who fic: "A Stitch in Time" (Rose/Nine, R, part 2/2)
title: A Stitch in Time
author:
fannishliss
pairing: Nine/Rose
warnings: none
rating: R
Spoilers: pre-s1 through Boom Town.
length: 11,000 words
A/N: A Rose/Nine Epic for the lovely
emraldeyedauter on the occasion of her Birthday:
her request had to do with CE as a bad boy, and also Bonnie Tyler's song "Holding Out for a Hero" - so in my head that translated into all the dark heroes I loved as a teenager in the 80s - soundtrack at the end. Happy Birthday Em -- hope you like it!
go back to part one!
===
"Now," the voice said urgently. "Now! - You've waited long enough! If you're ever going to tell her, do it now!"
The Doctor's eyes flew open. Just a little nap on the way home from Raxacoricofallapatorius. The ship was in night cycle for the benefit of the humans on board. The coral hallways were silent and dim. Reaching out, he could feel Jack dreaming, a little boy running through the grass. Rose was dreaming too, dancing, always dancing, and there was already a shadowy version of himself in her dreams. So easy to slip inside.
"I don't know this song," Rose was saying as she swayed in his arms.
"You must," he said. "I know a lot of things, but I don't make it a habit learning old Earth popsongs."
"It's sad," she frowned.
"That's because I'm here," he said, off-handedly.
"What do you mean?" Rose smiled.
"I'm here in your dream, Rose," he said, with a little twinge of guilt.
"What?" Rose said, her smile fading.
How stupid could he be? He'd thought of Jimmy Stone as a user, a brute, and yet here he was in Rose's mind, pressed against her, feeling her warmth luxurious against his iciness, and he could make her believe whatever he wanted.
He stared down at her starry brown eyes, so full of compassion, and he backed away.
"I'm sorry, Rose. This was a mistake. I was lonely. I wanted you. I - I'm sorry," he stammered, pushing away, running from her, fleeing back into his own awareness.
He lay staring up at the ceiling. Around him his room was the same as it had been ever since the era, lifetimes ago, when the Council had exiled him to Earth and he'd worked with the Brigadier all those years. He remembered the bedroom suite Doris had had delivered to him when he'd admitted to the Brigadier that he slept on a cot and dressed in a cupboard.
Now this old bedstead and bureau, the tea table and chairs, even the antique standing desk Alistair had given him, scattered with the little trinkets that seemed to collect in his pockets - it all seemed a mockery, when for so many years it had seemed homelike, a comfort, a thoughtful gift that reminded him of beloved old friends. He hadn't seen the Brigadier in years. He wondered how old he'd gotten. It was always such a shock to see the ravages of time on an old friend's face, when he himself only got younger and younger.
A soft tap at his door brought him out of his reverie. He shook his head and sat up.
"Doctor?" Rose called softly from the other side of the door.
His hearts began to pound. The Tardis had led her here - otherwise she'd never have been able to find the room, hidden so deep in the labyrinthine corridors.
"Rose?" he called.
"Are you all right?" she said. "Can I come in?"
"One moment," he answered. He sprang out of bed, straightened the coverlet, and hurriedly pulled on a jumper and jeans. "Lights," he whispered, but the Tardis only brought them up to seventy percent.
He opened the door.
Rose was in her dressing gown and pyjamas, fluffy slippers on her feet. She was Jackie's daughter from head to toe in her pink ensemble. With her face washed for the night, her hair tumbled from sleep, she looked so incredibly young that the Doctor's hearts broke for her all over again. How had he dreamed of her? How had he dared, even for a moment, to hope she might be his?
"Are you just gonna stare all night or are you gonna invite me in?" she snapped.
"Oh. Come in," he said, helplessly. She breezed in and seated herself in one of the leather wingchairs, kicking off her slippers and curling her feet underneath her.
"We need to talk," she said.
He stood frozen by the door. She'd got out of bed in the middle of the night and the Tardis had led her here. She wanted to leave him, couldn't stay another second. His blood felt like ice as the nightmare scenario played out in his head.
"Come on then, sit down! If I were gonna bite I'd've done it already!" she mocked.
Mutely he made his way over to the other chair and sat down.
"You were in my dream, and not for the first time," she pronounced.
He opened his mouth but she interrupted.
"Don't deny it! My mate Shireen heard about lucid dreaming when we were kids and she got me into it. I can remember everything I dream, and I know you've been in there. I didn't want to say anything, but now I have to."
Here it comes, he thought. I'm a monster, pushing my way into a girl's head without asking, taking advantage in the worst way.
"I'll take you straight home," he said, humbly.
"You'll do no such thing!" Rose said sharply.
"What?" the Doctor said, taken aback.
"You finally got up the nerve to say you wanted me, and now you're ready to pack it in?" Rose said.
He just stared at her. He felt his ears turning red.
"That shut you up, didn't it," Rose said, looking away.
"What do you want me to say?" the Doctor said.
Rose turned her gaze back to him and he was pinned by the emotion he saw in her eyes.
"You don't have to say anything, nothing you don't want to say. But if," Rose whispered, leaning forward, "if there's something you need to say, anything at all, then say it."
The Doctor felt a wave of longing flooding over him. He wanted her. He needed her in his arms. He felt like without her there, he might shatter or simply dissolve away into a trickle of barren dust.
He opened his mouth, looking at her. She was so lovely to him, so open, so strong. Just nineteen years old, and such a miracle, to be so kind to an ancient relict like himself.
"Rose," he said.
"Yes, Doctor?" she answered, never looking away.
"I - I - in the dream I said I was lonely, that I wanted you. But that's not it," he stammered. Why was this so difficult?
"What is it then?" she said, patiently.
"I want - I want," he closed his eyes, and even then, her beauty hung before his mind's eye, the beauty that came from everything she'd become for him, more than a companion, more than a mate, she'd become something right and real inside of him, setting things in place again where everything had been tossed into a jumble.
"I want to love you," he said, his eyes slowly opening.
There before him, he saw the lovely sight of his words hitting Rose Tyler hard. Her eyes darkened, her lips fell apart, and she leaned even closer to him.
"Is that so hard- learning to love?" Rose asked.
"Intellect - dominion - that's all that mattered for my people. They were telepaths, and they longed to be Individuals - they walled themselves off and forgot how to love. But now - it's too - too - "
"I get it," she said. "You don't have to say it."
"How?" he asked, his heart swelling in gratitude again. "How? Why don't you run screaming from me? I'm alien, I'm a Destroyer of Worlds - you're just one little girl and I went inside your mind without asking- "
"You did that," Rose said. "What's your excuse?"
