"Who gives away this bride to be wedded?"

[goddessdragon]

A slew of my friends have been getting married lately. Which makes me feel weird because a) I'm not married, or engaged, b) or even in a long term relationship that could possibly turn into marriage, c) not ready for either of the two above mentioned items

Comments

[drutt]

I can definitely see your point. I don't plan to be 'given away' by anyone, because I am my own person and I left home 10 years ago. It shouldn't be too difficult, since I definitely won't be marrying in a church.

It's not something I've mentioned to my parents yet though. Which goes some way to explaining why I keep putting off the whole wedding thing. :)

[miss_cute_boots]

When I got married I refused to be given away...instead, the minister asked with who's blessings we came with....I also refused to have obey in my vows, because I wasn't about to enter a contract that I knew full well I wouldn't follow :)

[kismetmoribund]

I like that wording.

I've also had quite a few friends get married in the past year and have a difficult time with that moment in the ceremony. I have decided that: I will walk down the aisle alone and there will be a question posed to both the bride and the groom's respective families -- something like what you used -- acknowledging the family from which we came and at the same time making the simple statement that we both are responsible for ourselves. I've also decided that any vows we use will be reviewed and most likely reworked to avoid particular sentiments like "obey" and the like.

[miss_cute_boots]

I didn't have to have them specifically taken out, they were just modified out of the basic template for a wedding service....but we totally changed that and had basically a modified hand fasting. I'm Congregationalist and my hubby is a perfect Catholic (he doesn't have to practice anymore :) )

[frightened]

Oh, I like that wording. Less property, more support. Nice one.

[tashmania]

There's a really good article here about whether a traditional wedding can ever be compatible with feminist principles. It mentions what you've said about the bride being given away.

But I like your idea, it sounds really good and like you say, it acknowledges their support whilst not turning you into mere property.

[justcari]

Thanks for that article. I especially liked the mention of www.indiebride.com - interesting site.

[lilagrubb]

I agree. In my church the minister doesn't say "who gives this woman to be married to this man?" unless it is requested. When we were planning our wedding, he asked me if I wanted my father to escort me into the church. I did want that, it was a recongnition of my father's importance in my life. Sadly, my mother had died six months earlier. As my husband had his mother but not his father at the wedding, we chose his mother and my father as witnesses to give both of them a role in the wedding without my father giving me away as if I was a piece of his property. My father didn't have to say anything at the wedding, but I like your version.