Dear Elrohir, whose eyes are pools of brown reflecting the might of Arda, whose arms are not spagetti-like but sinewy, lithe, and sexy, whose PENIS commands us all ( Read more... )

I love you, father, even though you decided to corrupt my mother's memory by marrying this hag.

YOU! GRRRRR ROAR MY FATHER LOVES ME MORE THAN YOU!!

That goes for the same to you too!!

*stares at Fingolfin with a shiny sword in hand*

Blood.... Fratricide... yesssssssssssssss...

And hey you fuckers! This dude here has a point. Like, we elves ( Read more... )

*unveils*

WAAAAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAA!!


( Read more... )

I have thought of something.

We need someone... we need someone who looks a lot like this fella here who isn't, like Frodo. Because I can imagine Davy Jones or Michael J. Fox as Frodo too, just the same as Elijah, can't anyone else?

....

*crickets chirp*

Right. VILYA! That upgrade thingy that I promised you. What do you think?

*steals John's 'GOING FISHING' sign and puts it up*

*runs away to plastic town*

My temporary mun decided not to do anything with me. So, like, yeah.

My husband seems to have gone to the Lonely Mountain. But he doesn't know that I've been following him the entire way, Gollumesque.

Hellloooooooo my precious. We hates to see you suffering so, gollum!Fuck this, I'm not any good at it. Too pale, too feminine, too not-physically- ( Read more... )

My new hobbitses will not regret this, not at all.Is that evil laughter you heard? You heard wrong ( Read more... )

DEAR, MISTER ELROHIR:

I am very sorry.

But, I guess you want to spend time with your new son, or something.

So, like, I'm going to sit here and cry. Naked. And cry some more. Naked.

I looooove you.

Volunteer needed:

-must be hobbit
-must be willing to become pregnant
-must be willing to spend a large amount of time with watermelons

You will be paid in gold coins and orange popsicles. If interested, contact me in Rivendell.

( Read more... )