The Boardwalk, Saturday Mid-Afternoon
Dōjima was looking pale but determined as she set-up the presentation space. She'd been shooed out of the clinic at some point to 'go eat', and this seemed as good a way to repress as any. If she was not allowed to go find and kill this Tybalt, she'd settle for channeling her rage into a more, ah, 'productive' manner. Like making sure her classmates had access to useful information, and weren't being brainwashed.
Seating? Check? Props? Check. Goodie Bags for the end? Triple check. This was gonna be awesome.
Barney and Tink-sensei would be so proud.
Reno had to agree. Upon learning of an abstinence-only class, he had pretty much decided without question that someone had to teach the other side of the story.
The side of the story that didn't involve blue-balls until marriage. Some people just couldn't live that way, dammit.
He crossed his arms and sauntered over to stand by the side of his intrepid teaching buddy.
"As I'm sure you all know by now," Reno said, after a few moments of clearing his throat and seriously considering how to begin, "sex is a proud tradition that's been embraced by the human race across universes and through history. Just ask your moms and dads, zoto."
That would do, he figured.
"Ew, no, thanks Red, I do not want to think about my parents," Dōjima said as she made a face. "But Reno has a very good point. Sex? Happens. A lot. And if you think it's all rainbows and sparkles and unicorns and soulmates, well, it's a damn good thing you've got us."
"Sex can be confusing. It's also messy, physical, sweaty, and a lot of fun. We're also teenagers, so we're pretty much wired to have sex a lot," she stated, grinning at their victims the crowd. "This isn't a bad thing, as long as you're smart about it."
"Also, despite what some people might claim, who you kiss, blow, or fuck isn't anyone's business so long as your partner is legal, willing, and able to give consent."
"What she said," Reno agreed, continuing his sauntering. It was sort of a methodical pacing, now. Just to be sure he was addressing everyone in the area at least once. "There's good sex and bad sex, but that don't mean it's the same thing as smart sex or stupid sex. The good stuff takes practice. But it can be good and stupid at the same time. You're takin' chances of all kinds, if you're gonna just leap in without some kinda protection, some sorta step taken to make sure you ain't a parent before you're outta high school. Or sufferin' from the clap. Or whatever."
He paced his way back to the card-table they'd set up for proper placement of their props. And he reached for a stack of handouts.
Yes, handouts.
"Before we get into technique and whatever, we're gonna go over protection. Warriors don't go into battle without armor. Neither should you, yo."
"We're gonna start with the birth control everyone can use; the condom," Dōjima declared, grabbing a banana out of the box labeled 'props' and waving it at them. "You can keep it in your pocket, your wallet, in your purse, or in your dresser. Easy access at all times, so you don't have an excuse."
"Speaking of excuses... Ladies! If he claims it is too tight or doesn't fit? HE LIES," she said firmly. "Maybe he doesn't know how to put it on right, but it fits. I promise. Gentlemen, if she says you don't need it, she's on the pill? Doesn't matter. Use it anyway unless you know exactly where she's been."
"Seriously, guys, don't even try that weak-assed 'it don't fit' excuse. We've probably all seen that YouTube clip of the dude puttin' one over his head and inflatin' it with his breath. The excuse won't work." Reno snorted and then smirked while he handed out sheets on proper condom application. "And do you really wanna be takin' the chance? Seventeen, eighteen years old, rest of your life ahead of you, now? And oh, hey. Knocked some chick up because you figured it'd feel better. Gold stars. All of you, grab a freakin' banana. You're gonna get a lesson."
Dōjima grinned evilly and began handing everyone a banana and a condom. "Pair up!" she yelled. "You'll be putting your condom on someone else's banana. Totally dirty. Why? Because, well, Reno and I say so. Putting on the condom can be a totally sexy part of foreplay, which we'll cover later, or you might just be fumbling around trying to get it over with as fast as possible. Hopefully the former rather than the latter, otherwise I feel bad for your partner."
"So, grab a partner, and your bananas, and watch us." Dōjima tossed her banana at Reno before picking up a condom. "Rule one: Don't open it with your teeth. I don't care how many pornos you've seen it done in, it tastes terrible and you might rip it, which defeats the point. Open it with your fingers along the tear line, and remove carefully."
