Slasher's Guide to Gay Sex
When I entered fandom and learned the word slash I was very much surprised that girls were writing it. Lots and lots of it. And for writing it, I want to say: thank you!
But in describing relationships/sex scenes between guys my dear female co-fandomers make some mistakes. Well, if it were not so, I would have been even more surprised.
This post is meant to help female slashers in writing gay sex.
This post reflects no more than my most humble opinion, and it’s completely up to you whether to listen to me or not. But I think that hearing me out won’t hurt fandom in any way.
Also I think that it’s much more helpful to hear one gay man’s account on what gay sex is rather than a bunch of statistics. Remember that statistics has potential to prove whatever you want it to. As Nietzsche said, ‘Truth is a kind of misunderstanding that is used for gaining power.’
Please note that this post is an edited version of all of my previous posts.
Slasher’s Guide to Gay Sex:
one gay man’s perspective
WARNING:
If you are underage, please, go and have underage fun.
You are welcome to return to this post when you are of age.
From fic to fic I see one and the same mistake. I call it Fucking Probing Fingers. One, two, and then three fingers, scissoring motions, etc. are mentioned almost in every smutfic, which, by the way, doesn’t make the whole idea any less wrong. Why? Bottom should be prepared for anal sex in the following three cases: (a) he is having anal sex for the first time, (b) he is going to take a huge cock in, and (c) he’s had a long break.
In all other cases the act of preparation, at the very least, shouldn’t be thorough. And if the bottom finds uses for his hole at least a few times a week, he requires NO preparation. So, when I read about guys who shag like bunnies, but go through with all those probing fingers (and it’s not a part of foreplay!) - I start wondering whether bottom has some kind of shrinking disease.
You know, it’s quite a compliment to be told, ‘You are so tight!’ Virgins are tight. And, in case with sluts and guys who have sex several times a day - well, their holes are wide open for men of any size. Literally. Disgusting, isn’t it? So, if bottom has sex a few times a week, he doesn’t need probing with fingers (unless it’s a part of prelude), and he needs only a bit of lube for better sliding (it’s quite enough to apply lube only on top’s cock).
~*~
Pain. Yes, fucking has a potential to be painful. If the guy on top is huge, bottom is inexperienced, there was no preparation and top is brutal - it surely will be VERY painful for bottom.
I remember my first time as bottom. The guy was more than average-sized. He spent ten seconds on preparing me. Then he went slowly. There was pain. However, it wasn’t blinding or white-hot or worse than Cruciatus or whatever. It was bearable, though I am quite sensitive to pain. And it receded quickly. So, even if the guys are fucking for the first time, but go through with all the preparation, there might be no pain at all. The feeling of a cock filling you for the first time is, to put it in one word, new.
~*~
I frequently meet the following situation: there are two guys - Top and Bottom. They are going to fuck. But, in order to be fair, Top, before fucking, sucks Bottom off. Then they fuck. Stop for a moment and think. Do you find the situation possible?
Well, yes, it’s possible, if Bottom is 15 years old, painfully hypersexual or a masochist.
If Bottom isn’t any of the aforementioned things then, that fucking is going to be quite a painful experience. Why? Because after you’ve just come, you have no desire to have sex. If you are romantic, you’ll like to have a post-coital cuddling. If you are not, you’ll like to have a shower. Some time should pass between having an orgasm and wanting to fuck again.
~*~
A man can have two types of orgasms - when he penetrates and when he is penetrated. These two types are quite different. Prostate enables a man to have an orgasm when he is penetrated.
The prostate (like penis) is erectile tissue. Until it fills with blood, it isn't especially sensitive (so, a man doesn’t feel pleasure shooting through his body the moment you touch his prostate). Once it's aroused (it actually gets hard), prostate stimulation is very pleasurable (females who’ve had G-spot orgasm would know exactly what it feels like).
