ILU2DEATH..! 1.1 // Rainbow Legacy 1.1
CAUTION: 37 images equates to a 1MB download or thereabouts. Short, I know. XD READ INTO THAT WHAT YOU WILL
DEATH! Sex & partial nudity. And try as I might: grammatical errors and random spelling mistakes.
Yellow: 1.0
We revisit our poor Craven, gripped in grief of losing his first wife, Helena.
Well, okay he's less gripped with grief and more ... grippING the last meal she ever cooked for them; consuming hers first. He was crying the whole time. Honest. MmmmmMmmmmhmmm. He was fully cut up. His bride! His unborn child..! Was all he could do to not choke on that entire serving of hotdogs. Its what she would've wanted.
^_^;;;
Well okay he kinda didn't seem at all moved by the occurrences at ALL, he DID fail to save her life so he can't've REALLY been into it no matter what the litte relationship stats said. Numbers and little heart icons, what do they know, eh?
So I thought, I'll keep good on my word, and I had him invite Marylena Hamilton over.
♫KEN LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...!!! Tulibu dibu douchoooooooo...!♫
When wooing a rebound wife, always remember to serenade her in, preferrably, picturesque circumstances. Make sure it is well lit and if you can, include as much of the purest driven snow as possible. If your previous spouse has died, milk this situation for EVERYTHING it is worth by choosing the sappiest, most tear jerking, heart-swelling top 40 hit you can muster.
Works everytime.
Uh... If not on the object of your affection, then feel sure in the knowledge ONE of you will fall in love. :D
In an incredible display of what will be construed as INCREDIBLY USEFUL bendy-ness (and not at all TERRIFYING contortionism O_O) Marylena manages to give Craven a backrub while standing in front of him whilst facing away.
PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE DEFLATED PUFFER JACKET SLEEVES. That's TOTALLY normal... Her arm is not dislocated and twisted in freakisly unnatural ways. And even if it is; CRAVEN?! SCORE BABE!
Marylena was all about moving in to the house (bringing some SWEET SWEET loot with her), and one sexy yellow-centric makover (for Marylena) and a whole new sheet set (for the bed XD) later the couple was seriously ready to go at it.
And at it....
...And at it some more. And then they were sleepy. So then they had a nap...
...Because they needed their strength for some more sexy good times and a location change. Oh, and look, they got engaged. I forgot about that with all the sex they were having. EVERYWHERE. Look at that thing, its the same size as one of Craven's eyes, which she'll probably have out with all the arm flailing she's been doing in the hot tub.
Also, is it just me, or does it seem like Marylena's stamina is UNPARRALELLED by anyone on SimEarth? Look at her she's all IMMA EAT YOU MA, FIANCEPANTS..! And he's FILLED WITH TERROR. He's trying not to show it, oh yes, but its so not hard to spot the top and the bottom in THIS relationship. Who would've thought a hottie make-over for Marylena and she'd be A FUCKING GORGEOUS MAN EATER?!?! I LOVE HER NOW! MAAAAN MARYLENA FOR PREZ! Jesus its SimPrettyWoman/Who'sThatGirl. O_o;;;
What's that Mustard? It was really the giant wasp in the library with the lead pipe?? OooOoooooooh! I SHALL INFORM THE AUTHORITIES *kissy face*
Yes, Marylena. When you have THAT MUCH SEX, its kind of a common side effect... Were you sick that week in school?
HOLY SIMOKES! Craven you struck the motherlode catch-wise. THIS is her carpool to go to work? My god I am never EVER underestimating the excellence of Marylena Hamilton ever agan. Whenever I see you in any other 'hood I shall remember to revere your greatness and get you into whatever the hell legacy/challenge I'm doing at that moment.
Marylena comes home from her hard half-day's work of being spectactularly awesome for a huge sum of money; and the couple wed shot-gun style so the baby will have Craven's last name not be bastards. Its incredibly picturesque, on the beach facing the ocean with a ROARING bonfire going for warmth and fittingly thematic ambience. AND NO ONE WATCHES. Look at all the guests. HEY GUYS, YOU LOOKING THE WRONG WAY!
Its not like you can be scarred by seeing these too snog it out hard core, Craven's pretty much hiding the view of that, and all you get to see is his arse wiggling about. And I'm pretty sure ALL of you standing out there have stopped, walked past him and farted hearts in his general direction, so his arse wigging enticingly is surely RIGHT up all your alleys? BE THIS THE GREEN EYED MONSTER I ESPY!??! Its not even that generation yet, you guys are all 7 gens early..!
