Comments | femslash100: Challange70:Remainder

loridragus in femslash100

Challange70:Remainder

Jun 12, 2006 03:42

Tittle: Hands
Fandom: Blade:Trinity
Pairing: Whistler/Summerfield
Rating: PG13
Word Count: 100
Challenge67-Touch
( Hands )

challenge67, author: loridragus, fandom: blade, fandom: lost world, challenge70, challenge68

Comments 8

ilthit June 12 2006, 09:34:50 UTC

The halting in the first drabble - full stops where commas should be - at first I thought it clumsy, but then when repeated enough it began to seem to convey a kind of a neurotic psychology, starting, holding back, letting the thought go a little further, like letting out rope by small measures. And then it became all nifty. I haven't seen the movie and have no idea what sort of characters these are, but yeah, nifty. :D

Also haven't seen or read Lost World. Which story or movie called Lost World is it, anyway? Verne, Jurassic Park?

Now here, you should notice - I know, nitpicking, but - the first, fourth, fifth and sixts paragraphs have a floating quotation mark in the beginning, which will have confused your word count, and also the question mark is missing at the end of that piece of dialogue. The second sentence also has a confusing dot after "just sand". These things are distracting, especially in a short drabble, but luckily easily fixed.

...Aside from that, not bad. :)

loridragus June 12 2006, 17:37:53 UTC

Thank you for the comments. And to clarify Lost World is from the television series based loosely on Jules Verne.

ilthit June 12 2006, 18:38:57 UTC

Ah. Cool. :D Most of the fic on this community seems to be based on TV series I haven't seen and can't see.

fembuck June 12 2006, 11:45:49 UTC

Beautiful! Loved "Hands". Abby/Sommerfield is totally my Blade trilogy OTP and there's not enough fic for them out there. You really captured Whistler's heartbreak and I could totally picture that tender interaction. Well done :D

loridragus June 12 2006, 17:39:13 UTC

Glad you liked it.

amazon_syren June 20 2006, 13:54:26 UTC

I like the one about Abby and Summerfield. :-)
How one can say with hands what one can't say with words. (Reminds me of a passage in Tigana by Guy Gavriel Kay).
I remember everyone else being less broken up about it than she was (with the possible exception of her daughter, but we didn't see much of her).
I think you conveyed her heartbreak well. :-)

projectcyborg June 20 2006, 16:54:50 UTC

I like these! hee, Lost World -- I used to watch that before I had cable.

just FYI, remainder drabbles should still respond to one of the previous (69) challenges. could you label these? I'm guessing Touch and Dust?

loridragus June 21 2006, 05:42:58 UTC

Oops thought I had labled them. Thanks for the feed back.