The normal prostate is about the size and shape of a walnut, and is located at the base of the bladder. It's located about 3 inches (7.6 cm) inside the rectum. For most men, the index finger is barely long enough to reach the prostate; the middle finger is just about the perfect length for prostate massage. The prostate should have the consistency of a medium-firm rubber ball.
By the way, you can mix a blowjob and prostate stimulation (it’ll make a very good foreplay before hard and fast fucking).
~*~
Do not be terribly surprised if you find out that lots of guys think that such things as hand job, blowjob, rim job, etc. are no more than a prelude for sex. Most importantly, for many guys (including myself and majority of my friends/former boyfriends/fuck buddies), aforementioned things generally cannot be intense enough to come properly - that’s why those things are often regarded as child’s play or a wank. I, personally, fail to see any difference between a French kiss and oral sex.
However, there are guys (and girls) who think that fucking is not important. I heard a figure that 20% of gay men do not fuck. I also heard a figure that 50% of gay men do not fuck (which seems utterly unbelievable). Well, they are free to continue not to fuck - I cannot care less. For me, fucking is extremely important. I can’t imagine doing all the stuff aside from fucking with a guy and be satisfied with it. That would be a nightmare!!! (Oh, keep kissing me like that, babe, I think I am coming! Oh… I’ve come. Sorry, for sarcasm.)
Why some gay men do not fuck? I do not know, but I can take a guess. They could be scared. They could have been horribly hurt their first time. They could have some prejudices that fucking is unhygienic or that it’s unnatural (imagine that!) or whatever. (I would love to hear your opinion as to why some gay men do not fuck.)
~*~
Bottoms use enemas, but I doubt that someone is being so disgusting as to actually talk about it. Some things are better left unsaid, unless your fic is meant to be disgusting. (If you very much want to shock your readers you can make an ‘accident’. Sorry for being ambiguous, but I can’t actually spell it out.)
~*~
Please note that anal sex, sensations and orgasms are quite different for top and bottom. I’ll try to describe them.
When the thrusting begins, bottom should summon all the self-control he has to build up pleasure. It may take quite a while (depends on the intensity of fucking) but he should hold himself together until the prickling sensation appears (it should be on the verge of pain/pleasure) and then, when he cannot hold any longer (you know, it’s quite a challenge), he should touch himself (or let top touch him, though, top has other matters to see to; also there is a risk that top’s interference may ruin the built up pleasure) and… be lost and found or scream first love’s name or see black or see red or see white or whatever. Sorry for sarcasm (again!), but really, when you are having a powerful orgasm (a kind of orgasm that makes sex worth having) - I’ll say an extremely sappy thing now - it’s beyond words. (One of my friends says, ‘I have the feeling a lot of writers not only are inexperienced with male on male sex, they basically haven't been sexual with anyone.’)
Top should hold himself together until bottom is ready to come and then come together with bottom (which is not so hard to achieve) OR come first and then help bottom come.
If bottom comes first, it’d mean that the fucking is quite over, because it’ll become a torture for bottom.
Remember, it’s crucial to hit prostate. Ideal thrusting - the head of top’s cock hits prostate on the way in and on the way out. There is no need for balls-deep thrusts - in fact, they may be quite uncomfortable for bottom. Average cock is about 6” (15 cm) in length (by the way, in your future porn fics - don’t forget to mention the size of cock and don’t forget that girth is more important than length; overall, the best word to describe one’s cock is thick) and prostate is about 3” (7 cm) inside the rectum. I am sure you can calculate the rest!
So, what top feels? Top’s sensations aren’t any different from those of a straight man penetrating a woman - most of the sensation is centred in his cock. I, personally, also feel the lack of prostate stimulation. Oh, and by the way, when orgasm hits top, he actually feels the pleasure shooting through his cock. Very interesting sensation.
I should also add one peculiar detail. After a powerful orgasm, both top and bottom may be shuddering and gasping for a while.
~*~
It’s my belief that it’s better to have one powerful orgasm after a long fuck than a few less powerful ones in the same time. I also believe that the longer you deny yourself the release, the more powerful it will be.
