hungry
cold
lonely
regret
guilt
sadness
emptiness
fear
insecurity

hope?
freedom?
happiness?

I can't cry,
I've always been the one who's
cold and emotionless,
and that I have to maintain,
I can't show any weakness,
in my resolve,
in my abilities,
no chink in my armour;
no way for this to not go through,
and the only thing driving this,
is my own resolve,
I need it to remain 100%,
and if it isn't,
I need to give the illusion of 100%
there is no other ( Read more... )

the closer this gets to completion,
the harder this gets,
fuck, fuck and fuck,
what the fuck is wrong with me?
overly sentimental
and overly nostalgic,
I need to get the hell over it.
This is bloody bloody bloody hard.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

To give up, because it's so damned hard, has never been my style ( Read more... )

cuts;
sharp;
severe
cuts;
to end this relationship;
to end all relationships;
to end this life,
to end all suffering.
cuts;
harsh;
severe;
abrupt;
irreversible.

it will be this harsh because you choose it to be,
the hypocrisy in your words;
so apparent even in today's conversations;
you probably deserve no less,
problem; is I never deserved it.

Posted via ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

I want this somewhere not password protected for a possible future. Shared with those mentioned below.

( Disturbing-ish... )

Dear God,

Maybe I don't kill myself because I am too chicken to deal with the pain; and too apathetic to actually do it. But the main reason I don't is because you said not to. Somewhere you put down suicide is a sin leading to eternal damnation, or something along those lines.

But I look around me and no one else's life is as fucked up as mine. It' ( Read more... )

End of some time off; & a part of me feels it's been an inefficient use of time so I shall summarise the time off.

Things achieved;

Played half of Portal 2 (then disc scratched!)
Finished Final Fantasy XIII-2 (100% achievements!)
Learned to play COD and get slightly better!
Got some good practice at Marvel Vs Capcom 3
Aims; Finish Portal 2.

Learned the ( Read more... )

I've suddenly developed severe right wrist pain, to the point that yesterday, I couldn't even lift a cup or hold a pen. Suddenly; who am I kidding; I could feel it coming for years. Whilst I'm waiting for a doctors appointment, the irony is that I'm still using a laptop to find a suitable wrist splint. Of course all the info would on online blogs! ( Read more... )