The Pearl Blade (PG, 1/1)
This is my final project from my Forms of Creative Writing: Subversion class. I like to think of it as 'that crack romance novel thing.' I am pleased to report it got an A+. There are no FH characters in this, but it was inspired by FH and born of late-night crack IMs between me and mparker17. And this series has taken over the library aides' reading list, so...yeah. Enjoy!
THE PEARL BLADE
Being the third book in the wildly popular, wildly passionate best-selling Flowers of the Caribbean series by world-renowned authoress
ANGELICA DEMESNES
Amethyst Flower and her beloved Running Wolf MacGregor have settled down to a quiet life of pirating, but what does the future hold for Running Wolf’s darling younger sister, Shining Red Fox MacGregor, the most beautiful woman in the world? Nothing promising, it seems, as she is captured by the famous mercenary
Diego Tang, who doesn’t know what he’s in for in crossing the Flower-MacGregor family.
What does the future hold for the abducted Shining Red Fox?? Will Ammy find her in time??? Will Diego have a change of heart???? Who hired him in the first place????? Passions will flare in the tropical jungles in...
THE PEARL BLADE!!!!
-“Absolutely titillating!” Bunny Naismith, critic
-“As always, Angelica Demesnes paints a lovely picture of seduction and intrigue in the Caribbean-though I suppose it’s actually the Amazon for this story.” Laurel M. Hamill, author
-“There can be no doubt, Angelica Demesnes is one of the best writers of our time.” Gerra Davies, critic
Over ten million copies sold!!!
Well, Shining Red Fox MacGregor thought to herself, this is quite a quandary, isn’t it? She tested the ropes bound around her slender wrists once more, and blinked as though the canvas bag over her head might suddenly become transparent. She knew she could easily slip these bonds, but then what? She had no idea how long she had been unconscious, or where she might be now, though the rocking motion indicated a boat. And unlike her brother Running Wolf, Fox had never been a big fan of the sea.
At some point, she hoped she threw up on her abductors’ shoes. It would serve them right.
“Shh, I think she’s waking up.”
She thought of saying, “Do you think so?” but decided discretion might be the better part of valor. And also the better part of not getting whipped, raped, and fed to the sharks. She’d heard terrible things about the sort of pirates that would kidnap a young lady while she was doing the laundry. Not her brother’s wife’s sort of pirates, of course, but the other sort.
The bag whipped off her head, and Fox’s long hair, shining like new copper, tumbled down around her slender shoulders. The twin emerald orbs of her eyes peered up through thick lashes at her captor. He was handsome, she thought, in that roguish way, with dark skin, though not even as dark as her own, and eyes that reminded her of Amethyst Flower, Running Wolf’s wife, that same almond shape. Of course, Ammy’s eyes were an unusual shade of purple, and this man’s were dark like coals. “You are Red Fox MacGregor, are you not?” he asked her. Ah, she thought, recognizing the accent. A Spaniard.
She tossed her hair and told him, “Of course I am not.” He turned on his heel and started to swear. “I am Shining Red Fox MacGregor. I do realize it’s a bit of a mouthful, but you could at least try to get it right.” He snarled and raised a hand to her, and she arched one perfect brow at him. “Are you a pirate?”
“Excuse me?”
“Because if you’re a pirate, you might have heard of my brother. Running Wolf? His wife is the captain of the Flower Song.”
“I’m not a pirate. And I have no idea what you’re talking about. That’s absurd, a woman captaining a pirate ship.” Fox just stared up at him very, very calmly. “Oh, God, you’re serious, aren’t you?”
“She’s going to have such fun hurting you.”
The man shook himself. “I should be asking the questions here.”
“I can’t imagine what about. You didn’t even know about Ammy, and Ammy’s the only thing I can imagine anyone wanting information out of me about.”
“I don’t actually have any questions,” he admitted, “but I should be the one asking them. If I had them. Er.”
Fox rolled her sparkling, coffee-colored eyes. “Look, why did you kidnap me? Because if it’s because of my ravishing beauty, that makes the fifth time this year, so I can just knee you in the groin and be on my way with my virtue intact, yes?”
“Bit of a swim.”
“Not once I tell the crew who my sister-in-law is.”
“She can’t be that scary. I’ve never heard of her!” And she’s a woman, he did not add, because while clearly she was, she was also the kind of woman who captained a pirate ship, a creature he’d never encountered before. Fox just stared up at him, impassive. “I was hired to kidnap you and take you to a secret hideaway in Brazil.”
“All right. Why? My ravishing beauty?” she asked mockingly.
“Er. I don’t know, actually,” he admitted, getting a little distracted by her admittedly lovely figure. “I’m to await further orders once we get there.”
“Long haul to Brazil.”
“Yes, I know.” He stared down at her, feeling rather silly. “Er, would you like something to drink?”
“I’ll only throw it up. I get seasick, you know.”
Actually, he hadn’t known. “Later, then.”
“Yes.” And he put the bag back over her head. He thought he liked her better when she wasn’t talking.
***
“Mummy, Mummy, look at this!” a tiny girl demanded, tugging on the dread pirate-ninja princess Amethyst Flower’s belt.
“Not now, honey,” the woman said distractedly, her legendary amethyst eyes scanning the letter from her mother-in-law, White Wolf of the Seminole. “Mummy has to go stab some people and rescue your auntie.”
“But I found a pretty rock, Mummy!”
Amethyst Flower did worry a bit about Sappy’s obsession with rocks. She wanted the girl to go into the family business, piracy, but with her mixed heritage, she supposed it was natural for Sapphy to want to try something different. Perhaps she would be a geologist. Ammy heard there was good money in that, even if she wasn’t really clear what geologists did, and for only one member of the family to turn respectable, well, that wasn’t such a bad track record. “Go show it to Daddy.”
“Daddy’s all spotty and you said I shouldn’t go near him.”
“Oh, right.” Curse her husband for getting the measles now, of all times, though she supposed it was better than during the pirating season. Ammy knelt down next to her small daughter, Sapphire Flower and smiled. “Show me your rock, then.” After the appropriate exclamatory statements over the rock had been said-it was quite sparkly, she supposed-she sent Sapphy off to see Ammy’s first mate, Carlos, and his grizzly bear. Sapphy did so love to play with Fluffy.
It was the off-season for pirating, and the crew of the Flower Song, like several other ships’ crews, had stopped over in the town founded by Ammy’s father, the dreaded pirate Barjossakin. It was a nice life, a quiet life, but rather boring. About three weeks into the vacation, Ammy’s mother, the Jade Flower, had declared herself, “Bored now,” and gone off to do ninja things.
Ammy strode down the street toward her own house, her boots thudding imperiously against the sand of the street, lesser pirates moving aside at her passage. She opened the door to her and Running Wolf’s house, went back into their bedroom, and told him, “Your sister’s been kidnapped.”
“That’s nice,” her husband said in a voice that suggested misery. “What else is new?”
“Sounds serious this time,” she said as she flipped open the chest containing her arsenal of very sharp things. “I’m going to go shake a few things down. See what falls out.”
“They’ll return her once they realize how much trouble she is. Or she’ll turn into a fox and run away.”
“She can do that?”
“I can turn into a wolf, can’t I?”
Ammy considered that. “This is very true. How did I not know that?”
“Because I never told you. Where’s Sapphy?”
“Playing with Fluffy. I’ll tell my da to watch her until you’re back on your feet. If she gets sick, too, I’ll kick both your asses. Don’t die while I’m gone.”
“I’ll try, honey. Have fun saving my sister,” he mumbled, and turned over to face the wall. Ammy shrugged and continued arming herself. It was probably just another moron that thought Fox would fall in love with and marry him for kidnapping her, but it never hurt to be prepared.
***
This job was not, unfortunately, turning out to be as easy as Diego had hoped. Kidnapping some pretty village girl should have been a breeze, but it was becoming increasingly clear that there were complications he didn’t even know about. In retrospect, he probably should have been suspicious when his mysterious, anonymous employer’s go-between insisted he take the girl from Florida to Brazil as soon as he had her in his possession.
