Gravity-Defying House (chapter 1/6)
Originally posted here.
It's here! I did it! Oh my god!!!
Title: Gravity-Defying House (Chapter 1/6)
Rating: I don't know... teen?
Pairing/characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, Bobby, Gabriel, a surprise character, an OC that I absolutely needed for plot and, you know, a baby. Mentions of Balthazar, Joshua, Jimmy and others.
Spoilers: Blanket for all aired eps.
Warnings/Kinks (aren't they the same?): MPREG!, established relationship, Gabriel is back from the dead, awesome!Sam, there WILL be some early stages of labour, but then it fades-to-black, mentions of sexual situations, there's some gender-bending at first, schmoop (no, really), angst (no, really), crack/humour, the baby isn't welcomed at first and notions of ending the pregnancy are entertained. ANGELS ARE DICKS! Like, really. Even Cas is going to be a complete SOB at first. Happy ending.
A/N: I have no words. I don't know what this fandom is doing to me. Why am I writing schmoop? Why am I writing about babies?
I blame it on lexhibition and amor_remanet, because they're writing MPREG, too, and misery loves company. I blame it on lb_x for wanting to see it well done. I blame it on stageira for LOVING MPREG. I blame it on cherryshadowz and libitina for being so supportive. Dammit! You should have talked me out of it.
I'M NOT TO BLAME FOR THIS! I'M JUST AN INNOCENT VICTIM!
I should thank pyjamagurl for the beta, but she's trying to convince me to write a sequel so the baby won't be an only child, so sorry baby, I'm not thanking you. ;)
Sam's POV. Chapter 2 will be beta-ed this weekend.
The title is a word-play with gravid, but there's an actual gravity-defying house somewhere.
Hold me?
Summary: Word to the wise, from a seasoned hunter? When something goes wrong after a prank that an archangel pulled and the only thing said archangel can say is 'uh', that's not a good sign.
Weeks ago Gabriel and Dean got into a fight and Gabriel decided to teach him a lesson by turning him into a girl (what lesson Dean was supposed to learn, no one knows). And then proceeded to disappear for an entire month.
At first Dean freaked out completely, screaming, yelling at anyone who could hear him (thankfully not that many people), stomping his feet and kicking anything that would come across him.
They went into a hunt. Nothing much, just a smaller-than-average werewolf, but Dean found himself trapped, the gun with the silver bullet lying five feet away. Normally he would resort to a good, old-fashioned fist-fight, but this time? Dean jumped on the monster, pulling its fur, twisting its ears, scratching it, kicking its nads. When Sam finally managed to grab the gun and shoot it, he had the distinct feeling he was doing it a favor.
And then Dean discovered the joys of jumping.
"Hey Sammy, they bounce!"
Sam tried really hard to ignore the fact that his brother had just told him that his boobs bounced. Luckily Cas, who had been looking like he was about to explode over the past few days, made a noise in the back of his throat and Sam got distracted by the fact that their angel was about to faint.
When Gabriel finally returned, he reversed the spell he had put on Dean with a snap of his fingers.
Or so everyone thought.
"GABRIEL! Why the HELL do I still have girl parts?" Dean's yell fills Bobby's house after he went upstairs to 'get reacquainted with himself.'
"Uh."
Word to the wise, from a seasoned hunter? When something goes wrong after a prank that an archangel pulled and the only thing said archangel can say is 'uh', that's not a good sign.
"And that's not all!" Dean pulls at the legs of the jeans he's wearing. "These jeans aren't mine! I'm wearing Sam's, who's the one with the huge ass." Wait, what? "Because I can't fit mine past my hips!"
"You're not implying that I, an archangel back from the dead, former pagan demi-god extraordinaire, can't reverse a spell I made myself, right?"
"What other explanation is there, then?"
Gabriel frowns. He opens his mouth to say something, but ends up frowning again, looking deep in thought. Uh, that's a new look on Gabriel.