Reno caught the banana, smirked, and held it up toward Dōjima, a sort of redheaded Vannah White of the lecture. Somehow, Reno managed to make holding a banana into an art form.
He was weird that way.
"From there, it's just a matter of puttin' it here at the tip, and rollin' it over your- your banana, zoto. Leave some room at the end, there, and be careful to avoid air bubbles. We're all about not damagin' the condoms, here. One weekend a year bein' invaded by future children is enough for now, ain't it? We're high schoolers." Reno knew. He'd had a lot of kids that weekend. "Doji touched on foreplay while we were handin' out the bananas, so I'm gonna expand on that while you casanovas try to figure out which way you're supposed to point your banana. It's important- helps you get in the mood, yeah. Keeps things a little more comfortable once you get into it. There are plenty of things you can do before sex that can be considered foreplay, what you do is up to you. But any guy who complains that it takes too long and keeps you from the good stuff- ladies, he has no clue what he's doin'. Play around. Let your hands roam about. Play some safe mind-games that you're both comfortable with. It can be just as much fun as the stuff you do once you got your banana in its baggie."
"Sometimes it's more fun than having the banana in the baggie," Dōjima said dryly, smirking as she demonstrated the application of the condom on Reno's banana. Not Dirty. "Women don't always orgasm from sex, so you damn well make sure she at least enjoys the preview. If you finish before her? You finish her, too. If you get up and leave, or roll over and go to sleep, do NOT expect a repeat invite. And you're probably going to get bad-mouthed in the girl's bathroom as being a lousy lay."
"This doesn't just apply to guys and girls sleeping together. Boykissy and girlkissy should also be all about the condom use, because STDs are bad. Yes, girls, there's a condom just for us. Sex is not just about a penis."
"Those ones ain't so easy to demonstrate on a banana, so we're just gonna cover 'em in the handouts," Reno mused, holding up his intercourse-safe banana for the audience to see. "If your banana doesn't look like this one by the time you're done, you're doin' it wrong. Good thing we stocked up on condoms, zoto. Try again until you get it right. And then take yourselves a grab bag, get out there, and have fun."
[OOC: Up early for SP of Awesome! Open Boardwalk is Open for all, including 'guests'. Post & OCD pre-written with the awesome
raspberryturk .]
Seating? Check? Props? Check. Goodie Bags for the end? Triple check. This was gonna be awesome.
Barney and Tink-sensei would be so proud.
Reno had to agree. Upon learning of an abstinence-only class, he had pretty much decided without question that someone had to teach the other side of the story.
The side of the story that didn't involve blue-balls until marriage. Some people just couldn't live that way, dammit.
He crossed his arms and sauntered over to stand by the side of his intrepid teaching buddy.
"As I'm sure you all know by now," Reno said, after a few moments of clearing his throat and seriously considering how to begin, "sex is a proud tradition that's been embraced by the human race across universes and through history. Just ask your moms and dads, zoto."
That would do, he figured.
"Ew, no, thanks Red, I do not want to think about my parents," Dōjima said as she made a face. "But Reno has a very good point. Sex? Happens. A lot. And if you think it's all rainbows and sparkles and unicorns and soulmates, well, it's a damn good thing you've got us."
"Sex can be confusing. It's also messy, physical, sweaty, and a lot of fun. We're also teenagers, so we're pretty much wired to have sex a lot," she stated, grinning at their victims the crowd. "This isn't a bad thing, as long as you're smart about it."
"Also, despite what some people might claim, who you kiss, blow, or fuck isn't anyone's business so long as your partner is legal, willing, and able to give consent."
"What she said," Reno agreed, continuing his sauntering. It was sort of a methodical pacing, now. Just to be sure he was addressing everyone in the area at least once. "There's good sex and bad sex, but that don't mean it's the same thing as smart sex or stupid sex. The good stuff takes practice. But it can be good and stupid at the same time. You're takin' chances of all kinds, if you're gonna just leap in without some kinda protection, some sorta step taken to make sure you ain't a parent before you're outta high school. Or sufferin' from the clap. Or whatever."
He paced his way back to the card-table they'd set up for proper placement of their props. And he reached for a stack of handouts.