Several members of the crew had not shown back up after their stopover for supplies at Tortuga, shortly after Diego had asked a few of them whether they’d ever heard of this Running Wolf character, or Ammy. He’d been asked if he meant ‘Amethyst Flower’ and when he said he didn’t know, but he was allergic to violets, the man had the nerve to laugh in his face. He’d also said he’d go to Diego’s funeral, but he was sure those were just the ravings of an old, rum-addled privateer.
Pretty sure, anyway.
Shining Red Fox had been a fairly easy prisoner thus far, if a bit cheeky and definitely seasick. She’d ruined Diego’s favorite boots, the velvet ones with intricate silver embroidery. He’d felt them very appropriate for a dashing mercenary, but they were at the bottom of the sea now and probably still stained with vomit. If he hadn’t needed her alive and unharmed, it was entirely possible Her Nauseatedness would have followed them. Of course, it didn’t hurt that she was quite easy on the eyes, even while green around the edges.
He consoled himself with the knowledge that they would be in Brazil soon, and mentally berated himself for kidnapping the girl now, instead of waiting until the traditional pirating season. The crew he’d hired had come cheap, for sure, because they were desperate for work, but they weren’t the best he’d ever run across, and sailing from Florida to Brazil, they’d been damned lucky to avoid any truly bad storms.
He shuddered to think of how Fox would have reacted to one of those.
“This is why I didn’t go with my brother,” she confided in him one day before bowing her head over a bucket again.
Diego wondered if he was going to get in trouble over all the weight she’d lost during their voyage. His employer was mysterious and anonymous, of course, but if what she’d said about people regularly kidnapping her in an attempt to win her hand was true, that was probably what his employer was after. And he would be very upset about her haggard appearance. Perhaps he ought to buy her a new dress or something before he took her to the location in the jungle his employer’s go-between had told him of. That might make her more agreeable-women liked dresses, after all-but then, she was being weirdly agreeable to start with. There was no cursing, no threats, and no attempts to kick him in his manly parts, though he occasionally caught her looking at him with a tiny, secretive smile that was actually quite unnerving. It was like she knew something he didn’t, which he had to admit was probably true. How to wash clothes, for instance.
Shining Red Fox looked up from her bucket and said, “You’re awfully quiet.”
“You want me to talk while you retch?”
“Oddly, I don’t feel the need to vomit right this moment.” She tossed her head, sending her coppery waves of hair cascading back. Her hair was still gorgeous, long and silky and shining, even after several weeks belowdecks with no way to wash it. “Tell me about yourself.”
“Excuse me?”
“Tell me about yourself, Spaniard. I don’t think I’ve ever caught your name, and how on Earth are we to start this relationship off on the right foot if I don’t even know your name. Most of the men who kidnap me start telling me their life histories right off the bat. Of course, most of them don’t toss me shipboard, either. That’s a guaranteed way to not win my affections.”
He blinked. “Do you really get kidnapped a lot, then?” She’d mentioned it before, but the matter-of-fact way she referenced it was...worrisome, to say the least.
“A fair amount. Generally they let me go as soon as I say I won’t marry them, but you, you haven’t even asked yet. And the only other reason I can think of anyone would kidnap me is Running Wolf, and you didn’t even know who he was. So that’s right out. But we’re getting off track. Your name.”
“My name is Diego Tang.”
“The mercenary?”
“You’ve heard of me?”
“My sister-in-law mentioned you. They call you the Pearl Blade, do they not?”
“Yes, I have been given that name.”
“And why might they call you that?”
“The pommel of my sword is a great pearl.” Shining Red Fox MacGregor giggled. Diego didn’t see what was so funny about it.
“So the blade’s not pearly, then?”
“No. How absurd. Pearls are not large enough to craft swords out of, and even if they were, it would be beyond price...and the fragility...”
“You’re actually rather thick, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“Never mind. It’s kind of adorable, actually. I suppose brains aren’t in demand for mercenaries these days. Tang, Tang, let me see...ah, yes, your father is Chinese, correct? Banished from Hong Kong or wherever and had to come all the way to this side of the world to find somewhere no one was looking to kill him?”
Diego blushed but admitted, “That is more or less correct.”
“Hmm,” Fox muttered. “You’d think someone would have contacted Jade about that by now...anyway. Diego, that’s a nice Spanish name.”
“My mother is Mexican.”
“Another halfbreed.”
“Excuse me?” He really didn’t care for being called that.
“Oh, please, don’t you know anything about me?”
“I do what I’m told, and I don’t ask questions. Inquisitive people don’t last long in this line of work.”
“Perhaps you should have asked a few more questions. Then you’d know about Ammy and my brother and have turned this job down and wouldn’t we all be happier?”
He didn’t argue with that statement. “It’s doubtful I would have turned this job down. My employer is paying me quite handsomely for merely ferrying you to your destination.”
“He would have to be.” And she smiled at him-at least, he thought it was a smile. It showed a lot of very white teeth, anyway, and he figured it was just a trick of the light that made them appear so very sharp. “My brother is going to eat your face.”
For a moment, he thought she was serious. But then he reminded himself it was just a figure of speech. “Glad to see you’re feeling well enough to be cheeky. Now knock it off and we’ll all get along better, hmm?” He patted her on her head and she tried to bite him. And here he’d been hoping she’d stay docile. Oh, well. No good thing could last forever. “Ah, ah. Behave like that and you won’t get fed.”
She turned green again. “Promise?”
He fled before his second-favorite pair of boots became casualties as well.
Shining Red Fox smirked at his retreating back. He’d been so distraught by the thought of her vomit he’d fled rather than pursuing a line of questioning that might’ve led to his learning what danger he was actually in. Silly man. He didn’t seem too bright, though she had to admit he was nicer than some of her previous captors, not to mention handsomer. And with much more of a reputation. She did like a man with a reputation, an attitude her mother thought unhealthy. One of her children was already infamous. She’d been hopeful Fox would settle down in the Seminole village with some nice young hunter and have a quiet life. Unfortunately, circumstances had always seemed to conspire against what her mother wanted.
***
Meanwhile, in Tortuga, Amethyst Flower was hot on the trail of her sister-in-law and her abductor. She had run into her mother in Jamaica, and offered the original Flower a chance to come along-she and Jade so rarely got to spend bonding time since Ammy had married and gotten her own ship. However, Jade was in the middle of a contract. A pirate associate of her husband’s wanted the daughter of the governor and her boyfriend, who was generally described as ‘insipid,’ dead, and had hired Jade, knowing she was still the best around, for the job. Jade had told Ammy that while she would have loved to help her daughter, the contract came first. Ammy, of course, understood completely. So she was in Tortuga alone, and probably the only woman in town who needed have no fear.
She walked into one of the many taverns, and conversation fell silent. In her skin-tight velvet breeches and tall, glossy black boots, with her saber strapped to her hip, Ammy was quite a sight to behold, even without her long, shining ebony tresses and the tilted, sparkling amethyst orbs of her eyes. “Does everybody know who I am?” she asked coolly.
The bartender said, “Aye. We know who you are. You’re the Flower’s girl. The ninja pirate princess. An’ we’ve done nothin’ to get on your lot’s bad side.”
“Maybe you have. Maybe you haven’t. My husband’s sister is missing and I’m going to find her. Any of you boys know where
she might be found?” No one said anything, so she went up to the bar and ordered a pint of grog. While she was sipping it, a man sat down next to her. “You know where she is?”
“Maybe. She a red-haired lass?”
“She might be.”
“The Pearl Blade hired the crew I’s with to take him and some girl to Brazil. Red-haired thing. Real pretty. Couple days out he starts askin’ questions about you an’ that husband o’ yours, like he didn’ know who you were to start with. Some of us that was smart got out while the getting was good.”
“That was smart of you. Brazil, you say?”
