ILU2DEATH..! 1.2 // Rainbow Legacy 1.2
CAUTION: 99 images equates to a 5MB download or thereabouts. Dial-uppers proceed with caution! XD
DEATH! Nudity. An incredible lack of sex O_O And yet childbirth... LAWLS!
Oh yeah, and spelling errors and stuffs ^_^;;
Rainbow Legacy Archive
Following the unexpected (when is accidental death expected, I mean really!?) death of his second wife, Marylena, Craven uncharacteristically falls about in fits of grief. Well thank god, here I was thinking you were gonna get over her death with the jovial aplomb you experienced with Helena.... >_>;;; For shame! Ma wife is dead, lets tuck into a few hot dogs old chap and then wed ourselves a compliant, comely replacement in time for tea, what ho?
/me makes a HORRIBLE botch job of painfully bad british cliches
REAL TEARS! God someone bottle those things, they'll probably never be seen again. Single vial of tears rescued from the fabled Accursed Saffron Widower..! Current evilbay bid, $4093. All proceeds go to orphaned children & puppies charities!
Uh, so /has no faith in her hero
Craven: MY BABIES REMIND ME OF MY LATE WIFE! WAAAAAAAH MA PRETTY MARYLENAAAAAA! WITHOUT ALL THE RAMPANT SEX WE WERE HAVING, I'LL GET FAT AND UNNATRACTIVE..! *cry cry*
Helena: Suck it up, I was here first. Victory? Its still totally mine. *glee*
Jeeeeeez Helena! O_o;; *starts to think she got into his car specifically for THIS PURPOSE*
You know, is there a mod where sims can have sex with ghosts?
*wonders why I never wondered about that before*
Oh, and Craven getting fat without rampant sex? He does you know.
♫ DAH dah DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHDUM..! DAlaLAHdaaaaaaahDUM..! DAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..!! ♫
Craven starts drowning his sorrows in REALLY shitty two finger renditions of the music of tortured, masked musical-theatre fans. About here I was REALLY starting to worry that he was gonna pull a Heathcliff on me and be all brooding with the screaming 'Marylena' out at the moor ocean and with the killing of motherbirds (IF MY CHILDREN LOST THEIR MOTHER, SO CAN YOU yadda yadda) and crap.
Seriously, wth Heathcliff? Can a Brontë please step up and explain that shit to me?
The gardener (who's name I forget cause he's useless), shows up for his daily "wander onto lot, look around at all the work that needs to be done, wander off to the pub or whatever and charge $60 for the trouble" and leaves just in time for Craven's red-headed salvation to arrive.
Lucy! I promised you'd be in this challenge/legacy, and right on cue you show up in your strippogram maid outfit to bring sunshine, rainbows, and fresh uterus to the house. Bless your cotton socks thigh-high semi-sheer black stockings. :DDDDDD
WOOOO! ITS TIME TO PLAY: SPOT THE INCREDIBLY RANDOM WALK BY!
MALCOLM LANDGRAAB, COME AAAAAAAAAAAWN DAAAAOOOOWWWNNN...!
Malcolm Landgraab IV, apparently walked all the way to my 'hood from Bluewater Village just so he could read Craven's copy of the local newspaper, mull about its contents, put the paper back on the ground where he got it from as if he'd never sullied its pages (the paper was probably RIDICULOUSLY excited to actually fulfill its purpose, unlike all other newspapers which just go stale and get thrown in the compost, IT GOT READ! NEENER NEENER. etc) then walk on.
I'm pretty sure the richest man in Simlandia has a selection of papers delivered to his home and then brought directly to him in bed with his breakast each morning by a dapper dude named Jeeves. I can't believe the idle rich would walk around the suburbs reading other people's newspapers like a ninja for kicks...
PS: Does he really look THIS hideous in-game without default replacements? YEOCH! Lucky he's rich? ^_^;;;
PPS: Do ninjas read the paper?
YES! *high fives everyone* I may/may not have used that MLIV (good year for the crab nebula!) walkby as a distraction from the wildly innapropriate and then straight forward courtship of Lucy and Craven. Kinda played out like this:
Craven: HERE'S A LARGE SUM OF MONEY FOR SERVICES RENDERED
Lucy: WOW! REALLY?! You're the greatest..!
