Where bullets can no longer wound us (1/3)
Synopsis: A three-part hauntings fic. Dee recieves a visit from Billy before her suicide. Felix recieves a visit from Dee before his mutiny. Boomer recieves a visit from Felix while she is locked in the Brig. They reach out towards their respective ghosts. They reach for a place where bullets can no longer wound them.
Characters: Dee, Billy, Felix and Boomer, with mentions of others.
Rating: PG-13 (warnings for dark themes)
Spoilers: up to an including 4x17.
Authors Note: I had insomnia last night. Interview stress. This dark little series was the result of it.
Where bullets can no longer wound us
“What....what are you doing?”
Dee ignored his voice; the voice belonging to the man who wasn’t there. No, not a man really. Just that stammering boy who used to follow her around like lost puppy. She thought that she had forgotten his voice. Why was she hearing it now? Why should she be hearing voices at all? It was as if she was going crazy...
“Dualla?” the voice persisted. “Dee please…”
“I heard you, Billy,” she hissed, a tight whisper. “Now shut up.”
“Sorry. I just…what are you doing with that gun?”
Dee pursed her lips, refusing to answer. She finished loading the sidearm, giving it one last polish so the gun metal felt smooth to touch and gleamed in the lamplight. Then she returned it to her locker, placing it on the shelf where it would be easiest to reach. Where she could grab for it without having to think.
Good. Now that the preparations were out of the way, Dee could concentrate on making herself pretty and making herself happy...just one last time. She took the bottle of nail varnish out from the side pocket of her kit bag and returned to the table. This little bottle of polish had lasted Dee since they had escaped from the Colonies; so rare it was that she had occasion to take off her uniform and doll herself up.
“So are you just going to ignore me? As usual.”
Dee’s head snapped back at the accusation. Immediately, she regretted having lifted her eyes. There was Billy Keikeya sitting across the table from her, wearing that familiar striped shirt and the sad little tie that hung loose around his collar. His cheeks were glowing. He always blushed when she looked him in the face.
“I’m going out on a date, Billy,” she told him firmly. “Yes, a date with Lee Adama. And you’re not going to spoil it for me this time, okay?”
Dee fell silent, shaking her head. She turned her attention back to her hands, painting her fingernails with the clear shimmering gloss. Why was she talking to him anyway? Billy wasn’t there. Billy couldn’t be there. He was dead…over three years now. That meant that Dee must be seeing things. It meant that she was crazy. No, she wouldn’t think that. She told herself again…just keep it together; try not to fall apart. Her friends had always said she was the voice of reason on this ship. Dee had worn her sanity like a badge of honour, a medal that she hung over her heart. It was something she could offer to her leaders when they were losing their heads. She could tell them the things they needed to hear. She had been doing it for long.
“Is it because they let you down, Dee?” whispered Billy, finishing her thoughts for her. “Is it because they broke their promise to you?”
Dee’s fingers began to shake. There were still the grains of sand beneath her nails. Filthy grey sand from that burnt grey waste of a planet. Their promised land. The new home which the Admiral had promised to them so long ago. The promise that Dee had insisted he kept. The promise that she had later passed onto Lee, urging him to continue the mission in his father’s place. Dee had always been loyal and faithful to them and their promise. She had trusted the Adamas to lead the fleet to Earth. She had believed in it and that belief had kept her strong. It had kept her sane.
“So what is this then?” Billy needled. “Some twisted form of revenge?”
Dee took a breath, calming herself. She blew on her nails.
“I’m not hurting anyone,” she reasoned. “Lee and the Old Man have bigger things to worry about now. They’ll suck it up. They’ll move on. That’s what the Adamas do. Besides, just a few months ago they thought they had lost their Kara. If they can get over that then I doubt they’ll cry too long over little old me.”
Dee raised her head, staring coolly at Billy, daring him to call her selfish. Billy narrowed his eyes in reproach. From the look on his face you would think she was planning a murder not a suicide.
“Not hurting anyone,” he snorted. “What about him?”
