Practical Lesson #3
Many thanks to midnitemaraud_r and bryonyraven for providing us with their porn scenes.
Slasher’s Guide to Gay Sex:
practical lesson #3
WARNING: NC-17
Please note, that both of the authors volunteered for this project.
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In green -- stuff that, in my most humble opinion, could be considered ‘all right.’
In red -- stuff that, in my most humble opinion, needs some editing or cutting.
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Porn scene from Games People Play by midnitemaraud_r
He reached for the soap and heard the creak of the door hinges. A moment later Remus was behind him, his body pressed close, cock already hard against his arse, arms reaching around to take the soap from his hands.
"Let me," Remus murmured, turning Sirius to face him.
Sirius closed his eyes, sighing blissfully as the water beat a steady rhythm against his back while Remus' hands moved over his arms, chest, belly, and hips, his fingers and palms soothing and gentle. He held his breath momentarily, but Remus' fingers barely skimmed over the painful scorch mark, and he exhaled slowly, smiling when Remus' hands moved even lower.
Remus took a bit more time there, not that he was complaining. It felt far too good, the long, deft fingers stroking gently, cupping his bollocks, thumbs circling at the crease between groin and thigh. Sirius felt the briefest touch of lips to the tip of his cock before the hands moved further down to his thighs and calves.
"Turn around," Remus whispered, straightening up, his hands on Sirius' shoulders nudging him.
He opened his eyes and leaned his head forward, capturing Remus' mouth for a brief kiss - just the barest hint of tongue against his lips - before turning to face the wall, sluicing the soap from his body. Remus was already soaping his back, his fingers firm, massaging the aching muscles, his hands going lower, thumbs now digging blissfully into Sirius' lower back while his fingers pressed into his hips and down to his arse.
"Feels good, Moony. Ta," he mumbled, eyes closed again, bowing his head into the spray and letting the water pound against his skull. He straightened up after a moment, wiping the water from his eyes, and turned his head to look back over his shoulder.
"Your turn, now" he said with a hint of regret; Remus' hands felt wonderful on his skin and he was loath to move despite the urge to drag Remus off to their bed, wondering exactly what Remus had 'prepared' for them for tonight.
"In a bit," Remus replied, and Sirius could almost hear a smile in his voice. "Not finished with you just yet."
Remus leaned forward to put the soap back in the dish and kissed Sirius' cheek before stepping back and returning to his ministrations, moving his thumbs lower down and running them between his arse cheeks, rubbing, massaging. Remus nudged him forward so the shower spray ran over his back, and he braced his hands against the wall, watching his cock, hard and bobbing slightly while the soapy water spiralled down the drain below.
"Close your eyes," Remus said from behind him, and he complied. Remus pulled him back from the wall so that the water was beating down against his chest once more, and raised his arms above his head. There was the briefest of whispers and suddenly his wrists were tightly bound to the shower nozzle.
"Sly bastard," Sirius said, grinning.
Remus didn't reply. Sirius heard another whisper followed by a faint clattering on the tile floor.
Remus moved behind him once again and trailed kisses down his spine, licking at his wet skin. "You look so fucking beautiful like this," he murmured between kisses. "So wet. Taste so good."
Sirius moaned, knowing exactly what was coming next as Remus' hands once again moved between his arse cheeks, and he spread his legs as far as he could within the confines of the tub. The first touch of Remus' tongue made his cock literally jump and he pressed his palms together, leaning his head on his arm and sucking in a breath.
"Fuck yeah, Moony."
Remus, on his knees behind him, replied with a hum, spreading him open further. He closed his eyes. Remus was so fucking good at this, and what made it even better was that he truly loved doing it. He knew every inch of Sirius' body, knew exactly how to touch him or lick him just - "Oh! Right- oh, fuck! There! Yeah. Oh, God!"