“Yeah. Sao Paolo.”
“You know where I can get passage?”
“It’s the off season.”
“And I’m Amethyst Flower.”
The man admitted to himself that yes, she did have a point there, she was Amethyst Flower, and that tended to change things, didn’t it? “There might be a rum ship leaving tonight, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“I don’t even know your name, friend.” She left a coin on the bar for her grog, and another for his help, and went to gather her things from her room before going to the docks.
***
The editor regrets to inform that due to a printer’s error, the following chapter has been lost. It was decided too go ahead with the printing in order to get this long-awaited sequel out on time. The dear reader may right to the publisher for it, or wait until a later printing. We apologize for any inconvenience.
***
After the most exquisite night of her life, Fox awakened to find the little hut in the jungles of Brazil empty. She briefly considered making her escape while she had the chance, then decided that no, she couldn’t just leave Diego. She had come to love him, after all, and after he had shown her such pleasure as she had never known, she couldn’t just skip out without saying so much as goodbye.
Unless he had done that to her. His job was to get her here, after all. Having fulfilled his duty, what if he had decided he didn’t care about her after all, and had simply left her here for whoever had hired him? Troubled crystalline tears welled up in her beautiful topaz-colored eyes. She simply couldn’t bear it if he’d left her. If she was just a job to him, and not his cherished darling. He’d said such sweet things...
She swiped away her tears viciously with one slender hand and stood. She didn’t bother to dress, just wrapped the sheet around her lithe, curvaceous form and left the hut in search of her beloved. What did it matter, after all? They were in the middle of nowhere, and while the animal life was strange here, she didn’t think they would care what she wore any more than the animals in her native Florida did.
***
“You,” Ammy snarled, one hand flying to her sabre hilt as she smashed yet another of the accursed snakes infesting the ship under her boot heel. “Didn’t my husband kill you?”
“He tried, of course, but your little wolf pup just wasn’t up to the job. Where is dear Running Wolf, anyway? I’d just love a rematch with that savage beast.”
“He’s busy,” she snapped.
“Mmm. Of course he is. I suppose you’ve tired of him already, dear Amethyst. Well, it’s only to be expected. How could he ever keep an extraordinary woman such as yourself happy? Now, to the matter of your sister-in-law-”
“What do you know about Fox?”
“Don’t be absurd, Amethyst, it’s the gossip of the Caribbean. Your sister-in-law...if indeed she is. You pirates are so fond of sin, I find it hard to believe there was ever anything lawful about your liaison with MacGregor.” Ammy entertained fond dreams of stabbing him, but she regretfully had to admit she needed any information he could give her on Fox’s whereabouts. “Tang has the girl. He’s taken her to some hut in the jungles of Brazil, and insists he’ll give her back for a ransom of 15,000 pieces of eight.”
“That’s absurd. I can’t afford that and I’m rich.”
“For a pirate. I, however, can afford it easily enough, and I’ll be more than happy to make you a loan...at fifteen percent interest.”
“Are you insane? Wait, don’t answer that. I already know the answer is yes.”
“Very cute. Of course, we could just called the debt cancelled...if you will only spend one night in my bed.”
Ammy briefly pretended to consider his oh-so-generous offer and then, in an action so swift her hand could not be seen to move, the sheikh fell to the deck with one of the daggers she kept secreted about her person in his heart. “The answer is no,” she told his corpse sweetly. “Please to kindly stay dead this time, ‘kay?” She arched one eyebrow at his bodyguards, who looked at one another and fled up the stairs to the main deck.
“Smarter than your last bodyguards,” she mused as she pulled the shining blade from his chest and used it to impale a passing cobra. “I suppose you’re responsible for all these bloody snakes, too, hmm? Bastard.” She was pretty sure he was dead for sure this time, but it never hurt to be on the safe side. She dragged the corpse up to the main deck, where the ship’s captain was at the wheel. “Roger,” she greeted him.
“Ammy,” he said in a jolly manner. “Why’ve you gone and killed one of my paying passengers?”
“He was asking for a killing, Roger, really he was. You can have his stuff. That should more than make up for the fare. Also, I’m pretty sure he brought the snakes.” Actually, she wasn’t, but it was as good as explanation as any, and Roger seemed to buy it.
“Mmm. That would explain it, yes. I don’t like these snakes on my ship.”
“No one likes snakes on their ship.” She peered over the railing and asked in a conversational tone, “These are shark-infested waters, right?”
“Of course. You know that as well as I.”
“Lovely. Help me with this?” Between the two of them, they pitched the sheikh’s corpse overboard to become shark food, and that was that.
They would never discover that it had been the sheikh who hired Diego to abduct Shining Red Fox, as part of one of his many insidious, but not very well thought-out schemes to win the hand and heart, or at least the body, of Amethyst Flower, the only woman who had ever spurned him. Little did he suspect the deadly turn his plot would take.
***
Shining Red Fox stepped out of the hut and wandered down the path toward the river. Perhaps she would find her darling Diego there. Or perhaps she would find some nice fishermen who could get her the hell out of here, if indeed he had abandoned her to her fate. She did not think she wanted to know the sort of man who would hire her kidnapped rather than doing it himself. It spoke of a certain laziness.
“Darling,” her handsome beloved said as he waded out of the river, “Why are you wearing a sheet?”
“I didn’t feel like putting on clothes.”
“But what if someone sees you?”
She shrugged. “Why should I care? I am the most beautiful woman in the world, after all.”
“This is undeniably true.”
She giggled. “So. When is your employer showing up?”
“I don’t know. His liaison didn’t say. I’m not giving you up.”
“I should certainly hope not, darling.”
“You aren’t worried about...jaguars or something?” he asked, eyeing her sheet-clad bosom, heaving temptingly, with licentious eyes.
“Jaguars, what are those? Are they like panthers?”
“A bit.”
“Then no, of course not. The jaguars should be more worried about me,” she stated with a coy giggle. “Silly cats wouldn’t know what hit them.”
“You’re very strange.”
“Oh, that’s right, you still don’t know who I am.”
“Of course I do. You’re Shining Red Fox MacGregor. I must confess the MacGregor has me a bit baffled, though. It’s not exactly a Seminole name, is it?”
“No, of course it’s not. It’s Scottish. My father was a clan chieftain, but then...well, let’s just say his entire clan was slaughtered. Except him, of course. He survived and moved to Florida to start over, met my mother, and la diddy da, so I stand before you today. So you see, we’re not that different after all.”
“I’m very sorry about your father’s clan.”
“Oh, he’s over it. Or at least I assume he is. He skipped out on us when I was three.”
“How terrible it must have been for you, coming from a broken home,” Diego said in his smooth Spanish manner, moving closer to her.
“No, I’m over it,” Fox said dismissively. “I think I’ll go put some fresh clothes on now, okay? You just keep fishing or whatever it is you were doing. We’re going to have to eat, after all.” She headed back to the hut, trailing her sheet behind her.
Diego sighed. He supposed he could always sex her up later. They had all the time in the world, after all. Or at least, all the time until whoever hired him showed up to claim the girl. Diego doubted his employer would be satisfied by Diego’s returning the fee. There would probably be a grand fight.
And there was still Fox’s brother and this Amethyst person to consider.
***
Fox had just finished getting dressed when a knock sounded on the door of the hut in the jungle of Brazil. She opened the door to find, not Diego (not that he would have knocked), but rather Amethyst Flower. “Ammy,” she gasped. “What are you doing here?”
“That’s kind of a stupid question, isn’t it?” Ammy asked.
“Well, yes, but...how did you get here so quickly? We just got here last night!”
“That’s not important right now. Are you all right? Did he savage you?”
“Savage what?”
“Did he have his way with you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Ammy.”
“Oh, hell, he did, and it’s made you go stupid. Well, that happens sometimes. Come on, we’ll take you back home where you don’t have to think. At least you’re not a pirate. I can’t afford screw-addled pirates.”
