Continued from APHDROOC Ass-Kicking Meme

[evenburnssouls]

[He could have gone to his room, but quite frankly that would guarantee a disastrous ending to this idea. His bed is big enough for two adults, assuming they don't intend on too much movement or being too far from each other. It is not big enough for any sort of strenuous physical activity involving two adults

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[freddygetyergun]

[Alfred follows, of course. He almost bumps into Arthur when he stops inside the room, though. Uh, maybe... yeah. He closes the door behind 'em.]

... I... uh. [COME ON, BRAIN, WORK. The head is clearly getting some decent bloodflow because his face is getting quite red but THE BRAIN REFUSES TO WORK.] ... usually ... have a couple first.

[evenburnssouls]

We are not doing this drunk. If only because that will make the chances of my becoming aroused even lower than a snowball's chance in Hell. So what do you do after you've had a couple and get the lucky bastard back to your place?

[...Come to think of it, his luck would be that for all Alfred is an overbearing egotist prick, he prefers to bottom. He prays that this is not the case, because that will make this about ten million times more difficult than it already is.]

[freddygetyergun]

Oh we go to their place, I don't take people back to mine. [When has luck ever been on your side, Artie? Name three times.] Uh, depends on what they're into. Sometimes we make out first and just dry hump on a couch or something and maybe have sex later, sometimes I go down on 'em, this one guy had all these ropes and shit but was really into tickling-

[evenburnssouls]

Right, well, unless falling off the bed is your idea of a good time, we should probably either stay here or find an unoccupied room and-

[...God damn it. He can make it to three if he includes good things that later went pear-shaped...?] Wait.

Who tops? [Please do not say the other bloke. Please do not say the other bloke. Please do not say the other bloke.]