His knees felt as fluid as the water, and he pushed back, thrusting against Remus' face, feeling his tongue as it dipped inside him, shallow at first, then deeper. The water was almost needle-sharp against his chest, his nipples growing more sensitive. He squirmed, his hands useless, unable to find much leverage.
Remus' hand clasped around his left ankle and gently tugged upward. He shifted his weight to keep his balance, leaning heavily on the shower nozzle, and lifted his leg, knee bent, foot resting comfortably on the flat side of the tub allowing Remus better access. Remus nearly growled in approval, pressing his tongue deeper inside, and Sirius shivered. The drumming of the water and the loud thrumming of his blood in his ears did nothing to mask the slick sucking humming noises coming from behind him, and he groaned, pressing his face harder against his bicep. He felt completely open and exposed and desperately in need of release.
"Please," he begged. "Fuck - please. Touch me Moony. Need it. Need to come."
If Remus heard, he gave no answer.
"Moony," he moaned. Remus only spread him wider and pressed his fingers into Sirius' hips, unrelenting.
"Fuck!" His cock ached to be touched. He wriggled, trying to hop backwards in an effort to direct the spray of water a little lower. He groaned when Remus pulled back and cried out as Remus slapped him sharply across his arse.
"Hush! Be still," Remus ordered. "Not finished with you."
He whimpered as Remus returned to his previous activities, his fingers digging in more forcibly, his tongue fucking him relentlessly.
"C'mon Remus. Oh God, you bastard. Fuck. Touch my cock, oh, please touch it, need to come, need to, need to- to…" He was babbling now, nearly sobbing, his arms tugging unconsciously against their bindings, his legs shaking. "Need to touch, let me touch, please Moony, let-"
Another slap landed across his bottom and he cried out again, but the sound was muffled as a gag magically materialized across his mouth, and suddenly Remus was standing behind him, tugging on the leather strap.
"You're a very bad boy, Sirius," he whispered, his voice husky. "I told you I wasn't finished. I was going to fuck you."
Sirius could feel Remus' cock rubbing against his arse, and he moaned.
"Yes, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Fuck you so hard, let you ride my cock," he purred. "Just the way you love it."
Sirius whimpered.
It’s far too long -- a reader can’t stay focused on what’s going on; and too many details are very distracting.
"But now…"
Sirius' hands were suddenly free and he was spun around so quickly, he nearly lost his balance. Remus steadied him and leaned over to turn off the tap. He rubbed his wrists, red where the bindings had dug into his skin in his struggles.
"On your knees," Remus ordered, pushing him down by his shoulders, and he fell to his knees, noticing with belated gratitude that Remus had placed a cushioning charm on the bottom of the tub.
Sirius watched Remus' face. He knew better than to touch himself now, though he was still achingly hard. He could feel Remus dragging his wand slowly over the gag, across his cheek and over his mouth. His eyes were dark, thoughtful, almost angry. He saw Remus flick his wrist, and the gag vanished.
He licked his lips.
Remus wasted no time. He tossed his wand aside, grabbed Sirius by his hair and plunged his cock into his mouth.
Sirius reached up to grasp Remus by his hips and closed his eyes.
"That's it, Sirius," Remus said, pulling back and thrusting shallowly. "A little more, just like that. I told you I was going to fuck you, fuck that pretty mouth of yours."
Sirius swallowed, relaxing his throat as Remus sped up his pace, thrusting deeper. He clenched his fingers, squeezing Remus' arse.
"Take it all. I know you can. Suck me. Yes, that's it, that's, oh yes, so good, so good."
Sirius swallowed again, listening to Remus' words becoming less coherent, and slid a finger inside him. He knew Remus was close, and was desperate to bring him off. His own cock was still so hard it was almost painful, and he fingered him roughly, tears of frustration prickling his eyes.
Remus was also thrusting roughly, his cock smooth and warm against Sirius' lips and tongue, slamming relentlessly against the back of his throat. His words were no more than a drawn out moan now, and Sirius clamped his lips tighter around Remus' cock, giving up any pretence of doing more than letting Remus simply fuck his mouth.
