Eternal Contemplations (22/?)
Title: Eternal Contemplations
Author: fading_tales
Pairing: Damon/Blair (Vampire Diaries/Gossip Girl cross-over)
Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl or any of their characters.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Timing means nothing and everything when you have an eternity to live.
chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 ,14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21
Chapter Twenty-two
She blinks several times, but her vision is slow to clear. Everything is pulsating and the colors are so vivid that they hurt her head. She manages to get her eyes focused enough to see a blurry figure approach her bed.
"My… head…" she manages to croak out. She reaches a tentative hand to her forehead and instantly pain stabs her. Her whole body is hurting actually. The whirs and beeps of the machines around her seem magnified and they exacerbate her vertigo as she tries to sit up.
"Hey, hey! Careful there. Wouldn't want to tear the stitches. Just settle down, I'll go get you some water."
The blurry figure gets up and momentarily escapes her field of focus before coming back, gentling pushing a cold glass of water into her hands. She blinks several times before she can actually see her face, but she'd recognize that voice anywhere.
"Serena?"
"Hi, B." Serena offers her a weak smile that doesn't match her watery eyes. "You're awake."
"Where am I?" she asks groggily.
"At the hospital," she replies. "You got a nasty gash there and so they had to stitch you up. Nate's outside with your parents talking to the doctor and Chuck's on a coffee run."
She raises her hand to touch her forehead and follows several tubes connecting from various body parts to machines and overhanging miscellaneous mechanisms. Her fingers travel to a particularly painful and sensitive place right down the length of her chest. From what she could tell it looks as if it was from surgery and a rather serious one at that.
"Just a nasty gash?" She quirks one eyebrow in Serena's direction and smiles weakly.
Serena just looks back at her with watery eyes unable to answer.
"What… happened?" she inquires cautiously. She becomes preoccupied with thoughts of what would have happened if the police had found Katherine's body with her. How did she get here? What had happened to Damon? Where is he? A million questions buzzes about her muddle brain adding to her growing migraine.
Serena wipes away her tears and musters up enough composure to answer this time. "A hit-and-run. That's what Nate said. He was heading to your place and he saw you crossing the street when the car came out of nowhere. Do you remember anything?"
Blair knows it best to lie. It's a good thing she does it well. "No. It's all just blurriness."
"Well, don't dwell on it too much. You're going to need your strength."
Just then she hears the sound of the doorknob turn and instantly she's alert and struggling to sit up, massive headache and stitches be damned. Unfortunately, the head that peaks through the crack is blonde, not black.
"Hey. How are you feeling?" Nate inquires. "You look pale. I'll get a nurse come and check on you. Where's Chuck? He went out to get some food and coffee fifteen minutes ago." He's almost out the door again, but Blair stops him.
"It's okay. I'm a little sore, but I'll survive."
"You're a Waldorf," Serena interjects. "You can survive anything."
"Exactly." Blair tries smiling at him, but Nate looks distracted.
"You know what? I'll go check on Chuck and give you guys a minute," Serena excuses herself.
"Hey, Serena. Wait," Blair calls out after her.
Serena pauses at the threshold, one hand on the door.
"Thanks… for coming. I know you went back to boarding school. It must have been tough to get back here so quickly."
"Are you kidding me, B? I'd fly across the world and back for you. Just please promise me that you won't get hurt again."
Serena looks like she's teetering on the verge of crying again so Blair tries to smile and ward it off.
"The next time I get a paper cut you'll be the first person I text."
It doesn't quite work. Serena's dashing to her side the next moment, hugging her as gently as she could and wetting her shoulder with salty tears.
"Shh… shhhh," Blair soothes as she runs her fingers through Serena's hair. "I'm okay now. Just look at me, I'm fine."
"You don't look fine at all. You're at the hospital. We could've lost you. I wouldn't know what to do without you," Serena hiccups.
"Well you wouldn't be going around wearing that hideous grey sweater, that's for sure. Is… is that what they call a hoodie?" Blair jokes, wrinkling her nose.
That manages to get the blonde to crack a smile. "I borrowed it from Nate. I was in such a hurry to get here I didn't pack anything. It was a last resort."