“Oh, that. Yes. We made beautiful love.”
Ammy covered her face with one hand, peeking between her fingers at Fox. “Are you listening to yourself? Tang kidnapped you and held you for ransom!”
“Yes, but he feels very bad about it.”
“...”
Then Diego attacked from behind, and Amethyst drew her sword to fight him. Fox watched from between her fingers-she just couldn’t bear violence, especially not over her-and waited for it all to be over. She did hope Diego would be victorious. He was her beloved, after all. Fox was just her sister-in-law who’d come all the way to Brazil during what was supposed to be her vacation to rescue her.
Well, Shining Red Fox supposed she could try to stop the fight. After all, it was much less fun when it wasn’t two men fighting over her. “Ammy, stop! He was going to defend me from the people who paid him to kidnap me!”|
“Yeah, right!”
“You mean you’re not my employer?” Diego asked as he jabbed at Ammy with his blade. She feinted, and cut him across the shoulder.
“Do I look like the kind of person who has girls kidnapped?”
“Well, no, but you never can tell. Can we stop fighting for a moment?”
Ammy sighed. “I suppose so. So, Tang, you’d better have a damned good explanation for all this.”
“You have the advantage of me, woman. You know my name, but I do not know yours.”
Ammy struck a dramatic stance. “I am Amethyst Flower, the ninja pirate princess.”
“The who?”
“You’re joking, right?”
“No, I’ve never heard of you.”
“Fox, let me cut his head off. Preferably the lower one.”
Fox tittered. “No, Ammy, I like it.”
“I’ll have one of the pirates carve you a new one. Out of wood.”
“Won’t that have splinters?”
“Whatever.”
“It’s not like it could be a substitute,” Diego boasted, clearly having figured out what they were talking about. Ammy rolled her eyes. “Listen, Miss...Flower.”
“Mrs. MacGregor,” Ammy corrected him.
“Yes, that. Oh, I seem to remember Fox predicting you would come and mutilate me now.”
“Oh, so my reputation does precede me.” Ammy perked up a little at that.
“Yes, er, ma’am. I can explain.” He proceeded to do so, and when he was finished, Ammy put up her sword and decided not to kill him. She understood that he needed the money from kidnapping Red Fox to pay for his father’s life-saving operation back in Mexico. The story of what a good, loving son Diego was being by kidnapping her sister-in-law brought tears to her eyes, and she was thrilled that this good, kind man had seen the error of his ways and not only repented of abducting Shining Red Fox, but had fallen in love with her. It would be a privilege and an honor, she decided, to have him for a brother-in-law. After all this, she stitched up his wounded shoulder for him and they got drunk on the rum she’d brought along, since a pirate never goes anywhere without rum.
The next day, they left the little hut in the jungle and headed back to the pirate village in Florida.
***
When they arrived back in Florida, they discovered that Running Wolf had recovered from his measles and, showing his true colors at last, taken up with one of the scullery maids and ‘providers of comfort’ from Barjossakin’s fleet, an utter skank whore with teased, peroxide-bleached nasty-ass hair named “Becky Ann.” What the hell kind of name was Becky Ann, anyway, and who would leave a stunning ninja pirate princess like Amethyst Flower for a skanky scullery maid? Amethyst’s father had removed Sapphire Flower from her father’s care for her own good, and was merely waiting for his daughter to return to have the pleasure of putting her erstwhile husband out of his misery, he having caught several different appalling sexually transmitted diseases from Becky Ann’s diseased, stretched-out womanhood. He had had quite a time convincing Jade Flower not to do the deed in her daughter’s name, feeling Ammy should have the chance to defend her own honor. There were no divorces among the pirates, only well-deserved murders. They were a bloodthirsty people, after all, and even if Running Wolf hadn’t deserved it, Amethyst Flower was their princess, and would have gotten in no trouble for killing her cheating, lying, no-good, no-account worthless husband. But he totally deserved it. So she cut his head off. Not the lower head, because it was too diseased and disgusting thanks to that skank whore Becky Ann for her to sully her blade with it.
***
A few days later, Shining Red Fox and the dead and unlamented Running Wolf’s parents arrived from the Seminole village to rejoice in their daughter’s safe return with her beloved Diego and to dance on their worthless son’s grave. Malcolm MacGregor confided to Amethyst Flower that he’d always thought she was too good for his son, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything because they had seemed so happy. Ammy assured him it had all been an illusion.
Shortly following the MacGregors’ arrival, Diego and Shining Red Fox were wed. The whole pirate town turned out for the wedding. Barjossakin, as mayor of Pirate Town, officiated, and Ammy was the maid of honor. Carlos, her first mate, was Diego’s best man, and Fluffy the grizzly bear was the ring bearer. Sapphire Flower made an adorable flower girl once Ammy talked her out of strewing the aisle with her collection of pretty rocks. She had gotten over her worthless father’s death very quickly, especially after her mother let her practice her throwing stars technique on Becky Ann.
Shining Red Fox made a lovely bride, as was expected of the most beautiful woman in the world, in a white silk gown covered in seed pearls and diamonds, with a lace veil imported from Europe especially for the occasion. She shone so with happiness that all eyes were on her face, rather than her lovely, heaving bosoms. Diego cut a dashing figure in crimson velvet. His wedding gift from Fox was a pair of brocade boots, to replace the ones she’d ruined during their jaunt to Brazil. Some of the more hardened pirates even cried as Barjossakin pronounced her and her beloved Pearl Blade man and wife. They gazed lovingly into one another’s star-struck eyes, and when Barjossakin told Diego to kiss his bride, he had no problems at all complying with that order. As the pirate onlookers cheered, the world melted away for Diego and Shining Red Fox MacGregor-Tang.
Later that night, as they slept in an inn on their way to their honeymoon, Shining Red Fox turned to her husband and told him, “I’m so glad you kidnapped me.”
“And I’m so glad I took this job. Just think, if I’d decided the money wasn’t good enough, we might never have met and fallen madly in love.”
“Yes, fancy that. Thank goodness for coincidences like that, hmm?”
“Yes, darling.”
“Darling, there was something I wanted to tell you.”
“What’s that, baby?”
“Well, baby, I’m having a baby.”
“You’re-you mean to say you’re-”
“With child, expecting, got a bun in the oven, in the family way, gravid, pregnant, yes, pick one. Well, maybe not gravid. I think that actually refers to eggs.”
“Darling, that’s wonderful!”
“Oh, and since we’re now married and all, I suppose I should entrust you with the family secret.”
“There’s a family secret? Of course there is. Your family is so complicated, there would have to be at least one,” he mused.
“Yes,” she said, and turned into a fox.
Diego stared for quite some time, then said, “Well, this explains ever so much about your name, though you aren’t actually very shiny...I don’t suppose your brother could turn into a wolf?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“But darling, why didn’t you use this ability to escape from me when I was just in it for the money?”
“I was too ill on the boat, and then when we got to Brazil, well, I suppose it just didn’t occur to me. But anyway, it’s a family curse-my great-grandmother ticked off some other tribe’s shaman; I’m afraid I don’t know the details, never thought to ask-so our children will turn into animals, too. I do hope that’s okay, baby, and you don’t terribly regret marrying me now.”
“No, of course not, darling, I love your bre-you, you, I meant you-I love you no matter what. Even if you are, er, small and fuzzy.” His befuddled look belied the truth of this statement, but Shining Red Fox was so happy he hadn’t rejected her when he discovered her terrible secret that she didn’t even notice. “Does, er, does the little scary girl turn into an animal, too?”
“Sapphire? If she does, Ammy’s never said anything about it. I think the curse is carried on the maternal line, so only daughters are able to pass it on.”
“I see.”
“Oh, darling, we’re going to be ever so happy together. And just think of our baby. I hope she has your nose.”
Privately, Diego hoped they had only sons, but he said to his new wife, “And your lovely red hair,” nuzzling the crown of her head with his nose.
She giggled and said, “Oh, Diego.”
