(Untitled)

[modernlovemyway]

someone once told me i couldn't be submissive sexually and still fight for women's rights. i don't remember how the topic came about, but i mentioned that i had fantasies about being tied up and controlled by a man (not a random guy, but someone i was in a committed relationship with). she told me i should be ashamed because i was just giving into

Comments

[cenye]

These posts "my friend said I can't be a feminist because..." come up often in here.

Is it logical to assume that this is the message feminism sends because one person got on your case about it? Not really.

Do some feminists project their views on others? Sure.

Does this mean you are not a feminist? Probably not.

Feminism is a broad philosophy. Some feminists have different views from others. If you consider yourself a feminist does it really matter what your friend thinks other than feeling put down by her words?

[aslanscountry]

Did she say anything about all feminists? She complained about her friend and perhaps feminists who do that in general. Why shouldn't she post about an unfair accusation?

[cenye]

I never said anything about all feminists either... I did say "is it logical to assume that this is the message feminism sends." Similar, yet different.

When I read her post I took
"shouldn't feminism be about choice, including sexual choices? should we really put down women who are engaging in voluntary activities?" as an inference that perhaps feminism was spreading this message.

Did I say she shouldn't post about an unfair accusation? Not that I can see.

[aslanscountry]

Feminism in general isn't spreading that message, but some feminists are. I don't see how this post said otherwise, and your comment seemed to imply that she was being petty with If you consider yourself a feminist does it really matter what your friend thinks other than feeling put down by her words?
Also, most of the "my friend said I can't be a feminist because..." posts aren't people saying they don't know if they're feminists; they're people complaining about being told that they aren't feminist because of their lifestyles.

[gluedupsidedown]

I always thought that feminism was about women HAVING the CHOICE. Not, what that choice may be.

I don't see a problem with it, and the only place I would see saying anything is to make sure its with a guy that actually respects you as an equal. (I doubt you'd choose someone that didn't respect you, from the sound of things.) So, yeah, her argument is just being stupid and shallow.

[crowjane]

You have the right to do whatever you want sexually. If what you want is to be submissive, that's just as valid of a sexual choice as the choice to be dominant. If what you want is to give head, that's just as valid of a sexual choice as the choice not to give head. If what you want sexually is to have pictures of you taken, that is a valid choice that you have the right to make.

[gjerninger]

Being a feminist is like walking a tightrope. Of, say, choices. With every step you take you are making a choice. Make the right choice, and put your foot down carefully in front of the other while maintaining your balance. Congratulations, you have stayed on the tightrope! You are still a feminist!

Make the wrong choice, and you're going down. Do not expect to be let back in the club.

[brainmuffin]

*internet crushes*

[gjerninger]

That icon is love.

[brainmuffin]

Why, thank you <3 .

[tashmania]

This is the same for me too.

[akfelecia2]

Same here.

[changelingjane]

That's pretty common, from my experiences. Strong, controlling people being subs, and laid back, easygoing people being doms. Like you said, it's playing a role you normally don't. And doing so can help you even out your personality. I used to be submissive in every single aspect of my life, not just sex, and being a dom in one relationship has brought me to the point now where I can be strong with people when I have to be.