Craven: *pinches Lucy's arse*
Lucy: OooOh you sly dog *laughs flirtatiously*
Craven: WOO! Woman who cooks, cleans and appreciates being objectified, EXCELLENT *best friends*
Lucy: WOO! Dude who thinks it's 1956 *falls in love*
Yeah I was as confused as the next girl, but considering Lucy's outerwear is ALREADY yellow; and she's only been around for two deaths which were very obviously not Cravens fault (^_^;;) so she wouldn't have any reason to distrust him; I was like well HELL this is fate!
*makes Craven ask her to move in*
Since Lucy had been around for the children being born and such she already had a relationship with them; this was a better idea than I thought, eee! She moved in, pashed Craven then wandered off to grab Risso and fill him with much needed sustenence in close proximity to boobs.
Speaking of boobs... *goes in search of breastfeeding hack*
Time for Valencia and Risso to hit toddlerhood! GAWDS FINALLY! Infants are so freaken annoying, even with cribscape (god is so cute when infants to that) they just cry a lot, climb out of their cribs and then just lie around on the floor in their own filth.
Just ONCE I'd like an infant genius who decides to roll across the floor and start noming on the charisma bunny or something.
VALENCIA! She greets you upside down like batman, and adores it for all time. She may/may not be my favourite already... *whistles* Kinda gonna be worrisome to have as many kids as Craven will - repeat deaths Helenastyle™ not withstanding - and then I just exert the first-born rule on them all. ^_^;;;
RISSO! HELLOES LITTLE ONE! :D <3333 He's so mild mannered and has a cute little button nose half the size of Valencia's XD He's perfectly adorable, and not at all boring, its just uh... Well EVERYONE chooses Valencia over him. ^_^;; You'll see from his stunning lack of appearances in this update... I didn't mean to he just uh... Wasn't AS exciting as his sister.
Lucy's replacement, prompt at 9am from the agency. Nice pink ruffle shirt, dude >_>;;; His name is ENTIRELY forgettable and thusly I shall now call hime Cube. HEY emoCUBE!
Princess cakes & high fives for everyone that knows why!
*tucks into sickly-sweet, swedish, green creamery*
Romantically, and in very similar circumstances to his proposal to Helena, Craven gets down on one knee in the kitchen after the new couple tuck into bowls of cereal. *wonders what kind of hormone is in muesli that triggers THAT brain node*
Lucy is EXCESSIVELY elated to be accepting. So happy that I have to screen you from the horror of her smile peeling so far back her head splits in two, therefore the couple needing to rush off for emergceny corrective surgery before the wedding.
OR its cause I keep managing to screen shot out of time with the scene changes so I screen half of one angle and half of another QUITE. A. LOT. Its not annoying at all, and I don't curse my fail apple+shift+3fu during cut scenes on any level. Nope. Not at all.
I do not engage in any way, shape or form in the torture and/or debilitating challenge of/to my sims. That this entire logic toy is yellow and so has no colour cues for which shape fits where is just a character building excercise. I am not rooting for, nor ever have attempted to force a child prodigy.
Nope. Never.
LOOK AT HOW SHE LOVES PLAYING WITH IT THOOOOUGH EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! She's all yay this bwock goes in heeeeeere! ValenciaDelight™ it pleases like four types of cheeses. :D
So its snowing. Lucy thinks this is the most AWESOME TIME EVER to show off her sand-castle making skills. Okay so this is the first ever COMPLETE sandcastle that any of my sims has EVER made (YAY FIRSTS!) but still, I'm wondering if her kids are gonna really be carrying the intelligent gene... ^_^;;
WEDDING TIME!! The couple set up the front yard as a winter wonderland complete with frozen pond and disgruntled, snow covered ducks. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE DUCKLINGS?!
Lucy: HEY BABE...hic! DID YOU KNOW WE'RE ENGAGED?!?! *swigs from tumbler*
Craven: Hahaha, yeah I noticed that, good one, Loose!
Lucy? Lay off the sauce? Craven? WTF SHE IS BEHIND YOU O_O;;;;
I fear for your babies, you two, I really really do.
No matter now much I demean poor Craven, he never faults to be completely stoked about getting hitched. He does love the sensation of those ladies slipping that ring on his finger ;) ;)
♫...Give up, give in ...Check the grin you're in love...!!!!♫
Well DAMMIT! Now I need to watch copious quantities of Disney. Also, WHOA O_O;;; I think I need some teeth default replacements. Anyone else agree? How do sims even chew with these painted wooden denture thingies? Don't they get splinters?
