spn fic: "Ground Rules" (5.22 coda)
She’d given Dean a beer, like she promised, but he’d downed it so quickly that he was now on his third. It was actually kind of alarming, but while Dean was still standing, his obvious drinking problem wasn’t on her list of things to tackle this very minute. She led him upstairs to her room.
“You’ll be in here. My room has its own bath, so you won’t have to go looking for it. I want to change the sheets, so here are some towels and things if you need a shower.”
Dean looked rather helplessly at her bed from the door of her bedroom. It was a peaceful, clean, spacious room, with a nice big walk-in closet, so her stuff wasn’t spread out everywhere like it had been in the loft where she’d lived when she first met Dean.
“Um,” Dean said, eyes drifting from her to the bed and back to her again. He looked so utterly defeated Lisa really wanted to hug him again, but she actually felt like he needed sleep more than anything.
“I’ll be sleeping in my study, okay? It’s no big deal.” She tried to be matter of fact as she threw the comforter off onto the floor and stripped the sheets.
He helped her with the fitted sheet, and somehow she wasn’t surprised when he made military corners.
“This, this is really great of you, Lisa. I don’t know...” He was starting to cry again, that high soft tone in his voice breaking her heart. He looked so awful. She just had to hug him again.
“Sh, Dean, it’s gonna be all right, we’ll figure everything out, okay? Tonight, just try and get some rest. I can call in tomorrow, shift some teachers around, and we’ll talk then, okay?”
“Okay,” he whispered, lost and loose in her arms.
She kissed him on the forehead again. “Now you go get your stuff out of the car, while I go tell Ben you’re here.”
“Should I say hi? or...” Dean floundered.
“No, just wait till morning. It’ll be better then.” Lisa felt the moment to reintroduce Ben and Dean wasn’t late at night when Ben needed to get to sleep, and by the looks of it, Dean was also very much overdue.
”Okay,” he agreed again softly, and he went down the stairs, as she went to go talk to Ben.
II.
Lisa knocked on Ben’s door. It was around ten pm, but Ben was a bit of a night owl and he hadn’t put down his reading yet for the night.
“Hey, Ben,” Lisa said. He had his earbuds in, but she’d hassled him enough times to keep them at a tolerable level so he could still hear her.
“What?” Ben answered, a little blearily, not looking away from his book.
“Put your book down, I need to tell you something.”
“What?” Ben answered again, this time sitting up and taking out the earbuds.
“We ... have an unexpected houseguest.”
“Who?” Ben answered, unconcerned.
“It’s Dean Winchester,” Lisa said.
“What? No way! Can I go say hi?” Then his brow clouded. “Uh, does that mean, he’s like, hunting something? Are we, like, in danger? I told you we should’ve bought a gun, mom, for real.”
“Slow down, Ben. First off, I don’t need a gun, and Dean’s not here hunting anything. Secondly, it’s too late right now for you to go bother Dean - he’s had a long drive, and he’s exhausted. There’ll be plenty of time in the morning, okay? I just wanted to let you know he was here, so you wouldn’t be suddenly surprised in the morning.”
“Where’s he gonna sleep?”
Lisa eyed her son. He had just turned eleven, and she never knew at any given moment if his questions were naive or sophisticated. She decided to take him at face value.
“I wanted it to be real quiet for him, so, I’m going to sleep on the airbed in my study, and he’s going to be in my room. So, don’t go in for cuddles, because it’ll be him in there, not me,” Lisa joked.
Ben scrunched up his nose, and then said, “You can have my bed, mom, and I can sleep on the air mattress.”
Lisa was touched, because Ben was usually a bit put out when her old college friends came to visit and he got bumped to the study so that her friends could have a real bed.
“That’s very generous of you, Ben. Dean’s had a really rough time of it lately, and that’s why I gave him my bed - but that doesn’t mean you have to give up yours.”
“Is he hurt? Did he get shot?” Ben asked, wide-eyed. Ever since the trouble with the changelings, Ben had been obsessed with guns and self-defense, but Lisa had decided that it was better to let him sign up for tae kwon do than have a gun in the house.