"Glad to see that you all have your humor back," Nate injects. "Although I don't appreciate the insult to my sweater."
The girls laugh and they all share a genuine smile, the kind that best friends share. Her near death experience was probably the best thing that happened to fixed their broken friendship. All the awkwardness is gone, all the hurt and betrayal forgiven because in the end she knew that Serena and Nate would always be there for her.
With a last hug and a kiss on the cheek, Serena leaves them in a tornado of glossy blonde hair, the click of the door signaling her departure.
"You almost died you know?" Nate supplies after Serena's left the room.
"What… what happened to me?"
"A lot of bleeding and internal bruising. The doctor said it was severe myocardial contusion. You had surgery, but there were complications. Your heart... it was failing." Nate pauses for a moment before continuing. "You needed a transplant."
Blair swallows nervously, as bad as everything Nate has described she felt like he was still waiting to tell her the worst part.
"Needed?"
Nate sighs and averts his eyes, shifting them down to his leather Italian shoes.
"You were lucky. There was a match."
She doesn't feel convinced. She's waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"What are you not telling me?"
"Nothing. You were very lucky. I'm just happy you're going to be okay."
Nate tries smiling, but it's anything but believable.
"Then why do you look like you're about to throw up?" she accuses.
Nate gets up and paces about the room, running a hand through his hair mussing it even more than before.
"This is really hard."
"Just tell me," Blair coaxes. "Was there something wrong with the heart?"
Nate doesn't say anything.
"Whose heart was it?"
Silence once again answers her question.
"Nate," she warns. "What's going on? You're making me nervous. Who was the donor?"
Nate stops his pace, looks her straight in the eye and changed her world forever with his next two words.
"Damon Salvatore," he answers as he hands over Damon's lapis lazuli ring to her.
xxx
Chuck and Serena make their belated appearance with Stefan and Elena following close behind. It's the first time they are all in the same room.
"How is she?" Serena asks Nate.
"Not good…"
"What's the diagnosis?"Chuck looks disheveled and not at all his usual dandy self.
Just as the question leaves young Bass's lips the doctor comes bursting through the doors once more.
"She needs a new heart."
"Blair needs a new heart," Nate repeats.
"Yeah, we all hear the doctor, Sherlock," Damon chides.
The doctor goes about on a long-winded explanation about myocardial contusions and heart failure. In the end the bottomline is that without a new heart Blair is going to die and that was unacceptable.
"Oh my god," Serena gasps, unable to hold back the tears.
"Well then what's the problem? Let's pull some strings and get her a new fucking heart!" Chuck is already on his phone trying to fix everything with his Bass trust fund.
"It's not that easy… There's lists and the heart has to match and-"the doctor tries to rationalize.
"She's going to die and you're standing her talking about lists?" Damon lashes out.
"We know, Damon. Just calm down," Stefan soothes.
"No! I will not calm down. Blair needs a new heart and I'm going to get her one."
Damon walks out on them, but Stefan goes after him.
"Hey! Hey!" Stefan reaches for his arm, but Damon shrugs it off violently.
"What?"
"What are you going to do? Go out and rip apart people until you find her a match?"
"If that's what it takes." He's dead serious.
"You can't do that, Damon."
"Why not?"
"She would never be able to live knowing that you killed somebody innocent to save her."
"Sure she could! She'd take it as a grand romantic gesture!"
"Damon."
"Then what, Stefan? What can I do? I'm going to lose her." His voice cracks, the desperation reverberating off the hospital walls.
"I don't know, Damon. I really don't know."
"I do."
They both turn around to look at Bonnie who glances about nervously. The intensity of Damon's gaze makes her regret following them and speaking aloud when she hasn't thought things through.
"No, nevermind. It's a stupid, insane idea."
"No, tell us! Stupid and insane is exactly what we need right now."
"No, it's crazy!"
"Bonnie! If it can save her then what's stopping us?"
"Because she wouldn't want this."
"You don't know what she wants!"
"She wants you to live. She doesn't want you to sacrifice yourself for her sake. Because what I'm about to suggest is crazy! It might not even work!"