"Right, I just went through all the possibilities in my head, which I can do much quicker than you meatheads can even imagine. And," Gabriel laughs. "Unless you're pregnant, I can't see…" He stops. The silence in Bobby's living room is deafening. Not that Sam is listening, because the sight of Dean's and Cas' eyes almost jumping out of their sockets is way too distracting.
"Oh. My. Father." Gabriel is beaming. Why is Gabriel beaming? "You did it, didn't you? You went and got yourself knocked up!"
Dean is too busy being stunned to actually say anything. Apparently Bobby decides to ask what Sam is wondering, which is good, because Sam can feel hysterical laughter bubbling up inside him.
"What does that mean? Why is that the only reason? How can that be the only reason?"
Gabriel rolls his eyes.
"Duh, isn't it obvious?" Duh, obviously not. "The…" he makes a jerky gesture towards Dean's midriff, "was not there when I did the spell, so it was not affected by the reversal. Plus, Dean-o's body protects it. Which is sort of adorable. The body protects it, leaving the parts needed for it to be all right. Pretty powerful stuff, protection of the next generation and such."
Right. In a very hypothetically, completely detached way, Sam can see the logic behind that. But still. Dean. His brother. Pregnant. Sam's pretty sure there are languages in the world where that's not even possible to say.
"And, Cas, you kinky bastard." And now Gabriel is looking proud. Great. "It doesn't matter if he has a cock or a rack, provided you're getting some, huh? I'm impressed."
"My feelings for Dean have nothing to do with the form his body takes."
Everyone groans at that.
"Careful, little brother, you sound like one of those kids who's just learned a new word. And if you repeat it too much, it starts to lose its meaning."
Cas frowns at this and is about to say something when Gabriel looks at his naked wrist like he's looking at a watch and interrupts him. "And this has all been very interesting, but I came here just to reverse the spell. If it didn't work right, this time's not actually my fault. Ta-ta! I have things to see and people to do." And with that, Gabriel is gone.
"Haven't you two idjits ever heard of protection?" Bobby yells, turning to Dean and Cas.
Dean raises his hands.
"Cas is an angel! He doesn't get sick. And as for this, the arch-dick didn't leave us an instruction book, did he? How were we supposed to know this could happen?"
"I'll tell ya how this could happen…"
"You know what I mean, Bobby!"
Sam throws his arms up.
"Can we get back to the matter at hand here?"
"Yes! Thanks, Sammy. Can we get back to the fact that I'm, you know?"
"That's it! Son, I'm taking ya to one of those lady clinics and they'll take care of this whole mess."
Sam looks apologetically at Cas, but the angel just looks unfazed, much to his surprise.
"Whoa!" Dean says. "Lady clinic. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a dude."
"We can get you a wig?" Sam offers and barely has time to duck from his brother's punch.
"A wig, Sam? Really? I may still have girl-bits down there, but my man-bits, my very manly man-bits are back. How would I explain that?"
Sam winces.
"I'm grasping at straws here!" He doesn't add that he really didn't need the visuals.
Cas takes a step forward (more like stomps unnecessarily).
"I'm going to find Gabriel and he's either going to fix this, or he's turning Dean into a female again. I suppose that that won't require explanations?"
Before Dean has time to say anything, let alone protest, Cas is gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Sam walks into the living room Dean is sitting on the couch, the TV on. He doesn't seem to notice Sam is there and upon closer inspection, he's not even looking at the screen, just staring ahead.
"Uh. Where's Cas?"
Dean's head jerks up, but he continues to look ahead.
"Looking for Gabriel. He got some hint on him or something."
Sam nods and heads to the kitchen. He opens the fridge.
"Wanna beer? They're nice and cold."
Dean doesn't answer. Sam looks up at him and sees him looking at his shoes now.
"… Dean?"
"Hmm, no Sammy. I'm fine, thanks."
