Deathly Hallows uberwank: Chapter 32, The Elder Wand

[fera_festiva]

This one isn't a rickroll.

THE EMPEROR: Rise, my friend.
DARTH VADER: The Death Star will be completed on schedule.
THE EMPEROR: You've done well, Lord Vader. And now I sense you wish to continue your search for young Skywalker.
DARTH VADER: Yes, my Master.
THE EMPEROR: Patience, my friend. In time, he will seek you out, and when he does, you

Comments

[cristiline]

Grawp shows up and hits the other giant, and they start pummelling each other with fists, like some kind of grotesquely scaled-up wrestling toy, or something like that. (There's a specific toy I'm thinking of and I cannot for the life of me remember what it's called.)

Rock 'Em, Sock 'Em Robots, possibly?

Snargaluffs are violent plants from book six. The trio was working with them (by sticking their hands into their trunks, I think? And Hermione got her hand stuck in it?) while Ron and Hermione angsted about Slughorn's Christmas party.

She actually wrote "Hogwartians"? I totally missed that. I agree that it's an annoying word - it's irritating me way more than it probably should.

[fera_festiva]

Haha! Yes! That's exactly the toy I was thinking of. (I don't know if I ever even played with them as a kid, but they're in Toy Story if I remember rightly.) I can't believe you got that from my shoddy description. :D

I only ever read HBP once which explains why I didn't remember snargaluffs. Or possibly I did remember them, only subconsciously and through their association with HBP, which explains why I irrationally dislike them.

Yeah, "Hogwartians" is for real. Don't ask. I guess she just needed a word meaning "people involved in the battle fighting against the DEs" which encompassed the Order, the DA, various animals and magical creatures that got involved, and miscellaneous. Still, annoying.

[pinkalarmclock]

The battle seems to me like 'Harry Potter: This is your life' except dredging up every single bloody spell, plant and character we have ever seen....

awww, poor dead twin.....(which one is it again?)

Em xXx

[fera_festiva]

Hee - "This is your life" describes it perfectly. It's like a sort of greatest hits sequence - but instead of containing the actual greatest moments, it contains everything that ever happened (like those "200 Golden Country Greats" CD box sets that get advertised on TV but can't be bought in the shops).

... Or something.

The dead twin is the one who makes jokes all the time, silly. (Er...)

[fera_festiva]

JKR defaulted to telling us how we should feel

That's the crux of the issue, I think. It's also one of the reasons I don't like the twins much anyway - we're told they're funny quite a lot, but they rarely are. So when one dies and I'm again being told I should feel sad about it, why should things be any different?

In some ways, killing Fred could have worked really well - the twins are (supposed to be) comic relief, always happy and cheerful and cracking jokes, and we never see them unhappy or in any way serious, so if it had been handled well, I think seeing one of them killed in the battle could have come as a real shock. In GoF we don't know Cedric that well, but his death is horrible to read (IMO) because it really is unexpected and feels very real. (I suppose that's another part of it - this book is such a bloodbath that after a while you're like, meh, another "many Bothans died".) But I'm going to start repeating myself now. :)

[minnow_53]

Okay, just for once I had the lovely prospect of two Uberwanks in a row, except for the time I somehow missed one, and then our new internet system crashed. So I made the mistake of going out and shit happened at Asda, and I didn't get a chance to read this chapter till now.

But it was well worth the wait, as always. :)

Floreat Hogwarts indeed. :/ I didn't notice 'Hogwartians' either, even after three readings! So thank you.

The trouble with many of the deaths in this chapter and the next is that they feel contrived: as you and semielliptical say, when the author starts telling you how to feel, the whole deal rather falters. I'm not a fan of the twins, and think that karma was punishing both of them, the Van Gogh one and the now dead one. At any rate, their fates, joint or otherwise, seemed far too neat to me. This is my problem with the final battles: when JKR gets to the mortality stone, or whatever it's called, and King's Cross, somehow the writing becomes more inspired

[fera_festiva]

♥ and :) to you too.

when JKR gets to the mortality stone, or whatever it's called, and King's Cross, somehow the writing becomes more inspired

Yeah, I agree. Of course I will be picking holes in those bits anyway, but from the next chapter on I just have the impression that JKR actually enjoyed writing them, or was writing from the heart (for want of a better term) and it so shows.

It's just occurred to me that the thermos of memories could also have been a hipflask, left behind by Lupin. Damn, I missed a trick there. :D

Argh, this reply sucks and will not do, but I am knackered. Thank you and ♥ as always.

[a_pious_cruelty]

First, they see McGonagall, who is leading a herd of magically animated desks into battle.

Wait a minute... *checks book* Jesus, that was actually in the book? You'd think she would do more to them, give them horns or poisonous secretions or something.

The snargaluffs goatse themselves over the death eaters' heads

I am so sad that I know what that is.

Snape makes a big deal out of gazing into Harry's eyes

*squashes Snarry shipper*

This comment sucks. Hopefully, I'll be able to make up for it next post (I'm a tad opinionated about that chapter. I'll try to control myself).

[fera_festiva]

Yeah, the desks thing is totally for real. She even shouts, "CHARGE!" as she sends them off into battle. *facepalm*

I'm a tad opinionated about that chapter. I'll try to control myself

I look forward to hearing your thoughts! I'm interested to know what other people thought of that one - contrary to (possible) expectations I like the Snape chapter, even though I don't really like Snape. :D Mainly because of the actual storytelling aspect. (Actually, I'm a bit worried it just won't be funny. So I have some pictures of goths to include as well. Um.)

I had to explain "goatse" to my mother today... and I got about halfway through and she said, "Oh, yes, you've told me about this before, I remember now". D: