The empty space where you were...
Title: The empty space where you were...
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst
Spoilers: 6.11 The God Complex
Characters: Eleven
Word Count: 700
Summary: The Doctor was alone, surrounded by the emptiness of the TARDIS as he left the Ponds behind, not knowing how he could find the strength to go on without them...
A/N: a Coda to The God Complex, which left just too many emotions to process.
..........................
Fingers that shook caressed the console, looking for solace in the press of metal and levers, but there was no comfort, only unyielding cold. Hands hovered, looking for some lever to pull, looking for just the right dial, looking for something that was no longer there.
The Doctor's hands stilled. He turned slowly. The quiet emptiness of the TARDIS surrounded him, the space too large, too empty. It was hollow, and threatened to swallow him, to absorb everything. It had always been his comfort, his haven, his box that took him on adventures. Now it was just an empty, lost space, mocking in its silence of his sacrifice, of his selfless act to let go.
To let go of everything that he loved, his friends, his Amelia Pond, to save them and himself from the alternative, an alternative that would destroy him as surely as letting them go was threatening to.
Alone. Empty. Breaking. Broken.
Countless years that had always been a burden, somewhere in the back of his thoughts, now laid claim to him. Too many years, too many losses.
He leant against the console, too weary, too broken to hold himself upright. He let the TARDIS tumble through space, unable to move, barely able to breathe. His eyes, showing every one of his years, and then some, drifted around the room, searching, lost.
He wanted to turn back, to hold on for just a moment longer, but he knew he wouldn't. He couldn't. He had made the choice, and as much as it broke him, it had been right. Maybe the first grown up thing he had ever done. The pain threatened to consume him, making him wonder how he had managed to do it. To walk away with one last longing glance for all that could be, all the adventures and laughter, the quiet moments and loud ones, the wonder and joy.
He held onto the thought of what else there could have been. The loss.
"Oh Amy," he whispered, his lips giving voice to the pain without thought.
The torn whisper echoed in the silence.
The Doctor closed his eyes, trying to store away the pain, to hide it down deep so its devouring emptiness would let go of his limbs, of his lungs, of his hearts. He tried to imagine the Ponds, exploring their new home, holding each other as they fell asleep in the comforting embrace of their new bed, safe, beyond his reach.
He held onto the part of them that could make him brave, that would enable him to do this. He would never, could never, forget them, his Amelia Pond, the girl who waited, and her roman. They would never let him go, no matter how far he ran. He knew that, but he wouldn't have it any other way. To let them go had been enough, too much. Though they would never truly be gone, he would always feel the echo of them in the TARDIS, in every new planet and whatever adventure he could find without them, as hollow as that thought was.
He turned back to the console, his fingers finding their way to levers, letting his emotions, and his TARDIS, guide him, as he punched in a destination without thought for where, just anywhere.
The TARDIS's engines whirled in a more stable pattern as she stopped drifting. She shook gently, before settling a few moments later as she landed somewhere. His head slumped forward, a shaking breath finding its way past his lips. He breathed in again, and out, and in again, before finally finding the strength to push away from the console.
He walked to the door, steps echoing in the empty TARDIS, not really interested in where she had taken him. Wherever it was, it wasn't where he wanted to be. He leant against the door, the blue surface cool against his forehead. He drew in another breath and reached his fingers to the latch, caressing against the cool metal as he slowly turned it.
With the image of flaming red hair firmly in his thoughts and heart, he stepped outside, finding the strength in those thoughts, in Amy, who would always be his Amelia Pond, to keep going, to move on and let them live their lives without him.
.........................
Author: fate_incomplete
Rating: PG
Warnings: Angst
Spoilers: 6.11 The God Complex
Characters: Eleven
Word Count: 700
Summary: The Doctor was alone, surrounded by the emptiness of the TARDIS as he left the Ponds behind, not knowing how he could find the strength to go on without them...
A/N: a Coda to The God Complex, which left just too many emotions to process.
..........................
Fingers that shook caressed the console, looking for solace in the press of metal and levers, but there was no comfort, only unyielding cold. Hands hovered, looking for some lever to pull, looking for just the right dial, looking for something that was no longer there.
The Doctor's hands stilled. He turned slowly. The quiet emptiness of the TARDIS surrounded him, the space too large, too empty. It was hollow, and threatened to swallow him, to absorb everything. It had always been his comfort, his haven, his box that took him on adventures. Now it was just an empty, lost space, mocking in its silence of his sacrifice, of his selfless act to let go.
To let go of everything that he loved, his friends, his Amelia Pond, to save them and himself from the alternative, an alternative that would destroy him as surely as letting them go was threatening to.
Alone. Empty. Breaking. Broken.
Countless years that had always been a burden, somewhere in the back of his thoughts, now laid claim to him. Too many years, too many losses.
He leant against the console, too weary, too broken to hold himself upright. He let the TARDIS tumble through space, unable to move, barely able to breathe. His eyes, showing every one of his years, and then some, drifted around the room, searching, lost.
He wanted to turn back, to hold on for just a moment longer, but he knew he wouldn't. He couldn't. He had made the choice, and as much as it broke him, it had been right. Maybe the first grown up thing he had ever done. The pain threatened to consume him, making him wonder how he had managed to do it. To walk away with one last longing glance for all that could be, all the adventures and laughter, the quiet moments and loud ones, the wonder and joy.
He held onto the thought of what else there could have been. The loss.
"Oh Amy," he whispered, his lips giving voice to the pain without thought.
The torn whisper echoed in the silence.
The Doctor closed his eyes, trying to store away the pain, to hide it down deep so its devouring emptiness would let go of his limbs, of his lungs, of his hearts. He tried to imagine the Ponds, exploring their new home, holding each other as they fell asleep in the comforting embrace of their new bed, safe, beyond his reach.
He held onto the part of them that could make him brave, that would enable him to do this. He would never, could never, forget them, his Amelia Pond, the girl who waited, and her roman. They would never let him go, no matter how far he ran. He knew that, but he wouldn't have it any other way. To let them go had been enough, too much. Though they would never truly be gone, he would always feel the echo of them in the TARDIS, in every new planet and whatever adventure he could find without them, as hollow as that thought was.
He turned back to the console, his fingers finding their way to levers, letting his emotions, and his TARDIS, guide him, as he punched in a destination without thought for where, just anywhere.
The TARDIS's engines whirled in a more stable pattern as she stopped drifting. She shook gently, before settling a few moments later as she landed somewhere. His head slumped forward, a shaking breath finding its way past his lips. He breathed in again, and out, and in again, before finally finding the strength to push away from the console.
He walked to the door, steps echoing in the empty TARDIS, not really interested in where she had taken him. Wherever it was, it wasn't where he wanted to be. He leant against the door, the blue surface cool against his forehead. He drew in another breath and reached his fingers to the latch, caressing against the cool metal as he slowly turned it.
With the image of flaming red hair firmly in his thoughts and heart, he stepped outside, finding the strength in those thoughts, in Amy, who would always be his Amelia Pond, to keep going, to move on and let them live their lives without him.
.........................