*wonders if you can force Rensim's face kits for all*
Oh yeah, Lucy and Craven get the whole tasteful church tongue kiss out of the way... *ahem* and NO ONE IS AMUSED. Check out those incredibly excited faces. Guess sims are pretty classist/caste-ist or something. Oh he's marrying the help, how scandalous :|
I get Lisa Ramirez's displeasure, she wishes it was her, but everyone else!? And whats the deal with PinstripeSuitGuy™? He's OUTRAGED AT THE LACK OF CHURCH TONGUE..! Or maybe he's just super impressed with Craven's butt. Blondie behind him must've seen the potential for butt-wiggling and decided to TURN AWAY... >_>;;; I actually have no clue who he is, maybe he's a walk by that gate-crashed so he can scope out the house for potential thievery.
OooOoh! You know I haven't had a burglar in FOREVER. Maybe if I get one and she's a girl, I'll make Craven marry her... Oh right, talking about future wives at the current wife's wedding is rude and unsympathetic. ^_^;;; SORRY LUCY, CARRY ON, NOTHING TO HEAR HERE..!
Overly enthusiastic, Lucy shoves the entire top tier of their wedding cake into Craven's mouth. Honey, I think I would've rethought that course of action... I'm pretty sure you're gonna want his mouth functioning for later.
Just saying.
First the ducklings are left out in the cold to run around on a frozen lake, now we see that the Nanny who's supposed to be looking after the twins is AWOL AT THE RECEPTION. USELESS NANNY, WHY ARE YOU USELESS!? Leaving the twins to freeze and fall asleep in the bathroom in puddles of leakie toilet water is not exactly my idea of exemplary child care.
Poor Risso, those cargo shorts are never gonna be the same again.
Remember how I said there was EXTREMEFAVOURITISM™ in regards to Valencia love? Well here's a PRIME EXAMPLE. I present to you exhibit a: Lucy attempting to bring Valencia on her & Craven's HONEYMOON. I doubt there'll be any honey and DEFINITELY no moon if you go through with that, Loose.
Also: YOU HIRED A NANNY FOR THIS PURPOSE. Okay so she's useless and Valencia probably is better off coming with you guys, but uh, I don't think it works that way sims-wise... ^_^;;; Apparently, what's good enough for Risso is not even remotely good enough for V.
I'm guessing there's about 36 seats in this limo. But apparently, everyone has to sit on this one. As lovely as it is that you all want to be always touching each other and such, I think there's saftey laws that cover this, guys...
Anyone else ever seen people THIS STOKED to go on honeymoon before? Look their excitement is palpable. ^_^;;
Lucy realises bringing Valencia isn't such a crash hot idea after all, so she PUTS HER DOWN ON THE ROAD ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAR JUST AS THE LIMO PULLS OFF.
JESUS H CHRIST. >_<;;;;;; The poor little thing sits dejectedly on the icy road for around ten minutes until she's rescued, not by the Nanny who's having a nap in front of the couch upstairs, but by...
...CRAVEN! YAY!! Who's the coolest Dad ever?! One can only guess he screamed at Lucy and then jumped out of the moving Limo, rolled onto the median and ran back to take care of his kids. D'awwww! Look at V's loving face, he's totally her hero!
She's not gonna have a mess of unrealistic expectations when she grows up at all.
Craven put the kids down in their beds properly, and dozed in the chair in the nursery watching over them till morning. Then he got up, fed them, cleaned up himself and spent the day playing with them, encouraging them to play with charisma toys and teaching the twins how to walk. Ostensibly so they could escape the clutches of evil step-mothers.
Next morning, I realised Lucy STILL hadn't shown up. Dad's spending quality time with their kids = SQUEEEEEEEEEE! Okay? XD I began wondering if she'd been somehow glitched out of existence just done a runner with her head ducked down in shame...
...But around noon - with a sigh of relief - I found her skulking around the back yard >_>;;
Craven is neither fat, nor logical, and yet she has two bolts with him? THIS MAKES NO SENSE XD
WHOA SO MANY NPC VANS! Yay, ILU exterminator van, you fit in with the generational theme. Although if random people would stop kicking over the bin, and Cube would stop dropping trash on his way to the bin (near enough is NOT good enough, Cube!) we wouldn't need you >_<;;; :D But um. WHO FORGOT TO PAY THE BILLS, GUYS?!
Hello Reposession mans. You seem awfully happy about nerf-gunning people's furniture. I think I have to recommend you see a dentist, fyi. Those chips and holes are in rather disturbing places... Especially on your front two; did your brother bash your head against the side of the bathtub when you were a little kid too?
