The Patriots Keeper Part 4/?

[meteorprime]

I don't like this chapter... that's why I've been avoiding posting it.
Also thanks for the advice on the last chapter reviews! I probably haven't followed it as my brain shuts down when I re-read my own work so feel free to poke me in the eye!

+Badly written angst this chapter, I apologize.

Disclaimer! I've done ZERO research! + Un-beat'd!

Comments

[kio29]

Awwwww this is so aodrable.Poor Stephen.

[sailorptah]

What the hell is this fic. I love it so much.

Of course Stephen would fly into a closed window. Jon showing him movies is precious (no pun intended), as is Stephen wanting the DVD because it's shiny, and, aww, ridiculous hair-chewing.

A couple of typos --
* There are some paragraphs in the beginning where the sentences don't have periods.
* Dialogue should be in the same paragraph as any sentences about the person saying it (so “Mine’s bigger.” should be combined with Stephen drinking orange juice, not Jon giggling).
really wants is = really wants it
its Aasif = it's Aasif
that nights show = that night's show
rapped up = wrapped up
over very head = over every head
and dance = and danced
Darth = Darth Vader, or just Vader ("Darth" is a title, it's like saying "President" instead of "President Obama" or "Obama")
doesn’t’ = doesn't
doorway arms = doorway, arms

[meteorprime]

This is what happens when I write late at night! Grr! Thanks ;)

[chatananas]

Aw, poor Stephen, he was just trying to woo Jon the best way he knows :( I feel so sad for him.

[count_nickula]

Your world-building is wonderful. The glimpses of life for the "less desirable" people like Jon and Aasif, set against this strange blossoming romance.

Thank you for continuing to break our hearts. <3

[anonymous]

Please tell me you haven't given up on this story!!! I'm loving it and where it ends is just too heartbreaking!