He put his sex in her sex and they had sex. It was very sexy.
And they lived happily ever after.
THE END...
Until next time.
Which we are plotting out right now. God help us.
THE PEARL BLADE
Being the third book in the wildly popular, wildly passionate best-selling Flowers of the Caribbean series by world-renowned authoress
ANGELICA DEMESNES
Amethyst Flower and her beloved Running Wolf MacGregor have settled down to a quiet life of pirating, but what does the future hold for Running Wolf’s darling younger sister, Shining Red Fox MacGregor, the most beautiful woman in the world? Nothing promising, it seems, as she is captured by the famous mercenary
Diego Tang, who doesn’t know what he’s in for in crossing the Flower-MacGregor family.
What does the future hold for the abducted Shining Red Fox?? Will Ammy find her in time??? Will Diego have a change of heart???? Who hired him in the first place????? Passions will flare in the tropical jungles in...
THE PEARL BLADE!!!!
-“Absolutely titillating!” Bunny Naismith, critic
-“As always, Angelica Demesnes paints a lovely picture of seduction and intrigue in the Caribbean-though I suppose it’s actually the Amazon for this story.” Laurel M. Hamill, author
-“There can be no doubt, Angelica Demesnes is one of the best writers of our time.” Gerra Davies, critic
Over ten million copies sold!!!
Well, Shining Red Fox MacGregor thought to herself, this is quite a quandary, isn’t it? She tested the ropes bound around her slender wrists once more, and blinked as though the canvas bag over her head might suddenly become transparent. She knew she could easily slip these bonds, but then what? She had no idea how long she had been unconscious, or where she might be now, though the rocking motion indicated a boat. And unlike her brother Running Wolf, Fox had never been a big fan of the sea.
At some point, she hoped she threw up on her abductors’ shoes. It would serve them right.
“Shh, I think she’s waking up.”
She thought of saying, “Do you think so?” but decided discretion might be the better part of valor. And also the better part of not getting whipped, raped, and fed to the sharks. She’d heard terrible things about the sort of pirates that would kidnap a young lady while she was doing the laundry. Not her brother’s wife’s sort of pirates, of course, but the other sort.
The bag whipped off her head, and Fox’s long hair, shining like new copper, tumbled down around her slender shoulders. The twin emerald orbs of her eyes peered up through thick lashes at her captor. He was handsome, she thought, in that roguish way, with dark skin, though not even as dark as her own, and eyes that reminded her of Amethyst Flower, Running Wolf’s wife, that same almond shape. Of course, Ammy’s eyes were an unusual shade of purple, and this man’s were dark like coals. “You are Red Fox MacGregor, are you not?” he asked her. Ah, she thought, recognizing the accent. A Spaniard.
She tossed her hair and told him, “Of course I am not.” He turned on his heel and started to swear. “I am Shining Red Fox MacGregor. I do realize it’s a bit of a mouthful, but you could at least try to get it right.” He snarled and raised a hand to her, and she arched one perfect brow at him. “Are you a pirate?”
“Excuse me?”
“Because if you’re a pirate, you might have heard of my brother. Running Wolf? His wife is the captain of the Flower Song.”
“I’m not a pirate. And I have no idea what you’re talking about. That’s absurd, a woman captaining a pirate ship.” Fox just stared up at him very, very calmly. “Oh, God, you’re serious, aren’t you?”
“She’s going to have such fun hurting you.”
The man shook himself. “I should be asking the questions here.”
“I can’t imagine what about. You didn’t even know about Ammy, and Ammy’s the only thing I can imagine anyone wanting information out of me about.”
“I don’t actually have any questions,” he admitted, “but I should be the one asking them. If I had them. Er.”
Fox rolled her sparkling, coffee-colored eyes. “Look, why did you kidnap me? Because if it’s because of my ravishing beauty, that makes the fifth time this year, so I can just knee you in the groin and be on my way with my virtue intact, yes?”
“Bit of a swim.”
“Not once I tell the crew who my sister-in-law is.”
“She can’t be that scary. I’ve never heard of her!” And she’s a woman, he did not add, because while clearly she was, she was also the kind of woman who captained a pirate ship, a creature he’d never encountered before. Fox just stared up at him, impassive. “I was hired to kidnap you and take you to a secret hideaway in Brazil.”
“All right. Why? My ravishing beauty?” she asked mockingly.
“Er. I don’t know, actually,” he admitted, getting a little distracted by her admittedly lovely figure. “I’m to await further orders once we get there.”
“Long haul to Brazil.”
“Yes, I know.” He stared down at her, feeling rather silly. “Er, would you like something to drink?”
“I’ll only throw it up. I get seasick, you know.”
Actually, he hadn’t known. “Later, then.”
“Yes.” And he put the bag back over her head. He thought he liked her better when she wasn’t talking.
***
“Mummy, Mummy, look at this!” a tiny girl demanded, tugging on the dread pirate-ninja princess Amethyst Flower’s belt.
“Not now, honey,” the woman said distractedly, her legendary amethyst eyes scanning the letter from her mother-in-law, White Wolf of the Seminole. “Mummy has to go stab some people and rescue your auntie.”
“But I found a pretty rock, Mummy!”
Amethyst Flower did worry a bit about Sappy’s obsession with rocks. She wanted the girl to go into the family business, piracy, but with her mixed heritage, she supposed it was natural for Sapphy to want to try something different. Perhaps she would be a geologist. Ammy heard there was good money in that, even if she wasn’t really clear what geologists did, and for only one member of the family to turn respectable, well, that wasn’t such a bad track record. “Go show it to Daddy.”
“Daddy’s all spotty and you said I shouldn’t go near him.”
“Oh, right.” Curse her husband for getting the measles now, of all times, though she supposed it was better than during the pirating season. Ammy knelt down next to her small daughter, Sapphire Flower and smiled. “Show me your rock, then.” After the appropriate exclamatory statements over the rock had been said-it was quite sparkly, she supposed-she sent Sapphy off to see Ammy’s first mate, Carlos, and his grizzly bear. Sapphy did so love to play with Fluffy.
It was the off-season for pirating, and the crew of the Flower Song, like several other ships’ crews, had stopped over in the town founded by Ammy’s father, the dreaded pirate Barjossakin. It was a nice life, a quiet life, but rather boring. About three weeks into the vacation, Ammy’s mother, the Jade Flower, had declared herself, “Bored now,” and gone off to do ninja things.
Ammy strode down the street toward her own house, her boots thudding imperiously against the sand of the street, lesser pirates moving aside at her passage. She opened the door to her and Running Wolf’s house, went back into their bedroom, and told him, “Your sister’s been kidnapped.”
“That’s nice,” her husband said in a voice that suggested misery. “What else is new?”
“Sounds serious this time,” she said as she flipped open the chest containing her arsenal of very sharp things. “I’m going to go shake a few things down. See what falls out.”
“They’ll return her once they realize how much trouble she is. Or she’ll turn into a fox and run away.”
“She can do that?”
“I can turn into a wolf, can’t I?”
Ammy considered that. “This is very true. How did I not know that?”
“Because I never told you. Where’s Sapphy?”
“Playing with Fluffy. I’ll tell my da to watch her until you’re back on your feet. If she gets sick, too, I’ll kick both your asses. Don’t die while I’m gone.”
“I’ll try, honey. Have fun saving my sister,” he mumbled, and turned over to face the wall. Ammy shrugged and continued arming herself. It was probably just another moron that thought Fox would fall in love with and marry him for kidnapping her, but it never hurt to be prepared.
***
This job was not, unfortunately, turning out to be as easy as Diego had hoped. Kidnapping some pretty village girl should have been a breeze, but it was becoming increasingly clear that there were complications he didn’t even know about. In retrospect, he probably should have been suspicious when his mysterious, anonymous employer’s go-between insisted he take the girl from Florida to Brazil as soon as he had her in his possession.
