True Enough, I Guess - Buffy - Faith/Dawn

[taskir]

Title: True Enough, I Guess
Author: taskir
Recipient: pene
Fandom: Buffy
Pairing: Faith/Dawn
Rating: PG-13
Notes: First off, I want to thank pene for requesting this pairing. It's not one I had ever considered, but now that I've spent time researching it, I have to say I'm very fond. Also, I want to warn people that this is A) the first fic I've written in over a year, and B) very talky. So if it stinks, I apologize from the very bottom of my heart. :)



Fetching Faith was honestly much easier than I thought it would be. She didn't look terribly surprised to see me sitting in her shabby hotel chair, waiting for her to come back from patrol. She didn't even walk in with a stake in her hand, which I suppose should have clued me in.

"How'd you get in?"

"Hello to you too, Faith. I didn't think you'd recognize me."

She started changing out of her jacket and pants as she spoke. "I didn't at first. I was coming back from patrol when I saw you sneak inside, so I doubled back and watched you through the window for about a half hour before I came back."

"You did?"

"Yeah." She smirked. "I guess you need to work on those Watcher skills, huh Dawn?"

I blushed, and hoped it was dark enough in the room that she wouldn't see. "I'm not a Watcher, Faith. Not really...but that is sort of why I'm here."

Even though her back was to me now as she stripped off her undershirt, I could tell the smirk was completely gone and had been replaced by a face of stone.

"You know how I feel about the Council."

"I do. The same way that Buffy felt, and Giles for that matter. But it's different now, Faith. It's not the way it used to be at all. I mean, there are thousands of Slayers now -- it's an entirely different ballgame."

"And I don't feel like playing," she said as she turned to face me again, "So you can run back to England and tell them thanks for sending the scout, but I'd rather stay here in the minors."

I stood and turned on the lamp by my side. "Faith...we don't want you to come back so we can give you a Watcher. We want you to be on the Council -- or if not, we at least want your input."

"Now that you don't have Buffy anymore, you mean." She grabbed a clean t-shirt out of a dresser drawer and slammed it shut.

"We never had Buffy. She refused to have anything to do with the re-formed Council, even though we tried again and again to make her see we were changing things. They're finally starting to realize they're dealing with girls -- with real, human girls, not inanimate weapons -- and sending orders from on high won't cut it."

"So why do you need me? And why now, after three years?" Her eyes were looking right in to mine, and I almost lost my train of thought. I closed my eyes and took a breath, struggling to remember what I'd practiced saying on the plane trip over.

"Because change takes time, Faith. Especially when you're dealing with a beauracracy. Please, come back with me. You don't have to stay...just come and see what we're doing now. See if it's something you'd like to be a part of. I really think your input could be valuable."

"Because I'm the crazy rouge Slayer? You want to take notes on how to make sure nobody else ends up like me?"

"No. We want you because without Buffy, you're the oldest living Slayer...and even before this all happened, the line runs through you. Your experiences could help us so much. Please, Faith. I'm not asking as part of the Council. I'm just asking. Please." I met her eyes again, and this time willed myself not to look away.

She shoved past me into the bathroom and shut the door. I figured not being told immediately to get the hell out was as good a sign as any, so I sat down on the bed and waited for her to come back out.

She agreed to come. It took about another hour of talking, but she finally agreed to come 'for a trial kind of thing'. I don't know quite how to feel. I'm glad, of course...I meant what I told her, this will be a real boon to the Council if she does agree to help us. But Faith has always had a strange distance around me. When I was younger, I chalked it up to Faith just being the kind of person who has distance with everyone. But she's always seemed more so around me, especially after she came back to Sunnydale to help us battle the First. Maybe it was the effect of prison, or almost dying to save Angel.

Whatever it was, even after Sunnydale was destroyed and we all started moving our separate ways, Faith's distance with me remained. The more I noticed it and tried to rectify it by spending more time with her, the more she pushed away.

The day she finally left was the day before my 17th birthday. I hugged her goodbye, pressing my fingers hard into her back, wishing I could telegraph everything I was feeling into a simple hug. We pulled away slightly, and I've never wanted to kiss someone so much in my entire life as much as I wanted to kiss Faith at that moment.

But Buffy was standing there, and Giles too, so I said goodbye, staring at my own feet, and ran off to my room.

We would get postcards every now and then. Never anything too personal or too informative, just something to let us know she was somewhere else. Several times I sat down and wrote long, involved letters to her, telling her everything, but I never had the courage to send a single one.