While Lucy cooks pancakes in her wedding dress, the kitchen is over-run with service industry representatives. It's like the premise of a bad porn! Wait... Can you even have a good porn? Isn't all porn inherently bad? If its good isn't it automatically art-house? You know, naked people having sex with lots of peaches and swathes of cloth around the place in tuscany? ANYWAY...
Check it: sexually ambiguous maid's got something suckle on; the exterminator's out back and does he ever have the right tools for the job; the repo man has 'arrived' (all over the fridge ^_^;;) with his enormous reposession weapon.
After claiming the fridge (which is a a RAON so like, worth buck fiddy), Repoman decides stealing children's toys is completely reputable behaviour and he is above reproach.
KIDS PREPARE TO BE SCHOOOOOLED..! DON'T PAY THE BILLS, WE TAKE THE BUNNIES!!!
OMG! He actually does possess a modicum of self-respect after all! LOOKS! He took the daffodils and the vase not any of the kids toys. Awwwwww, he's a repoman with a heart of gold.
Lucy: WAAAAH MY BUCK FIDDY FRIDGE IS GONE MY LIFE IS OVER..!
You could probably sell one of those plates and buy a few thousand fridges, Lucy. Also, its been three days: CHANGE OUT OF THE WEDDING DRESS O_O;;;
UNSTABLE CRAZY PANTS WIFE NEEDS TO GO!
Irresistible to small human worm babies, forming the mineral component of their complete nutritional diet. What is... Sand! This is why I made the toddler floor on the second level, so things like this wouldn't happen. But no, no. Had to let a NANNY into my house >_>;;;
D'awwwww!! Why is a toddler reaching energy failure so damn adorable? Look at her with her little chubby hands rubbing at her sleepy, unfocussing eyes. Where's the Nanny to scoop up this exhausted little one while Craven catches up on some much-needed sleep and Lucy stands around in the kitchen in her wedding dress weeping for a fridge that has ALREADY BEEN REPLACED?
Why, dozing in the hot tub. Naturally.
*thinks the next challenge I do in this legacy should be to Kill All Nannies™*
Craven was woken up from his nap by Lucy hankering for a piece of his man-flesh. Since I'm trying to get a kid off of each of the wives (no matter how crazy pants) before death, I encourage this excellent behaviour. But when they were done, Craven had a bit of post-coital nappage and Lucy got up to do this.
Craven's buttcheeks are not impressed ONCE AGAIN. Different wife, different dog, same glazier-inducing, locationally challenged funtimes. >_<;;
Craven's hand is where I think it is, isn't it? And they call this a pg game.
GIT BREEDN U GAIZ! I swear I've never had to try this hard to get asim pregnant, she's not barren is she? All the stress of losing two wives has Craven shooting blanks?
Watching all the puppies and their mother vie for Zeus' attention is apparently what they pay the Nanny for; not watching the toddlers like I previously assumed. SILLY NETT, how naive.
Since the Nanny was loitering around being completely useless and so a perfect candidate to leave alone with the children while their parents hit the town, I thought a change of scenery would inspire impregnation. Downtown, Craven and Lucy are directed to a booth in a fancy restaurant (do fancy restaurants HAVE booths?) and Craven's wants rerolled to this.
You may notice, Craven isn't actually IN LOVE with Lyna. In fact they're not even best friends. MASSIVE BOLTAGE in her general direction =/= Love.
Craven's surefire method of getting nookie from his current wife: wax lyrical about a dead one. Lucy, insane headcase that she is, goes all juicy at the suggestion of the hotness of Craven's dead Marylena. You're not gonna like... Go home and dig her up or anything, are you, guys? The necklace she was wearing when she died is already around Lucy's neck, you don't need to get any more macabre. k?
K?!?
Wow, Craven, living on the edge there. Wanting to ask your own wife back to the home you SHARE. Oh yeah. What do you think the odds are gonna be on her saying no to THAT one?
(Okay whenever he rolls a want for Lyna, I go AWWW, especially when its cute ones like 'Be best friends with...' I'm sorry, but his crushing on my reject-selfsim is squee worthy. I'm lame, k? XD)
While in the restaurant, some pranksters have appeared to fly in and replace the tyres on Craven's car with bouncy castles. No matter HOW AWESOME Craven's technique is, this is the only way I can possibly fathom this ever happening. Serious airtime is serious.
Oh, also, this so totally reminds me of the car chase from The Rock. BRUCKHEIMER! You're obviously missing out on a whole WORLD of sex + yellow sports car filmic opportunities. You need to get Nicolas Cage to actually be having gravity-defying sex in the driver's seat while chasing down and blowing up bad guys. THIS IS WHERE YOU'RE GOING WRONG..!