“He didn’t get shot, Ben, jeez, can you just forget about guns for a minute.” Lisa took a breath, then went on. “But I still don’t know if he’s really okay. I just think, it would good if we helped him, you know?”
“Are you gonna be in love with him?” Ben asked, seriously.
“I don’t know!” Lisa blurted, shocked.
“Why don’t you know. Don’t you like him?” Ben went on, a little accusingly.
“Of course I like him, or I wouldn’t let him stay here. But love? That’s pretty serious.”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded thoughtfully. “But when he was here before, it seemed like you really liked him. And he’s pretty cool. And I guess he’s good looking, and he has a great car. And he saved me and all those other kids, so that has to count for something.”
“Absolutely it counts for something, which is why he’s our guest,” Lisa said.
“If you were in love with Dean, you wouldn’t have to go looking for a boyfriend,” Ben added.
“Benjamin! What makes you think I go looking for a boyfriend!” Lisa laughed.
“Well, the other moms who don’t have husbands do,” Ben stated, “so I figured maybe you go out sometimes like when I stay over at someone’s house for the weekend or whatever.”
We are so not having this conversation tonight, Lisa thought to herself.
“You know it’s you and me against the world, right, Ben? You’re always going to be my first priority.” Lisa kissed him on the forehead. Thank God he wasn’t too cool yet for kisses.
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t mind you having a boyfriend if it was someone as cool as Dean,” Ben said.
“I’m glad I have your approval, sweetheart,” she said drily.
“But if he bothers you, I’ll kick his ass,” Ben continued, and Lisa hugged her son tight, because he meant every word of it.
III.
Lisa had been a light sleeper since Ben was born. She had kept him in her bed till they outgrew the loft, and even in the big house, he’d gravitated to her room more often than not. Now, at last, they’d settled into the new house, and he really liked his room, which was spacious and decorated to his own taste. He’d started shutting the door, which Lisa thought was fair, but in the middle of the night, she’d still slip the door open just to hear him breathing.
So when her eyes opened at 2:30 am, she sat up and made her little rounds down the hall.
Ben was fine, snoring lightly, which made her smile. Hay fever, poor kid - he got that from her.
Then she heard again the little noise that had woken her, and it was coming from her room. It was Dean. He was whimpering.
Lisa was torn. On the one hand, the sound was so pathetic, she hated not to wake him up. On the other hand, what if he had killer instincts? Or rather, what if he lashed out with his killer instincts before he woke up? She didn’t want to have to explain a black eye to Ben over breakfast, on top of everything else.
The whimpers were getting louder, more pleading, and Lisa knew Dean would wake Ben if she didn’t do something.
“No, no, please, please, stop,” Dean was whimpering as Lisa came in.
Frowning, she saw three more empty beer bottles by the bed that she hadn’t given him. Wow. That was going to have to change. Wasn’t it?
Cautiously she approached the bed.
Dean was dressed for sleep in his black t shirt and boxerbriefs, so at least she wasn’t spying on him.
“Stop! Please!” he cried, rather loudly, and suddenly woke up.
Lisa froze as Dean opened his eyes, catching hers. It took him a second to figure out where he was. Then he collapsed back down, face first into the bed.
“God, Lisa, I’m sorry. Did I, uh, scream?” he asked, his voice gravelly from sleep.
“No,” Lisa said, calmly. “Do you usually scream?”
“Maybe?” Dean said.
Wow, Lisa thought again, that’s another topic for later. “You know, you’d actually sleep better if you didn’t drink so much,” she couldn’t help saying.
Dean snorted, but didn’t reply. He just lay there, face down, shoulders radiating exhaustion and tension all at once.
“Let me help you,” Lisa blurted out.
“Why,” Dean asked, muffled by the pillow.
“Because... because I owe you. I owe you my son, Dean. That’s not nothing. And I like you. I always have. You don’t deserve to be this miserable.”
Dean suddenly reared up. “How do you know what I deserve,” he ground out.
“I guess... I guess there’s a lot of things I don’t know,” Lisa said. “But I’m gonna learn, because you’re gonna tell me. Everything, one piece at a time. That’s thing two.”
“Wait. What was thing one?” Dean muttered, rubbing his eyes with one hand.