I kept every single postcard.

Jet lag doesn't seem to have affected Faith. She was up early this morning rummaging for cereal and juice. As she hadn't said much more than twenty words to me since we left Michigan, I almost jumped out of my skin when she piped up.

"I want to see her grave," she said calmly as she added the milk to her bowl.

"You want to do what?"

"I want to see her grave. Where you buried her. Before we do anything else...I want to go there."

I knew this wasn't going to go well, so I paused to choose my words carefully before I continued.

"Faith...I'm sorry, but...there isn't a grave."

"You're saying you didn't even bury her this time?" Her hand got tighter around the spoon she was holding, turning her knuckles white.

"No, Faith.. you don't understand..." I sighed. "There are so many people and groups and demons out there that would love to get their hands on a piece of a Slayer. Some parts can be used in rituals, other parts are supposed to give virility or power to the vampire or demon who ingests them."

"But isn't the whole reason why I'm here because the world is chock full o' Slayers now?" she interrupted.

"Yes, and anyone who just wants ordinary Slayer parts unfortunately can pick and choose. But this is Buffy Summers. Do you have any idea what her body -- hell, what her pinkie toe would bring on the black market?" Faith looked uncomfortable. I was too, obviously. Three years hasn't made talking about my sister any easier. I did my best to hide it and continued. "We had to cremate her, Faith. It was the only option."

Faith paused for a long while. I was starting to wonder if she was going to say anything more, or if we were back to silence, when she took a long gulp of her juice. She wiped her mouth and asked, "Where are her ashes, then?"

I got up and beckoned for her to follow me into the living room. We stood in front of the mantle and I pointed at a small greenish vase at the center.

"There. I know the urn doesn't look like much, but...my mother made it in college. I think Buffy would approve."

She nodded, not taking her eyes off the urn. "So it's safe here? Nobody's gonna break in here and turn her ashes into Swiss Miss?"

"No. Willow took care of that. We've got all manner of wards and protection on it. Nuclear war could hit, and it would still be standing."

Faith didn't say anything more. After another minute, I left her alone and went to finish my breakfast.

I came home this evening and found Faith in her usual spot on the sofa, alternately staring at the empty fireplace and an open book on her lap. She still hasn't been terribly talkative, so it's become my habit to keep up a running dialogue the second I come in the door. This evening I was standing in the kitchen, pulling out items for dinner, and keeping my voice loud so she could hear me in the other room. I don't even recall what I was going on about; I think it had something to do with shrimp.

Suddenly, I turned around, and Faith was right behind me. I was so startled I dropped the plate I was holding. Without even seeming to think, Faith grabbed the plate from midair and placed it on the counter behind me.

Without skipping a beat, she asked her first question in days. "So why are you the one that came to get me?"

For someone who hardly talks, she renders me speechless surprisingly often.

"I...because I wanted to."

"But why you, Dawn? Why not Giles, or Willow?"

"They're busy...why does it matter, Faith? Is something wrong?" Then I noticed what Faith was holding in her other hand. Without warning, my stomach fell into my knees. "Faith," I began, not knowing what to say. "It's not...they're just postcards. I just wanted to keep track of you."

Faith's own eyes were on the fat parcel of cards, kept together with a rubber band. "Have you kept all of them?"

I nodded, unsure of where this was going. "Yes...how did you find them?"

She shrugged. "I opened a random book, they were in there."

"Are you...you're not upset, are you?"

Faith was still concentrating on the postcards. After a moment, she sat at the kitchen table heavily. "Dawn. We need to talk."

I swallowed hard. "Yeah..I guess that we do..." I bit my lip. "I only wanted to keep track of you, that's all, really. If you want, I can call Giles...you can go stay with him."

She looked up at me, surprise all over her face. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Because...you're upset. This obviously upsets you..." I paused, suddenly feeling very much at sea. "Doesn't it?"

She sighed and looked at her hands for a moment before returning her gaze to me. "There's something you need to understand, Dawn. Something kind of weird."

"Um..." I had to smile a bit at that. "You do remember you're talking to the sister of the Slayer who was and may still be a green glowy ball of energy, right?"

No smile back. Damn. She turned her face from me, and I was afraid that I'd just ruined whatever was about to have happened. Finally, just as I was considering standing up again and resuming dinner, she spoke.

