[FIC] Reborn!: Lined Conversation

[evocates]

FFFF D-day is confirmed. NOT THINKING ABOUT IT so here, have some fic. 8)

I need some serious titling skills. I FAIL AT THEM.

Lined Conversation

Comments

[pollinia]

Oh, bb, this is so sneaky.

I love the interaction here, the set-up and the tear-down of Hibari's strength at Reborn's feet. (The subtle inclusion of the sound of the burning building in the background was a great touch; it drew so much weight into the contrast.)

The dialogue is sharp, the mood is heavy, and as always your Hibari sounds and behaves like the Hibari in canon. The short, clipped sentences, the body stance always on guard--you do this so well.

Adore this. ♥

[evocates]

eeee /snugs Thank you for the beta, bb. I haven't mentioned that, right?

YAY you noticed the contrast! The whole first part was a set up, really, to show how strong Hibari is, yet... 8)

Thank you so mich!/hugs!

[jusrecht]

I love you so much right now. askfjsgk Writing about this pre-TYL!arc that Amano left to our imagination *bows down to your mightiness*

Your Hibari, he's sharp and violent and everything that he should be. And I'm very intrigued with the way you write Reborn. Now that I think of it, it's logical that Reborn asked that of Hibari. I used to take it for granted that TYL!Hibari had changed enough that he was willing to train Tsuna, but seriously, this is a great explanation WHY.

Write moar please ♥

And why do I want to see Reborn/Hibari now? XDDD

[evocates]

rdfhd Thank you!!! God I do love the pre-TYL period. So full of the pure danger and seriousness of TYL, the air of something heavy and dark looming in the horizon, all the plotting and planning and mafia. Or at least, that's how I see it.

HAHA nah, not really. I don't see him as ever being willing to train anyone. 8) This piece actually fits pretty well with What is Needed (the 1827 lmfao), now that I think of it. Ah well.

Will do, sooner or later. /looks at to-do list of fics xDDD

Thank you so much! ♥

... Well. There's NOTHING of it anywhere but uh- I have written pseudo-Reborn/Hibari in the form of SupermodelAU? idek lol. /snugs

[tyreling]

Oh. Wow! Wow! Wow! I love this! The atmostphere, Hibari, the interaction, Reborn, the message, Hibari, the description, the many little details, and Hibari. 8D I'm really, really impressed about this one shot! This fits so well with canon. <333

[evocates]

So many Hibaris! 8DDD I'm really glad you like it. It's so flattering to know that it fits well with canon, because it is supposed to be part of it. Hee.

Thank you! ♥

[starkissed]

And this is where I nitpick at your grammar and wording. Hope you don't mind too much. Some of this is just my personal preference, I suppose. |D Hey bb. 8) ♥

solitary light bulb, hanging on the ceiling → solitary light bulb hanging from the ceiling

decorated by specks of grit → decorated with...

The corpse (brown hair, who had always moved with his left foot first, followed by the shoulder when he shot) → This sounds awkward. Perhaps something like, "The corpse (it had brown hair, had always moved with its left foot first, had followed with the shoulder when he shot)..."? Because a corpse is something not alive and therefore has no gender, and we're talking about what he/it was like in the past, hence the tenses.

four out of five of the Castellano’s bases → four of the five Castellano bases...

Our ten years younger will be arriving soon → ten years younger what?

“They will grow stronger; stronger than what they are now.

“You’re not content with second-rate strength, are you?” → This part seems just a bit too abrupt (even if

[evocates]

FIXED all except the corpse one. That one's more of a stylistic choice, I guess. I went with the 'he' to retain the humanity in it. Besides, Hibari noticed the man moving, not the corpse. ^^

[starkissed]

:"D ♥

[starkissed]

And now for the general feel and characterization