“The drinking. I’m not saying cold turkey, but really. Six beers in one hour?”
“Lisa,” Dean started.
“No,” Lisa said. “I like you and I want to help you but there’s some things I have to insist on. Get your drinking under control; no secrets; and don’t get between me and my son.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. “I would never...”
Lisa sighed. “It’s just a ground rule, Dean, okay? It’s non-negotiable. Whatever Ben is to you, he’s my son, my first responsibility.”
“... Okay. Yes, of course,” Dean said, but he still had that frown between his eyes.
Lisa knew what it meant.
“Look, I know you’ve done the math,” she said with a sigh.
The look in Dean’s eyes changed, slowly, but definitely, from guilt and anger to hope. “You mean? Ben?”
“Yes. Probably. I mean, um, yes. But it’s not like, all of a sudden, automatically, he’s yours-you have to earn it. You know? One step at a time.”
“God, Lisa. I would do... anything...” Dean was a regular waterworks tonight, as his brilliant green eyes spilled tears once again.
“One step at a time,” Lisa said again, and sat down on the bed beside him.
Dean raised his eyes to hers, beautiful even all sullied and red from crying, ready to be whatever she wanted. God, she remembered that look so well, and it nearly took her breath away. But it wasn’t about her right now, it was about what he needed to get better, to be the man she knew he could be - not the wrecked but dutiful hero she’d been reunited with briefly three years ago, but the man who lived up to the full potential of the sweet, joyous, cocksure kid she’d spent that incredible, semi-illegal weekend with all those years ago, nine months prior to opening her arms to welcome the most precious gift she’d ever been given.
Lisa couldn’t be sure Dean would heal, that he could meet her simple conditions, or even if he did, if he was a man she would come to love. But she knew when she looked in his eyes, that he was the kind of man she admired. He would try his damnedest, that she knew. And she’d do her best to help him not fail.
She laid her hand gently between his shoulders, pressing him lightly down into the bed. With even strokes, she soothed out the tension, until his breathing evened out, and he was once more asleep.
She left him then, and went back to her study. The waxing moon shone through the window. Bathing in its light, she lay down on the air mattress, pulled up the blankets, and slept well until morning.
“You’ll be in here. My room has its own bath, so you won’t have to go looking for it. I want to change the sheets, so here are some towels and things if you need a shower.”
Dean looked rather helplessly at her bed from the door of her bedroom. It was a peaceful, clean, spacious room, with a nice big walk-in closet, so her stuff wasn’t spread out everywhere like it had been in the loft where she’d lived when she first met Dean.
“Um,” Dean said, eyes drifting from her to the bed and back to her again. He looked so utterly defeated Lisa really wanted to hug him again, but she actually felt like he needed sleep more than anything.
“I’ll be sleeping in my study, okay? It’s no big deal.” She tried to be matter of fact as she threw the comforter off onto the floor and stripped the sheets.
He helped her with the fitted sheet, and somehow she wasn’t surprised when he made military corners.
“This, this is really great of you, Lisa. I don’t know...” He was starting to cry again, that high soft tone in his voice breaking her heart. He looked so awful. She just had to hug him again.
“Sh, Dean, it’s gonna be all right, we’ll figure everything out, okay? Tonight, just try and get some rest. I can call in tomorrow, shift some teachers around, and we’ll talk then, okay?”
“Okay,” he whispered, lost and loose in her arms.
She kissed him on the forehead again. “Now you go get your stuff out of the car, while I go tell Ben you’re here.”
“Should I say hi? or...” Dean floundered.
“No, just wait till morning. It’ll be better then.” Lisa felt the moment to reintroduce Ben and Dean wasn’t late at night when Ben needed to get to sleep, and by the looks of it, Dean was also very much overdue.
”Okay,” he agreed again softly, and he went down the stairs, as she went to go talk to Ben.
II.
Lisa knocked on Ben’s door. It was around ten pm, but Ben was a bit of a night owl and he hadn’t put down his reading yet for the night.
“Hey, Ben,” Lisa said. He had his earbuds in, but she’d hassled him enough times to keep them at a tolerable level so he could still hear her.
