiser. Tips for an AWESOME wedding and reception?
a) Make your guests stand in skimpy formal clothing in the snow
b) Shove cake liberally over your new spouse's chin for group lols and future sexy time instructionals
c) have two dogs become geriatrics
d) invite Grim over to remove the soul of another beloved family pet
and e) CAKE!
Uh... INNAPROPRIATE, TESSA!!! Its your mother's wedding, and you're 14. Getting into the outdoor tub naked, even IF you're pulling a pretty convincing Godiva moment is just not on.
Wipe that self-contented smirk off of your face, young lady..!
Uh.. Uh.. UUUUH..! O_O;;;
OCHRE! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON. WHERE ARE YOUR SPEEDOS? YOUR BOARDIES? God I'd even take you getting in in terrifying water-transparent tidy whities at this point. At least there's be something between you and your new step-sister besides a heated jet-stream of bubbles.
OH MY GOD, and his face is all *worry worry* like he's playing hard to get. YOU ARE NOT FOOLING ANYONE, OCHRE! Tessa's ready to eat him alive right in front of everyone and he nuded up for it... >_<;;
AIFHIOJSANAJSALK!! Fingers to yourself, children..! >_<;; OCHRE HAND OUT OF HER CROTCH... STOP SMELLING HER HAIR. She's your sister now. YOUR SISTER.
Tessa? Who are you looking so pleased and welcoming too?
O_O
O_O
O_O
So I couldn't watch. And I thought okay, Sienna will save me. She'll be doing something sweet and lovely like building a snowman or feeding Daffodil, you know, an innocent past time to relieve my pain.
NO SHE'S PLAYING HACKY IN CRAVEN'S BATHROOM WITH TWO PERVY OLD MEN.
And they keep accidentally dropping the sack so she has to bend over to pick up the hacky in her strategically ripped jeans... Every.. Turn... ONE OF THEM IS WEARING A TRENCH COAT. LOOK AT THE OLD MAN BEHIND HER..! LOOK AT HIM...!! AAAAAAAAUUUUGH..!
*relief* Okay, Nettles, Billy. Still being christian rock cover? With a canine now. To up the family values quotient. I love you two.
*sighs with relief*
Alright, we're recomposed, yes? Breathing? Phew..! :D
ASDSKLFJAKSJD!! *cries*
Does anyone else get the idea that Craven's instructing them?! That's right son, press your hand right there, now lower... Grab her hair a little... Tessa? You're doing great honey now move your index finger up... AAAAAAUUUGH!! >_<;;
(You know that line I'm always talking about? Yeah, that line is now a dot to me...)
WHERE IS LISA!? WHY IS SHE NOT HERE BEING OUTRAGED AT THIS SHIT!?
DOES SHE NOT CARE?! WHERE IS CRUMPLEBOTTOM!??!
WHY DO YOU GUYS DO THIS SHIT TO ME!??!
Thankfully the honeymoon limo turned up and SAVED ME FROM THE ONCOMING CARNIVAL OF FURTHER HORROR..!
Wow her stats apart from her Aspiration type? IDENTICAL to Craven's..! O_O
PHOTOGRAPHIC PROOF! Lisa is a blow up doll..! Check out that mouth action.
OH MY GOD! I am so glad someone has a vague moral compass. THATS RIGHT, SIENNA! PLEASE TO BE NOOGIE-ING HIM TO DEATH FOR DOING THAT TO ME!
OH SHIT SHIT SHIT! POLICE! They've come to take Craven away for statutory!
HIDE IN THE CELLAR, CRAVEN! SOMEONE BURY HIM IN THE SAND! HALP HALP!
OH RIGHT ITS OKAY! XD *giggles* Considering we were down to two pooches and Tigerlilly was CONSTANTLY rolling the want to get a new puppy, get a new puppy or a new kitten, can I have a new puppy? A new one? Can I? Can I have it? Can I have it? Can I? I caved and had Sienna adopt a new homeless little puppy.
Since the only options were little boys I took cadencelegacy 's suggestion on board and named this little cutie, Midas. :DDDDD Little Midas has the good sense to try and RUN THE HELL AWAY at the very first opportunity.
Lisa? Its been a few days. Change out of your wedding dress.
Lisa? Its snowing and twenty below. Change out of your wedding dress.
Lisa? You're HEAVILY PREGNANT and those seams weren't designed for this shit.