"You don't want beer?" Sam chuckles. "Are you okay?"
"I said I was fine, dammit!" Dean snaps.
Sam blinks. Well, he supposes that, while everybody is making light of the whole Dean's pregnancy situation, it must probably suck to him, so he leaves it at that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Sam's turn to cook, so he settles for a nice chicken salad. It has greens, but it also has meat (granted, it's not red or deep fried, but still), so he sort of hopes Bobby and Dean won't complain much. Of course, the moment they sit down, Bobby starts grunting, saying he's no rabbit. But Dean picks around his plate at first and then starts to eat. Sam and Bobby gawk at him.
"What? I'm starving! Anything goes."
Sam rolls his eyes at the 'anything' and starts on his own salad.
"By the way, Cas called while you were sleeping," Sam says. Dean has been sleeping at lot lately, hasn't he? "Said he found Gabriel. He's going to bring him back, even if he has to drag him by the wings. They'll be back today, I'm sure." About time. Gabriel managed to stay away for one week.
"Oh, shit!" Dean jumps from his seat, his chair falling backwards, and scrambles to the bathroom.
Bobby raises an eyebrow at Sam and looks pointedly at the salad.
"Yeah, that's right, Bobby, blame it on the salad."
Bobby gets up chuckling and goes lend Dean a hand. Sam continues to eat, trying to block out the noises from Dean throwing up in the bathroom and Bobby's "Let it all out, son."
"Sam! Little help here, boy!"
Sam sighs, takes a ginger ale from the fridge and heads to the bathroom. Dean is sitting on the tiled floor, back propped against the wall. He's pale and shaking slightly and groans when Sam hands him the ginger ale.
"I'm going to shoot the moron that called it morning sickness."
"Well, you slept all morning, so it's sort of morning to you." Sam laughs.
"Don't worry, son. Cas will be getting back with the dickhead in no time and everything will be over soon."
Dean clears his throat.
"Yeah, about that…"
Next chapter
It's here! I did it! Oh my god!!!
Title: Gravity-Defying House (Chapter 1/6)
Rating: I don't know... teen?
Pairing/characters: Dean/Cas, Sam, Bobby, Gabriel, a surprise character, an OC that I absolutely needed for plot and, you know, a baby. Mentions of Balthazar, Joshua, Jimmy and others.
Spoilers: Blanket for all aired eps.
Warnings/Kinks (aren't they the same?): MPREG!, established relationship, Gabriel is back from the dead, awesome!Sam, there WILL be some early stages of labour, but then it fades-to-black, mentions of sexual situations, there's some gender-bending at first, schmoop (no, really), angst (no, really), crack/humour, the baby isn't welcomed at first and notions of ending the pregnancy are entertained. ANGELS ARE DICKS! Like, really. Even Cas is going to be a complete SOB at first. Happy ending.
A/N: I have no words. I don't know what this fandom is doing to me. Why am I writing schmoop? Why am I writing about babies?
I blame it on lexhibition and amor_remanet, because they're writing MPREG, too, and misery loves company. I blame it on lb_x for wanting to see it well done. I blame it on stageira for LOVING MPREG. I blame it on cherryshadowz and libitina for being so supportive. Dammit! You should have talked me out of it.
I'M NOT TO BLAME FOR THIS! I'M JUST AN INNOCENT VICTIM!
I should thank pyjamagurl for the beta, but she's trying to convince me to write a sequel so the baby won't be an only child, so sorry baby, I'm not thanking you. ;)
Sam's POV. Chapter 2 will be beta-ed this weekend.
The title is a word-play with gravid, but there's an actual gravity-defying house somewhere.
Hold me?
Summary: Word to the wise, from a seasoned hunter? When something goes wrong after a prank that an archangel pulled and the only thing said archangel can say is 'uh', that's not a good sign.
