Oh hon. Obviously I'm not a parent, but boy do I know what it's like to have a scary temper. Ironically, my students think I'm super patient. Ha!
Some things that work for me (sometimes):
Walk away: Let the child fail, or fall behind, or mess up. Let them ask you for help (this is after trying multiple times to help or get action going). And if they don't? No snuggle friend, or no snack, or no whatever it was they needed. (Granted, I work with high school age, but having observed much younger nieces and nephews, I've come to the conclusion that sadly, there's just not that much difference.)
Give choices: Maybe develop a verbal pattern of presenting them. (I like "This is not a discussion. This is your choice. Choose X or choose Y." Lather, rinse, repeat.)
Countdown to consequence.
It's DEFINITELY okay for kids to know you have a line over which they should not step, as I'm sure you know quite well. :)
I am very nonthreatening and patient at work. At home? Hahahahaha. I've apparently burned through my reserves of patience by the time I get home and have to help a screaming child
( ... )
One of the (many) reasons I chose not to have children was knowing that I would take out the day's frustrations on them, just as my dad always did on us. I have nothing but admiration for parents who can get through the illogic of little guys and make things work.
I can see competing for attention. What about a hand signal that he can give you to show he's listening? Like, I don't know, a dinosaur head made from fist and forearm up like a brontosaurus, that nods or shakes? It takes enough concentration to make the pose and gesture that it probably wouldn't become absent-minded. Then again, non-verbal may not be the best choice either. (Since I rarely am around guys that little anymore, except for one nephew, I just don't know. Maybe you should tell me to shut up with my ignorant self!)
Could you say "You are crossing Mommy's line" as a warning phrase? (Possibly again with the shutting up, over here :P )
I dunno, maybe I'm being too hard on myself right now. I don't usually take out the day's issues on my family, and I don't discuss work with them except in the most tangential ways. ("Mommy had a hard day work" can cover insurance snafus, the computer system going wonky, having to hospitalize someone, etc.) The kids generally brighten when they see me coming home and run to greet me, so I'm not that terrible, at least
( ... )
Oh, goodness. I'm sorry, hon. I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself, though. *hugs you* You're only human, and I know you are a great parent to your chicklings. They need discipline. They need structure. Sometimes we don't always get to sit down and think of the best thing to do at the time--that just isn't how it goes, and I know you know that. Sometimes getting after them rather loudly just has to happen. :/ Little boys are very different from little girls, too. Their focusing is an issue I still deal with, with my almost 21 yr old. :/
Yes! Look forward to your vacation! I hope you will take FULL advantage of it. Leave your parents behind! *LOLOL* ♥
It did get better after that, but it was sobering to hear that I was scary. Channeling my dad is not part of my parenting plan. I at least talked to a colleague, got some ideas, and I hope that it will make a difference the next time. So far I've taken deep breaths when the older two are shouting over each other to be heard. ::crosses fingers::
I understand. I just didn't want you to be so hard on y ourself. None of us are perfect at it, and at least you are making an effort with trying to do the best for your baby things. :)
I think part of it is that I'm a child psychiatrist. I should know better, yanno? I'm trying, tho. And I have since explained to Maddy that since we both seem to be yellers, we both need to work on temper control. So hopefully we can keep each other in check. :)
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Some things that work for me (sometimes):
Walk away: Let the child fail, or fall behind, or mess up. Let them ask you for help (this is after trying multiple times to help or get action going). And if they don't? No snuggle friend, or no snack, or no whatever it was they needed. (Granted, I work with high school age, but having observed much younger nieces and nephews, I've come to the conclusion that sadly, there's just not that much difference.)
Give choices: Maybe develop a verbal pattern of presenting them. (I like "This is not a discussion. This is your choice. Choose X or choose Y." Lather, rinse, repeat.)
Countdown to consequence.
It's DEFINITELY okay for kids to know you have a line over which they should not step, as I'm sure you know quite well. :)
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I can see competing for attention. What about a hand signal that he can give you to show he's listening? Like, I don't know, a dinosaur head made from fist and forearm up like a brontosaurus, that nods or shakes? It takes enough concentration to make the pose and gesture that it probably wouldn't become absent-minded. Then again, non-verbal may not be the best choice either. (Since I rarely am around guys that little anymore, except for one nephew, I just don't know. Maybe you should tell me to shut up with my ignorant self!)
Could you say "You are crossing Mommy's line" as a warning phrase? (Possibly again with the shutting up, over here :P )
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Oh, goodness. I'm sorry, hon. I think you're being a bit too hard on yourself, though. *hugs you* You're only human, and I know you are a great parent to your chicklings. They need discipline. They need structure. Sometimes we don't always get to sit down and think of the best thing to do at the time--that just isn't how it goes, and I know you know that. Sometimes getting after them rather loudly just has to happen. :/ Little boys are very different from little girls, too. Their focusing is an issue I still deal with, with my almost 21 yr old. :/
Yes! Look forward to your vacation! I hope you will take FULL advantage of it. Leave your parents behind! *LOLOL* ♥
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I understand. I just didn't want you to be so hard on y ourself. None of us are perfect at it, and at least you are making an effort with trying to do the best for your baby things. :)
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