Extreme Makeover: London Flat Edition [FIC]
Title: Extreme Makeover: London Flat Edition
Rated: PG
Spoilers: None
TY: Well, we’re about to pull up in front of Professor Miss Rita Skeeter’s flat in jolly old London!
MICHAEL: I’ve always wanted to go to London. So cozy.
TY: Well, Michael, we’re here now. Rita Skeeter, she’s fallen on some hard times. And well, let’s go to the videotape to show you why.
*videotape cues*
The image of Rita Skeeter, sprawled lazily on a ratty sofa appears.
“Those little maniacs took away my livelihood. They took my spirit. I’m sleeping on a sofa bed that has Cheetos stains on it. Admittedly, those stains are from me but still. I bottle catsup bottles at the local cannery. Please, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, help a poor lady!
PRESTON: Wow, that’s pretty sad.
CONSTANCE: Very sad. Those sofa was terrible looking.
TY: She really needs our help, guys. Think we can do it?
MICHAEL: I know we can do it!
*Michael fist pumps*
TY: Put your hands in!
*The team puts their hands in*
TY: LET’S DO IT!
---
The bus has pulled up in front of a white apartment complex. The paint is peeling and screens hang off the windows.
TY: Wow, this place is pretty bad.
MICHAEL: It just needs some color.
PRESTON: And foundation work.
CONSTANCE: And tender loving care.
TY: We’ve got that in spades! Let’s go surprise Rita!
Ty grabs his bullhorn and the team bounds off the bus. It’s cold in London. Ty takes up residence in front of the flat, smiling like an idiot.
TY: GOOD MORNING RITA SKEETER! COME ON OUT HERE!
It takes a moment before a rather haggard woman with a wig hanging from her ear stumbles out the door. The nightgown she’s wearing is paisley blue and is, unfortunately, on backwards. In one hand, she’s holding a large carving knife. In the other? An ice cream sandwich.
RITA: Who the bloody hell are you? I’m not giving any more interviews about my involvement in John Crichton’s disappearance. I’m innocent. If you’re a bill collector, my name is Juanita Van Deveer and you’ve got the wrong house. I don’t need a vacuum, I don’t want religion and I sure as hell do not have time buy cookies from you.
TY: Rita, calm down.
*Ty laughs a little*
TY: We’re here to makeover your house! We got your video and think your flat is just what needs our magic touch.
MICHAEL: I can’t wait to give you some color in your life!
RITA: There’s plenty of color. I spilled chocolate milk on my bed this morning. Brown is so very lovely.
*Rita shakes her head*
RITA: Well, what’re you standing there for? Go inside and make my house pretty. Take out the trash while you’re there. And nobody better touch my porcelain pistachio collection. QVC television says they’re bound to go up in price soon. When they do, I will be rich. And do not go into the room with the padlock. That’s my private writing room.
*Preston, Michael, Constance and Ty look baffled at the crisp orders they’ve been given.*
TY: Rita, usually we send you off on vacation while we renovate your house.
RITA: Rubbish. No one is fixing my house while I’m away. You meddling kids will only ruin everything.
*Rita reaches up to grab Preston’s shirt*
RITA: You can fold my laundry.
*Preston looks horrified*
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE THE APARTMENT, THE RENOVATION AND RITA’S JOYOUS NEW LIFE
Rated: PG
Spoilers: None
TY: Well, we’re about to pull up in front of Professor Miss Rita Skeeter’s flat in jolly old London!
MICHAEL: I’ve always wanted to go to London. So cozy.
TY: Well, Michael, we’re here now. Rita Skeeter, she’s fallen on some hard times. And well, let’s go to the videotape to show you why.
*videotape cues*
The image of Rita Skeeter, sprawled lazily on a ratty sofa appears.
“Those little maniacs took away my livelihood. They took my spirit. I’m sleeping on a sofa bed that has Cheetos stains on it. Admittedly, those stains are from me but still. I bottle catsup bottles at the local cannery. Please, Extreme Makeover Home Edition, help a poor lady!
PRESTON: Wow, that’s pretty sad.
CONSTANCE: Very sad. Those sofa was terrible looking.
TY: She really needs our help, guys. Think we can do it?
MICHAEL: I know we can do it!
*Michael fist pumps*
TY: Put your hands in!
*The team puts their hands in*
TY: LET’S DO IT!
---
The bus has pulled up in front of a white apartment complex. The paint is peeling and screens hang off the windows.
TY: Wow, this place is pretty bad.
MICHAEL: It just needs some color.
PRESTON: And foundation work.
CONSTANCE: And tender loving care.
TY: We’ve got that in spades! Let’s go surprise Rita!
Ty grabs his bullhorn and the team bounds off the bus. It’s cold in London. Ty takes up residence in front of the flat, smiling like an idiot.
TY: GOOD MORNING RITA SKEETER! COME ON OUT HERE!
It takes a moment before a rather haggard woman with a wig hanging from her ear stumbles out the door. The nightgown she’s wearing is paisley blue and is, unfortunately, on backwards. In one hand, she’s holding a large carving knife. In the other? An ice cream sandwich.
RITA: Who the bloody hell are you? I’m not giving any more interviews about my involvement in John Crichton’s disappearance. I’m innocent. If you’re a bill collector, my name is Juanita Van Deveer and you’ve got the wrong house. I don’t need a vacuum, I don’t want religion and I sure as hell do not have time buy cookies from you.
TY: Rita, calm down.
*Ty laughs a little*
TY: We’re here to makeover your house! We got your video and think your flat is just what needs our magic touch.
MICHAEL: I can’t wait to give you some color in your life!
RITA: There’s plenty of color. I spilled chocolate milk on my bed this morning. Brown is so very lovely.
*Rita shakes her head*
RITA: Well, what’re you standing there for? Go inside and make my house pretty. Take out the trash while you’re there. And nobody better touch my porcelain pistachio collection. QVC television says they’re bound to go up in price soon. When they do, I will be rich. And do not go into the room with the padlock. That’s my private writing room.
*Preston, Michael, Constance and Ty look baffled at the crisp orders they’ve been given.*
TY: Rita, usually we send you off on vacation while we renovate your house.
RITA: Rubbish. No one is fixing my house while I’m away. You meddling kids will only ruin everything.
*Rita reaches up to grab Preston’s shirt*
RITA: You can fold my laundry.
*Preston looks horrified*
TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO SEE THE APARTMENT, THE RENOVATION AND RITA’S JOYOUS NEW LIFE