He pushed his finger in as far as he could, twisted it and hummed, and Remus was coming, gasping with a final thrust. Sirius swallowed again, mercifully without choking as Remus' movements slowed. The back of his throat was sore, but he continued to gently rub the flat of his tongue back and forth against the underside of Remus' cock.
Remus pulled out slowly and Sirius sank down on his heels, hands on his thighs, looking pleadingly up at Remus.
"Please, Moony," he rasped.
Remus knelt down in front of him and kissed him, tongue plunging where his cock had been only moments before. Sirius felt him take his hand and wrap it around his cock, and he nearly sobbed with relief. He stroked himself once, twice, and he was coming, his cries muffled into Remus' mouth.
Overall, the scene isn’t bad and if cut to 500-600 words would be quite good.
‘Remus wasted no time. He tossed his wand aside, grabbed Sirius by his hair and plunged his cock into his mouth’ -- and why Remus didn’t plunge his cock in Sirius’ ass?
‘He stroked himself once, twice, and he was coming’ -- a bit unlikely, because it’s been a while since he received a rim job and the pleasure that’d been built up during it most probably dissipated.
Anal sex would be more appropriate here from many points of view.
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Porn scene from Insubordination by bryonyraven
"Please." Percy swallowed again. "Please. Don't go."
Neville drew his wand from his robe pocket and cast Silencing charms around the room. Tucking it away, he retraced his steps until he stood once again in front of Percy. "All right, then."
And then Neville was kissing him again; light, feathery kisses that barely grazed his mouth, tongue flicking at the corners until Percy's lips parted in invitation, drawing him in. He didn't resist when Neville deepened the kiss, their lips slanting with increasing heat and urgency.
Neville slipped one hand between them, his fingers finding Percy's cock and stroking it lightly through his robes, smiling against Percy's lips when he moaned into his open mouth. Breaking the kiss, he slid his lips along Percy's jaw until he found his earlobe, nipping at the soft skin.
"I want to see you," he whispered. "I want you to undress for me while I watch."
Percy moaned again when Neville ran his tongue over his earlobe one last time before releasing him. He caught Percy's eyes as he reached for his robes with shaking fingers, undoing the clasps and shrugging it from his shoulders, letting the heavy fabric pool around his feet. Kicking the garment aside, Percy moved on to his crisp white shirt, then the expensive grey wool trousers, toeing off his carefully shined shoes before stepping out of the trousers. Still looking at Neville, he bent and removed his socks before straightening, his arms at his sides, trying and failing to prevent the blush creeping across his face and chest. He'd never felt so exposed, so vulnerable.
Neville touched his tongue to his bottom lip, his own cheeks flushed. "You're…wow."
Percy's blush deepened as Neville took him gently and turned him around, his hands warm as they kneaded at his arse. "Bend over the desk," Neville said hoarsely, "and spread your legs for me."
The voice was still quiet, almost disbelievingly shy, yet Neville's tone also held a note that made Percy want to obey. He bent, hands gripping the desk's edges, his cheek pressed against the polished mahogany; widening his stance as instructed. He heard a rustle of cloth, jumping slightly when Neville's palms touched the backs of his thighs.
"Sshhh, it's all right," Neville murmured. "It's going to be all right."
Percy forced himself to relax as Neville's hands grazed along his thighs, back to his buttocks, spreading them apart. He squeezed his eyes shut, wondering what was going to happen; and gasped when Neville licked along his cleft, circling around the puckered flesh of his anus. The sensation was amazing, incredible. Percy panted, wriggling against the waves of pleasure, his fingers tightening against the desk as Neville kissed, licked and sucked his hole.
Neville reached around, his tongue still working its magic, one hand closing around Percy's balls. He rolled them around his palm, fondling and stroking them, his thumb sliding along Percy's perineum over and over again. Percy's hips jerked, thrusting uncontrollably against the desk. He'd never been so damn hard in his life. Reaching down, he tried to take his cock in his hand, only to have Neville lightly slap it away. He heard someone moaning loudly, the sound raw and guttural; and realised that the noise was coming from him.