*hears certain friends say 'Yes THATS what he's doing wrong >_>'*
You're totally right, certain friends, he should be making them cast Jensen Ackles instead of Nic Cage. *sniggers*
Imagine this about seven more times, while the streets slowly flood in the sneakiest monsoon you've ever seen, and then you will have an exact reproduction of what I had to put up with before I FINALLY heard the little jingly conception lullaby.
I was seriously beginning to think that they'd been mistaking the gear shift for important stuff. PROCREATIONAL WOOHOOING REQUIRES ACTUAL PENISES, GUYS!
Awww, they get out of the car for celebratory cuddles. You know you two can, like, interact IN the car right? That's how you finally got pregnant. Or is that what you were getting wrong? *hates to think what the hell they were actually doing in there, and then in that case how in the hell they got pregnant*
You would think the father of twins, onto his third wife, wouldn't need instructional diagrams.
NANNIES!!!!!!!!
Last time I checked, there were two babies in this house. Someone, ANYONE, wanna explain the five bottles with residual fermenting formula on the floor of the kitchen?
Someone? Anyone? Dust?
Recap: Talking about smoking hot dead wives; having your husband worry about losing love he doesn't even have for another woman; and then having sex 9 times in his yellow sportscar during a slow-motion monsoon = DREAM DATE!
Check out the Nanny in the background, looking completely lost. BEEEJEEEEBUS! Give me know-it-all teenage babysitters that'll eat all the food, max out your pay-per-view account and call their boyfriends up for booty calls on the couch over these CLEARLY mentally incapacitated geriatrics.
YAY RISSO, MY HERO!!!!! :D YOU KILL THAT CHICKEN AND TAKE HIM DOOOWWWNNN...!!
Bloody chickens and their being a kiss of death to me. See? Even yellow bear in the corenr approves of Risso's chicken dispatching form.
PS: LITTLE HAPPY CRAB PAJAMAS EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Craven: ...And then daddy nailed step-mummy in his big, powerful sports car. As powerful as seven hundred horses. Nine times.
Valencia: YAY DADDY!! YOU FUWWY STUCK IT TO HEWR!
^_^;;;
I'll let you all recover from that by showing you this incredibly picturesque scene of Zeus, drinking from a puddle.
I won't tell you that this was before I put in the yellow-pee hack, thusly he could be drinking his own urine cause this is his favourite place to pee. That would break the beauty.
Lucy proves ONCE AND FOR ALL, that she is batshit crazy. Although this is all lovely, and having a bath outside in the garden -- on a beachfront estate no less -- is something wondrous from a whimsical novel: This is the WOODEN dog bath.
Splinters, dog hair and poop, OH MY!
*sighs heavily* Lucy has also not learned her lesson from last time when she wept bitterly for the loss of the fridge. Repoman's Repovan is horrified.
HAI REPOMAN! You come to school us packing over-compensation again?
You know how I said he had a heart of gold? WELL I TAKE IT BACK. Managing to phase Kitty-Pryde stye INTO Risso's crib in order to possess ENORMOUS HAPPY GOLDEN TEDDY in the corner of the room.
Actually, I kinda always regretted putting that thing there, he's kind of a-grade creepy standing over Risso's crib like that and it means Risso gets a pretty full-frontal view of bear-crotch and not much else. Surely he's got enough therapy-inducing lifetime scarring without me adding close and constant bear-crotch proximity to the mix?
THANKS REPOMAN! YOU SAVED US!
Repoman: MUAHAHHAHAHAAAA! YOU'RE WELCOME! NOT ONLY DO I SAVE LITTLE CHILDREN FROM THE THREAT OF INCREDIBLY POOR PARENTAL JUDGEMENT, I CLEARLY GET OFF ON THE ACT AS WELL!
*is just as shell-shocked as the cow in the painting*
*hides under blankets*
Repoman also apparently derives sexual pleasure comic book super-villian levels of ecstacy from reposessing the vintage beatermixers. Now HERE is a man that gets job satisfaction!
Awwwww, widdle bwonde baby! Did that little white dog who's WILDLY outnumbered by a pack of dogs loyal to you scare you in your jockey shorts? Where's Patrick Swayze when you need him, eh?
SHAGGIN' THE UNDEAD TO STUPID SONGS OF TORTURE, THATS WHERE! Freaken' chain that bloody melodic thing up, k? I'm sure it'd be a million times better if it had a bit of tension to fight against. >_>;;; Everyone knows as soon as you break the sexual tension, shit totally jumps the shark into lameness. Why do you think they time-leapt Sydney and then re-killed Vaugn? DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO KEEP THE RATINGS, YA'LL!