CHANGE. OUT. OF. YOUR. WEDDING. DRESS.
Okay, my heart, it melts. ♫He's goooot thaaa miiIIIiIiidaaas tooooOoOoouch..!♫
*sings incorrectly to the tune of Cosmic Girl*
FIRST INDOOR FIRE OF THE LEGACY!! And it was lit by Lisa. Figures. MAGICALLY, the fire started in the oven, and yet the only thing aflame is that antique morroccon canister they're keeping rice in. Cajun rice?
Ochre: OMG! Did you hear that cadencelegacy spat goldfish crackers all over her computer when she heard about Cube getting into V's pants? I don't get it, spends all his time cleaning - and cleaning up after us, and he appears to enjoy it! AND he seems to be able to wear rubber ALL DAY every day, isn't that weird? Does he have special powers to stop that kind of chafe from the rubber plus all that physical exertion?
Sienna: OoOoh.... ooOOop... And now there... there... REALISATION!
Ochre: *TOTALLY gets it*
Portokal? Tip? Stop taking cooking lessons from Lisa. Carcinogens, Kaolin, Dickite? They ain't good dietary inclusions... Specially not for tiny growing brains.
OCHRE IS A CLOSET NERD!!
Choice between going to the loo because he's been busting for half an hour, or playing chess half naked? OCHRE CHOOSES CHESS! *jazz hands*
So, Lisa. Yet another burned effort. And an incinerated INSTANT MEAL at that. Weren't you a house-wife? Checo did all the cooking. Huh?
Awwww! Yay surrogate grammmmpaa Pumpkin. You so cute! <3333
Out at the Vampire Nighclub, Goku cares not for ID checks.
Does this look like the face of a completely legal eighteen year old girl to you? She's not shifty in the LEAST..! Feel free to serve her alcohol at will...
Yeah, that public school uniform is a costume. MmmmMmhmmm... Ochre's really thirty, you know like Scott Wolf and Benjamin McKenzie. He's not ACTUALLY 15.
IaJDiafjqwidoIFJEOSFEajdijwioIAFSKdw PORTOKAL! NO ONE LET THE DOGS OUT. THEY ARE NOT ON YOUR BED, GO THERE! GO THERE NOW.
Awwwww adorable founder is adorable. *lovelove* Its okay for HIM to nap on the couch, its the first time he's ever done it. Learned it from the kids. >_<;;; P
Plus. he's waiting by the front door for his teenage inebriated kids to come home. So he can scold them and send them to their room. Cept they came home and he woke up and congratulated them both. *sigh*
So the trip to Guilty Pleasures was a bust, no potential dates for either of the twins presented themselves. AND they didn't get any vampire sightings. FAIL! So I turn to the wishing well. FIRST TIME I'VE EVER USED IT! :D
Wish hard, my little orange pigment.
WISHING WELL: UR DOIN IT WRONG.
If this turns out to be the cafeteria worker from Valencia and Risso's dorm, I'm going to stab my game in the face. >_<;; STOP GIVING SIENNA OLD MEN, PLEASE!
LMAO ZEUS! Doing his best impersonation of a classic bust to scare Ochre while he checks in with his girlfriends.
HAI ZEUS HONEY, GETTING SOME IN THE AFTERLIFE NOW YOUR HONEY IS THERE?
LORDS Zeus is out in full force tonight. TIME TO SCARE THE WOOORLD..!
Don't be scaring the kidlets to death, k, Zeusie? Nice work being randomly yellow-looking, btw honey. Also, THANKS FOR BEING THEMATICALLY COLOURED BB!
Ochre decides its time to slip his paper girl the morning edition in the jacuzzi, and she's more than ready to check out the good news in his satchel.
SLEAZE PATROL GIVES THESE TWO A GIANT NOVELTY FOAM DOUBLE THUMBS UP!
Lucy makes her displeasure known..! STOP THE SLUTTING AROUND, MY SON!
Ochre pays her absolutely no heed - actually, how would he even know what she looked like? There's not even any photos in the house of her so unless he paid enough attention to her to note she looks similar to Sienna, he'd have no idea that this was his mother's astral form. He'd, unknowlingly, probably try and tap that.
Ochre, your name ain't Oedipus. Keep the not-so-little orange rocket that could in your pants away from the GhostMums, k?
Ochre sees his paper girl off with a snog and then ... TO THE WISHING WELL..!
And gets an adult Bon Voyage pretty tourist... I attempt to send her on her way but they both continued to drop whatever I asked them to do from queue and...
