Last night I had a dream in which Darth Vader told me that Chewbacca's constant propinquity to sudden emotional outburst is rooted in the psychological damage done to him by the over-accelerated infant potty training schedule required for integration into human society.

My son and I have been listening to the Tom Waits album "Small Change" during bath-time recently. Every time he gets out of the tub, he picks up the CD case, points his finger at the exotic dancer, and declares, "Boob."

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You know it's time to watch your language when the 18-month old in the house says, "Shit!?"

Before becoming the father of a boy I never intentionally explored my masculinity. This should come as no surprise to those of you who have seen me intentionally wear women's clothing (usually on stage, in front of an audience, to maximize the humiliation). After my son was born, I grew a beard. That was just the beginning. I also bathe less, ( Read more... )

Last night, on a whim, I went to a heavy metal show at the Outback Lodge. Pelican with Black Cobra and Unearthly Trance. Pelican was about as intimidating as the bird itself, but they are a skilled quartet who blast out some engaging instrumental compositions. Unearthly Trance was rather sludgy doomy metal. And Black Cobra was easily the most ( Read more... )

Many cultures have giant flood stories. Noah and his Ark, of course, is one. I have read several others. Thus far in my reading, no one does it better than Ovid in the "Metamorphoses ( Read more... )

Do you remember that guy who wrote and starred in the TV Show "Get A Life"? Also, the film "Cabin Boy." Chris Elliott is most probably a TV/film writer and so-called actor, but apparently he wrote a novel. And allegedly, I read it. It is reportedly called Shroud of the Thwacker. And vicious rumors have been spread about it making me laugh out ( Read more... )

Dear LiveJournal,

Seein' as it's Valentine's Day and all, I thought I'd come clean with you. I been cheatin' on you with Facebook this week. I'm not askin' for your forgiveness. But maybe next week, we can forget this ever happened.

Yours Truly,
Spanky

p.s. See LJ? I even used your secret name for me. I won't forget you.

Happy Birthday to krasota
You live in Minnesota
You look like the giant
and you smell like...um...deuteromycota.


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When my son asks me where babies come from, I will tell him that a man and woman must engage in a voodoo love dance. The male choreography was pioneered by Elvis Presley. Prior to that, babies emerged from sunflowers. You'll have to ask your mother who invented the female choreography. And if you find you like that side of the dance better, let ( Read more... )