Billy inclined his head to the bunk where Felix lay twisting in his sleep. Dee followed his stare, wincing at the film of sweat that clung to her friend’s grey skin; the tension that pinched his face even now. She had noticed that Felix’s sleep was troubled ever since the trial; that night when they had started sharing a bunkroom again. Now the tingling of his phantom leg seemed to have crept into his dreams. A fire under his skin. A fire that she couldn't put out.
Dee sighed and turned away from the bunk.
“I’ll wait till he’s gone,” she murmured. “He’ll be okay...”
“Is he okay now?” he asked her, pointedly.
“This is my choice, Billy. Aren’t I allowed to make this choice?”
He frowned at her steadily. “I took a bullet for you, Dee.”
“That was your choice. I never asked you to…”
Dee felt the tears threatening in her eyes. She rose to her feet, turning back to her locker. She had never really recovered from that night when she had left poor Billy in that place where bullets could no longer wound him. She had never told anyone that all those tears that she had cried at Lee Adama’s bedside were really for Billy Keikeya. They never knew that she had clung onto Apollo’s hand only to keep herself sane.
“It was a mistake, Billy,” she muttered. “The Old Man thought he could save us by giving them Boomer’s body. He took a risk, he made a choice…and it was the wrong choice. We make mistakes and people die. Sometimes we make promises that we just can’t keep. And people die. It can’t be helped.”
Dee closed her eyes and sighed heavily. She accepted their mistakes and their broken promises. Then she lifted her wedding ring from its hook on her locker door. Her dainty hands were missing this one last piece of decoration. She returned to the table and held the ring in her palm, displaying it to Billy.
“That’s pretty,” he remarked, forgiving her in his turn. “Much prettier than my high school debate ring, that’s for sure. I wish I could have been the one to give it to you.” Billy swallowed. “Do you ever think about what it might have been like if you had said ‘yes’ to me? Do you ever wonder, Dee?”
Did she ever wonder what it would be like to be married to a man who had eyes only for her? A man who never turned his head to look at other girls across the room? A man who blushed at her because he thought she was beautiful and not because he felt ashamed whenever he was around her?
Dee signed again. Billy didn’t have to rub it in.
“Do you ever wonder about us, Anastasia?”
He reached for her hand across the table, his ghostly caress sending shivers over her skin. She slipped the ring onto her finger and made a new vow to Billy and to the gun in her locker.
She made her solemn vow.
"I do..." she said.
( Part Two )
Characters: Dee, Billy, Felix and Boomer, with mentions of others.
Rating: PG-13 (warnings for dark themes)
Spoilers: up to an including 4x17.
Authors Note: I had insomnia last night. Interview stress. This dark little series was the result of it.
Where bullets can no longer wound us
“What....what are you doing?”
Dee ignored his voice; the voice belonging to the man who wasn’t there. No, not a man really. Just that stammering boy who used to follow her around like lost puppy. She thought that she had forgotten his voice. Why was she hearing it now? Why should she be hearing voices at all? It was as if she was going crazy...
“Dualla?” the voice persisted. “Dee please…”
“I heard you, Billy,” she hissed, a tight whisper. “Now shut up.”
“Sorry. I just…what are you doing with that gun?”
Dee pursed her lips, refusing to answer. She finished loading the sidearm, giving it one last polish so the gun metal felt smooth to touch and gleamed in the lamplight. Then she returned it to her locker, placing it on the shelf where it would be easiest to reach. Where she could grab for it without having to think.
Good. Now that the preparations were out of the way, Dee could concentrate on making herself pretty and making herself happy...just one last time. She took the bottle of nail varnish out from the side pocket of her kit bag and returned to the table. This little bottle of polish had lasted Dee since they had escaped from the Colonies; so rare it was that she had occasion to take off her uniform and doll herself up.
“So are you just going to ignore me? As usual.”
Dee’s head snapped back at the accusation. Immediately, she regretted having lifted her eyes. There was Billy Keikeya sitting across the table from her, wearing that familiar striped shirt and the sad little tie that hung loose around his collar. His cheeks were glowing. He always blushed when she looked him in the face.
“I’m going out on a date, Billy,” she told him firmly. “Yes, a date with Lee Adama. And you’re not going to spoil it for me this time, okay?”