Yes, handouts.
"Before we get into technique and whatever, we're gonna go over protection. Warriors don't go into battle without armor. Neither should you, yo."
"We're gonna start with the birth control everyone can use; the condom," Dōjima declared, grabbing a banana out of the box labeled 'props' and waving it at them. "You can keep it in your pocket, your wallet, in your purse, or in your dresser. Easy access at all times, so you don't have an excuse."
"Speaking of excuses... Ladies! If he claims it is too tight or doesn't fit? HE LIES," she said firmly. "Maybe he doesn't know how to put it on right, but it fits. I promise. Gentlemen, if she says you don't need it, she's on the pill? Doesn't matter. Use it anyway unless you know exactly where she's been."
"Seriously, guys, don't even try that weak-assed 'it don't fit' excuse. We've probably all seen that YouTube clip of the dude puttin' one over his head and inflatin' it with his breath. The excuse won't work." Reno snorted and then smirked while he handed out sheets on proper condom application. "And do you really wanna be takin' the chance? Seventeen, eighteen years old, rest of your life ahead of you, now? And oh, hey. Knocked some chick up because you figured it'd feel better. Gold stars. All of you, grab a freakin' banana. You're gonna get a lesson."
Dōjima grinned evilly and began handing everyone a banana and a condom. "Pair up!" she yelled. "You'll be putting your condom on someone else's banana. Totally dirty. Why? Because, well, Reno and I say so. Putting on the condom can be a totally sexy part of foreplay, which we'll cover later, or you might just be fumbling around trying to get it over with as fast as possible. Hopefully the former rather than the latter, otherwise I feel bad for your partner."
"So, grab a partner, and your bananas, and watch us." Dōjima tossed her banana at Reno before picking up a condom. "Rule one: Don't open it with your teeth. I don't care how many pornos you've seen it done in, it tastes terrible and you might rip it, which defeats the point. Open it with your fingers along the tear line, and remove carefully."
Reno caught the banana, smirked, and held it up toward Dōjima, a sort of redheaded Vannah White of the lecture. Somehow, Reno managed to make holding a banana into an art form.
He was weird that way.
"From there, it's just a matter of puttin' it here at the tip, and rollin' it over your- your banana, zoto. Leave some room at the end, there, and be careful to avoid air bubbles. We're all about not damagin' the condoms, here. One weekend a year bein' invaded by future children is enough for now, ain't it? We're high schoolers." Reno knew. He'd had a lot of kids that weekend. "Doji touched on foreplay while we were handin' out the bananas, so I'm gonna expand on that while you casanovas try to figure out which way you're supposed to point your banana. It's important- helps you get in the mood, yeah. Keeps things a little more comfortable once you get into it. There are plenty of things you can do before sex that can be considered foreplay, what you do is up to you. But any guy who complains that it takes too long and keeps you from the good stuff- ladies, he has no clue what he's doin'. Play around. Let your hands roam about. Play some safe mind-games that you're both comfortable with. It can be just as much fun as the stuff you do once you got your banana in its baggie."
"Sometimes it's more fun than having the banana in the baggie," Dōjima said dryly, smirking as she demonstrated the application of the condom on Reno's banana. Not Dirty. "Women don't always orgasm from sex, so you damn well make sure she at least enjoys the preview. If you finish before her? You finish her, too. If you get up and leave, or roll over and go to sleep, do NOT expect a repeat invite. And you're probably going to get bad-mouthed in the girl's bathroom as being a lousy lay."
"This doesn't just apply to guys and girls sleeping together. Boykissy and girlkissy should also be all about the condom use, because STDs are bad. Yes, girls, there's a condom just for us. Sex is not just about a penis."
"Those ones ain't so easy to demonstrate on a banana, so we're just gonna cover 'em in the handouts," Reno mused, holding up his intercourse-safe banana for the audience to see. "If your banana doesn't look like this one by the time you're done, you're doin' it wrong. Good thing we stocked up on condoms, zoto. Try again until you get it right. And then take yourselves a grab bag, get out there, and have fun."
[OOC: Up early for SP of Awesome! Open Boardwalk is Open for all, including 'guests'. Post & OCD pre-written with the awesome
raspberryturk .]