A place to grow ... (Chapter 13)
Author: Everything_Once
Pairing: Katie/Effy, Naomy/Emily and some others ...
Rating: M
Warnings: Swearing and some Book spoilers
Summary: How to grow up, when you're not really sure that it's what you want ...
Disclamer: Skins isn't my property, even if I secretly wish so! At the moment I pretty much own nothing ...
LiveJournal: http://everything-once.livejournal.com/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/everything_once
Attention : Sorry for my English, I'm French so I'm totally responsible for every mistake ! Help me ... And please review cause I'm totally new at writing and it scares the shit out of me to be really crappy at it !
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Chapter Thirteen
***Katie’s thoughts***
When Effy opens the door of the room, it’s just too much for me.
I cannot fight against the pain and sorrow that I have in me since I know that I can no longer bear children.
I immediately feel the tears pour.
I gotta go, I must hide myself.
I am unable to stay there.
She’ll ask why I’m crying. And I can’t tell her the truth!
I cannot, not yet.
I'm too ashamed!
I release her hand and I rush into the girls' room.
I shut the door and I collapse in tears against the door.
I have no strength to go to the bed ...
Almost instantly Effy is behind the door and tries to open it.
'K. if you do not like it or if ... "
"No, its wonderful ... Eff, can you please go away ... leave me alone …"
I have trouble talking in the middle of this flood of tears.
My body shakes and I can no longer control it.
“K. let me in ... "
"I can’t Eff…"
"Why?»
The intensity of my tears redoubles.
I hear that Eff sits against the door as well.
I can almost feel the warmth of her body against mine.
Then I hear that she puts a hand on the door. So I try to put mine at the exact same place.
"Katie! I beg you! Tell me what happens, you are frightening me ..."
"I prefer to make you afraid that ashamed or pity ..."
"Katie you will never be able to make me ashamed or pity about you. NEVER! I’m begging K. open the door to me! "
Effy is crying too now.
Because of me ...
Despite my own grief, I cannot bear to hear her cry.
So I get up and I open the door.
Before she enters the room, I rush to the bed.
I am in a ball on the sheets, when I feel Eff slowly setting behind me.
She passes her hand gently through my hair.
She kisses me tenderly on the neck, and continues to kiss up delicately to my ears.
I'm still crying when she whispers in my ear:
"Baby, tell me ... I'm here ... I will not go ... you can tell me anything ... just talk to me … please…"
I cannot bring myself to look into her eyes to tell her what I have to say.
So I don’t move and I begin to speak, my voice is so weak that I barely hear myself.
"I cannot have children ... I will never be a mother ... even that simple thing … I will not be able to be a fucking mother… I’m useless ... well maybe it's better that way… I’ll certainly be a terrible mother! "
The intensity of my sobs redoubles. But I cannot stop talking.
I’ve to get rid of this wave of words that spills me from the inside.
"... I'm so ashamed, Eff ... it's my fault, I'm sure ... I'm a monster ..."
Then I feel her hands on me, she turns me so I’m facing her.
I lower my head.
I cannot bring myself to look into her eyes.
Especially now that she knows my worst secret.
Without saying a word, she is touching my head, caressing my cheek, wiping away my tears.
I close my eyes.
I am not able to see the disgust and rejection in her eyes.
It would be too bad!
I will not be able to stand it...
I feel that she kisses my closed eyes.
My body trembles, my muscles are so tense that it hurts.
I can no longer control the flow of my tears.
I try to control myself so I push my fingernails as strongly as possible on my thighs.
I hope that the pain will replace the shame.
Then I feel Effy taking my hands in hers.
She brings them to her mouth and gently, without a word, without a breath, she kisses each of my fingers before placing my hands against her cheek.
This gesture is so gentle, so tender and yet so powerful that it forces me to open my eyes.
I cannot believe what she has just done.
And while I thought that her eyes will show disgust all I can see is … it's impossible …it can’t be … love "Katie look at me and listen to me ..."
"I will never feel that way towards you, or even be able of judging you! This is me! Effy Stonem, I think I'll be a little bit weird considering who I am. And ... I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother ... "
"But I ..."
"No, you may not be able to conceive children, but that does not mean that you cannot have children! You're Katie Fitch, right? Nothing is impossible for Katie Fucking Fitch, you are strong, you are a fighter, so it won’t stop you from achieving your dreams and start a family! I know it... I feel it! And I am sure that your children will be proud of their mother ... so proud that I can be ... "
I am completely stunned by what she is saying.
I never saw her so open before.
There are so many things I want to say right now, but I have no strength.
Instead I snuggle myself in her arms.
She embraces me, and her right hand gently massages my head while her left hand walks slowly down my arm.
These movements are so soft and delicate that I hardly feel them.
But they rocked me and I begin to relax myself and I gently fall asleep.
"Shhh, it's ok, sleep a little. And don’t worry I am there and I don’t think about leaving you even for a second!”
"Thank Eff. I couldn’t keep it to myself especially with the arrival of Tom "
"Its nothing. Nobody else knows? "
"Only my mother ... And when I’ve saw her reaction I did not dare to speak to others. "
Oh K… promise me you’ll never hide anything from me anymore... "
"I promise. "
“K. , I know you probably don’t want to hear it now but I gotta say it anyway. You should talk with Ems, she’s your twin sister she must know, and you need her! "
"I know ... but later… Now I just can’t ..."
"Okay."
***Effy’s thoughts***
Katie is sleeping in my arms for several hours now.
I have not even closed my eyes.
I'm also exhausted but I cannot think about me for the moment.
All that matters is her.
Her sleep was not quiet, she was awakened several times in tears and I suppose this is not the first time.
Suddenly my phone starts to vibrate.
I take it in hand careful not to awake her.
Before I get it I check her, to be sure she’s still sleeping.
"Hello. "
"Eff, finally! What the fuck were you doing? I’ve tried to call Katie at least three times! "
Emily seems rather nervous.
I decrease the volume of the phone and whispers:
"Sorry Ems we have been pretty busy with the preparation of the room and everything ..."
"Great, we’re coming back. Sarah really didn’t feel well at all and she felt more able to see Tom and to impose her condition to him. So suddenly we decided to bring him home tonight. Is everything ready? "
"Yes. "
"Great, he really will need a bed, he is so exhausted … poor baby ... "
"I guess so. "
"Can you pass me Katie? "
"Uh ... I think that ... well ..."
"I must speak to her is important. Pass her to me! "
"Ok, one second ..."
I gently begin to loosen my grip on Katie.
I stroke her arm, she’s not moving.
Then I gently begin to kiss her neck, I know she loves that feeling.
Slowly she opens her eyes.
They are still red and swollen.
"Eff, baby, what happens? "
I show her the phone.
"Your sister wants to talk to you. They are coming back. You think it will go, or you want to go spend the night somewhere else? "
"No, it's nice but it will be alright ... thank you ... for everything ... "
I kiss her passionately and then I pass her the telephone.
"Hello. "
“Well, it's not too early! Listen the parents don’t know about Tom yet. So don’t talk to them, agree? we will take him tomorrow for the family dinner. Ok? "
"Ems you really think it's a good idea? "
"I truly believe that no idea will be good with mom anyway ...so …"
"Okay. Listen Eff and I will come with you to support you! "
"Ok, thank you! Look I have to go, he starts to wake up …”
"Ok bye."
She hangs up and goes back into my arms.
She leaves butterflies kisses in my neck, and I begin to close my eyes and soon I’m asleep.
Now I can, she’s better...
I’ll do my best to upload it again soon, but maybe some reviews will help me my motivation! ! !
I’m kind of scared by the fact that almost no one is reviewing it …