Weeks ago Gabriel and Dean got into a fight and Gabriel decided to teach him a lesson by turning him into a girl (what lesson Dean was supposed to learn, no one knows). And then proceeded to disappear for an entire month.
At first Dean freaked out completely, screaming, yelling at anyone who could hear him (thankfully not that many people), stomping his feet and kicking anything that would come across him.
They went into a hunt. Nothing much, just a smaller-than-average werewolf, but Dean found himself trapped, the gun with the silver bullet lying five feet away. Normally he would resort to a good, old-fashioned fist-fight, but this time? Dean jumped on the monster, pulling its fur, twisting its ears, scratching it, kicking its nads. When Sam finally managed to grab the gun and shoot it, he had the distinct feeling he was doing it a favor.
And then Dean discovered the joys of jumping.
"Hey Sammy, they bounce!"
Sam tried really hard to ignore the fact that his brother had just told him that his boobs bounced. Luckily Cas, who had been looking like he was about to explode over the past few days, made a noise in the back of his throat and Sam got distracted by the fact that their angel was about to faint.
When Gabriel finally returned, he reversed the spell he had put on Dean with a snap of his fingers.
Or so everyone thought.
"GABRIEL! Why the HELL do I still have girl parts?" Dean's yell fills Bobby's house after he went upstairs to 'get reacquainted with himself.'
"Uh."
Word to the wise, from a seasoned hunter? When something goes wrong after a prank that an archangel pulled and the only thing said archangel can say is 'uh', that's not a good sign.
"And that's not all!" Dean pulls at the legs of the jeans he's wearing. "These jeans aren't mine! I'm wearing Sam's, who's the one with the huge ass." Wait, what? "Because I can't fit mine past my hips!"
"You're not implying that I, an archangel back from the dead, former pagan demi-god extraordinaire, can't reverse a spell I made myself, right?"
"What other explanation is there, then?"
Gabriel frowns. He opens his mouth to say something, but ends up frowning again, looking deep in thought. Uh, that's a new look on Gabriel.
"Right, I just went through all the possibilities in my head, which I can do much quicker than you meatheads can even imagine. And," Gabriel laughs. "Unless you're pregnant, I can't see…" He stops. The silence in Bobby's living room is deafening. Not that Sam is listening, because the sight of Dean's and Cas' eyes almost jumping out of their sockets is way too distracting.
"Oh. My. Father." Gabriel is beaming. Why is Gabriel beaming? "You did it, didn't you? You went and got yourself knocked up!"
Dean is too busy being stunned to actually say anything. Apparently Bobby decides to ask what Sam is wondering, which is good, because Sam can feel hysterical laughter bubbling up inside him.
"What does that mean? Why is that the only reason? How can that be the only reason?"
Gabriel rolls his eyes.
"Duh, isn't it obvious?" Duh, obviously not. "The…" he makes a jerky gesture towards Dean's midriff, "was not there when I did the spell, so it was not affected by the reversal. Plus, Dean-o's body protects it. Which is sort of adorable. The body protects it, leaving the parts needed for it to be all right. Pretty powerful stuff, protection of the next generation and such."
Right. In a very hypothetically, completely detached way, Sam can see the logic behind that. But still. Dean. His brother. Pregnant. Sam's pretty sure there are languages in the world where that's not even possible to say.
"And, Cas, you kinky bastard." And now Gabriel is looking proud. Great. "It doesn't matter if he has a cock or a rack, provided you're getting some, huh? I'm impressed."
"My feelings for Dean have nothing to do with the form his body takes."
Everyone groans at that.
"Careful, little brother, you sound like one of those kids who's just learned a new word. And if you repeat it too much, it starts to lose its meaning."
Cas frowns at this and is about to say something when Gabriel looks at his naked wrist like he's looking at a watch and interrupts him. "And this has all been very interesting, but I came here just to reverse the spell. If it didn't work right, this time's not actually my fault. Ta-ta! I have things to see and people to do." And with that, Gabriel is gone.