...She indulges in some major cradle robbing. Ochre, ever the welcome sexual predator, did all the seducing in this match up. Well, in ALL his conquests, bar his step-sister. *shudders* I choose to believe she's a 19 year old backpacker.
It helps me sleep at night.
Bare-foot, heavily pregnant woman, crawling about in rich earth, picking vine-ripened juicy tomatoes in the spring.
FERTILITY SYMBOL OVERLOAD! *implodes*
Sienna brought TeenGoldie home from school and Ochre, unsurprisingly, moved in on that elfin goodness with a penchant for 50s poodle skirts before she'd even taken four steps from the school bus. Just in case anyone wondered what she looked like as a teen? ADORABLE is the not-shocking response. XD
You think all the other chicks hate the Kohler-Wielle girls for their monopolising of the leading roles in all the school plays? I'm assuming Sienna decided to retire her role and so who'd they pick to replace her? Why her JUST as tortured-past posessing little sister.
Multiple mother death builds character! Don't say I never did anything for you, Girls. K?
On nearly the very picturesque spot that Craven popped the question, Lisa begins with the screaming and moaning that denotes BABY TIMES!!! THIS MEANS I CAN KILL YOU OFF AND DIVORCE MYSELF FROM YOUR TERRIFYING FAMILY AND FINALLY GET TO THE ZOMBIES!
Uh. Did I say that outloud?
World? Meet Rhone (after the location of the Principality of Orange)!! His mother is ENTIRELY disinterested in him and perhaps something instinctual passed down to him from Craven's tadpoles tell him to not get too attached to his mother, instead fixating on an older sister - in this case, Sienna.
Now the baby is out, GO FIX THE TRASH COMPACTOR THATS BEEN BROKEN SINCE YOU GOT PREGNANT THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN SAVING FOR THIS VERY MOMENT AT ALL THAT LUCY CONVENIENTLY FLOODED FOR US, LISA!
*eyebrow waggle*
SUCCESS!! *does a dance* Her parting thoughts are of her newborn son, who doesn't seem to care that his mother is being electrocuted to death right next to him because his happy-go-lucky dad is feeding him a bottle. Craven doesn't even seem to notice. Denial working on its most highest level?
Since they're all standing in the SAME puddle (and I MEAN all, there's about 5 people standing in this puddle that spans the entire kitchen/loung/dining/music areas) I don't get how they're all not getting taken down by the electrical current. Sim electronics work in mysterious ways?
WHY IS SHE GRINNING?!?! She knew this was coming, I know, but still!
ITS CREEPY >_<;;;;;;;;
Hey Grim, back so soon? I know, the floor's wet again and we don't even have cake like last time you were here. Sorry 'bout that. I'm sure if you really cared you could have some stern words with Lucy, however. You DID shuffle her loose the mortal coil and all that.
Yeah no, no biscuits either. I don't actually think anyone cares that Lucy's passed... Where IS everyone anyway?
Sienna's busy getting ANNIHILATED by Mrs. Crumplebottom. Poor thing, she's not even had her fist kiss yet and The Bottom™ is on her case. LEAVE HER ALONE, YOU WANT HER BROTHER, NOT HER!! Seriously she's as pure as the driven snow.
Hey, can someone explain to me? Surely if snow is driven then its no longer pure? Cause, you know, you've driven through it. If its UNdriven wouldnt' that be purer?
Is there some kind of Snow 101 terminology I'm missing here?
Grim's standing IN the tea caddy reading Lisa's paperwork, and Portokal decides this is the PERFECT time to stop mopping and play in his Step-Mother's death puddle. Blonde-Exterminator isn't sure where to look. Craven's cleared out completely to play with Rhone upstairs in the nursery. Tigerlilly walked straight passed out to the beach to build sandcastles...
Oh, and Ochre's having sex with TeenGoldie in the greenhouse between the fruit laden tomato plants.
Yeaps, after everything Lisa put me through, she dies and no bats an eyelid.
CLASH OF THE VIRGINAL TITANS: CRUMPLEBOTTOM vs SIENNA!
TONIGHT ON PAY. PER. VIIIIIIEEEEEEEW...!
Goodnight, and good luck, slumbering brides. There shall be more of you yet. Oh yes. There shall. We shall not stop till there's a harem of corpses and at least one zombie bride...
ZOOOOTALOW! *excited*
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