"Just tell me what to do, Bonnie. Tell me and I'll do anything. As long as she lives. It doesn't matter. What do I have to do?
"Well… you could give her your heart."
"You're right, Bonnie. That is crazy," Stefan chides. "Damon! We're vampires and we can heal, but we're not invincible! We need hearts to live. You'd die!"
"I'll do it." He doesn't even think twice.
"Well hopefully if the spells works correctly then he won't die," Bonnie says not so reassuringly.
"See? All good! You're being a worrywart, Stefan."
"She said 'if', Damon," his brother retorts. Turning to Bonnie Stefan says, "What are the chances of the spell not working."
"Spells," Bonnie correct. "There's one to make Damon's heart viable for human transplantation and then another to make so that his body goes into hyper healing so that it can hopefully grow a new heart before he dies."
"Grow a new heart?" Stefan repeats.
"The spell is kind of like steroids for the vampire healing ability. Hypothetically… by speeding up his healing power his body should be able to regenerate a new heart before he's…" Bonnie pauses to search for a better way of describing what happens if Damon doesn't heal in time other than dead since he technically already was. "Before he's really dead." She finishes lamely."It's a fifty-fifty shot."
"It's fine," Damon coaxes his brother. He turns to Bonnie and repeats his conviction despite Stefan's ongoing protests. "I'll do it."
"There's just one more thing…"
Stefan throws up his hand in the air. "What else could this idiotic plan need?"
"We need to human blood for Blair's blood transfusion to make sure the spell circulates through her body."
"We're in a hospital. I'm sure we can find a bag or two," Damon answers flippantly.
Bonnie shakes her head. "I need it to be from a live source."
"You witches and your spells. Can't make it simple, can you? Is it ever just one ingredient? No, it has to be everything under the sun and a sink to boot!"
"These spells are not exactly easy as cake, Damon." Bonnie shoots him an impatient glare. "The more ingredients there are the more organic the spell and the less power I have to waste. Therefore the more magic I'll have in case something goes wrong. Which means the less likely you are to die."
"And where do you suppose we find our willing human donor?" Stefan interrupts.
"From me."
They all whirl around to find Nate Archibald standing in the middle of the hall way, his expression defiant and a breathless Elena by his side.
"I'm sorry. I tried to stop him," Elena apologizes.
"It's okay, Elena," Stefan reassures.
"No it's not 'okay'! She's supposed to keep the humans occupied," Damon chastises.
Stefan shoots his brother a glare to which Damon merely glares back.
"Look, I don't really understand what's going on, but whatever you can do to save Blair then I'll do it," Nate declares.
"How long have you been eavesdropping?" Damon hisses.
Within seconds Damon was across the room and standing domineeringly right in front of Nate. The blonde swallows nervously, but stands his ground.
"Does it matter? I'm what you need and I'm volunteering."
"We don't need you," Damon hisses.
"You don't get to make the decisions. I'm her fiancé! I love her and I'm not going to let her die!"
Before he knows it Nate has himself pinned two feet up against the wall. He kicks his feet but only lands on air, choking and trying to claw away at the two cold hands wrapped around his neck. Stefan struggles to make Damon remove his grip, but it's like a steel trap.
"You have no right to say you love her. Your so called 'love' was fabrication. You were compelled by Katherine you insignificant little-"
"Damon! Stop you're going to kill him!" Bonnie screams.
"Tell me. What were you doing when she needed you huh? You were supposed to meet with her. You were supposed to be there. You should've been the one that's on the hospital bed!"
Nate doesn't have a chance to answer because of the pair of iron hands around his throat, not that he has an answer anyways. It's true, he should've been there and he hates himself for it.
"Don't be selfish, Damon. You're not the only one that cares about Blair," Bonnie scolds. "Let him go!"
"He doesn't deserve her!"
"It doesn't matter. He's what we need. We can save her, Damon! If you kill him then you'll lose her forever!" Bonnie reasons.
"There are other humans we can use," Damon throws back.
"But she won't forgive you if you kill him," Elena points out.
Damon smiles humorlessly. "Then I won't kill him. I'll just hurt him a little."