"I don't remember you."

If I hadn't been sitting, I think I would have fallen down. "What?"

She sighed heavily. "The monks. When they did their little creative writing exercise on all of you, I was out of town, remember? So I don't know if it's that, or if it's some Slayer mojo, but...I don't have any memories of you. Or at least, until I came back to Sunnydale, I didn't. When I met you, that was the first time I'd ever seen you before in my life. It wasn't until a few hours later that it clicked for me, that you were the Dawn they were talking about, that you were B's sister....and it still doesn't, entirely. I know you about as well as I know any of the other potentials I met."

I sat and stared at her. Could that really have happened? Faith was sitting here in my kitchen, telling me that as far as she was concerned, she had never heard of me until seven years ago. It did explain things, I suppose...her distance, especially when I pushed closer -- she probably felt like I was crazy and obsessed. Her reaction to my having Buffy's ashes...if Faith didn't see me as Buffy's sister, then of course she'd feel uncomfortable that I had her ashes.

"God, Faith...I...I don't know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything. Really. I just...I thought you should know where I'm coming from. Especially since...now that I've been spending more time with you..." She sighed again. "Things are coming back. Memories, I mean."

"Of me?"

"Yeah. Good and bad things...I'll go to sleep, and when I wake up I'll have a new memory of something you said or did. Everything will pretty much be the same as I remembered it before, but...you're there too. And it's...I remember both. The memories with you, and the memories without you. They're both in my head at the same time. It's....trippy, for lack of a better word."

Now I was completely at a loss. "Faith....so you're saying...you don't want these memories? You do want them?"

"I don't know what I want, really." She laughed. "Hell, I'm having trouble knowing what's real, what I want is kind of a non-issue."

"But...why are you telling me this? Why not just leave again?" I blinked. "Oh my god...that's why you left us in Cleveland, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," she nodded, "it was exactly why. Because...Dawn, you won't believe this, probably, because as far as you know you've always been B's sister. You've always been under her shadow, and probably nobody's ever looked at you as anything else, right? Well, number one, I can complete relate to the feeling....and number two, I'm the only person who can honestly say she doesn't see you that way. To me, you're just Dawn."

"It still doesn't explain why you're telling me this."

She sighed yet again, but this time it seemed to have a touch of exasperation. "I'm doing it because I've wanted to jump on you from the moment I saw you. Dumbass. And before I get you into bed, I figure I'd better let you know where I'm coming from." Then she smiled.

I proceeded to suavely do my impersonation of a landed trout, opening and closing my mouth several times. I was still doing so as Faith got to her feet and pulled me out of my chair. She held me close, moving her hands up and down my back. She smirked.

"Do you have a problem with that plan of action, or should I take your silence as consent?"

I didn't know what to think. I wasn't sure if Faith was propositioning me, or playing mind games, or both. All I was sure of was that her one hand was slipping up my side, the other was squeezing my ass, and I had been thinking about this happening since I was sixteen.

In retrospect, it's really quite amazing we managed to make it all the way to the bedroom.

Giles just called again. Faith and I have spent yet another day in bed. I told him she had some kind of stomach flu, and we would both absolutely be there tomorrow.

I don't know what to think about the past few days. They've been incredible, but like some sort of fever dream. Faith and I have had sex in every room of my flat by now, and even managed to get some good use out of the broom closet. There are also fewer one-sided conversations, and Faith's old self seems to be coming back in full force.

Last night she noticed the conch shell on my desk. She picked it up and asked if you could still hear the ocean in England.

Smiling, I told her it wasn't the ocean.

"Jesus, what is it then?" she asked. "Wait, let me guess...an interdimensional communication device? A home for very small snail-like vampires? No, no, I've got it...it's a tool of undersea demons. You put it to your ear and it brainwashes you to walk into the ocean, where you become a tasty sea snack."

I smiled again. "It's your heartbeat."

"Ohhh." She rolled her eyes and carried the shell back into the bed with her. "It's some weird metaphor, right? I think I preferred the idea of it programming me to be mermaid chow."

"I'm serious...it's the echo of your heartbeat. Here... listen." I held it up to her ear.

She listened for a minute or two, then put it down. She turned the shell over in her hands for a moment, then said, "My heart, huh? Is that true?"

I shrugged and picked up the shell, moving it to the night stand. I wrapped my arms around Faith's waist, kissed her shoulder, and looked up at her. "It's true enough."