fic -- lonely nights ahead
“We already talked about this, Erica,” Olivia replied, letting out a sigh and taking off her coat. The two of them had been drinking for most of the night, but when Erica witnessed Olivia being a little too friendly with the bartender, her mood quickly shifted and all she wanted to do in the end was go home.
“No, we haven’t, Olivia. And that’s exactly it. After your last case, when you drink all you do is… smile and be ‘friendly’ as you call it.” She paused, paced the room and then turned to her lady. “Olivia, please. Don’t shut yourself out like this. I want you to tell me why you’re doing this.”
“Doing what? Coming to New York to see you? While everyone back there thinks I’m visiting ‘a friend’? Is ‘because I love you’ the answer you want to hear?” Olivia’s eyes had begun to get teary. Her voice had been raised slightly as she spoke, and her eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
Erica’s arms had dropped to her side as she accepted defeat. She was tired of dealing with Olivia while she was drunk. She was tired of feeling helpless and completely useless when Liv was in one of her moods. Erica did want to reach into that foggy mind of hers and pull all the pain and misery out of her. Make her feel like what they had was special and not something she used to escape her problems. Erica wanted them to be happy, but Olivia wasn’t allowing them to have that.
“I’m sorry,” Olivia began, her body only clothed by the pants she had been wearing that day and a black braw that made her breasts look as perfect as ever. “I-I didn’t mean… I don’t know. I just… need to clear my head. I’m going to shower.”
As Olivia exited the room, Erica’s eyes followed her every move, watching her perfectly poised back as she walked away. “Whatever,” she said under her breath as she walked into her-their-room.
Olivia had come out of the bathroom wearing her bathroom and for a second-she had completely forgotten about their fight-Erica wished to see what was underneath. But she quickly remembered they had been fighting and said nothing. She didn’t even make eye contact.
“I’ve been thinking,” Olivia began. She sounded more sober than before, as if she had had the biggest epiphany of her life. Erica resisted the urge to look as Olivia spoke. “I don’t know if we should keep doing this anymore.” Erica didn’t care if the two of them were fighting or not. This was enough to cause her to look up and pay full attention to her lover. As she heard the words, her heart skipped a few beats and at the same time, managed to sink into her stomach. A knot had formed in the middle of her throat, preventing her from speaking. All she managed to do was open her mouth and whisper, “What?”
“This. You and me. The way I make you feel. The way I keep lying. The way we are towards each other.”
“You make me happy.”
“Do I, Erica? I feel like all I ever do is put you in a state of misery that you seem to get out of whenever I’m not around. You deserve better than me. Someone that can love you more than they love their job. You deserve someone who will dedicate their whole life to you.” As the last word escape her lips, her voice cracked just a bit, making a single tear form at the corner of her eye. When she realized she could potentially break down and cry, she turned around and faced the closet while Erica stood up and tried to force her to look back.
“Olivia, look at me,” she said through tears falling from her eyes. “Olivia!” She said louder than before. “You do all those things for me! You’re that and more. You make me happy! You’re the only positive thing in my life right now after… after everything!” Erica felt as though every person she ever loved walked out on her, and this was exactly what was happening again.
“I’m sorry Erica, but you deserve better. You need to be happy. And with me, that’s something that will go nowhere. I love you, and I always will, but I think this is the end.”
“Olivia… Please. I love you.”
“Me too. Always.”
“We can fix this,” she said through more tears. It was becoming harder and harder to breath as she spoke through sobs.
“Not this time,” Olivia finally said, turning around and revealing her face. Tears were falling down her cheeks as her olive eyes turned to meet Erica’s bright blue orbs. The two of them stared at each other for what seemed to be minutes, but in reality it was seconds before Olivia broke away to hide her sobs from the only person she truly ever loved.
“No, we haven’t, Olivia. And that’s exactly it. After your last case, when you drink all you do is… smile and be ‘friendly’ as you call it.” She paused, paced the room and then turned to her lady. “Olivia, please. Don’t shut yourself out like this. I want you to tell me why you’re doing this.”
“Doing what? Coming to New York to see you? While everyone back there thinks I’m visiting ‘a friend’? Is ‘because I love you’ the answer you want to hear?” Olivia’s eyes had begun to get teary. Her voice had been raised slightly as she spoke, and her eyebrows furrowed in frustration.
Erica’s arms had dropped to her side as she accepted defeat. She was tired of dealing with Olivia while she was drunk. She was tired of feeling helpless and completely useless when Liv was in one of her moods. Erica did want to reach into that foggy mind of hers and pull all the pain and misery out of her. Make her feel like what they had was special and not something she used to escape her problems. Erica wanted them to be happy, but Olivia wasn’t allowing them to have that.
“I’m sorry,” Olivia began, her body only clothed by the pants she had been wearing that day and a black braw that made her breasts look as perfect as ever. “I-I didn’t mean… I don’t know. I just… need to clear my head. I’m going to shower.”
As Olivia exited the room, Erica’s eyes followed her every move, watching her perfectly poised back as she walked away. “Whatever,” she said under her breath as she walked into her-their-room.
Olivia had come out of the bathroom wearing her bathroom and for a second-she had completely forgotten about their fight-Erica wished to see what was underneath. But she quickly remembered they had been fighting and said nothing. She didn’t even make eye contact.
“I’ve been thinking,” Olivia began. She sounded more sober than before, as if she had had the biggest epiphany of her life. Erica resisted the urge to look as Olivia spoke. “I don’t know if we should keep doing this anymore.” Erica didn’t care if the two of them were fighting or not. This was enough to cause her to look up and pay full attention to her lover. As she heard the words, her heart skipped a few beats and at the same time, managed to sink into her stomach. A knot had formed in the middle of her throat, preventing her from speaking. All she managed to do was open her mouth and whisper, “What?”
“This. You and me. The way I make you feel. The way I keep lying. The way we are towards each other.”
“You make me happy.”
“Do I, Erica? I feel like all I ever do is put you in a state of misery that you seem to get out of whenever I’m not around. You deserve better than me. Someone that can love you more than they love their job. You deserve someone who will dedicate their whole life to you.” As the last word escape her lips, her voice cracked just a bit, making a single tear form at the corner of her eye. When she realized she could potentially break down and cry, she turned around and faced the closet while Erica stood up and tried to force her to look back.
“Olivia, look at me,” she said through tears falling from her eyes. “Olivia!” She said louder than before. “You do all those things for me! You’re that and more. You make me happy! You’re the only positive thing in my life right now after… after everything!” Erica felt as though every person she ever loved walked out on her, and this was exactly what was happening again.
“I’m sorry Erica, but you deserve better. You need to be happy. And with me, that’s something that will go nowhere. I love you, and I always will, but I think this is the end.”
“Olivia… Please. I love you.”
“Me too. Always.”
“We can fix this,” she said through more tears. It was becoming harder and harder to breath as she spoke through sobs.
“Not this time,” Olivia finally said, turning around and revealing her face. Tears were falling down her cheeks as her olive eyes turned to meet Erica’s bright blue orbs. The two of them stared at each other for what seemed to be minutes, but in reality it was seconds before Olivia broke away to hide her sobs from the only person she truly ever loved.