Dee fell silent, shaking her head. She turned her attention back to her hands, painting her fingernails with the clear shimmering gloss. Why was she talking to him anyway? Billy wasn’t there. Billy couldn’t be there. He was dead…over three years now. That meant that Dee must be seeing things. It meant that she was crazy. No, she wouldn’t think that. She told herself again…just keep it together; try not to fall apart. Her friends had always said she was the voice of reason on this ship. Dee had worn her sanity like a badge of honour, a medal that she hung over her heart. It was something she could offer to her leaders when they were losing their heads. She could tell them the things they needed to hear. She had been doing it for long.
“Is it because they let you down, Dee?” whispered Billy, finishing her thoughts for her. “Is it because they broke their promise to you?”
Dee’s fingers began to shake. There were still the grains of sand beneath her nails. Filthy grey sand from that burnt grey waste of a planet. Their promised land. The new home which the Admiral had promised to them so long ago. The promise that Dee had insisted he kept. The promise that she had later passed onto Lee, urging him to continue the mission in his father’s place. Dee had always been loyal and faithful to them and their promise. She had trusted the Adamas to lead the fleet to Earth. She had believed in it and that belief had kept her strong. It had kept her sane.
“So what is this then?” Billy needled. “Some twisted form of revenge?”
Dee took a breath, calming herself. She blew on her nails.
“I’m not hurting anyone,” she reasoned. “Lee and the Old Man have bigger things to worry about now. They’ll suck it up. They’ll move on. That’s what the Adamas do. Besides, just a few months ago they thought they had lost their Kara. If they can get over that then I doubt they’ll cry too long over little old me.”
Dee raised her head, staring coolly at Billy, daring him to call her selfish. Billy narrowed his eyes in reproach. From the look on his face you would think she was planning a murder not a suicide.
“Not hurting anyone,” he snorted. “What about him?”
Billy inclined his head to the bunk where Felix lay twisting in his sleep. Dee followed his stare, wincing at the film of sweat that clung to her friend’s grey skin; the tension that pinched his face even now. She had noticed that Felix’s sleep was troubled ever since the trial; that night when they had started sharing a bunkroom again. Now the tingling of his phantom leg seemed to have crept into his dreams. A fire under his skin. A fire that she couldn't put out.
Dee sighed and turned away from the bunk.
“I’ll wait till he’s gone,” she murmured. “He’ll be okay...”
“Is he okay now?” he asked her, pointedly.
“This is my choice, Billy. Aren’t I allowed to make this choice?”
He frowned at her steadily. “I took a bullet for you, Dee.”
“That was your choice. I never asked you to…”
Dee felt the tears threatening in her eyes. She rose to her feet, turning back to her locker. She had never really recovered from that night when she had left poor Billy in that place where bullets could no longer wound him. She had never told anyone that all those tears that she had cried at Lee Adama’s bedside were really for Billy Keikeya. They never knew that she had clung onto Apollo’s hand only to keep herself sane.
“It was a mistake, Billy,” she muttered. “The Old Man thought he could save us by giving them Boomer’s body. He took a risk, he made a choice…and it was the wrong choice. We make mistakes and people die. Sometimes we make promises that we just can’t keep. And people die. It can’t be helped.”
Dee closed her eyes and sighed heavily. She accepted their mistakes and their broken promises. Then she lifted her wedding ring from its hook on her locker door. Her dainty hands were missing this one last piece of decoration. She returned to the table and held the ring in her palm, displaying it to Billy.
“That’s pretty,” he remarked, forgiving her in his turn. “Much prettier than my high school debate ring, that’s for sure. I wish I could have been the one to give it to you.” Billy swallowed. “Do you ever think about what it might have been like if you had said ‘yes’ to me? Do you ever wonder, Dee?”
Did she ever wonder what it would be like to be married to a man who had eyes only for her? A man who never turned his head to look at other girls across the room? A man who blushed at her because he thought she was beautiful and not because he felt ashamed whenever he was around her?
Dee signed again. Billy didn’t have to rub it in.
“Do you ever wonder about us, Anastasia?”
He reached for her hand across the table, his ghostly caress sending shivers over her skin. She slipped the ring onto her finger and made a new vow to Billy and to the gun in her locker.
She made her solemn vow.
"I do..." she said.
( Part Two )