"No excuse," he said quickly. "I know it's wrong."
"It's not wrong," Rose said, "if you'd just ask."
"May I?" he whispered, "again?"
"Yes, you may," she whispered very clearly.
The wave of lust that swept over at him at that nearly blinded him. It was as if she were the last star in the universe, one vast giant of gravity pulling everything in at terminal velocity, and he was hurtling toward her, unable to stop himself.
"You don't know what you're offering," he whispered, but he was leaning a little closer anyway. Their two chairs weren't far apart.
"Yeah, I do," she said.
"But you don't know anything about me," he warned. He tried to sound stern, but his voice was hoarse with emotion.
"Yeah, I do," she said, unconcerned.
"Like what?" he asked. What had he given away?
Rose licked her teeth, considering. "Like, you're the Doctor. Most people run away from trouble, you run towards it."
He thought that was a terrible thing for her to know. "Why should you run towards it then, just because I'm so stupid?"
She held his gaze. "As long as i'm running, with you, that's where I belong."
"But I'm alien," he blurted, again.
"I know," she said, shaking her head saucily.
"And doesn't that scare you," he asked.
"No," she said lightly.
"It should," he said.
"Why?" Little minx, she was looking at her nails, like this was some sort of tedious checklist he was running through.
He tried to make his voice harder. "Because I don't die, Rose, and you do."
At least that got her attention. "What does that mean?"
"I'm a Time Lord," he explained, "my physiology's not just different, it's engineered to let me live for thousands of years."
"So?"
"So? It means I'll have to watch you die!" he exclaimed.
"Why?" she asked.
"Why what?" he returned.
"If they could engineer you," she said thoughtfully, "... I mean... not saying I want to live forever, but... why couldn't you do the same to me?"
The idea was staggering. Could he? "Not sure it works that way," he said, swallowing.
Rose stared at him for a moment. "Why are you so scared?" she finally said, very gently.
He had no answer. But he was. He was terrified.
"Doctor?"
The possibility of living forever, the eternal loneliness - eventually even he would wear out, or there would be an accident, something would eventually end him, though he couldn't imagine what. But the thought of Rose, living out those days alongside him - the thought of the joy he'd grow used to, the lengths he'd go to protect her - it was too much to think about.
"You are scared, aren't you," Rose insisted. "You're terrified. Of what. Tell me!"
He swallowed, trying to get a grip on himself. "Built to live forever, me, but not built for this..."
"This - what?" she asked, trying to follow him.
"Abandonment-" he said, not sure why.
She waited for him to explain. His hand twitched, longing for hers.
"My people, Rose, telepathic, they're all gone," he muttered, looking away. "The silence, it's driving me mad, making me want you, making me want things I know I shouldn't."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Like what I did to you, getting in your head like that."
"I know," she said, after a moment.
He raised an eyebrow.
"I knew all along that's why you did it," Rose elaborated. "Lucid dreamer, remember? The dream language, the imagery, told me all about you."
"Oh, really." He couldn't help the note of skepticism.
"Yes, really-the mountaintop, the white horse? the times I'd be dreaming some innocent teenage dream of dancing and the music would come over all sad? You were stalking me Doctor, years before I met you - couldn't see your face, but I knew you were there," she challenged.
"And you came with me anyway- that was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid," he judged harshly.
Rose shrugged.
"But why, why didn't you-"
"-run? I ran all right, but toward you. You're the hero I've been waiting for. Why would I run away?"
"You don't care that I was in your head?"
"You needed me, Doctor. Still do.... you need me more than anyone on this earth. How could I refuse being so needed by someone so amazing?"
"And you're not scared?"
"No," she said, with certainty.
"I might go mad. I might get you killed. I might, I dunno, move into your head without asking and make you do all sorts of things."
Rose chuckled darkly. "What sorts of things?" she drawled.
"Cluck like a chicken," he suggested.
"Bock, bock," Rose said vacantly.
"It's not funny," the Doctor frowned.
"Yeah it is," Rose said with mirth. "It is a little."
The Doctor was glad Rose had such faith in him, but he wasn't sure he appreciated her making light of his mental anguish and its possible consequences.
Rose sobered a bit. "Look, Doctor, you're not a hypnotist."
"Actually..." he began.
Rose interrupted. "You're not about to like take over my mind, with like some sort of sinister Time Lord roofie whammy."
The Doctor grinned despite himself. "Roofie-whammy, is that the Queen's English?"
"You love it," Rose laughed.
He raised his eyes to hers. "Yeah, I do."
"Do you, though?" Rose asked.
"Yeah. I do," he said, assertively.
She held his gaze but said nothing.
"I do, Rose. I'm not sure, what it even means. But I know how it feels."
"How?" she breathed.
"It feels like, like, being made new. Not like, dying and coming back, I've done that often enough.... it's like, with you, there's a chance for me, to live, to mean something after everything I've done, everything I've lost and had stolen. A chance for me sometimes to put things right."
The Tardis hummed through the Vortex, cloaking them all in her semblance of night. It was like the Doctor and Rose were still in one of her dreams, but they were both awake. It felt like magic, like he could say anything.
"I mean that to you?" Rose asked. "Me?"
"Yes," he said simply. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he didn't want to break the spell of revelation they'd woven.
"But you're the Doctor. Putting things right - that's what you do."
"That's what I do now, Rose, since you've been with me. You haven't seen the thing I became... and I pray you never do."
"...like the time with the Dalek?" she said softly.
"Worse. I killed every Dalek in existence. All of them. Watched them burn. And Gallifrey, my homeworld, burned with them."
"But you had to," Rose said.
"How do you know that?" the Doctor countered. How did anyone know that, least of all him?
"Because I believe in you. You make out like you're bad, like you've got some heart of darkness or whatever, but it's not true. You've suffered for what you had to do, and you did it to save the universe. See, I know you. You've been in my head, right, and that sort of thing goes both ways."
The sweet girl had tears in her eyes now, tears for him, sympathy and love, all for him. How could he refuse such a precious gift?
"I - " he choked.
"Say it," she insisted through her tears.
"I can't- " he said.
"You say it, and I'll say it back," Rose promised.
"I can't-" he denied, looking away.
"Yes, you can," she urged.
"I - I love you, Rose - " he choked out, and it felt different than he'd expected. The gravels in his throat faded away, and a lightness of relief sang through his head. He looked back at her, at her tear stained face, and she smiled, and he smiled too.
