It's been a while I know- Sorry to those who were worried.. I have been under constant watch by certain friends and it has been impossible for me to get online without someone over my shoulder. I just moved in with my aunt and she has been practically force feeding me. I've gained most of the weight that I lost. I have been insanely depressed- ( Read more... )

"You are worth wanting"

Why is this statement so hard for me to believe?

I went to my first pshycologist appointment on Wednesday. My Doc thinks I have depression (duh), anxiety dissorder, and social phobia... Interesting... On monday I will find out how severe these things are.. I'm kind of skeptical about the whole thing. I mean.. I'm the kind of person who can own up to my mistakes... I'm a fuck up and it's my ( Read more... )

I want to shoot both of them.... I'm worried sick about Bry who is in Aberdeen right now driving around with a car that needs a new CV joint badly. Dumbass. Plus I haven't seen him all week and I miss him. Alot. More than I thought I would. And Mike.... Oh my god I am going to rip his eyes out, break every single finger and toe on his body ( Read more... )

I updated my other (live)journal, the one that my friends read, and said that I was better. I have been (and still am) super depressed lately. A while back, I wrote in the other journal that I just didn't want to talk to anyone, that things would get better and that I would work everything that was going on inside my head on my own. Today I ( Read more... )

Ya know, it's so hard to be sad and angry and hate my life when everyone around me is sad and angry and hates their own life. I feel so fucking selfish. So I tuck my pain away, while it sits and eats at my soul, and try to help everyone else out. I am so emotionally drained.

Jesus Christ! I hate myself. I hate hating myself. I hate everything going on inside of my head. I wish that it would all just end ( Read more... )

I ate like a horse yesterday and didn't even purge. Yuck. I think I had over 1200 cals. : ( So angry with myself.

I am on my way down a very steep emotional hill. Falling oh so fast. I was on top of the world just the other day. And out of nowhere I want to curl up and rot. Fuck ( Read more... )

Yeah! I lost 5 lbs in one day! Crazy huh? Oh my god it feels Gooooooood! I am soo proud of myself.