Several members of the crew had not shown back up after their stopover for supplies at Tortuga, shortly after Diego had asked a few of them whether they’d ever heard of this Running Wolf character, or Ammy. He’d been asked if he meant ‘Amethyst Flower’ and when he said he didn’t know, but he was allergic to violets, the man had the nerve to laugh in his face. He’d also said he’d go to Diego’s funeral, but he was sure those were just the ravings of an old, rum-addled privateer.
Pretty sure, anyway.
Shining Red Fox had been a fairly easy prisoner thus far, if a bit cheeky and definitely seasick. She’d ruined Diego’s favorite boots, the velvet ones with intricate silver embroidery. He’d felt them very appropriate for a dashing mercenary, but they were at the bottom of the sea now and probably still stained with vomit. If he hadn’t needed her alive and unharmed, it was entirely possible Her Nauseatedness would have followed them. Of course, it didn’t hurt that she was quite easy on the eyes, even while green around the edges.
He consoled himself with the knowledge that they would be in Brazil soon, and mentally berated himself for kidnapping the girl now, instead of waiting until the traditional pirating season. The crew he’d hired had come cheap, for sure, because they were desperate for work, but they weren’t the best he’d ever run across, and sailing from Florida to Brazil, they’d been damned lucky to avoid any truly bad storms.
He shuddered to think of how Fox would have reacted to one of those.
“This is why I didn’t go with my brother,” she confided in him one day before bowing her head over a bucket again.
Diego wondered if he was going to get in trouble over all the weight she’d lost during their voyage. His employer was mysterious and anonymous, of course, but if what she’d said about people regularly kidnapping her in an attempt to win her hand was true, that was probably what his employer was after. And he would be very upset about her haggard appearance. Perhaps he ought to buy her a new dress or something before he took her to the location in the jungle his employer’s go-between had told him of. That might make her more agreeable-women liked dresses, after all-but then, she was being weirdly agreeable to start with. There was no cursing, no threats, and no attempts to kick him in his manly parts, though he occasionally caught her looking at him with a tiny, secretive smile that was actually quite unnerving. It was like she knew something he didn’t, which he had to admit was probably true. How to wash clothes, for instance.
Shining Red Fox looked up from her bucket and said, “You’re awfully quiet.”
“You want me to talk while you retch?”
“Oddly, I don’t feel the need to vomit right this moment.” She tossed her head, sending her coppery waves of hair cascading back. Her hair was still gorgeous, long and silky and shining, even after several weeks belowdecks with no way to wash it. “Tell me about yourself.”
“Excuse me?”
“Tell me about yourself, Spaniard. I don’t think I’ve ever caught your name, and how on Earth are we to start this relationship off on the right foot if I don’t even know your name. Most of the men who kidnap me start telling me their life histories right off the bat. Of course, most of them don’t toss me shipboard, either. That’s a guaranteed way to not win my affections.”
He blinked. “Do you really get kidnapped a lot, then?” She’d mentioned it before, but the matter-of-fact way she referenced it was...worrisome, to say the least.
“A fair amount. Generally they let me go as soon as I say I won’t marry them, but you, you haven’t even asked yet. And the only other reason I can think of anyone would kidnap me is Running Wolf, and you didn’t even know who he was. So that’s right out. But we’re getting off track. Your name.”
“My name is Diego Tang.”
“The mercenary?”
“You’ve heard of me?”
“My sister-in-law mentioned you. They call you the Pearl Blade, do they not?”
“Yes, I have been given that name.”
“And why might they call you that?”
“The pommel of my sword is a great pearl.” Shining Red Fox MacGregor giggled. Diego didn’t see what was so funny about it.
“So the blade’s not pearly, then?”
“No. How absurd. Pearls are not large enough to craft swords out of, and even if they were, it would be beyond price...and the fragility...”
“You’re actually rather thick, aren’t you?”
“What?”
“Never mind. It’s kind of adorable, actually. I suppose brains aren’t in demand for mercenaries these days. Tang, Tang, let me see...ah, yes, your father is Chinese, correct? Banished from Hong Kong or wherever and had to come all the way to this side of the world to find somewhere no one was looking to kill him?”
Diego blushed but admitted, “That is more or less correct.”
“Hmm,” Fox muttered. “You’d think someone would have contacted Jade about that by now...anyway. Diego, that’s a nice Spanish name.”
“My mother is Mexican.”
“Another halfbreed.”
“Excuse me?” He really didn’t care for being called that.
“Oh, please, don’t you know anything about me?”
“I do what I’m told, and I don’t ask questions. Inquisitive people don’t last long in this line of work.”
“Perhaps you should have asked a few more questions. Then you’d know about Ammy and my brother and have turned this job down and wouldn’t we all be happier?”
He didn’t argue with that statement. “It’s doubtful I would have turned this job down. My employer is paying me quite handsomely for merely ferrying you to your destination.”
“He would have to be.” And she smiled at him-at least, he thought it was a smile. It showed a lot of very white teeth, anyway, and he figured it was just a trick of the light that made them appear so very sharp. “My brother is going to eat your face.”
For a moment, he thought she was serious. But then he reminded himself it was just a figure of speech. “Glad to see you’re feeling well enough to be cheeky. Now knock it off and we’ll all get along better, hmm?” He patted her on her head and she tried to bite him. And here he’d been hoping she’d stay docile. Oh, well. No good thing could last forever. “Ah, ah. Behave like that and you won’t get fed.”
She turned green again. “Promise?”
He fled before his second-favorite pair of boots became casualties as well.
Shining Red Fox smirked at his retreating back. He’d been so distraught by the thought of her vomit he’d fled rather than pursuing a line of questioning that might’ve led to his learning what danger he was actually in. Silly man. He didn’t seem too bright, though she had to admit he was nicer than some of her previous captors, not to mention handsomer. And with much more of a reputation. She did like a man with a reputation, an attitude her mother thought unhealthy. One of her children was already infamous. She’d been hopeful Fox would settle down in the Seminole village with some nice young hunter and have a quiet life. Unfortunately, circumstances had always seemed to conspire against what her mother wanted.
***
Meanwhile, in Tortuga, Amethyst Flower was hot on the trail of her sister-in-law and her abductor. She had run into her mother in Jamaica, and offered the original Flower a chance to come along-she and Jade so rarely got to spend bonding time since Ammy had married and gotten her own ship. However, Jade was in the middle of a contract. A pirate associate of her husband’s wanted the daughter of the governor and her boyfriend, who was generally described as ‘insipid,’ dead, and had hired Jade, knowing she was still the best around, for the job. Jade had told Ammy that while she would have loved to help her daughter, the contract came first. Ammy, of course, understood completely. So she was in Tortuga alone, and probably the only woman in town who needed have no fear.
She walked into one of the many taverns, and conversation fell silent. In her skin-tight velvet breeches and tall, glossy black boots, with her saber strapped to her hip, Ammy was quite a sight to behold, even without her long, shining ebony tresses and the tilted, sparkling amethyst orbs of her eyes. “Does everybody know who I am?” she asked coolly.
The bartender said, “Aye. We know who you are. You’re the Flower’s girl. The ninja pirate princess. An’ we’ve done nothin’ to get on your lot’s bad side.”
“Maybe you have. Maybe you haven’t. My husband’s sister is missing and I’m going to find her. Any of you boys know where
she might be found?” No one said anything, so she went up to the bar and ordered a pint of grog. While she was sipping it, a man sat down next to her. “You know where she is?”
“Maybe. She a red-haired lass?”
“She might be.”
“The Pearl Blade hired the crew I’s with to take him and some girl to Brazil. Red-haired thing. Real pretty. Couple days out he starts askin’ questions about you an’ that husband o’ yours, like he didn’ know who you were to start with. Some of us that was smart got out while the getting was good.”
“That was smart of you. Brazil, you say?”
“Yeah. Sao Paolo.”
“You know where I can get passage?”
“It’s the off season.”
“And I’m Amethyst Flower.”