"Come on. We get it. You're upset. But anymore time wasted on him is time Blair doesn't have," Stefan points out.
With a snarl Damon releases his iron grip around Nate's throat. The young Archibald falls to his knees coughing and choking. Stefan kneels by his side to check the damages as Damon turns his back to them.
"I-I love her. You may say otherwise, but I love her. I feel it. I know it," Nate rasps."And I just want to save her as much as you do."
Damon turns back to look at Nate, the two locking eyes. "Well then here's your chance to prove it."
xxx
Nate shuts the door to Blair's hospital room behind him and sighs.
"What did you tell her?"
Nate turns to face Damon's anxious face.
"Everything you told me to."
Damon nods. "It's for the best."
Nate thought it was insane lying to Blair. She'd never believe him, but Damon had insisted and everyone had agreed. It was for the best. That's what he kept hearing. "It's for the best." But he isn't quite sure what the best really is anymore.
"Are you sure you should be walking around?"
"Worried about me now, Archibald? Just because I'm letting you live don't mean we're suddenly going to braid each other's hair and make friendship bracelets."
"She… she was pretty upset."
"You gave her the ring didn't you?"
"Yeah. But, I don't know if she believes it or not. I'm not a good liar."
"I know," Damon jibes.
"Hey, I did what you told me to! I did my best okay? It hasn't been easy you know?"
"I know! Alright, I know! You think I don't know how hard it has been?"
"Well… as long as you know," Nate answers lamely, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "What's with the ring though? She sort of freaked when she saw it."
"Well it's sorta the thing that keeps me for burning up in the sunlight."
"Do vampires really burn in the sun?"
"Yes, Nate. They do."
"I thought they sparkled."
"You've been reading too much Stephanie Meyer."
"Who's that? Is that Robert Pattinson's agent or something?"
"Nevermind."
"I still can't believe you're a vampire."
"I still can't believe you know."
"Why do I? Why haven't you killed me or erased my memory or something."
Damon sighs exasperatedly. "As much as I'd like to rip your pretty little blonde head off, Blair cares about you. And you seem to care about her… even with your past indiscretions."
"What happened with Serena is in the past."
"I don't need to hear your excuses. As long as Blair's your number one priority now, it's all that matters."
"Okay. So you're not going to kill me?"
"No. I guess not." Damon says it so regrettably that Nate doubts his sincerity. "She needs you to protect her."
"But isn't it over? I thought you said you killed Elena's evil twin or whatever."
"Doesn't matter. Katherine may be dead, but there will be others. There will always be others. That's how our world works. She's better off with you."
"What does that got to do with lying to Blair that you're dead?"
"Well, technically it's not a lie since I already am dead."
"You know what I mean. Why can't you protect her?"
"Because it's my fault she's in here in the first place. I tried to blame you, but I knew that in the end she got hurt because of me. I'm a risk to her. If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly Mr. Sunshine."
"You? Really? I couldn't tell."
"I have enemies. There are people who would try and use her to get to me. People who would want to kill her if they find out what she is and another million different reasons why she wouldn't be safe if she keeps hanging out with vampires. As long as I am what I am and she's mortal, her life will be in danger because of me. She's not supposed to live on the run. She belongs in the limelight, the society pages, at parties and in ball gowns. It's better if I just get out of her life."
"Don't you think that's a decision she should make herself?"
Damon scoffs. "She'd think so, but it doesn't matter. I can't let her decide this one."
He won't hold her dying in his arms again. He can't face it. He'd rather not have her at all than to face that again. He might come to resent his decision now, but its okay. He'll have an eternity to mull it over. An eternity of contemplations of a life that could have been. With a girl who could have been the love of his life, is the love of his. He's fine with just contemplating so long as she's safe and happy, even if it's not with him.
"It's for the best," he says automatically.
"You keep saying that as if you're trying to convince yourself," Nate points out in a rare demonstration of being observant.
Damon rolls his eyes as if he's seriously reconsidering letting Nate live.
"I love her. Enough to let her go."
"You're not the only one in the world that loves Blair, you know," Nate points out. "I love her, too. Maybe not as much as you do, but I love her. And I will protect her the best way I know how."
