Comments | fera_festiva: My thoughts on getting married

fera_festiva

My thoughts on getting married - or rather, not.

Oct 30, 2009 14:29

I should start by saying that this post isn't aimed at anyone I know on here. It's utterly about getting this off my chest - because I don't seem to be able to get this through to the people who need to hear it.

( Cut for angry feminist rampage )

ranting, sexism, vitriol

Comments 29

oddsbobs October 30 2009, 15:53:34 UTC

WORD. *round of applause*

fera_festiva November 2 2009, 21:06:29 UTC

\o/ Thank you. It felt good to get this one off my chest. :D

aldehyde October 30 2009, 16:03:55 UTC

*big hugs*

this is a fantastic post. people are such twerps. they keep bothering me about the whole marriage thing constantly, especially since a lot of family friends have been getting hitched recently, and it's just so BOTHERSOME. i'm tired of having to explain that yes, the bf and i would perhaps like to get married in the future, but that's IN the future, and not something we're considering right now. and THEY STILL WON'T STOP BADGERING ME. wtf?

fera_festiva November 2 2009, 14:11:41 UTC

*hugs you back*

Yeah, exactly. Like, getting married can be great, but if it's going to happen we'll tell you about it, and if we haven't told you about it? Then badgering us isn't going to change anything. In short, FUCKING PEOPLE.

(The comment has been removed)

fera_festiva November 2 2009, 16:09:26 UTC

Clearly the people you know are more polite than the people I know. (Weirdly, I seem to get this mostly from people my age and younger - why is my generation so conservative about stuff like this?)

But yeah, I agree with you - it's a personal decision, and it really bothers me when people stick their noses in. So on behalf of everyone you've never asked about it - thank you. :D

minnow_53 October 30 2009, 16:29:54 UTC

You always post the most fantastic links. ♥ Offbeat Brides is the best site since Lolcats -- I now want to get married all over again, and do it right this time. :P Um...I don't think you intended to foster marriage, somehow, so sorry if this comment offends. I'll resist using one of my three bride icons, anyway.

fera_festiva November 2 2009, 16:16:30 UTC

Of course I'm not offended! Like I say, it's totally a personal thing. ♥ Anyway, I totally know what you mean about OBB - it's one of the few things that gets me tempted. (As a hypothetical thing, I'd love an internet-themed wedding, with a first dance to "Never Gonna Give You Up"...)

shyfoxling October 30 2009, 18:58:34 UTC

(though I admit it always weirds me out a bit when women my age change their last names, but YMMV).

MMV -- I was pleased to trade my 11-letter last name for a 4-letter one. My name is now a mere 11 letters total counting the middle one.

But yeah, I totally hear you. Although in my case I did eventually change my mind, for the first several years with the man who is now my husband, we planned never to get married, just to stay together, because we didn't feel it was necessary to have that extra piece of paper. What could it say that we didn't already know?

We've been lucky that after a year and a half no one has yet pestered us with the "so when are you going to have kids?" question. GRR NEVER UGH HOW MANY WAYS CAN I SAY NO. So not for us. (which is easy to back up, since I had a tubal ligation nearly nine years ago.) And no, that's not something we're going to "grow out of", either. (I'm 31, I'm done growing, thanks. "except sideways", as a certain hobbit once said.)

And while we're on the subject, the same goes for every time you ( ... )

fera_festiva November 2 2009, 16:30:47 UTC

I was pleased to trade my 11-letter last name for a 4-letter one

Fair enough. :) I can see why that would work. (Honestly, the name-change thing I think freaks me out mainly because it just seems like such a grown-up thing to do, and I certainly don't feel like I'm a grown-up.)

We've been lucky that after a year and a half no one has yet pestered us with the "so when are you going to have kids?"

Ugh - oh god, I hate that one. And some people just do not get that "never" is a real answer, do they? (The best comeback I ever heard to the "When are you going to have kids?" question: "When we start having unprotected sex, you'll be the first to know". Not that it works if you've had a tubal, of course, but I think it's a nice way of pointing out that it's kind of a personal question. XD )

*puke*

SERIOUSLY. See also ~*engaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaged*~. Vom.