*sings* A Long and Rambling Pooooost...

[fiendish_thingy]

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking lately, some of it spurred on by darklord_rising's articles. But first I should tell you flisters about yesterday simply because it's silly. After learning over the weekend that my checking account was overdrawn (how did I miss that??) I drove up to the bank to rectify the matter. Sure I could've done it online but I wanted

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[brilliant_snark]

Crazy day, then? ;) About getting off of the computer and just doing something, I think you and I can help each other there maybe. Since, you know, we tend to be chatting. I'll ask YOU "Did you move today?" and you can ask the same of me. If the answers no, then off we go to do that. But knowing the question is coming, maybe we'll be good. ;) Accountability!

Yeah, Tom's articles are great and have sparked some good conversations lately.
But I think it was more the costumer in me, the bit that enjoys looking just a little extravagant where and when I can manage. It's not really me though and I quite often felt off in makeup, ill-suited to it and, funnily enough, sort of in drag in it. THIS. It's a topic I've been coming back to again and again lately.

As for Bobby...hmmm. I'd have to say give it a chance, as a friendship. Maybe he does just want to hang. Friends are good for loneliness too. :)

[fiendish_thingy]

YES. Movement Buddies we shall be! XD This is a pretty good idea, I dare say. BTW, since I'm thinking about it: We'd talked about hanging out this weekend. How's your Saturday lookin'? I'm really pretty free-ish for most of the week, really, (save for Friday if Bobby takes me up on the offer to hang out) but I know that you actually work like a normal human being during the week. XD Damn work.

Friends are good for loneliness too. :)

You're definitely right about this. I'm not going to rush anything with Bobby. He's a potential friend and if anything else rears its head I'll take it from there. And I'll take it SLOWLY this time. It feels like much longer than it's been since I even considered dating a dude and what with all my recent discoveries he'd have to be preeeetty open-minded to handle me, I think. And... I'm overthinking this again. :P Shutting up no

Anyway. We need to hang out. :) We can talk gender and cosplay and... and... and FANDOM. And everything in between. :)

[vampireanneke]

Sent you and LJ Message...

[brilliant_snark]

Saturday is freeeee for you! I was actually gonna ask if you wanted to come out Friday night, since we're night people and all, and then be able to enjoy whatever all day Saturday. But it looks like you may be busy Friday. ;) But you can stay Sat night instead, though I will kick you out by about 2 on Sunday because we have to deal with Girl Scout stuff for kid...and this has gotten way long and detailed for a comment reply. XD

I overthink a lot. Really. A LOT. And I can't wait to hang. I'm...sort of really excited about the prospect. :)

[darklord_rising]

Blah I know how you feel about the weight. Summer is the hardest month for me to work out because it's so bloody hot. The buddy system is the best motivation for me. I've been trying to get up super early in the morning and do cardio because it wakes me up for the rest of the day

[fiendish_thingy]

Wow! It's so, well, odd seeing you as a woman. I've always identified you as male from day one. Not that you look bad in those photos -- on the contrary. It's just... not you.

felt like I was dressing up as a woman I would want to date, you know, not so much BE. <==== THIS. This pretty much strikes at the heart of it, I'm realizing. And vice versa with guys. Though, as I've mentioned a few times in previous posts, it's sort of a struggle to decide whether I'd rather BE them or DATE them... or, the preferable but more tricky option, BOTH. *cough* I'm rambling again. Anyway.

Tit for tat: In addition to the photos that you may or may not have already seen on FB, here're a few of my girlier get-ups. (I don't mind the first one so much... but that's mainly because I was trying so very hard to be hardcore and boyish anyway. ;P )

At a Summer Festival
In Italy
Also in Italy

And the GODAWFUL thing they made me wear at Disneyland.
Ick. Don't miss the Awkward of THAT Costume*coughs* Anyway. Yeah. Gonna cut myself off before I go on for much

I had a link fail. :p

[fiendish_thingy]

Er. Horrific Costume Here, Actually

Anyway. Yeah.

Re: I had a link fail. :p

[darklord_rising]

Yeah it's weird looking back at the pics of myself as a girl, because I look at them and think it's someone else. I feel like I always should have been a guy.