"I know, Doctor," she said, "because I love you too."
"Oh, Rose!" he said, overwhelmed, as relief and grief and exultation roared through him like a storm. "I've never, I've never - I don't know what this is! it's not -"
Rose nodded, sniffing. "It's like you look at that person, and you're so glad you met them, so grateful they're beside you, and you want everything good to happen for them, you want to show them everything beautiful there ever was, yeah? and smile at it all with them standing there holding your hand?"
"Yeah," he agreed.
"But - it's something more, though. It's like you're hungry, all the time, or thirsty, and the only thing that makes you feel whole is seeing that person, the person you love, just looking at them, like drinking them in with your eyes, and it makes you feel good all over, like everything's right with the world, just being near them... touching them... holding them..... " she breathed, staring at him with tear-dazzled eyes.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"You never felt that?" she asked.
"Not till now," he said.
"You feel it now?"
"Mmhmm," he nodded.
"Tell me," she pleaded.
"It's more than that," he added. "I look at you, how precious you are, unique in all the universe, and so very necessary to me - and how fragile, how easily hurt, or - or worse, and it terrifies me. I was never terrified for myself, but I am for you. You mean everything to me, Rose. You're the thread I'm holding on by."
"That's a big responsibility," Rose said.
HIs hearts pounded with shame. "I know. One you shouldn't have to shoulder. Me a Time Lord, and you a nineteen-year-old girl."
He looked up, afraid to see pity or worse, a change of heart. Instead it was love shining out of her eyes, so much more than the awe and admiration he'd always seen in the eyes of his companions. He knew he was impressive - but for some reason, Rose didn't feel that awe as a barrier between them. She saw the problem of his alien nature only as a prejudice to overcome in her own mind - she saw his time machine and his vast intellect as things that made him special - but she wouldn't defer to him and she certainly didn't worship him. When he was rude, she was rude back. She gave as good as she got - when he believed in her, she could do anything - and he felt the same way. She'd turned who he was upside down - and since he'd been careening head over heels at the time, that was exactly what he'd needed.
"It's not the planet that's spinning, Rose... it's me, hurtling through time and space, unmoored, cut off.... lost, no way home, no direction. But then, I take your hand, and everything changes. It's like I can feel who you are, who I am there beside you, and it all makes sense again... like I'm not just a bit of chaos randomly affecting infinitesimal little outcomes here and there, it's like when you're with me I mean something again."
Rose smiled at him and wiped away another tear. "You mean everything, Doctor. To me, you mean everything."
"How can you know that?" he asked.
"Nothing else to know," she shrugged. "Nothing else matters, one way or the other. You may have your thousands of years, but I only got this little span, four score and ten, you know? I have to know. I have to choose. And if you let me, I'll choose you."
The Doctor felt his own inadequacies rising up like an insurmountable obstacle. "But, but-"
"Don't but me, billy goat!" Rose laughed.
"I don't deserve-" he said.
She interrupted. "There's no deserving. It's love - free, wild, mysterious. Two hearts beat as one you know, can't stop the dance."
"Baby! this is my last chance-" he sang.
"Thought you didn't take the time to learn earth popsongs."
"U2 is different!" he said, in mock horror.
"Well, yeah!" Rose agreed.
"Everyone loves Bunny!" the Doctor said.
Rose laughed. "You mean Bono?"
"He still calls himself that?" he asked.
"You're having me on!"
"I know the song, don't I?" but he smiled.
"That you do," she smiled back.
"Care to dance, Rose?" he asked.
"To Bunny? Rather faster than I'd care for right now."
"You want something slower?" the Doctor asked, and his hearts sped up.
"Absolutely," Rose said.
"How slow?" he asked, playing along.
"Realllll slow," she purred.
The Doctor stood up and held out his hand to Rose, and when she took it, this time they both shivered with the feeling that ran down their veins.
"What is that?" Rose asked, in awe.
"I thought you called it love," the Doctor said simply.
"It's something more though, innit? she asked.
"You mean, something alien?" he said, pulling her close.
"Maybe?"
"I don't know. Time Lords forgot all that. Locked it away in the past. So they could be Individuals."
"But it's so good!" Rose said.
"Is it?" he murmured. They were swaying together now, and it wasn't a dream any longer.
"Ah, my god. It always felt good, holding your hand, or hugging you, but now, it's like I'm on fire!" Rose said. She looked up at him and her eyes were blown with pleasure. He could stare down into those hungry brown eyes for eternity.
"Good fire?" he asked.
"Yes!" she cried. "Don't you feel it too?"
"Yeah," he said. "This is only a taste of it, I think. Gallifreyans used to psychically join... Time Lords gave it up."
"You said you knew how to dance. You've done this before, then," Rose said, trying to keep her head.
"This isn't dancing. I've danced, you know, for pleasure... this is bonding. Don't you want it?" he asked, frowning.
"Yes! God, yes. But I guess, you know, tell me what it means..."
"My nervous system makes a telepathic field-- it's learning yours, tuning in to it."
"Will it stay that way?" Rose asked.
"I don't know," he answered. "I think so."
"Forever?" she whispered.
"Do you want that?" he whispered back. "Me? Forever?"
"Yes, a thousand times, yes," she said.
"Then here I am," he said, and he pulled her even closer.
He could feel her as his telepathy encircled her. It wasn't like the jaunts into her dreams, misty and dark- it was dazzling, her energies burning into him, every nerve setting his on fire as he linked himself to her.
"Rose," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Can we have sex?" he asked.
She burst out laughing. "You tell me, Time Lord," she laughed up at him, joy in her eyes.
"I think that's where this is headed," he said, with a slight frown.
"I think that sounds wonderful," she said. "Do Time Lords kiss?"
"No," he said.
"Oh," she said, disappointed.
"But I do!" he grinned, and he lowered his lips to hers for the first time.
It was almost electric, the pulse that passed between them as their lips touched and they mingled breath. In a sense it was electric, the supercharged Time Lord nervous system setting up a field that sank a few layers inside of Rose, passing over her with phantom caresses, charging her responses with shivers of delight until she writhed against him.
"This," she gasped, "this is just a snog, I can't wait until we shag!"
"I keep telling you, Rose, this isn't just a snog. My nervous system is linking into yours. Do you like it?"
"Yes!" she cried. "Do you?"
"Oh yes," he said. "It's like I can feel everything you feel. It's amazing."
He kissed her a while longer, until she was gasping for breath and shivering constantly, eyes out of focus, and limbs loose.