“What?” Ben answered, a little blearily, not looking away from his book.
“Put your book down, I need to tell you something.”
“What?” Ben answered again, this time sitting up and taking out the earbuds.
“We ... have an unexpected houseguest.”
“Who?” Ben answered, unconcerned.
“It’s Dean Winchester,” Lisa said.
“What? No way! Can I go say hi?” Then his brow clouded. “Uh, does that mean, he’s like, hunting something? Are we, like, in danger? I told you we should’ve bought a gun, mom, for real.”
“Slow down, Ben. First off, I don’t need a gun, and Dean’s not here hunting anything. Secondly, it’s too late right now for you to go bother Dean - he’s had a long drive, and he’s exhausted. There’ll be plenty of time in the morning, okay? I just wanted to let you know he was here, so you wouldn’t be suddenly surprised in the morning.”
“Where’s he gonna sleep?”
Lisa eyed her son. He had just turned eleven, and she never knew at any given moment if his questions were naive or sophisticated. She decided to take him at face value.
“I wanted it to be real quiet for him, so, I’m going to sleep on the airbed in my study, and he’s going to be in my room. So, don’t go in for cuddles, because it’ll be him in there, not me,” Lisa joked.
Ben scrunched up his nose, and then said, “You can have my bed, mom, and I can sleep on the air mattress.”
Lisa was touched, because Ben was usually a bit put out when her old college friends came to visit and he got bumped to the study so that her friends could have a real bed.
“That’s very generous of you, Ben. Dean’s had a really rough time of it lately, and that’s why I gave him my bed - but that doesn’t mean you have to give up yours.”
“Is he hurt? Did he get shot?” Ben asked, wide-eyed. Ever since the trouble with the changelings, Ben had been obsessed with guns and self-defense, but Lisa had decided that it was better to let him sign up for tae kwon do than have a gun in the house.
“He didn’t get shot, Ben, jeez, can you just forget about guns for a minute.” Lisa took a breath, then went on. “But I still don’t know if he’s really okay. I just think, it would good if we helped him, you know?”
“Are you gonna be in love with him?” Ben asked, seriously.
“I don’t know!” Lisa blurted, shocked.
“Why don’t you know. Don’t you like him?” Ben went on, a little accusingly.
“Of course I like him, or I wouldn’t let him stay here. But love? That’s pretty serious.”
“Yeah,” Ben nodded thoughtfully. “But when he was here before, it seemed like you really liked him. And he’s pretty cool. And I guess he’s good looking, and he has a great car. And he saved me and all those other kids, so that has to count for something.”
“Absolutely it counts for something, which is why he’s our guest,” Lisa said.
“If you were in love with Dean, you wouldn’t have to go looking for a boyfriend,” Ben added.
“Benjamin! What makes you think I go looking for a boyfriend!” Lisa laughed.
“Well, the other moms who don’t have husbands do,” Ben stated, “so I figured maybe you go out sometimes like when I stay over at someone’s house for the weekend or whatever.”
We are so not having this conversation tonight, Lisa thought to herself.
“You know it’s you and me against the world, right, Ben? You’re always going to be my first priority.” Lisa kissed him on the forehead. Thank God he wasn’t too cool yet for kisses.
“Well, maybe I wouldn’t mind you having a boyfriend if it was someone as cool as Dean,” Ben said.
“I’m glad I have your approval, sweetheart,” she said drily.
“But if he bothers you, I’ll kick his ass,” Ben continued, and Lisa hugged her son tight, because he meant every word of it.
III.
Lisa had been a light sleeper since Ben was born. She had kept him in her bed till they outgrew the loft, and even in the big house, he’d gravitated to her room more often than not. Now, at last, they’d settled into the new house, and he really liked his room, which was spacious and decorated to his own taste. He’d started shutting the door, which Lisa thought was fair, but in the middle of the night, she’d still slip the door open just to hear him breathing.
So when her eyes opened at 2:30 am, she sat up and made her little rounds down the hall.
Ben was fine, snoring lightly, which made her smile. Hay fever, poor kid - he got that from her.
Then she heard again the little noise that had woken her, and it was coming from her room. It was Dean. He was whimpering.