WOW. You look so different in those photos! The first one definitely seems more you, the rest don't at all. Very pretty, though, except I can see why you hate the Disneyland costume. Scary.

It's always hard to figure that out...the dressing up and trying to figure out if you want to be that or date that. Before I did a lot of costuming, I was trying to figure that out in the online RPG world. A lot of my friends played male characters they wanted to date, while I wanted to be my characters. So I was confused for awhile since none of them understood what I was getting at. Now I understand why sexuality and gender are hard to separate even though they are technically different concepts.

[alabastard]

The buddy system works, though once you start seeing results it will be motivation enough to continue. I love the gym, it's like my playground, and I always feel so good after a strong workout. I have been a personal trainer, so if you ever have any questions, feel free to ping me, especially in the area of weight training. I love swimming, pity my eyes can't take the chlorine much anymore, not to mention the hair goes greenish...

Wish we all lived closer, but facebook's better than nothing.

I think you are in a very reflective and introspective place and very much where you should be right now, enjoy it, take your time with things that won't be easy to undue, you are so young yet, and have plenty of time to settle on a path.

[fiendish_thingy]

When I was really on a roll I could go to the gym multiple times a week and work out for long periods of time... just because I enjoyed it. I've long since fallen out of the routine, of course, but I do know what you're talking about. Hopefully I can get back to that point soon. In any case, I think I might ping ya for advice sometime this week.

Wish we all lived closer, but facebook's better than nothing.

Ain't that the truth? We do what we can. I'll try again to call sometime soon; that helps to bridge the distance as well, if only a bit.

Anyway, I think you're right: I need to take my time with everything but I think I've made progress and am on the right track. I do appreciate getting confirmation to that effect though. Gives me a smidge of perspective.

[droxy]

I wish I could send you some weight...

Tom has some fantastic articles, gut wrenching too.

[fiendish_thingy]

*nods* That he does! I'm quite impressed.

And don't you go magically transferrin' any weight over this way!

[stupid_drawings]

Heh, if you're going to hang with Bobby, let him know you're not interested in dating if you're not! Do not end up going through the thing that happens to me often: accidental boyfriends!

Sherlock, do you have a John?

And gender is a really tricky issue. I used to wish I was a guy so much. It was part of my issue in relationships with guys (and still is). I always was sort of flattered when I would get called sir, but it doesn't happen as much now that I am a bit older. I think it is awesome that you can live in a more gender neutral way! Androgyny is beautiful.

[fiendish_thingy]

Accidental boyfriends! Must... be on... guard! Yeah, I'm going to play things by ear but if it really seems as though he's angling toward dating I'm going to tell him that I don't know if it's a good time for me and explain, well, a bit of my reasoning at least.

Sherlock, do you have a John?

Beg pardon? Are you calling me a prostitute?

Bad joke, I know. :p Well, depends on the context. I think Jules is going to try to be my Watson for D*C next year. ;)

In regards to gender... YES. Tricky indeed. I pretty much agree with everything you said up there, though I've only started getting 'sir'-ed in the past few years, since I cut my hair short. And now not so much now that it's longer again. :P As of right now I'll confess I'm a little less gender neutral and a little more... gender chaotic but I do think that this androgyny thing might just work for me. XD

[stupid_drawings]

Gender chaotic! That makes me think I am gender evil because no matter how good my characters start out, they always end up making an extra roll to twist their knives when killing something. Oops.
Awesome. I kind of want walk around as john watson at some point this year d*c, and am hoping I run into a sherlock. :p
John, lolz.

Oh, and I will tell you of the accidental boyfriends next time we chat! It always cracks tiff up.

[fiendish_thingy]

I think that gender needs to be laid out like DnD alignments, yes. XD Things would be way more interesting that way.

Eeeee. If you end up walking around as John try to get some pics. I hope that you find a Sherlock. :) John's some kinda awesome, yes he is. (Come to Comic Con next year! We'll Shwatsonlock. Or something. :P )

And hee. I look forward to hearing the hilarity.