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[fifthconundrum]

When I first started this blog in 2001 or 2002 I posted publicly. I was moving through a transition in life and needed to "shout into the void" in the hopes others would hear me and join me on a journey I felt very alone in up to that point. In recent years I have been blessed to build and nurture a tribe of people whose presence in my life reminds

Comments

[verucas_chaos]

I vacillate still with wanting to be part of society and not caring if I am. I've always been this way. If I can exist in my small circle, I am usually good. I always see you as someone who is so connected to life...so connected to your own person too. I respect that.

[fifthconundrum]

I like that I am getting more where you are: going back and forth between wanting to be part and not caring. Longing to be part is tiresome when I am keenly aware of all of the ways in which I do not fit. I like the aspects of me (and you) that are outside of the stereotypes!

With you

[purlypuss]

I'm also looking at how harshly I judge myself and how I''m surprised at how harshly other women that I think are physically lovely with objectively highly attractive physical traits HATE themselves. Like, I'm allowed (??) to hate myself but you're not! Or something

Re: With you

[fifthconundrum]

I do the same thing: other people are not allowed to criticize themselves for the same things I criticize myself for. I'm better about it than I used to be by far, but that tendency is still there. When I realize I am doing it I just have to laugh at the irony.

What is it with holding women up to insane standards and then judging us harshly when we don't meet them? I noticed that trend even as a child and have always chafed at it. I have always wanted to be accepted, loved, even worshipped for who I am, just like I strive to do for others.

I love that your dressing up is an act of rebellion against society saying you are "too old" (wtf???) and "don't matter" (again, wtf???). That's a great way to look at it!