(Alright so I was suddenly consumed with worry that I was being incredibly unsympathetic to that whole 'he's dying of cancer or something' thing, so I had to look up that he wasn't shagging the undead because he was in fact, dead. Which lead to the discovery of this website of incredibly weird weirdness. Does this website really make enough traffic to be worth money?! And if so, WTH INTERNET! XD O_O)
THE TWINS ARE BECOMING CHILDREN!! AWwwwwWwww! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABIES! Poor Risso has to have CrazyPantsLucy help him transition. Craven and V obviously feel sorry for him and worry that she'll drop him before he can survive the fall, and Craven has thought ahead and decided their transition party should be on soft, cushioning (and nutritional!) beachy sand.
YOU WILL SEE THEM AS CHILDREN MUCH LATER BECAUSE I CHOSE BOTH THEIR HAIRS FROM CUSTOM SO THEY TRANSITIONED TO THEIR INHERITED BLACK! And that shit ain't on, yo. XD
ALSO: THEY TRANSITIONED INTO COMPLETELY TERRIBLE NON-ORANGE OUTFITS WHICH WHERE TERRIBLE!
ALSO: THE TWINS ARE CHILDREN AND THERE AREN'T ALREADY MORE KIDS IN THE HOUSE, TRANSITIONING TO TODDLERS?! WTH TOOK YOU GUYS SO LONG TO GET KNOCKED UP!?
ALSO: NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO BE FIVE YEARS OLD!
And so I give you a photograph of an empty Womrat cage.
*sniffles*
RIP COLONEL MUSTARD!
His life was too short, too open to infinite cluedo jokes, and his painful death (which I can only surmise was from starvation?) was too hastily cleaned up by the ever-efficient Cube. So hastily that I didn't notice he was gone until I went to take photos of him and he was not in his cage.
*is bad womrat caretaker*
Cube returns late in the night after work to the Kohler-Wielle estate to ruthlessly steal the paper and fume about Risso being his worst enemy.
Up until just after Cube left upon completing his shift for the day, Risso was a toddler. WHAT THE HELL DID A TINY HUMAN WORM BABY DO TO YOU TO INSPIRE ACTS OF DIABOLICAL PAPER THEFT, CUBE!?!
If anyone of sound mind (body not applicable) could explain to me how stealing a newspaper is 'sticking it' to a small child, I'll give them a very large cookie. And a cup of tea.
Bailey, the incredibly fearsomely named wolf, toddles onto the yard with a snivelling side-kick and then has happy fun time playing with Persia. Wow, you really strike fear into the hearts of man, Bailey. LRN2WEREWOLF.
Obviously Bailey had his name changed from Richard Fang* and the consortium of werewolf kind (known as mewps, aka MWPPS(FB); Modern Werewolves for the Peaceful Proliferation of the Species (and Fluffy Bunnies)) are attempting a fresher, cuddlier, more modern approach to expanding the species. No more of this howling at the moon at midnight, stealing babies from cradles, eating the entrails of old nannies (pity about that one) caper. Now its all rolling around with other puppies on the beach in broad daylight and begging for pats from leggy, blonde postal workers.
Werewolves? I liked your old stuff better than your new stuff.
A cozy, wonderful scene featuring a fulfilling family breakfast before the kids run off to school. Good to see Craven's kept up his completely innapropriate conversational topics with his first borns. I like constancy in a man. So, apparently, does Lucy. Risso, on the other hand, enjoys boobs in his step-mothers. Look at him there, all "MMmmmmm nice rack, ma!"
Risso rolled the want to get a womrat (while V rolled the want to get a bird -- because there isn't already enough pets in this house >_>) and I figured we'd all mourned Colonel Mustard long enough so I got him a little girl Womrat, Daffodil. Risso, with his gorgeous envy-of-all-women-little-boy-eyelashes, loves him some Daffodil! :D
Daffodil looks AWFUL familiar....
DAGMAR POWER™ IN ACTION!! The doggies, in case you were wondering, still freaken love Dagmar. It is a continuing mystery to me that anyone except to the Kohler-Wielles get their mail. Maybe her entire route is just heading to their house, where all the dogs of the neighbourhood know she'll show so they can run over and revel in her touch, therefore saving all other posties from having to buy new 10 packs of socks every week?