"Do you want to lie down?" he whispered.
"Oh, oh yes," she said. "Too many clothes," she added.
"Are you sure?" he said.
"Are you - hypnotist?" she gasped.
"No!" he laughed.
"Then - I'm sure," she said, holding out her arms for him to slide off her dressing gown.
She had on modest flannel jimjams - blue and white stripes with moons and stars and bunnies on them. The shirt had three big white buttons, and the pants had a drawstring. He pushed the coverlet aside and she was lying against his pillow, there in the bed where he'd been dreaming not an hour earlier.
"Oh Rose," he said. "Am I still dreaming?"
"Am I?" she said.
"No," he smiled.
"Why are you still dressed?" she asked, and in a flash, he wasn't, and he was stretched out on top of her, letting them synch up again.
"My god, you are gorgeous," she said, stroking him. "So smooth, such nice muscles. A bit chill," she added.
"That's just the hypnotism talking," he said, blushing.
"No! That's your arse under my hands," she retorted. "Just as I'd imagined."
"You imagined my arse!" he laughed.
"More, you know, looked at it. Pictured it, kind of," she said, demonstrating a good double-handed squeeze.
He unbuttoned her shirt and flipped it open, leaned down to lay his cheek over her heart. The thumping was hard and fast, and it excited him, that little organ reacting so strongly to him. He kissed her chest, over her heart, and she arched her breast toward him. He kissed, experimentally, toward the peak, which stiffened the closer he got, until he reached it and gave it a good swipe with his tongue. Her whole body shuddered, so he did it again, and as his nerves linked with hers, he began to feel the sensation in his own breast.
"It's like, you want me to nurse," he said. "I feel it."
"Do it!" she gasped, so he closed his mouth over her nipple and began to suckle.
"Aah!" she yelled, grabbing his head and holding him in place. He felt the riot run through her system, nerves zinging out so that while her breast tingled excitedly under his tongue, she felt the pulse of pleasure all the way to her womb. He felt it too, an amazing feeling of need rising up inside him.
"Rose - I was right- this is headed for sex-" he gasped.
"Good!" Rose yelled enthusiastically, and scrabbled to untie her pants.
In a moment they were lying skin to skin. Rose was looking up at him in complete bliss, smiling as she reached up to stroke his cheek.
"You said you were telepathic," she said. "Will I hear your thoughts?"
"If you want," he said.
"I do!" she answered.
"All right," he said, and gently he laid his forehead down against hers. His thoughts swam forward, eager to reach out to her, and then he seemed to fall, with a little jolt, into her mind.
It was beautiful there. It wasn't like a dream, murky and weird. It was Rose, all around him, her joy, her love for him, the pleasure he was giving her.
Rose! he sang.
Oh! you're so beautiful! she sang back. Like an angel! All light, and fire, and music! what's that music?
It- it's Gallifreyan, he sang, and a throb of joy so intense it felt like pain coursed through him. Rose, you can hear me in Gallifreyan!
He'd never stopped to think about it. Always before, linking to a human mind had been a mere fact-finding mission for him, when there was something he needed to know. He'd never imagined that Rose might be able to hear his thoughts in Gallifreyan, a language he thought he'd never speak again.
Rose! he sang again.
Doctor! she sang back, and it was lovely, but he wanted her to learn another name.
Listen, he said, this is my real name, my secret name-- and he sang her the name that had waited, silent and stilled inside him, all his long and lonely lives.
It's beautiful, she said. I think I've heard it before!
Startled, he laughed in joy. Oldest secret in the universe, and of course she'd heard it before.
He fell to kissing her, and it wasn't like any kissing he'd ever shared before. The way her lips opened up beneath his, the way she caressed him with those lips and that wicked little tongue, playful and kind, joyful and serious - kissing Rose was the occupation of a lifetime. And with her thoughts so delighted, filling the parts of his mind that had been empty for so long, he was in bliss. A rapture of fulfillment soothed the horrible wounds he'd sustained at the war's catastrophic end, sealing off the pain of ragged phantom impulses.
Rose, Rose, he murmured.
Yes, Doctor, she said, and he knew, he'd always known, she would always tell him yes.
She looked up at him with glowing eyes, kissed him with so much care that he felt he'd break apart. She invited him in, body and soul, and gratefully, he slipped inside. She rocked him, caressing him and taking him deeper and deeper inside herself - his thoughts scattered and flew among hers like a flock of birds through the topmost branches of trees, skipping from shadow to sunlight. His body took over, attuning itself to hers, feeding pleasure into her brain through every nerve, cresting, receding, cresting again, till they seemed to ride the waves of an ocean of bliss without any shore.
At last the symphony of their joining faded to a few last lingering notes, and they fell back inside their own heads, breathless and dazed.
The Doctor lay staring at Rose, and she lay breathing, eyes closed, smiling her wide, wolfish smile.
"I love you," he said, and it was so easy to say now. Why had he been so afraid?
"I love you too," she answered, and her eyes opened, and she looked at him, and he felt like he was falling into her love all over again.
"You're not so bad, you know," she said, seriously.
"What?" he asked.
"In your head. You've got these dark places, you're afraid of them, places where - you could do terrible things, horrible things - but it's not like that."
"What's it like?" he asked, calmer than he had any right to be.
"It's more like those places are your strength, your reserve, for when light isn't enough, and you have to carry the burden," she murmured.
Her hand gently caressed his face and he realized she'd wiped away a tear.
"Yes," he said softly, "that's exactly what it's like."
"No man should have to bear that sort of thing alone," Rose whispered.
"No," he agreed.
"So I'm with you now, okay? I believe in you. I love you. We'll bear it together," Rose promised.
"Forever," the Doctor whispered, and the voice from his future said nothing, and for once, the Doctor was glad of the silence.
====
Soundtrack:
A Stitch in Time
a Doctor/Rose epic
I haven't ever uploaded one of these but if you are desirous please let me know!
playlist:
Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
River Gonna Rise by David+David
Ghost of Stephen Foster by Squirrel Nut Zippers
Silent Lucidity by Queensryche
Do You Love Me? by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
She Bop by Cyndi Lauper
Tyler by the Toadies
Controversy by Prince
Streets of Laredo by Johnny Cash
You've Got It by Billie
My Last Breath by Evanescence
Come Alive by Janelle Monae
Some Day You Will Be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie
Being Alone Together by David+David
Leave Me Alone by Natalie Imbruglia
Unchained by Johnny Cash
In Flight by Harp 46
author:
fannishliss
pairing: Nine/Rose
warnings: none
rating: R
Spoilers: pre-s1 through Boom Town.
length: 11,000 words
A/N: A Rose/Nine Epic for the lovely
emraldeyedauter on the occasion of her Birthday:
her request had to do with CE as a bad boy, and also Bonnie Tyler's song "Holding Out for a Hero" - so in my head that translated into all the dark heroes I loved as a teenager in the 80s - soundtrack at the end. Happy Birthday Em -- hope you like it!
go back to part one!