So, how would we name a guy with no self-restraint?
Fast Cummer
Boy-Who-Comes-Before-You-Can-Feel-Anything-Aside-From-Little-Annoyance
Swift Guy
Easily Exploding Dude
Anything else?
~*~
Teenage boys cannot have normal sex (in adult understanding). They have too much hormones and too little self-control. Of course, clumsy things they are doing (and calling them ‘sex’) are much more pleasurable than a lone wank over a porn magazine.
Writing about teenage boys is, of course, sweet. At that age they have so many confused feelings, so many emotions! They can jump off the roof because of love, for fuck’s sake! (If you are interested in all sorts of emotions teenagers feel, read Draco Veritas. Cassie surely researched topic quite thoroughly. The book she’s getting published now is also about teenagers.)
Where was I? Writing about teenage boys is sweet because they can love in the sappiest way imaginable, but they simply cannot black out from the sheer power of orgasm. What they will have, I’d call clumsy cuddling. But, it’ll be mind-blowing from their perspective and if they do black out, it’d be from intensity of what they feel towards each other.
I’ll quote Penguin (from Of Snow And Dark Water). Read with extreme attention: ‘He knew he wouldn’t last long this time, either. […] It hadn’t been perfect last night, and yet it had. There had been so much tension to relieve, pent-up emotions and expectations, and they had both been very nervous. It had been intense, feverish and desperate, and over much too quickly. But god, it had been perfect - it had been all they’d wanted and needed just then.’
Teenagers can’t have technically great sex, but their sex can be great emotionally, and your task as a writer, to show that.
~*~
Many gay men keep to ‘tops’ and ‘bottoms’ even outside the bedroom.
Top/bottom relationship shouldn’t be mixed with either dom/sub or boy/girl relationships. While dom/sub is always top/bottom, top/bottom is rarely sub/dom. And, apparently, boy/girl is always top/bottom, but when we say ‘top/bottom’ we rarely (if ever) mean boy/girl.
My vast fan fiction-reading experience tells me that female slashers either do not keep their characters to tops and bottoms (which is, by the way, quite all right) or make top/bottom look exactly like sub/dom or boy/girl or both (however unlikely, it could be the case).
You know, that’s completely anti-feminist thing to mix top/bottom, sub/dom and boy/girl. (How many feminists are actually doing this? They forget that to say, ‘Girl, from this moment on, you are a boy’ isn’t the same as to write a male character.) You see, to divide people into those who are penetrated and those who penetrate and then make the latter in charge of the former… How is it any different from patriarchal societies where a man is a woman’s owner??? (I do not mind feminists or anti-feminists or sexists or whoever - I think people are free to have their opinions. Sometimes it’s illegal or simply stupid to voice such opinions but it’s not illegal or stupid to have them.)
~*~
Even if a guy is convinced bottom, looks a lot like a girl, behaves in obviously very gay manner - he is still a guy.
Yes, gay men generally care more about their appearance (maybe average convinced bottom care more than an average girl) than straight men but that doesn’t make them (us) less masculine or more girly. (Some straight men, for example, have complexes against using cosmetics because they think it would make them girly. Or the idea of using cosmetics simply wouldn’t come to their straight minds.)
When you are writing a male character, you shouldn’t forget to mention some masculine traits - they can be small things - at least shaving or hairy hands/legs/chest or doing something that requires a lot of physical strength. Just don’t focus on them!!! That would look artificial.
When you write about a straight man having second thoughts (which is very interesting topic and there aren’t many good fics about it) you shouldn’t focus only on sexual attraction, because it’s kind of simple (though it works). I don’t know, maybe I hate the idea of being driven to someone only because of sex - he is so sexy I can’t think straight - is it interesting??? In my opinion, it’s kind of disgusting - as if a person is not a person but an animal! Think of something a bit more… sophisticated or subtextual. Don’t reduce men to mindless animals with hormones instead of brains. Remember, simplification is the shortest way to stupidity.