I have no idea why I took this screenshot. Nor why I thought it was a good idea to keep it in when I was culling shots for resizing. But since I went to all that trouble, here's a picture of Lucy's navel. Enjoy!
Craven, on his daily chore of filling in all of the holes one of the dogs (WHICH ONE?! ITS A MYSTERY! DAMMIT!) had dug all over the yard, decided digging further into the already loosened earth in the pursuit of untold treasures was a FABULOUS idea.
CRAVEN!??! You need a permit to dig for buried treasure, you know that?
Yes I know that this is YOUR lot, but you dont REALLY own it, you still have to get permission to do stuff on your land from the local council. Yes I know thats stupid because you paid good money for that lot, but thats how it works. Its to stop you from being stupid. Like this.
Oh look, another wife who doesn't take to being pregnant at all well. After rolling the want to consume her some chilli con carne, Lucy proceeded to face plant into it and fall asleep. Where I left her for four hours to see if she'd drown in it. Apparently, Sims can breath chilli. Who knew?!
*reimagines the end of The Abyss, substituting chilli con carne for liquid oxygen*
MUCH MOAR AWESOME!
OH MY GOD! THE HOLE DIGGER! I BUSTED THEM! ITS CITRUS!!! You're gonna get your come-uppance, Citrus. When you least expect it! MARK MY WORDS!
DOG SPAM: D'Awwww, ZEUS! You still got the super adorables! :D <3333
Craven needs to be ridding himself of Lucy. Her crazy is seriously rubbing off. After finally fixing the whole gushing pipes problem, he decides wading half-naked through a field of prickly thistles in order to have a relaxing soak in the splintery, mud-caked dog bath while the tap on it breaks and sprays in him irritatingly in the face is THE BEST UNWINDING A SIM HAS EVER HAD.
Seriously, LUCY MUST GO! Risso? Its night honey. Sunbaking: URDOINITWRONG.
I guess this way there's no potential for sunburn/heatstroke? *scratches head*
Valencia, without fail, always finds some crazy brand of mermaid jewellery whenever she combs the sand for treasures. Risso on the other hand, well he gets disgruntled crabs who want to consume his fingers. The crab, however, IS orange. And so, that wins. Also, you dont need all your fingers to breed successfully, so its a worthy sacrifice for the pursuit of colour-relevant screen cappage. Serves you right for having awesome eyelashes. *preen*
Risso brings orange-haired girls home from school with him every day. They laydeez, they like him. *impressed* The parents of the little girls obviously have NO idea what they're allowing their little flame-haired angels to be exposed to:
Lucy: *is heavily pregnant and still wearing nothing but a leopard-print teddy*
Valencia: Are Daddy's spermies yellow, Step-Lucy?
Risso & OrangeHairGirl™: *wrapt attention*
YES YES YES!! DEATH MUST BE SOON, ITS BIRTHING TIME!!
Lucy freaks out in a panic from eating fish, and jumps INTO THE STAIRWELL to give birth. Perhaps she is in some way related to Repoman? I really think the trauma of childbirth is cataclismic enough without having to worry about being phased the entire time? O_O;;
OR IS IT?!
PHASING: DULLS THE PAIN?
OH LORDS, its twins again! More than made up for the fact we never got any Helena babies. O_O;;; BabyGirl Sienna! Blonde hair like her father, eyes like her father, tanned skin like her mother. Why don't you have naturally orange hair, like your mother, Sienna?
Oh right, cause I've already decided V is it, and you don't have a chance. CARRY ON!
And Sienna's few minutes younger brother, Ochre..! Ochre has same everything as his sister, and is stoned from birth. Dammit, too long exposed to Lucy's crazy. Should've grown them in jars.
Lucy, having done an AMAZINGLY awesome job of obsessively rearing Valencia and Risso, is hell-bent on completey ignoring her own children. Exhibit A: There's a rug about two metres south, and yet, she dumps Sienna on the cold kitchen lino so the little infant can sleep. You win at post-natal sanity, Lucy.
Childbirth has definitely tipped Lucy over the edge, and she decides manning Risso's Lemonade Stand in her leopard-print teddy is completely acceptable behaivour. Well guess what, Lucy? Its not. And to prove this, the only sim that's even remotely interested in buying her skanky lemonade? Is a dog.
Not just any dog either. CITRUS!