===
"Now," the voice said urgently. "Now! - You've waited long enough! If you're ever going to tell her, do it now!"
The Doctor's eyes flew open. Just a little nap on the way home from Raxacoricofallapatorius. The ship was in night cycle for the benefit of the humans on board. The coral hallways were silent and dim. Reaching out, he could feel Jack dreaming, a little boy running through the grass. Rose was dreaming too, dancing, always dancing, and there was already a shadowy version of himself in her dreams. So easy to slip inside.
"I don't know this song," Rose was saying as she swayed in his arms.
"You must," he said. "I know a lot of things, but I don't make it a habit learning old Earth popsongs."
"It's sad," she frowned.
"That's because I'm here," he said, off-handedly.
"What do you mean?" Rose smiled.
"I'm here in your dream, Rose," he said, with a little twinge of guilt.
"What?" Rose said, her smile fading.
How stupid could he be? He'd thought of Jimmy Stone as a user, a brute, and yet here he was in Rose's mind, pressed against her, feeling her warmth luxurious against his iciness, and he could make her believe whatever he wanted.
He stared down at her starry brown eyes, so full of compassion, and he backed away.
"I'm sorry, Rose. This was a mistake. I was lonely. I wanted you. I - I'm sorry," he stammered, pushing away, running from her, fleeing back into his own awareness.
He lay staring up at the ceiling. Around him his room was the same as it had been ever since the era, lifetimes ago, when the Council had exiled him to Earth and he'd worked with the Brigadier all those years. He remembered the bedroom suite Doris had had delivered to him when he'd admitted to the Brigadier that he slept on a cot and dressed in a cupboard.
Now this old bedstead and bureau, the tea table and chairs, even the antique standing desk Alistair had given him, scattered with the little trinkets that seemed to collect in his pockets - it all seemed a mockery, when for so many years it had seemed homelike, a comfort, a thoughtful gift that reminded him of beloved old friends. He hadn't seen the Brigadier in years. He wondered how old he'd gotten. It was always such a shock to see the ravages of time on an old friend's face, when he himself only got younger and younger.
A soft tap at his door brought him out of his reverie. He shook his head and sat up.
"Doctor?" Rose called softly from the other side of the door.
His hearts began to pound. The Tardis had led her here - otherwise she'd never have been able to find the room, hidden so deep in the labyrinthine corridors.
"Rose?" he called.
"Are you all right?" she said. "Can I come in?"
"One moment," he answered. He sprang out of bed, straightened the coverlet, and hurriedly pulled on a jumper and jeans. "Lights," he whispered, but the Tardis only brought them up to seventy percent.
He opened the door.
Rose was in her dressing gown and pyjamas, fluffy slippers on her feet. She was Jackie's daughter from head to toe in her pink ensemble. With her face washed for the night, her hair tumbled from sleep, she looked so incredibly young that the Doctor's hearts broke for her all over again. How had he dreamed of her? How had he dared, even for a moment, to hope she might be his?
"Are you just gonna stare all night or are you gonna invite me in?" she snapped.
"Oh. Come in," he said, helplessly. She breezed in and seated herself in one of the leather wingchairs, kicking off her slippers and curling her feet underneath her.
"We need to talk," she said.
He stood frozen by the door. She'd got out of bed in the middle of the night and the Tardis had led her here. She wanted to leave him, couldn't stay another second. His blood felt like ice as the nightmare scenario played out in his head.
"Come on then, sit down! If I were gonna bite I'd've done it already!" she mocked.
Mutely he made his way over to the other chair and sat down.
"You were in my dream, and not for the first time," she pronounced.
He opened his mouth but she interrupted.
"Don't deny it! My mate Shireen heard about lucid dreaming when we were kids and she got me into it. I can remember everything I dream, and I know you've been in there. I didn't want to say anything, but now I have to."
Here it comes, he thought. I'm a monster, pushing my way into a girl's head without asking, taking advantage in the worst way.
"I'll take you straight home," he said, humbly.
"You'll do no such thing!" Rose said sharply.
"What?" the Doctor said, taken aback.
"You finally got up the nerve to say you wanted me, and now you're ready to pack it in?" Rose said.
He just stared at her. He felt his ears turning red.
"That shut you up, didn't it," Rose said, looking away.
"What do you want me to say?" the Doctor said.
Rose turned her gaze back to him and he was pinned by the emotion he saw in her eyes.
"You don't have to say anything, nothing you don't want to say. But if," Rose whispered, leaning forward, "if there's something you need to say, anything at all, then say it."
The Doctor felt a wave of longing flooding over him. He wanted her. He needed her in his arms. He felt like without her there, he might shatter or simply dissolve away into a trickle of barren dust.
He opened his mouth, looking at her. She was so lovely to him, so open, so strong. Just nineteen years old, and such a miracle, to be so kind to an ancient relict like himself.
"Rose," he said.
"Yes, Doctor?" she answered, never looking away.
"I - I - in the dream I said I was lonely, that I wanted you. But that's not it," he stammered. Why was this so difficult?
"What is it then?" she said, patiently.
"I want - I want," he closed his eyes, and even then, her beauty hung before his mind's eye, the beauty that came from everything she'd become for him, more than a companion, more than a mate, she'd become something right and real inside of him, setting things in place again where everything had been tossed into a jumble.
"I want to love you," he said, his eyes slowly opening.
There before him, he saw the lovely sight of his words hitting Rose Tyler hard. Her eyes darkened, her lips fell apart, and she leaned even closer to him.
"Is that so hard- learning to love?" Rose asked.
"Intellect - dominion - that's all that mattered for my people. They were telepaths, and they longed to be Individuals - they walled themselves off and forgot how to love. But now - it's too - too - "
"I get it," she said. "You don't have to say it."
"How?" he asked, his heart swelling in gratitude again. "How? Why don't you run screaming from me? I'm alien, I'm a Destroyer of Worlds - you're just one little girl and I went inside your mind without asking- "
"You did that," Rose said. "What's your excuse?"
"No excuse," he said quickly. "I know it's wrong."