The man admitted to himself that yes, she did have a point there, she was Amethyst Flower, and that tended to change things, didn’t it? “There might be a rum ship leaving tonight, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
“I don’t even know your name, friend.” She left a coin on the bar for her grog, and another for his help, and went to gather her things from her room before going to the docks.
***
The editor regrets to inform that due to a printer’s error, the following chapter has been lost. It was decided too go ahead with the printing in order to get this long-awaited sequel out on time. The dear reader may right to the publisher for it, or wait until a later printing. We apologize for any inconvenience.
***
After the most exquisite night of her life, Fox awakened to find the little hut in the jungles of Brazil empty. She briefly considered making her escape while she had the chance, then decided that no, she couldn’t just leave Diego. She had come to love him, after all, and after he had shown her such pleasure as she had never known, she couldn’t just skip out without saying so much as goodbye.
Unless he had done that to her. His job was to get her here, after all. Having fulfilled his duty, what if he had decided he didn’t care about her after all, and had simply left her here for whoever had hired him? Troubled crystalline tears welled up in her beautiful topaz-colored eyes. She simply couldn’t bear it if he’d left her. If she was just a job to him, and not his cherished darling. He’d said such sweet things...
She swiped away her tears viciously with one slender hand and stood. She didn’t bother to dress, just wrapped the sheet around her lithe, curvaceous form and left the hut in search of her beloved. What did it matter, after all? They were in the middle of nowhere, and while the animal life was strange here, she didn’t think they would care what she wore any more than the animals in her native Florida did.
***
“You,” Ammy snarled, one hand flying to her sabre hilt as she smashed yet another of the accursed snakes infesting the ship under her boot heel. “Didn’t my husband kill you?”
“He tried, of course, but your little wolf pup just wasn’t up to the job. Where is dear Running Wolf, anyway? I’d just love a rematch with that savage beast.”
“He’s busy,” she snapped.
“Mmm. Of course he is. I suppose you’ve tired of him already, dear Amethyst. Well, it’s only to be expected. How could he ever keep an extraordinary woman such as yourself happy? Now, to the matter of your sister-in-law-”
“What do you know about Fox?”
“Don’t be absurd, Amethyst, it’s the gossip of the Caribbean. Your sister-in-law...if indeed she is. You pirates are so fond of sin, I find it hard to believe there was ever anything lawful about your liaison with MacGregor.” Ammy entertained fond dreams of stabbing him, but she regretfully had to admit she needed any information he could give her on Fox’s whereabouts. “Tang has the girl. He’s taken her to some hut in the jungles of Brazil, and insists he’ll give her back for a ransom of 15,000 pieces of eight.”
“That’s absurd. I can’t afford that and I’m rich.”
“For a pirate. I, however, can afford it easily enough, and I’ll be more than happy to make you a loan...at fifteen percent interest.”
“Are you insane? Wait, don’t answer that. I already know the answer is yes.”
“Very cute. Of course, we could just called the debt cancelled...if you will only spend one night in my bed.”
Ammy briefly pretended to consider his oh-so-generous offer and then, in an action so swift her hand could not be seen to move, the sheikh fell to the deck with one of the daggers she kept secreted about her person in his heart. “The answer is no,” she told his corpse sweetly. “Please to kindly stay dead this time, ‘kay?” She arched one eyebrow at his bodyguards, who looked at one another and fled up the stairs to the main deck.
“Smarter than your last bodyguards,” she mused as she pulled the shining blade from his chest and used it to impale a passing cobra. “I suppose you’re responsible for all these bloody snakes, too, hmm? Bastard.” She was pretty sure he was dead for sure this time, but it never hurt to be on the safe side. She dragged the corpse up to the main deck, where the ship’s captain was at the wheel. “Roger,” she greeted him.
“Ammy,” he said in a jolly manner. “Why’ve you gone and killed one of my paying passengers?”
“He was asking for a killing, Roger, really he was. You can have his stuff. That should more than make up for the fare. Also, I’m pretty sure he brought the snakes.” Actually, she wasn’t, but it was as good as explanation as any, and Roger seemed to buy it.
“Mmm. That would explain it, yes. I don’t like these snakes on my ship.”
“No one likes snakes on their ship.” She peered over the railing and asked in a conversational tone, “These are shark-infested waters, right?”
“Of course. You know that as well as I.”
“Lovely. Help me with this?” Between the two of them, they pitched the sheikh’s corpse overboard to become shark food, and that was that.
They would never discover that it had been the sheikh who hired Diego to abduct Shining Red Fox, as part of one of his many insidious, but not very well thought-out schemes to win the hand and heart, or at least the body, of Amethyst Flower, the only woman who had ever spurned him. Little did he suspect the deadly turn his plot would take.
***
Shining Red Fox stepped out of the hut and wandered down the path toward the river. Perhaps she would find her darling Diego there. Or perhaps she would find some nice fishermen who could get her the hell out of here, if indeed he had abandoned her to her fate. She did not think she wanted to know the sort of man who would hire her kidnapped rather than doing it himself. It spoke of a certain laziness.
“Darling,” her handsome beloved said as he waded out of the river, “Why are you wearing a sheet?”
“I didn’t feel like putting on clothes.”
“But what if someone sees you?”
She shrugged. “Why should I care? I am the most beautiful woman in the world, after all.”
“This is undeniably true.”
She giggled. “So. When is your employer showing up?”
“I don’t know. His liaison didn’t say. I’m not giving you up.”
“I should certainly hope not, darling.”
“You aren’t worried about...jaguars or something?” he asked, eyeing her sheet-clad bosom, heaving temptingly, with licentious eyes.
“Jaguars, what are those? Are they like panthers?”
“A bit.”
“Then no, of course not. The jaguars should be more worried about me,” she stated with a coy giggle. “Silly cats wouldn’t know what hit them.”
“You’re very strange.”
“Oh, that’s right, you still don’t know who I am.”
“Of course I do. You’re Shining Red Fox MacGregor. I must confess the MacGregor has me a bit baffled, though. It’s not exactly a Seminole name, is it?”
“No, of course it’s not. It’s Scottish. My father was a clan chieftain, but then...well, let’s just say his entire clan was slaughtered. Except him, of course. He survived and moved to Florida to start over, met my mother, and la diddy da, so I stand before you today. So you see, we’re not that different after all.”
“I’m very sorry about your father’s clan.”
“Oh, he’s over it. Or at least I assume he is. He skipped out on us when I was three.”
“How terrible it must have been for you, coming from a broken home,” Diego said in his smooth Spanish manner, moving closer to her.
“No, I’m over it,” Fox said dismissively. “I think I’ll go put some fresh clothes on now, okay? You just keep fishing or whatever it is you were doing. We’re going to have to eat, after all.” She headed back to the hut, trailing her sheet behind her.
Diego sighed. He supposed he could always sex her up later. They had all the time in the world, after all. Or at least, all the time until whoever hired him showed up to claim the girl. Diego doubted his employer would be satisfied by Diego’s returning the fee. There would probably be a grand fight.
And there was still Fox’s brother and this Amethyst person to consider.
***
Fox had just finished getting dressed when a knock sounded on the door of the hut in the jungle of Brazil. She opened the door to find, not Diego (not that he would have knocked), but rather Amethyst Flower. “Ammy,” she gasped. “What are you doing here?”
“That’s kind of a stupid question, isn’t it?” Ammy asked.
“Well, yes, but...how did you get here so quickly? We just got here last night!”
“That’s not important right now. Are you all right? Did he savage you?”
“Savage what?”
“Did he have his way with you?”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Ammy.”
“Oh, hell, he did, and it’s made you go stupid. Well, that happens sometimes. Come on, we’ll take you back home where you don’t have to think. At least you’re not a pirate. I can’t afford screw-addled pirates.”
“Oh, that. Yes. We made beautiful love.”
Ammy covered her face with one hand, peeking between her fingers at Fox. “Are you listening to yourself? Tang kidnapped you and held you for ransom!”