In revenge for all the hole digging (and belittling her attempts to begin a lemonade-stand conglomerate, although one would say she was actually being supportive, but Lucy's all post-natal crazy so DON'T SCREW WITH HER LOGIC!) Lucy decides NOW IS THE TIME to exact consequences on the wayward canine. Guess where naughty hole-digging puppies go when they get found out, Citrus? No no, not the farm. That would be TOO GOOD FOR YOU. Too EASY..! Where do they go?
...TO THE TINKERS! MUHAHAHAHAAA!!
Look at her little thought bubble, feeling hurt and betrayed by Lucy. WELL GUESS WHAT, CITRUS. I WARNED YOU! But NuUuuuUu you had to put pot-holes all over the estate and lower the land values. NO MORE! You can go infuriate Wanda with that shit.
Lucy Being completely pants at her-own children's care, Exhibit B: Ochre was happily slumbering in his cot, and Lucy RAN upstairs, screamed OUTBIRK and woke him up to put him on the floor. Then left to go play with the dogs. You go, Loose.
Lucy's new favourite post-natal past time? Swimming in the ocean for extensive amounts of time until she's so exhausted she's near energy (and other kinds of) desperation. Then she gets out, finds Craven for a roll in the sack and passes out, leaving him to single-handedly put the babies back in their cribs and making sure they don't starve to death.
RISSO! YOU HAVE A BED! How is sleeping on a raw-hewn log bench in the yard more comfortable than your own expensive mattress in your own warmed room? What is with this family and their penchant for splinters? Risso?! What's wrong with YOUR bed? Didn't I buy you a pretty one? Did I buy you one not to your liking? Doesn't Cube wash the sheets and starch them a little for extra crispness and then fold it for you every day with tight hospital corners? What's stopping you from enjoying that kind of awesome!?
Oh, hey Persia.
Valencia's CRESTFALLEN face at her burnt muffin slays me. She was so excited the entire time they were baking and then..! OH NOES! BURNT MUFFIN! *woe*
She went downstairs and ate it anyway. Carcinogens, just as delicious and nutritious as sand?
GOD. Hi Lucy! Swimming all-night until you're almost totally exhausted and then bitching at me that you need sleep again? Bah! You know you can get out ANY TIME, RIGHT?!
Uh. Wait. Lucy? You're not...
OMG YOU ARE! O_O;;;; HOLY CRAP! You're impervious to drowning in chilli con carne, but you meet your end in the sea!? O_O;;;
Lucy, sunk to the bottom of the ocean like a stone, inspire Valencia, Risso and AmyThePaperGirl™ to come running from the front yard and try and swim out to her prone, water-logged form. Death resigns himself to getting his robes wet yet AGAIN, double checks his notes and confirms to Scotty to beam her up.
Number of wives Craven has killed himself, 0.
Number of wives who have offed themselves (or each other) 3.
I'm calling it, he's cursed!
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* HOKAY! SO! I wanted a cooler name than Fang - something more FEAR INSPIRING - and so I asked parnacy & moonlapse to give me suggestions. Theresa gave me Richard, and I was like OKAY NOT THAT KIND OF FEAR, THE ACTUAL KIND OF FEAR, AS RICHARD IS JUST STUPID AND LAME. She insisted that this therefore meant TERRORFYING, and although I concur (what the hell kind of self-respecting alpha male werewolf wears his hair in a girl-braid and teaches snotty high school students?), again not the right kind of terror. (Also, everyone read The Parnacy, and comment so she updates it, please XD).
So Greg, being the man of many geekdoms as he is, was my best last hope for peace. After an intolerably long list of quantifying questions: male or female, real name or made-up-possibly-stolen-from-a-real-word, actually scary or ironically scary etc; I decided GOD TOO HARD I AM JUST USING FANG. Which he claimed was too boring, and then floated, wait for it, Sparrow.
I'm sorry, Sparrow? Greg, is obviously a member of MWPPS. Probably the secretary or something. Then he floated Steve/Rhys. And while also terrifying, again NOT the right kind of terrifying. So he countered with "Asdrubal." Um. K. So, Asdrubal meaning "Foes laugh in your face because they can't pronounce your name correctly"?
Can you imagine that? If some villianous werewolf tied me up to a tree and waited for the full moon so he could rip all my fleshes from my bones and suck on my marrow (tasty tasty stem cells!) and I was all "I SPIT IN YOUR FACE, WHOEVER YOU ARE!!" and he got all puffy (cause thats what villians do) and said "I.............! AM ASDRUBAL!" I'd be like "LOL LOL LOL TIME OUT BEFORE YOU EAT MA FLESHES. YOUR NAME IS WHAT?!" Kind of breaks the mood, dont you think? Y/Y?