"It's not wrong," Rose said, "if you'd just ask."
"May I?" he whispered, "again?"
"Yes, you may," she whispered very clearly.
The wave of lust that swept over at him at that nearly blinded him. It was as if she were the last star in the universe, one vast giant of gravity pulling everything in at terminal velocity, and he was hurtling toward her, unable to stop himself.
"You don't know what you're offering," he whispered, but he was leaning a little closer anyway. Their two chairs weren't far apart.
"Yeah, I do," she said.
"But you don't know anything about me," he warned. He tried to sound stern, but his voice was hoarse with emotion.
"Yeah, I do," she said, unconcerned.
"Like what?" he asked. What had he given away?
Rose licked her teeth, considering. "Like, you're the Doctor. Most people run away from trouble, you run towards it."
He thought that was a terrible thing for her to know. "Why should you run towards it then, just because I'm so stupid?"
She held his gaze. "As long as i'm running, with you, that's where I belong."
"But I'm alien," he blurted, again.
"I know," she said, shaking her head saucily.
"And doesn't that scare you," he asked.
"No," she said lightly.
"It should," he said.
"Why?" Little minx, she was looking at her nails, like this was some sort of tedious checklist he was running through.
He tried to make his voice harder. "Because I don't die, Rose, and you do."
At least that got her attention. "What does that mean?"
"I'm a Time Lord," he explained, "my physiology's not just different, it's engineered to let me live for thousands of years."
"So?"
"So? It means I'll have to watch you die!" he exclaimed.
"Why?" she asked.
"Why what?" he returned.
"If they could engineer you," she said thoughtfully, "... I mean... not saying I want to live forever, but... why couldn't you do the same to me?"
The idea was staggering. Could he? "Not sure it works that way," he said, swallowing.
Rose stared at him for a moment. "Why are you so scared?" she finally said, very gently.
He had no answer. But he was. He was terrified.
"Doctor?"
The possibility of living forever, the eternal loneliness - eventually even he would wear out, or there would be an accident, something would eventually end him, though he couldn't imagine what. But the thought of Rose, living out those days alongside him - the thought of the joy he'd grow used to, the lengths he'd go to protect her - it was too much to think about.
"You are scared, aren't you," Rose insisted. "You're terrified. Of what. Tell me!"
He swallowed, trying to get a grip on himself. "Built to live forever, me, but not built for this..."
"This - what?" she asked, trying to follow him.
"Abandonment-" he said, not sure why.
She waited for him to explain. His hand twitched, longing for hers.
"My people, Rose, telepathic, they're all gone," he muttered, looking away. "The silence, it's driving me mad, making me want you, making me want things I know I shouldn't."
"Like what?" she asked.
"Like what I did to you, getting in your head like that."
"I know," she said, after a moment.
He raised an eyebrow.
"I knew all along that's why you did it," Rose elaborated. "Lucid dreamer, remember? The dream language, the imagery, told me all about you."
"Oh, really." He couldn't help the note of skepticism.
"Yes, really-the mountaintop, the white horse? the times I'd be dreaming some innocent teenage dream of dancing and the music would come over all sad? You were stalking me Doctor, years before I met you - couldn't see your face, but I knew you were there," she challenged.
"And you came with me anyway- that was either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid," he judged harshly.
Rose shrugged.
"But why, why didn't you-"
"-run? I ran all right, but toward you. You're the hero I've been waiting for. Why would I run away?"
"You don't care that I was in your head?"
"You needed me, Doctor. Still do.... you need me more than anyone on this earth. How could I refuse being so needed by someone so amazing?"
"And you're not scared?"
"No," she said, with certainty.
"I might go mad. I might get you killed. I might, I dunno, move into your head without asking and make you do all sorts of things."
Rose chuckled darkly. "What sorts of things?" she drawled.
"Cluck like a chicken," he suggested.
"Bock, bock," Rose said vacantly.
"It's not funny," the Doctor frowned.
"Yeah it is," Rose said with mirth. "It is a little."
The Doctor was glad Rose had such faith in him, but he wasn't sure he appreciated her making light of his mental anguish and its possible consequences.
Rose sobered a bit. "Look, Doctor, you're not a hypnotist."
"Actually..." he began.
Rose interrupted. "You're not about to like take over my mind, with like some sort of sinister Time Lord roofie whammy."
The Doctor grinned despite himself. "Roofie-whammy, is that the Queen's English?"
"You love it," Rose laughed.
He raised his eyes to hers. "Yeah, I do."
"Do you, though?" Rose asked.
"Yeah. I do," he said, assertively.
She held his gaze but said nothing.
"I do, Rose. I'm not sure, what it even means. But I know how it feels."
"How?" she breathed.
"It feels like, like, being made new. Not like, dying and coming back, I've done that often enough.... it's like, with you, there's a chance for me, to live, to mean something after everything I've done, everything I've lost and had stolen. A chance for me sometimes to put things right."
The Tardis hummed through the Vortex, cloaking them all in her semblance of night. It was like the Doctor and Rose were still in one of her dreams, but they were both awake. It felt like magic, like he could say anything.
"I mean that to you?" Rose asked. "Me?"
"Yes," he said simply. He wanted so badly to touch her, but he didn't want to break the spell of revelation they'd woven.
"But you're the Doctor. Putting things right - that's what you do."
"That's what I do now, Rose, since you've been with me. You haven't seen the thing I became... and I pray you never do."
"...like the time with the Dalek?" she said softly.
"Worse. I killed every Dalek in existence. All of them. Watched them burn. And Gallifrey, my homeworld, burned with them."
"But you had to," Rose said.
"How do you know that?" the Doctor countered. How did anyone know that, least of all him?
"Because I believe in you. You make out like you're bad, like you've got some heart of darkness or whatever, but it's not true. You've suffered for what you had to do, and you did it to save the universe. See, I know you. You've been in my head, right, and that sort of thing goes both ways."
The sweet girl had tears in her eyes now, tears for him, sympathy and love, all for him. How could he refuse such a precious gift?
"I - " he choked.
"Say it," she insisted through her tears.
"I can't- " he said.
"You say it, and I'll say it back," Rose promised.
"I can't-" he denied, looking away.
"Yes, you can," she urged.
"I - I love you, Rose - " he choked out, and it felt different than he'd expected. The gravels in his throat faded away, and a lightness of relief sang through his head. He looked back at her, at her tear stained face, and she smiled, and he smiled too.
"I know, Doctor," she said, "because I love you too."
