helping others understand

[jemgirl81]

My  husband wants to understand what I'm going through.  Any idea how to explain what we go through on a day-to-day basis?  He made a comment last night when we were watching tv.  A fibromyalgia commercial came on, and he went on about how all the sudden it's fibro this and fibro that.  He asked the question " What the hell is wrong with these

Comments

[jemgirl81]

Thank you so much. I will show him as soon as he gets home.

[funnel101]

Google "letter to normals". :)

[krasota]

Here it is:
http://www.notdoneliving.net/foothold/openletter/options.html

[jemgirl81]

I had him read it. I still don't think he 'gets' it. But I am so glad he wants to. That in itself means so much to me.

[krasota]

Has he ever had influenza? Real, honest-to-goodness influenza? Not a stomach bug, but the heinous respiratory/body ache bug? That's what I feel like on a daily basis. If he's ever had Influenza A, he might have a better idea of what a fibro flare is like.

[ladyelaine]

For me it's like someone is pressing down on all my joints, all the time. Sometimes the pressure is more, sometimes less, but it's always there; at its worst, it feels like my joints are full of shards of glass. My energy levels also vary; any time there's rainy weather, I'm tired and I have a harder time doing normal things. I wake up in the morning feeling like I just worked out.

And the worst part is the frustration. I exercise regularly, which really helps lower my pain levels. But any time I get a flare, it's like I've done all this work for nothing, and it can take me a week or more to recover my strength and energy afterwards. It's almost like having a full-body injury any time I flare. Not only is there the pain, but there's also a recovery period, just like a "real" injury.

[jemgirl81]

Thank you. I too get worse with the weather. He notices it, everyone actually notices it.
*hugs*

[jemgirl81]

I've only checked these out a little so far, but they look great. Thank you

[fearthainnlent]

A couple ideas

Most men have lifted weights at one time or another.
*Strap an extra 50 pounds on and try and do your daily tasks.
*The "burn" from lactic acid build up in the muscles--it never goes away.

also most everyone has had the flu with the "ache all over"
once again, it never goes away.

Rather than telling him the spoons thing which is helpful if it can be visualized, men are often more hands on. Give him a finite number of tokens to carry in his pocket during the day, explain that each one represents an activity: driving the car, taking out the trash, working for a half-hour, climbing the stairs, picking up a child, changing a tire (2 for that I think) etc. Ask him not to cheat and to move the tokens from one pocket to the other until they are gone. Then to stop for 10 minutes or so and think about not being able to do another thing.

[jemgirl81]

That is a great idea. Thank you so much. I think the token thing might actually work. Maybe we'll try that tomorrow when he goes to work.

[jemgirl81]

I also think he'll get the after the work out analogy. I hadn't thought of that. I had tried to explain it like being sick with the flu, but he really doesnt' get sick.