“Yes, but he feels very bad about it.”
“...”
Then Diego attacked from behind, and Amethyst drew her sword to fight him. Fox watched from between her fingers-she just couldn’t bear violence, especially not over her-and waited for it all to be over. She did hope Diego would be victorious. He was her beloved, after all. Fox was just her sister-in-law who’d come all the way to Brazil during what was supposed to be her vacation to rescue her.
Well, Shining Red Fox supposed she could try to stop the fight. After all, it was much less fun when it wasn’t two men fighting over her. “Ammy, stop! He was going to defend me from the people who paid him to kidnap me!”|
“Yeah, right!”
“You mean you’re not my employer?” Diego asked as he jabbed at Ammy with his blade. She feinted, and cut him across the shoulder.
“Do I look like the kind of person who has girls kidnapped?”
“Well, no, but you never can tell. Can we stop fighting for a moment?”
Ammy sighed. “I suppose so. So, Tang, you’d better have a damned good explanation for all this.”
“You have the advantage of me, woman. You know my name, but I do not know yours.”
Ammy struck a dramatic stance. “I am Amethyst Flower, the ninja pirate princess.”
“The who?”
“You’re joking, right?”
“No, I’ve never heard of you.”
“Fox, let me cut his head off. Preferably the lower one.”
Fox tittered. “No, Ammy, I like it.”
“I’ll have one of the pirates carve you a new one. Out of wood.”
“Won’t that have splinters?”
“Whatever.”
“It’s not like it could be a substitute,” Diego boasted, clearly having figured out what they were talking about. Ammy rolled her eyes. “Listen, Miss...Flower.”
“Mrs. MacGregor,” Ammy corrected him.
“Yes, that. Oh, I seem to remember Fox predicting you would come and mutilate me now.”
“Oh, so my reputation does precede me.” Ammy perked up a little at that.
“Yes, er, ma’am. I can explain.” He proceeded to do so, and when he was finished, Ammy put up her sword and decided not to kill him. She understood that he needed the money from kidnapping Red Fox to pay for his father’s life-saving operation back in Mexico. The story of what a good, loving son Diego was being by kidnapping her sister-in-law brought tears to her eyes, and she was thrilled that this good, kind man had seen the error of his ways and not only repented of abducting Shining Red Fox, but had fallen in love with her. It would be a privilege and an honor, she decided, to have him for a brother-in-law. After all this, she stitched up his wounded shoulder for him and they got drunk on the rum she’d brought along, since a pirate never goes anywhere without rum.
The next day, they left the little hut in the jungle and headed back to the pirate village in Florida.
***
When they arrived back in Florida, they discovered that Running Wolf had recovered from his measles and, showing his true colors at last, taken up with one of the scullery maids and ‘providers of comfort’ from Barjossakin’s fleet, an utter skank whore with teased, peroxide-bleached nasty-ass hair named “Becky Ann.” What the hell kind of name was Becky Ann, anyway, and who would leave a stunning ninja pirate princess like Amethyst Flower for a skanky scullery maid? Amethyst’s father had removed Sapphire Flower from her father’s care for her own good, and was merely waiting for his daughter to return to have the pleasure of putting her erstwhile husband out of his misery, he having caught several different appalling sexually transmitted diseases from Becky Ann’s diseased, stretched-out womanhood. He had had quite a time convincing Jade Flower not to do the deed in her daughter’s name, feeling Ammy should have the chance to defend her own honor. There were no divorces among the pirates, only well-deserved murders. They were a bloodthirsty people, after all, and even if Running Wolf hadn’t deserved it, Amethyst Flower was their princess, and would have gotten in no trouble for killing her cheating, lying, no-good, no-account worthless husband. But he totally deserved it. So she cut his head off. Not the lower head, because it was too diseased and disgusting thanks to that skank whore Becky Ann for her to sully her blade with it.
***
A few days later, Shining Red Fox and the dead and unlamented Running Wolf’s parents arrived from the Seminole village to rejoice in their daughter’s safe return with her beloved Diego and to dance on their worthless son’s grave. Malcolm MacGregor confided to Amethyst Flower that he’d always thought she was too good for his son, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything because they had seemed so happy. Ammy assured him it had all been an illusion.
Shortly following the MacGregors’ arrival, Diego and Shining Red Fox were wed. The whole pirate town turned out for the wedding. Barjossakin, as mayor of Pirate Town, officiated, and Ammy was the maid of honor. Carlos, her first mate, was Diego’s best man, and Fluffy the grizzly bear was the ring bearer. Sapphire Flower made an adorable flower girl once Ammy talked her out of strewing the aisle with her collection of pretty rocks. She had gotten over her worthless father’s death very quickly, especially after her mother let her practice her throwing stars technique on Becky Ann.
Shining Red Fox made a lovely bride, as was expected of the most beautiful woman in the world, in a white silk gown covered in seed pearls and diamonds, with a lace veil imported from Europe especially for the occasion. She shone so with happiness that all eyes were on her face, rather than her lovely, heaving bosoms. Diego cut a dashing figure in crimson velvet. His wedding gift from Fox was a pair of brocade boots, to replace the ones she’d ruined during their jaunt to Brazil. Some of the more hardened pirates even cried as Barjossakin pronounced her and her beloved Pearl Blade man and wife. They gazed lovingly into one another’s star-struck eyes, and when Barjossakin told Diego to kiss his bride, he had no problems at all complying with that order. As the pirate onlookers cheered, the world melted away for Diego and Shining Red Fox MacGregor-Tang.
Later that night, as they slept in an inn on their way to their honeymoon, Shining Red Fox turned to her husband and told him, “I’m so glad you kidnapped me.”
“And I’m so glad I took this job. Just think, if I’d decided the money wasn’t good enough, we might never have met and fallen madly in love.”
“Yes, fancy that. Thank goodness for coincidences like that, hmm?”
“Yes, darling.”
“Darling, there was something I wanted to tell you.”
“What’s that, baby?”
“Well, baby, I’m having a baby.”
“You’re-you mean to say you’re-”
“With child, expecting, got a bun in the oven, in the family way, gravid, pregnant, yes, pick one. Well, maybe not gravid. I think that actually refers to eggs.”
“Darling, that’s wonderful!”
“Oh, and since we’re now married and all, I suppose I should entrust you with the family secret.”
“There’s a family secret? Of course there is. Your family is so complicated, there would have to be at least one,” he mused.
“Yes,” she said, and turned into a fox.
Diego stared for quite some time, then said, “Well, this explains ever so much about your name, though you aren’t actually very shiny...I don’t suppose your brother could turn into a wolf?”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
“But darling, why didn’t you use this ability to escape from me when I was just in it for the money?”
“I was too ill on the boat, and then when we got to Brazil, well, I suppose it just didn’t occur to me. But anyway, it’s a family curse-my great-grandmother ticked off some other tribe’s shaman; I’m afraid I don’t know the details, never thought to ask-so our children will turn into animals, too. I do hope that’s okay, baby, and you don’t terribly regret marrying me now.”
“No, of course not, darling, I love your bre-you, you, I meant you-I love you no matter what. Even if you are, er, small and fuzzy.” His befuddled look belied the truth of this statement, but Shining Red Fox was so happy he hadn’t rejected her when he discovered her terrible secret that she didn’t even notice. “Does, er, does the little scary girl turn into an animal, too?”
“Sapphire? If she does, Ammy’s never said anything about it. I think the curse is carried on the maternal line, so only daughters are able to pass it on.”
“I see.”
“Oh, darling, we’re going to be ever so happy together. And just think of our baby. I hope she has your nose.”
Privately, Diego hoped they had only sons, but he said to his new wife, “And your lovely red hair,” nuzzling the crown of her head with his nose.
She giggled and said, “Oh, Diego.”
He put his sex in her sex and they had sex. It was very sexy.
And they lived happily ever after.
THE END...
Until next time.
Which we are plotting out right now. God help us.