"Oh, Rose!" he said, overwhelmed, as relief and grief and exultation roared through him like a storm. "I've never, I've never - I don't know what this is! it's not -"
Rose nodded, sniffing. "It's like you look at that person, and you're so glad you met them, so grateful they're beside you, and you want everything good to happen for them, you want to show them everything beautiful there ever was, yeah? and smile at it all with them standing there holding your hand?"
"Yeah," he agreed.
"But - it's something more, though. It's like you're hungry, all the time, or thirsty, and the only thing that makes you feel whole is seeing that person, the person you love, just looking at them, like drinking them in with your eyes, and it makes you feel good all over, like everything's right with the world, just being near them... touching them... holding them..... " she breathed, staring at him with tear-dazzled eyes.
"Yeah," he nodded.
"You never felt that?" she asked.
"Not till now," he said.
"You feel it now?"
"Mmhmm," he nodded.
"Tell me," she pleaded.
"It's more than that," he added. "I look at you, how precious you are, unique in all the universe, and so very necessary to me - and how fragile, how easily hurt, or - or worse, and it terrifies me. I was never terrified for myself, but I am for you. You mean everything to me, Rose. You're the thread I'm holding on by."
"That's a big responsibility," Rose said.
HIs hearts pounded with shame. "I know. One you shouldn't have to shoulder. Me a Time Lord, and you a nineteen-year-old girl."
He looked up, afraid to see pity or worse, a change of heart. Instead it was love shining out of her eyes, so much more than the awe and admiration he'd always seen in the eyes of his companions. He knew he was impressive - but for some reason, Rose didn't feel that awe as a barrier between them. She saw the problem of his alien nature only as a prejudice to overcome in her own mind - she saw his time machine and his vast intellect as things that made him special - but she wouldn't defer to him and she certainly didn't worship him. When he was rude, she was rude back. She gave as good as she got - when he believed in her, she could do anything - and he felt the same way. She'd turned who he was upside down - and since he'd been careening head over heels at the time, that was exactly what he'd needed.
"It's not the planet that's spinning, Rose... it's me, hurtling through time and space, unmoored, cut off.... lost, no way home, no direction. But then, I take your hand, and everything changes. It's like I can feel who you are, who I am there beside you, and it all makes sense again... like I'm not just a bit of chaos randomly affecting infinitesimal little outcomes here and there, it's like when you're with me I mean something again."
Rose smiled at him and wiped away another tear. "You mean everything, Doctor. To me, you mean everything."
"How can you know that?" he asked.
"Nothing else to know," she shrugged. "Nothing else matters, one way or the other. You may have your thousands of years, but I only got this little span, four score and ten, you know? I have to know. I have to choose. And if you let me, I'll choose you."
The Doctor felt his own inadequacies rising up like an insurmountable obstacle. "But, but-"
"Don't but me, billy goat!" Rose laughed.
"I don't deserve-" he said.
She interrupted. "There's no deserving. It's love - free, wild, mysterious. Two hearts beat as one you know, can't stop the dance."
"Baby! this is my last chance-" he sang.
"Thought you didn't take the time to learn earth popsongs."
"U2 is different!" he said, in mock horror.
"Well, yeah!" Rose agreed.
"Everyone loves Bunny!" the Doctor said.
Rose laughed. "You mean Bono?"
"He still calls himself that?" he asked.
"You're having me on!"
"I know the song, don't I?" but he smiled.
"That you do," she smiled back.
"Care to dance, Rose?" he asked.
"To Bunny? Rather faster than I'd care for right now."
"You want something slower?" the Doctor asked, and his hearts sped up.
"Absolutely," Rose said.
"How slow?" he asked, playing along.
"Realllll slow," she purred.
The Doctor stood up and held out his hand to Rose, and when she took it, this time they both shivered with the feeling that ran down their veins.
"What is that?" Rose asked, in awe.
"I thought you called it love," the Doctor said simply.
"It's something more though, innit? she asked.
"You mean, something alien?" he said, pulling her close.
"Maybe?"
"I don't know. Time Lords forgot all that. Locked it away in the past. So they could be Individuals."
"But it's so good!" Rose said.
"Is it?" he murmured. They were swaying together now, and it wasn't a dream any longer.
"Ah, my god. It always felt good, holding your hand, or hugging you, but now, it's like I'm on fire!" Rose said. She looked up at him and her eyes were blown with pleasure. He could stare down into those hungry brown eyes for eternity.
"Good fire?" he asked.
"Yes!" she cried. "Don't you feel it too?"
"Yeah," he said. "This is only a taste of it, I think. Gallifreyans used to psychically join... Time Lords gave it up."
"You said you knew how to dance. You've done this before, then," Rose said, trying to keep her head.
"This isn't dancing. I've danced, you know, for pleasure... this is bonding. Don't you want it?" he asked, frowning.
"Yes! God, yes. But I guess, you know, tell me what it means..."
"My nervous system makes a telepathic field-- it's learning yours, tuning in to it."
"Will it stay that way?" Rose asked.
"I don't know," he answered. "I think so."
"Forever?" she whispered.
"Do you want that?" he whispered back. "Me? Forever?"
"Yes, a thousand times, yes," she said.
"Then here I am," he said, and he pulled her even closer.
He could feel her as his telepathy encircled her. It wasn't like the jaunts into her dreams, misty and dark- it was dazzling, her energies burning into him, every nerve setting his on fire as he linked himself to her.
"Rose," he said.
"Yeah?"
"Can we have sex?" he asked.
She burst out laughing. "You tell me, Time Lord," she laughed up at him, joy in her eyes.
"I think that's where this is headed," he said, with a slight frown.
"I think that sounds wonderful," she said. "Do Time Lords kiss?"
"No," he said.
"Oh," she said, disappointed.
"But I do!" he grinned, and he lowered his lips to hers for the first time.
It was almost electric, the pulse that passed between them as their lips touched and they mingled breath. In a sense it was electric, the supercharged Time Lord nervous system setting up a field that sank a few layers inside of Rose, passing over her with phantom caresses, charging her responses with shivers of delight until she writhed against him.
"This," she gasped, "this is just a snog, I can't wait until we shag!"
"I keep telling you, Rose, this isn't just a snog. My nervous system is linking into yours. Do you like it?"
"Yes!" she cried. "Do you?"
"Oh yes," he said. "It's like I can feel everything you feel. It's amazing."
He kissed her a while longer, until she was gasping for breath and shivering constantly, eyes out of focus, and limbs loose.