Marylena? Did you even attend ONE biology class in school? Ever? THAT IS NOT WHERE HIS MOUTH IS. Apparently the extreme delight over getting married has made her completely stark raving bonkers. Either that or she believes Craven has so much implicit awesome that he can digest cake via osmosis THROUGH HIS CHEEKS. They might be cute and squishable, but his skin dont work like that, babycakes.
Weddings are hard work, MAAAAAAANG..! Halfway through the wedding, the first half of which she spent interrupting Craven's conversations with guests to snog him (he'd just drop queue and snog her while the Townie was still nattering away XD) or eating mounds of cake; Marylena suddenly halts by the gazebo/marquee/pergola/barbeque area, drops to the sand and sits watching the waves till its time to leave for the honeymoon.
I have no idea what Craven was doing for the second half, I ended up just sitting and watching her breathe. *is irrationally attached to her*
I am of the FIRM belief that these two are all GRRRRR because they know I am here taking photos of them. They're like OMG GET OUT OF THE LIMO, WE'RE GOING ON OUR HONEYMOON AND YOU'RE WRECKING THE MOOD. OUTBIIIIIIRK WITH THE FIRE OF CRAVEN'S WOOD!
RUH-ROH!!! Does this scene look at all familiar? I believe we've discovered Craven's modus operandi. Or maybe we just need to move the couch cause its the closest comfy thing to the front door so naturally if they're still channeling rabbits this is THE place to be to be naked and at each other post-honeymoon.
Mhhmmm.. Thats totally logical. Let's go with that. God forbid I think ill of my founder. ^_^;;;;
YES, THATS WHY YOU GOT MARRIED SO FAST, remember?
*pets my rich, successful, beautiful, zombie-attack-victim*
A Cancerian Family Sim. Oh lawds, no wonder I love her so much. She's me. Personality wise. HALP HALP, PROJECTING AGAIN. Its kind of tragic including their LTWs, here's a dream that will NEVER BE REALISED, enjoy.
But never mind that, *squishes Marylena's cheeks*
Caught you! You thought this was gonna be SUSPICIOUS! But all he's doing is wandering around the lot filling in the MILLION HOLES one of the dogs has dug up while his wife has a delightful nanna nap. See? He's a handyman and not afraid of physical yard work. Its not his fault his last wife died, now is it? And he's such a nice guy he disciplines his doggies but they're all sad so he gives them treats. SOFT TOUCH XD XD The kids are gonna run RIOT, halp halp!
That all being said, WHEN I FIND OUT WHO KEEPS DOING THIS, DOGGIES. BY GOD! >_<;;;;;
Speaking of doggies, THE PUPPIES GREW UP! From foreground to background, Citrus, Pumpkin & Persia. They all look almost IDENTICAL, which is a little annoying. jtph_jo told me when she adopted Lulu for breeding all her dogs turned out black. XD THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT THE CASE FOR ME.
The seed of Zeus. It be strong. And golden.
Yes, they are STILL at each other every five seconds. Pregnancy sits with Marylena SO much better than it did with Helena. You'd hardly now she was pregnant at all from her enthusiastic approach to everything and her never ending stamina.
MARYLENA! You made it through! Marylena 1: Helena 0.
Wow. That was harsh. XD XD
Though randomly blue pajamas for birthing, babe. Are you using them as a visualisation aid? 'My body is the ocean, my womb a wondrous clam that has been slowly, carefully, enamelling a little seed with pearlescent protection... The pearl is now ready to be plucked... My body is the ocean....' Wow, thats so much shit, why do they tell women that crap at birth workshops? PUSHING WATERMELONS OUT OF TOILET TUBES IS GONNA WRECK THE TUBE, PEOPLE. CUT THE CRAP AND HELP THEM DO PELVIC FLOOR EXERCISES >_>;;
God, CRAVEN BE USEFUL, did you never attend biology either? SHE'S IN LABOUR. DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHATS GOING ON.
Three seconds of labour and its all over for the shouting. TWINS!! Well would you look at that, making up for Helena's untimely demise in more ways than one! YAY!! A girl and a boy: Valencia & Risso. Both giggly, well behaved infants with their dad's orange eyes & skin tone and their mum's natural black hair (which you'll never see XD).
WELL CRAP. On top of EVERYTHING, Marylena's an awesome autonomous Mum. Doesn't annoyingly switch the infants from crib to crib, feeds them every few hours like clock work, puts them back in their cribs after a cuddle and some belly-raspberries and then goes to nap.