Lisa was torn. On the one hand, the sound was so pathetic, she hated not to wake him up. On the other hand, what if he had killer instincts? Or rather, what if he lashed out with his killer instincts before he woke up? She didn’t want to have to explain a black eye to Ben over breakfast, on top of everything else.
The whimpers were getting louder, more pleading, and Lisa knew Dean would wake Ben if she didn’t do something.
“No, no, please, please, stop,” Dean was whimpering as Lisa came in.
Frowning, she saw three more empty beer bottles by the bed that she hadn’t given him. Wow. That was going to have to change. Wasn’t it?
Cautiously she approached the bed.
Dean was dressed for sleep in his black t shirt and boxerbriefs, so at least she wasn’t spying on him.
“Stop! Please!” he cried, rather loudly, and suddenly woke up.
Lisa froze as Dean opened his eyes, catching hers. It took him a second to figure out where he was. Then he collapsed back down, face first into the bed.
“God, Lisa, I’m sorry. Did I, uh, scream?” he asked, his voice gravelly from sleep.
“No,” Lisa said, calmly. “Do you usually scream?”
“Maybe?” Dean said.
Wow, Lisa thought again, that’s another topic for later. “You know, you’d actually sleep better if you didn’t drink so much,” she couldn’t help saying.
Dean snorted, but didn’t reply. He just lay there, face down, shoulders radiating exhaustion and tension all at once.
“Let me help you,” Lisa blurted out.
“Why,” Dean asked, muffled by the pillow.
“Because... because I owe you. I owe you my son, Dean. That’s not nothing. And I like you. I always have. You don’t deserve to be this miserable.”
Dean suddenly reared up. “How do you know what I deserve,” he ground out.
“I guess... I guess there’s a lot of things I don’t know,” Lisa said. “But I’m gonna learn, because you’re gonna tell me. Everything, one piece at a time. That’s thing two.”
“Wait. What was thing one?” Dean muttered, rubbing his eyes with one hand.
“The drinking. I’m not saying cold turkey, but really. Six beers in one hour?”
“Lisa,” Dean started.
“No,” Lisa said. “I like you and I want to help you but there’s some things I have to insist on. Get your drinking under control; no secrets; and don’t get between me and my son.”
Hurt flashed in his eyes. “I would never...”
Lisa sighed. “It’s just a ground rule, Dean, okay? It’s non-negotiable. Whatever Ben is to you, he’s my son, my first responsibility.”
“... Okay. Yes, of course,” Dean said, but he still had that frown between his eyes.
Lisa knew what it meant.
“Look, I know you’ve done the math,” she said with a sigh.
The look in Dean’s eyes changed, slowly, but definitely, from guilt and anger to hope. “You mean? Ben?”
“Yes. Probably. I mean, um, yes. But it’s not like, all of a sudden, automatically, he’s yours-you have to earn it. You know? One step at a time.”
“God, Lisa. I would do... anything...” Dean was a regular waterworks tonight, as his brilliant green eyes spilled tears once again.
“One step at a time,” Lisa said again, and sat down on the bed beside him.
Dean raised his eyes to hers, beautiful even all sullied and red from crying, ready to be whatever she wanted. God, she remembered that look so well, and it nearly took her breath away. But it wasn’t about her right now, it was about what he needed to get better, to be the man she knew he could be - not the wrecked but dutiful hero she’d been reunited with briefly three years ago, but the man who lived up to the full potential of the sweet, joyous, cocksure kid she’d spent that incredible, semi-illegal weekend with all those years ago, nine months prior to opening her arms to welcome the most precious gift she’d ever been given.
Lisa couldn’t be sure Dean would heal, that he could meet her simple conditions, or even if he did, if he was a man she would come to love. But she knew when she looked in his eyes, that he was the kind of man she admired. He would try his damnedest, that she knew. And she’d do her best to help him not fail.
She laid her hand gently between his shoulders, pressing him lightly down into the bed. With even strokes, she soothed out the tension, until his breathing evened out, and he was once more asleep.
She left him then, and went back to her study. The waxing moon shone through the window. Bathing in its light, she lay down on the air mattress, pulled up the blankets, and slept well until morning.