That delicious wet warmth on his hole retreated; and Percy's knees nearly buckled. Neville stroked one arse cheek in silent reassurance, his own breathing light and fast against Percy's skin. He heard Neville whisper a charm, and moments later felt cool, slick liquid being massaged into heated flesh, felt a blunt finger slip deep into him, thrusting and turning inside him with attentive care.
A second finger joined the first, curling and sliding and oh, Merlin, criss-crossing inside him. Percy gasped, mewling, pressing back against the maddeningly slow thrust of Neville's fingers stroking his channel, begging wordlessly for faster harder more…
"Like that, do you?" Neville breathed, his fingers crooking and hitting a spot that made Percy see stars, his mind going blank with pleasure.
"Ngh…oh…oh…ngh…" Percy pushed back against Neville's hand, trying to increase the speed.
"I'll take that as a yes," Neville said, and slid a third finger into him, tearing a cry of pure need from Percy's throat.
Percy thought he'd never felt such intensity of feeling as Neville stretched him, his fingers repeatedly gliding over his prostate, making him sob and shudder. The touch of Neville's lips at the base of his spine was like a brand, sending sparks shooting through him.
He moaned when Neville withdrew his fingers, moaned even more loudly when he felt something hard and blunt press against his entrance, pushing into him inch by slow, careful inch. Percy whined, gasping at the stretch and burn as Neville took possession of him, his hands caressing the small of his back in soothing circles.
"You're so tight," Neville groaned once he was fully seated inside him, as Percy clenched around his length. "Fuck, Percy, I've done virgins who weren't this tight…"
"I've only…ever topped," Percy confessed, gasping, still trying to acclimate himself to that alien fullness stretching his arse. Cautiously, he pushed his hips back, feeling Neville's cock move slightly, gliding over the lubrication slicking his channel; and was rewarded by another groan from Neville's throat.
"Fuck, Percy…" For the first time Percy heard his own need echoed in Neville's strained voice. "Fuck…you should've…said something…"
He pushed Percy's shoulders forward, one hand leaving his hip to wrap around his aching cock, stroking it roughly; and once again Percy found himself unable to think of anything more than the pleasure of that hot, slippery palm moving up and down his length…
…and then Neville was thrusting into his arse, and he couldn't think at all. There was only the feel of Neville's cock, rubbing against his prostate with each stroke, the heat of Neville's hand wrapped around his own cock, his own movements as he rocked back into each thrust before pushing forward into Neville's hand and he had never felt so good, so consumed with pleasure and want and pure, unadulterated need and oh Merlin he was going to come….
Percy howled, his hands scrabbling over the desk's surface, knocking quills and sheets of parchment into disarray as his balls contracted and he came, his hips jerking of their own volition as he spilled over Neville's hand, spilled onto the desk, sticky and warm and oh so good, so fucking good.
Neville released his cock in favour of gripping his hips, his nails digging into the soft skin as his thrusts became harder, faster, more arrhythmic, his breathing harsh and uneven. He slammed into Percy, once, twice more before coming himself with a low cry, bending over Percy's back and covering his shoulders with hot, open-mouthed kisses.
They lay there against the desk, breathing heavily for several long moments before Neville withdrew from Percy, pulling him upright. He wrapped his arms around Percy's waist, still mouthing soft kisses along his shoulders and spine.
Now, it was quite unexpected! The scene is actually good! There is some lack of action and it a bit too long, yes, but the author has great potential to become fandom’s Queen of Hotness. There are some minor details:
It’s unlikely that people who barely know each other would do such an intimate thing as rimming, although it’s possible.
‘he tried to take his cock in his hand, only to have Neville lightly slap it away’ -- cock or hand?
‘hitting a spot that made Percy see stars’ -- this doesn’t happen.