001 [AUDIO] DAY 15 - MORNING

[biobitching]

[HERE have the sound of someone who woke up outside and immediately jumped to conclusions. Her voice is ragged, panic just barely contained under the raaaage.]

This some kind of a fucking joke, Shepard? Or did your pal the Illusive Man put you up to this? [The slightest of pauses, and then:] Should’ve fucking known…

Is that it? Think I’m going to

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[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

Eheh? You think some Shepard is behind this?

[Yeah, the splattering brains against the wall part really didn't bother her as much as it should have.]

I think you have to worry more about fucking monsters and ghosts here more though, rather than being experimented on, heeheeheehee...

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

Yeah, heheh. I was dealing with mostly local rebels, although my ultimate goal was to kill one man.

What about you? Got someone you were after too?

[voice]

[biobitching]

Rebels, huh? Good for them.

Me, I got lots of people. [...] They'll all die, one way or another.

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

Maybe; I didn't care, one way or the other. Heheh, a job is a job.

It was usually the same for me as well. I never cared for the military much at all, but at least they gave me the means to never have to worry about protecting myself ever again.

[voice]

[biobitching]

Funny, I heard the exact same thing from Turian cops-- before we shot them out of the sky. I never had anyone looking out for me, so I learned to protect myself. [Rawr rawr growing increasingly belligerent.]

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

It's the same for me -- hahaha -- some other woman here suggest I find a boyfriend to protect myself, but I hardly think that'd work. Especially how miserable she's become after he disappeared. [YEP. She hasn't exactly aced empathy yet.]

What are "turians" anyway?

[voice]

[biobitching]

[Jack snorts. For this, they can be on the same page.] That shit's a waste of time. Never works out-- let someone that close, only means they need a shorter knife.

[The most incredulous 'are you an idiot' look from Jack.]

Never seen a turian before? First Contact War ring any bells? Gray? Scaly? Looks like they got shat out the ass-end of the ugly tree?

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

Heh, probably. I wouldn't know. Heehee -- I do know though that you can't really depend on anyone but yourself. It's easier to keep yourself alive than it is to hope that someone else does.

[She thought hard about all of the suggestions that Jack threw at her, but none of them seemed familiar.]

No, none of those ring any bells at all. Eheh -- hey, what year are you from anyway?

[voice]

[biobitching]

[She's a bit slow on the update, but it's starting to dawn on Jack that all the confusion-- all the little things that didn't add up, little things Laughing Octopus didn't seem to recognize, all these things were more than sheer dumb ignorance.]

[...]

2185.

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

[Whoa. She gives the camera an impressed look.]

Wow -- heehee -- you're even farther along in time, than I am! Way farther ahead.

Basically, none of what you've experienced has probably happened here -- or at least not yet.

[voice]

[biobitching]

...What, that's supposed to be normal around here? 'Hey, you're from the fucking future!', and then everyone claps and moves on? That's just fucked up.

When the hell are you from, anyway?

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

I'm still trying to figure out what's "normal" around here, heheh! [Especially considering this was the first time she had been out of her suit in at least four years.]

It is fucked up, I'm not going to deny that. As for me though, I'm from 2014. Not anywhere near your time, but at least I'm not from five hundred years in the past like some people.

[voice]

[biobitching]

Bullshit. [Automatic response, Jack is too shocked to say much else.]

That's... fuck, I don't know. [RACKING HER BRAINS FOR A MOMENT HERE] Back when idiots went clanking around in tin buckets and drew pictures on caves and shit. And 2014... twenty-first century, so before people fucked up Earth so bad that nobody could breathe a damn thing.

[A true historian, this one.]

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

They fucked it up that badly? Heh...heheh...I guess I can't say I'm too shocked. I'm more surprised that everyone hasn't killed each other yet, really.

So - where the hell do people live anyway?

[voice]

[biobitching]

[She snorts.] I don't know, never gave a damn about ancient history. It's all old farts and stupid decisions. People still live on Earth so maybe it wasn't so bad. Or they fixed it. Something.

Mostly people moved on, colonies on other planets, the Citadel, ships. And politics are even worse now that aliens are involved.

[voice]

[deceptive_lulz]

They found other planets to live on?! Heh. Sounds insane if you ask me, but it sounds really cool.

[small pause.] Traveling to other planets is only something we can dream of, even in my time.