"You better."
Nate snorts. He was naïve if he thought he could get some kind of approval. What did he think they were doing? Having a man-to-man, heart-to-heart? Damon doesn't have a heart. Not anymore anyways. It's currently residing inside Blair Waldorf's chest.
"I should go tell her parents that she's awake now. I guess this is goodbye then. I'll… not see you around," Nate finishes lamely before starting to walk off.
"Hey, Nate."
Nate turns around.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Without another word, Damon Salvatore vanishes in front of his eyes.
On the other side of the hospital door, Blair is smothering her sobs with the back of the hand, her hospital issued pillow soaked through.
xxx
It's been nearly a week since the events that caused her hospitalization. Blair's recovery had been deemed a miracle by the medical authorities.
"It's as if you came back from the dead!" They announce.
Nobody had ever healed so fast. The only remnant of what happened is the pale white transplant scar down the middle of her chest. It's the only imperfection on an otherwise completely healthy, beautiful body. Serena catches her tracing it one day as a nurse checks her vitals.
"You know there's this plastic surgeon in California," Serena starts, but Blair stops her.
"I kind of… like it," she admits shyly.
It was a battle scar, a symbol of all she's been through and all she's won and lost. But most of all it reminds her everyday who she has to thank for being alive. Even if the feeling is bittersweet, even if she thought it was the stupidest thing he could have ever done, the most idiotic of grand romantic gestures. She needs it to remind her that inside her chest Damon Salvatore's heart beats on.
Despite all the enthusiasm the hospital still argued against her discharged, but she had argued back that with the comforts of the Waldorf estate she would probably be in better care at home than at a (cringe) public hospital. Still the protestations continued until Eleanor and Harold wrote them a check for a new hospital wing. They shut up after that.
She returns home expecting to see carnage. She imagines blood stained walls, shattered glass littering the marble floor, their razor sharp edges catching the light of the broken chandelier and glinting like diamonds. Instead she walks dazedly into a perfectly put together room straight out of an expensive interior design showroom catalogue.
She walks up the stairs feeling as if her knees would give out any minute. She remembers tumbling down them like a rag doll. Nate holds her hand as she looks up at the white double doors to her bedroom that Katherine had violently shoved her through. She winces when she remembers how hard her head had hit the floor when she fell, how the sickening crack had reverberated against the high ceilings and how she was so very sure that she was going to die that day.
"Are you sure you're okay? We can go back to my place if you want," Serena offers.
"I'm fine," she answers automatically even though her hands were shaking.
She doesn't look convince, but Serena obligingly pulls open the doors and ushers her friend inside.
Blair swallows. Much like the room downstairs her bedroom looks untouched by the horrific events that had occurred that resulted in her near death. It makes her want to vomit. It's as if everything that had happened to her is getting erased, as if nothing ever really happened at all.
She's shivering again even though the heater is on and the room is very warm. Suddenly she feels fingers lacing through her own and squeezing affectionately. She looks up to see Nate's sea glass blue eyes looking down at her and she feels a little better.
Meanwhile Chuck makes himself comfortable in her leather armchair.
"Don't you have somewhere to be? Some virgins to deflower in the back of your limo or something?" she tries glibly.
"Nope," he answers cheekily. "Today, I'm all yours, Waldorf. Now before you get all excited, remember the doctor said you are supposed to avoid strenuous activity," he adds with a wink.
He props his legs on her nightstand and smirks at her when she glares at him as if challenging her to try and kick him out because he has assumed his battle stance and he's not going anywhere so she can just stay put and make it easy on the both of them. She settles with throwing a pillow at him which he catches and uses it to prop his head.
Nate sits her down on her bed and wraps the 100% cashmere throw over her shoulders. She closes her eyes and falls asleep to the beating of her new heart.
A/N: I have about two chapters left before the conclusion. Hopefully it'll be a satisfying one. But don't worry I have an idea for another Damon/Blair story for all of you who crave some more crossover. =D As always I owe you guys so much thanks for all the support and feedback. This story wouldn't happen without all you readers! =)