"Haven't you two idjits ever heard of protection?" Bobby yells, turning to Dean and Cas.
Dean raises his hands.
"Cas is an angel! He doesn't get sick. And as for this, the arch-dick didn't leave us an instruction book, did he? How were we supposed to know this could happen?"
"I'll tell ya how this could happen…"
"You know what I mean, Bobby!"
Sam throws his arms up.
"Can we get back to the matter at hand here?"
"Yes! Thanks, Sammy. Can we get back to the fact that I'm, you know?"
"That's it! Son, I'm taking ya to one of those lady clinics and they'll take care of this whole mess."
Sam looks apologetically at Cas, but the angel just looks unfazed, much to his surprise.
"Whoa!" Dean says. "Lady clinic. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a dude."
"We can get you a wig?" Sam offers and barely has time to duck from his brother's punch.
"A wig, Sam? Really? I may still have girl-bits down there, but my man-bits, my very manly man-bits are back. How would I explain that?"
Sam winces.
"I'm grasping at straws here!" He doesn't add that he really didn't need the visuals.
Cas takes a step forward (more like stomps unnecessarily).
"I'm going to find Gabriel and he's either going to fix this, or he's turning Dean into a female again. I suppose that that won't require explanations?"
Before Dean has time to say anything, let alone protest, Cas is gone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Sam walks into the living room Dean is sitting on the couch, the TV on. He doesn't seem to notice Sam is there and upon closer inspection, he's not even looking at the screen, just staring ahead.
"Uh. Where's Cas?"
Dean's head jerks up, but he continues to look ahead.
"Looking for Gabriel. He got some hint on him or something."
Sam nods and heads to the kitchen. He opens the fridge.
"Wanna beer? They're nice and cold."
Dean doesn't answer. Sam looks up at him and sees him looking at his shoes now.
"… Dean?"
"Hmm, no Sammy. I'm fine, thanks."
"You don't want beer?" Sam chuckles. "Are you okay?"
"I said I was fine, dammit!" Dean snaps.
Sam blinks. Well, he supposes that, while everybody is making light of the whole Dean's pregnancy situation, it must probably suck to him, so he leaves it at that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's Sam's turn to cook, so he settles for a nice chicken salad. It has greens, but it also has meat (granted, it's not red or deep fried, but still), so he sort of hopes Bobby and Dean won't complain much. Of course, the moment they sit down, Bobby starts grunting, saying he's no rabbit. But Dean picks around his plate at first and then starts to eat. Sam and Bobby gawk at him.
"What? I'm starving! Anything goes."
Sam rolls his eyes at the 'anything' and starts on his own salad.
"By the way, Cas called while you were sleeping," Sam says. Dean has been sleeping at lot lately, hasn't he? "Said he found Gabriel. He's going to bring him back, even if he has to drag him by the wings. They'll be back today, I'm sure." About time. Gabriel managed to stay away for one week.
"Oh, shit!" Dean jumps from his seat, his chair falling backwards, and scrambles to the bathroom.
Bobby raises an eyebrow at Sam and looks pointedly at the salad.
"Yeah, that's right, Bobby, blame it on the salad."
Bobby gets up chuckling and goes lend Dean a hand. Sam continues to eat, trying to block out the noises from Dean throwing up in the bathroom and Bobby's "Let it all out, son."
"Sam! Little help here, boy!"
Sam sighs, takes a ginger ale from the fridge and heads to the bathroom. Dean is sitting on the tiled floor, back propped against the wall. He's pale and shaking slightly and groans when Sam hands him the ginger ale.
"I'm going to shoot the moron that called it morning sickness."
"Well, you slept all morning, so it's sort of morning to you." Sam laughs.
"Don't worry, son. Cas will be getting back with the dickhead in no time and everything will be over soon."
Dean clears his throat.
"Yeah, about that…"
Next chapter