"Do you want to lie down?" he whispered.
"Oh, oh yes," she said. "Too many clothes," she added.
"Are you sure?" he said.
"Are you - hypnotist?" she gasped.
"No!" he laughed.
"Then - I'm sure," she said, holding out her arms for him to slide off her dressing gown.
She had on modest flannel jimjams - blue and white stripes with moons and stars and bunnies on them. The shirt had three big white buttons, and the pants had a drawstring. He pushed the coverlet aside and she was lying against his pillow, there in the bed where he'd been dreaming not an hour earlier.
"Oh Rose," he said. "Am I still dreaming?"
"Am I?" she said.
"No," he smiled.
"Why are you still dressed?" she asked, and in a flash, he wasn't, and he was stretched out on top of her, letting them synch up again.
"My god, you are gorgeous," she said, stroking him. "So smooth, such nice muscles. A bit chill," she added.
"That's just the hypnotism talking," he said, blushing.
"No! That's your arse under my hands," she retorted. "Just as I'd imagined."
"You imagined my arse!" he laughed.
"More, you know, looked at it. Pictured it, kind of," she said, demonstrating a good double-handed squeeze.
He unbuttoned her shirt and flipped it open, leaned down to lay his cheek over her heart. The thumping was hard and fast, and it excited him, that little organ reacting so strongly to him. He kissed her chest, over her heart, and she arched her breast toward him. He kissed, experimentally, toward the peak, which stiffened the closer he got, until he reached it and gave it a good swipe with his tongue. Her whole body shuddered, so he did it again, and as his nerves linked with hers, he began to feel the sensation in his own breast.
"It's like, you want me to nurse," he said. "I feel it."
"Do it!" she gasped, so he closed his mouth over her nipple and began to suckle.
"Aah!" she yelled, grabbing his head and holding him in place. He felt the riot run through her system, nerves zinging out so that while her breast tingled excitedly under his tongue, she felt the pulse of pleasure all the way to her womb. He felt it too, an amazing feeling of need rising up inside him.
"Rose - I was right- this is headed for sex-" he gasped.
"Good!" Rose yelled enthusiastically, and scrabbled to untie her pants.
In a moment they were lying skin to skin. Rose was looking up at him in complete bliss, smiling as she reached up to stroke his cheek.
"You said you were telepathic," she said. "Will I hear your thoughts?"
"If you want," he said.
"I do!" she answered.
"All right," he said, and gently he laid his forehead down against hers. His thoughts swam forward, eager to reach out to her, and then he seemed to fall, with a little jolt, into her mind.
It was beautiful there. It wasn't like a dream, murky and weird. It was Rose, all around him, her joy, her love for him, the pleasure he was giving her.
Rose! he sang.
Oh! you're so beautiful! she sang back. Like an angel! All light, and fire, and music! what's that music?
It- it's Gallifreyan, he sang, and a throb of joy so intense it felt like pain coursed through him. Rose, you can hear me in Gallifreyan!
He'd never stopped to think about it. Always before, linking to a human mind had been a mere fact-finding mission for him, when there was something he needed to know. He'd never imagined that Rose might be able to hear his thoughts in Gallifreyan, a language he thought he'd never speak again.
Rose! he sang again.
Doctor! she sang back, and it was lovely, but he wanted her to learn another name.
Listen, he said, this is my real name, my secret name-- and he sang her the name that had waited, silent and stilled inside him, all his long and lonely lives.
It's beautiful, she said. I think I've heard it before!
Startled, he laughed in joy. Oldest secret in the universe, and of course she'd heard it before.
He fell to kissing her, and it wasn't like any kissing he'd ever shared before. The way her lips opened up beneath his, the way she caressed him with those lips and that wicked little tongue, playful and kind, joyful and serious - kissing Rose was the occupation of a lifetime. And with her thoughts so delighted, filling the parts of his mind that had been empty for so long, he was in bliss. A rapture of fulfillment soothed the horrible wounds he'd sustained at the war's catastrophic end, sealing off the pain of ragged phantom impulses.
Rose, Rose, he murmured.
Yes, Doctor, she said, and he knew, he'd always known, she would always tell him yes.
She looked up at him with glowing eyes, kissed him with so much care that he felt he'd break apart. She invited him in, body and soul, and gratefully, he slipped inside. She rocked him, caressing him and taking him deeper and deeper inside herself - his thoughts scattered and flew among hers like a flock of birds through the topmost branches of trees, skipping from shadow to sunlight. His body took over, attuning itself to hers, feeding pleasure into her brain through every nerve, cresting, receding, cresting again, till they seemed to ride the waves of an ocean of bliss without any shore.
At last the symphony of their joining faded to a few last lingering notes, and they fell back inside their own heads, breathless and dazed.
The Doctor lay staring at Rose, and she lay breathing, eyes closed, smiling her wide, wolfish smile.
"I love you," he said, and it was so easy to say now. Why had he been so afraid?
"I love you too," she answered, and her eyes opened, and she looked at him, and he felt like he was falling into her love all over again.
"You're not so bad, you know," she said, seriously.
"What?" he asked.
"In your head. You've got these dark places, you're afraid of them, places where - you could do terrible things, horrible things - but it's not like that."
"What's it like?" he asked, calmer than he had any right to be.
"It's more like those places are your strength, your reserve, for when light isn't enough, and you have to carry the burden," she murmured.
Her hand gently caressed his face and he realized she'd wiped away a tear.
"Yes," he said softly, "that's exactly what it's like."
"No man should have to bear that sort of thing alone," Rose whispered.
"No," he agreed.
"So I'm with you now, okay? I believe in you. I love you. We'll bear it together," Rose promised.
"Forever," the Doctor whispered, and the voice from his future said nothing, and for once, the Doctor was glad of the silence.
====
Soundtrack:
A Stitch in Time
a Doctor/Rose epic
I haven't ever uploaded one of these but if you are desirous please let me know!
playlist:
Holding Out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler
River Gonna Rise by David+David
Ghost of Stephen Foster by Squirrel Nut Zippers
Silent Lucidity by Queensryche
Do You Love Me? by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
She Bop by Cyndi Lauper
Tyler by the Toadies
Controversy by Prince
Streets of Laredo by Johnny Cash
You've Got It by Billie
My Last Breath by Evanescence
Come Alive by Janelle Monae
Some Day You Will Be Loved by Death Cab for Cutie
Being Alone Together by David+David
Leave Me Alone by Natalie Imbruglia
Unchained by Johnny Cash
In Flight by Harp 46