~*~
Try to encourage people to give you constructive criticism. If you’re not properly criticised, you’ll never get better at writing. Get as many different beta-readers as humanly possible. Different betas would see your fic from different points of view, which may result in making your fic more abstract, more literature-like. Make sure you have a gay man beta.
Some slashers say that they are writing their fics for women and thus have no need to be ‘correct’. Well, they are free to continue doing so, but… what for? To get reviews? I am writing this guide for those who actually want to get better at writing slash.
~*~
Michael Serpent was a brilliant man. Read his Golden Snitch - it may give you all the answers to gay stuff you’ll ever need.
~*~
For those who really want to understand the whole top/bottom thingy I’d recommend Brokeback Mountain - it may be not one of the best movies I’ve seen but it actually shows manly top and manly bottom.
Do you remember that scene in the tent? It was so hot, so passionate! With the touch of brutality. In other words, it was, you know, manly.
I watched Brokeback with my friend and I remember how she asked me in shocked whisper (referring to the scene in the tent), ‘Just like that?’ And I said, ‘Um, sort of- yeah, just like that. Did you expect roses and serenades?’ She was officially freaked out, but in the end she loved the movie more than I did. What I am trying to say is: if you don’t convince a reader that the guys are truly in love, then don’t make them do sappy things (it’ll look girly). (Unless, of course, you want your guys to be girly.)
~*~
I hate fluffy stories about sappy gits! In literature, fluff and sappiness and love must be justified by something. More often than not this something is angst. If you are trying to become a good writer, then don’t forget that you MUST PROVE EVERYTHING - every action, every phrase, every single word. That’s the way literature works. JK Rowling’s Harry Potter series is extremely entertaining… light-reading. Not literature.
Quote from Cassie Claire’s review of Order of the Phoenix: ‘Sirius’ death seemed so meaningless, so pointless, so undeserved - and yes, good people do die in this world, that’s a fact, and good deeds and love are not always rewarded and blah blah English Lit 101. But tell me you wouldn't feel disappointed if we opened book 6 with Harry accidentally being killed by a falling pot of begonias, forcing Neville to bravely carry on subsequently. Tell me you wouldn’t feel it was poor writing. Yes, it gets across the message that life is filled with unforeseen consequences, and that death comes to the deserving and the undeserving alike. Any of us could be run over by a bus at any moment. I am just not sure that this is a message that is particularly novel, interesting, or worth reading about.’ That’s so true.
There are many literary ways to prove your point and you’re more than welcome to invent your own ways of proving something. Remember that literature is much more about how something is written rather than what is written. That’s why it doesn’t really matter whose words you are using to prove your point. (Sorry for being ambiguous.)
~*~
Would it sound normal to you if people were having the following dialogue (partly stolen from Titanic):
‘You’re the best thing ever happened to me… and I am thankful for that, Rose.’
‘I love you, Jack.’
‘And I love the way you suck me off, babe.’
Please, don’t mix different styles, unless you want to show some sort of conflict. (It may turn out quite tricky to do so.)
Do not mix declarations of undying love with thorough descriptions of thick throbbing cocks. If you are writing a romantic story, change ‘dick’ to ‘hardness’, ‘wet hole’ to ‘entrance’, etc. - it’ll sound much better.
Write beautifully about beautiful things.
~*~
If you are writing a novel-length fic, main focus of which isn’t on sex, try not to include very hot stuff in the fic itself. In my opinion, it’s better to write pornish or erotic one-shots set in your fic’s universe. This way your readers won’t be distracted from the main plot, and if they feel like wanking reading hot stuff, they’ll read one-shots.
~*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~*~
Please note that there are practical parts of Slasher’s Guide to Gay Sex where I analysed different gay sex scenes ( Practical Lesson #1, Practical Lesson #2 and Practical Lesson #3).
~*~
This post will stay open for anyone who is interested in it. You are free to link to it - I am only asking you to inform me where you mentioned this post or me. Thank you.
Have a question? Ask!
Check out my critique on Minotaur’s guide for slash writers.