BAH! How can I possibly orchestrate your death?! *will make every attempt to keep her living as long as possible* ILU2DEATH can just be two wives long and I can fail the challenge. XD Wife two, lived till she was 97 and died in her sleep, pina colada in hand. I WILL HAPPILY MAKE THIS SACRIFICE FOR YOU! Sorry to dissapoint everyone that was braying for blood. ^_^;;;
WHOA! I have a secret. I see dead people. Hey there, Helena! :D Wearing unflattering maternity dresses in the afterlife I see. ^_^;;; Did you have fun stuffing your face from the fridge? :D
You know what would be incredibly cool gruesome? If her unborn child haunted seperately to her, this little floating foetus, attached to her by an infinitely long ghostly umbilical cord. Can you imagine the terror that would wreak and the mess it would make!? Foetal ghost having no idea what ANYTHING was so trying to learn. EVERYTHING would end up with sopping wet omnom-marks on it from the bb tasting things in the night. OH OH! And the umbilical cord would leave little patches of blood streaked on everything it rubbed past. All those little stem cells, leaving their mark on the world...
Man, I'm screwed up...
So, PUPPIES!
/me tactfully changes the subject.
Five dogs is CHAOS GUYS! Remind me NEVER to do this again!?!?! XD Cats maybe, but LAWDS!!
Let us turn our heads back towards the living. Marylena: still rocking out like Mrs. Nebraska America 1956? Is it now time for a potroast, Mrs Kohler-Wielle? *hungries*
OH CRUD!! HELENA'S A MEAN GHOST..! She's so bitter that she managed to starve HERSELF to death. YOU ATE MY HOTDOGS, BASTARD! NOW SOIL YOUR DESIGNER JEANS.
To be fair, he only ate them AFTER you'd died, honey. Its not like you couldn't have, say, eaten a sausage or two and snacked on some hot dog rolls while you were waiting for them to cook. No need to posess the food processor.
MEIN GOTT IN HIMMEL! WHATS GOING ON WITH CRAVEN'S EYELIDS!?!?!??!?!!
*signs the cross against the wind changing*
You know, for a psuedo-agnostic who doesn't believe in the christian god, i do a hell of a lot of the gestures in daily life. XD /total hypocrite
Persia says, Eat Toe Jam..! Its delicious, especially when iced. MMmmMmmmm delicious, juicy iced toe jam.
Valencia says: THUMBS UP TO YOUR POWDER APPLYING SKILL, DAD!
EEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHHEEEEEEEEEE!!! Told you they twins were mega giggly and good-natured. :D So much positive reinforcement from one so young.
D'awwww! Its happy fun play times in the snow at the beach! Pumpkin and Persia frolic and eat at the snow drifts. *watches them for four sim hours*
PUT YOUR HANDS UP FOR DETROIT...!
Helena's had enough of this shit, she's hit up Craven for some shocking good times, now its time to put the fear of ex-wife into Marylena. I must say, she does an excellent Jane Avril impersonation.
Oh, the chick in the middle? XD That's lemon_lime35's attempt at making a MeSim™, Nyle Rotaugen -- cousin of Lyna. She seems blissfully unaware that Marylena's in the grips of a paranormal experience. OooOoOh look, a castle!
Uh. UH!! O_O;;;;;;;;;
Nyle: Oh, hey death, how's tricks?
Helena: VICTORY IS MINE! *ecstatic*
Death: DID YOU HAVE TO MAKE SUCH A MESS OF THINGS, HELENA? I ONLY JUST GOT THIS SHROUD DRY CLEANED, NOW THE HEM IS ALL WET. CHEESE AND WHISKERS..!
NO MY PRETTY ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Look how happy she is though. What in the underworld has she got to be pleased about? O_O;;; How undignified: Scared to death with her fingers dipped in her own pee ;_;
Oh wow, that carpet's gonna need replacing. /idle grief-striken thought
WOW! Nice to see that you're SO cut up about it, Craven. You don't want to rush out and get remarried straight away or anything.
>_>
>_>
Your motives are clearly the need to give your newborns a maternal presence while they grow up. Right? Aiofjiofjeofnsoifesfioesfj
At least you've the decency to be in COMPLETE aspiration failure. WE WOULD BE HAVING WORDS IF YOU WERE NOT.
RIP MARYLENA. ;_; Enjoy paradise in the afterlife, stay out of the pomegranites so you can visit us again, kk? *air kisses*
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